March 2016

 

 

I yawned from the sun ray that penetrated through the curtain, wondered how long I’ve been sleeping. I blinked, shut my eyes and looked at the man who was laying next to me. Himchan was still asleep but his arms were loosely wrapped around my waist and it gave be a better access for me to snuggle closer to him. I want to get up and get ready to do some grocery shopping for our household and Himchan promised to take me to the town to shop together. Seeing him in a deep sleep, my heart just couldn’t bring myself to wake him up. He looked so tired from work and the eye bags can be seen clearly under his eyes. I removed his arms gently before giving him a quick peck.

“Sorry babe, not this time, okay?”

I smiled after jumped off from the bed gently not wanting to wake him up. I decided to just go alone so he could rest. I know he won’t be happy with my idea but I must go alone.

I was humming to a random song as I dried my hair and stepped out from the bathroom. I saw Himchan was already awake and he was leaning against the bed board.

He furrowed his brows together and I asked him why.

Instead of answering me, he asked me back and making his way to me who was sitting on the dresser.

“Why didn’t you wake me up? You planned to leave me huh?”

I smiled at him through the mirror and after that he gave me a peck on cheek.

“You looked tired, I can go by myself” I explained.

“Give me fifteen minutes and we will be heading out together, okay?”

There’s no way I can say no to him.

I watched his back view as he disappeared into the bathroom.

Look like I’m going to find some excuse to free myself from him for a while

I was planning to buy a gift for his birthday next month, and seemed like I didn’t really have free time, I decided to buy it today but it will be hard I supposed when Himchan is with me.

I already finished my makeup and fixed my hair. I glanced at him who was getting ready with a simple t-shirt and a pair of jeans, stunning as always.

“I’ll be waiting you downstairs and make some simple breakfast to fill in our stomach. At least your stomach won’t make any weird sound when we are out” I giggled

“Don’t babe..” he tried to stop me from bringing and reminding him about that.

He was a heavy eater. His appetite became big lately and he somehow gained weight from that. Nevertheless he still looked good and I like the way he is now more. He looked healthy at least and that makes me happy unlike me. I was advised by the doctor to gain weight for my health and future but it was just hard. I envied him for that.

 

We were in the car and the weather looked good and it lighted up my day. The radio was playing random songs and I saw Himchan’s fingers tapped against his steering following the rhythm while his right hand was clasped tightly with mine.

We have been married for almost three year but people would’ve mistaken us as a newlywed because of Himchan excessive love towards me. He pampered me a lot and he just could stop doing that even in public. I was so grateful to have him as my life partner, my husband and my friend. We were living our life happily like a married couple. Everything was like rainbow and sunshine for us. But there’s something was bothering me lately and probably him too, even he never talked about that. A child.

It was my fault. I said before I didn’t want a baby yet because I’m afraid if our child will be neglected because both of us are always busy because of work. Himchan agreed and he had no problem at all. Besides, he thought it’s better for us to get ready physical and mental. But I know his heart. I know he wanted to be a father and he was more than ready to be a father. I can see from the way he played and spoiled his nephew, Haneul.

”You are quiet today”

I snapped from my thought as I heard his voice.

“Uh?”

“You didn’t talk much and I was tired talking alone”

He pouted.

I chuckled.

“Aigoo, so Kim Himchan is sulking because his wife didn’t talk to him? I will read you a bed time story every day until you get tired of my voice” I joked while looking at him and pinched his cheek.

He laughed.

“I will never get tired of your voice babe. I will never get tired of you” he replied with a smile.

Will you get tired of waiting until our first child born to this world?

I looked at him endearingly hoping he will keep his promise.

“Stop looking at me like that. I can’t concentrate” he requested.

“You got so many complaints honey” I said.

“Can’t help because it’s you”

We both giggled.

 

 

Himchan was pushing our cart that had been filled with things that we bought. We finally sat on the bench near the indoor playground and eating ice cream. It was Himchan’s idea. He said he was craving for some sweet thing.

“You are like a pregnant women you know, craving for things” I said while enjoying the mint flavor of the ice cream. Himchan got himself a chocolate chip ice cream.

“I wondered why” he replied shortly. In no time he finished his ice cream while mine was barely eaten.

“Uhmm, I need go to the toilet. Can you finish this for me?” I asked and shoved in to his hand my ice cream.

“I’ll be back very quick okay?”

Before he could replied, I ran to the toilet and left him alone with the giggles and screams from the kids in the playground.

I managed to find a watch store and decided to buy one for him. After getting the recommendation from the worker, I choose the latest design and trend watch from the Rolex. I put the box inside my handbag before flee off to the place where Himchan was at.

I wished he won’t question me for taking too long and at the same time I couldn’t help to let a small grin flash on my face when I thought he will be happy and touch with the present I bought for him. I stopped near the fountain inside the mall and take a deep breath. I watched Himchan played with kids on the playground. His face was plastered with a smile, like he was really enjoyed himself being with the kids and the kids seemed like him very much. I didn’t know what I’m feeling right now.

I was happy because the kids like my husband and I can see he will be a great father but at the same time I was down because I probably one of the reason why he can’t be a good father because we don’t have a child.

Himchan was carrying one of the boy on his shoulder before he put the boy down when he saw me. He waved at me before whispering to that boy and I wasn’t sure what was it. Then, the little boy waved at me as if he was being told by Himchan to do that. I waved back and chuckled a little because the boy was really cute. Himchan fist bumped with the boy before pushing the cart and walked toward me.

“You left me for almost half an hour” he complained.

“I know, I’m sorry” I apologized while making a pleaded face that Himchan will never win over it.

“I was bored that’s why I played with them” he explained

“Looks like 27 years old Himchan was turned into 7 years old Himchan back” I laughed.

“I know right but it was fun. The kids are so energetic, I wondered how I will deal with our own son or daughter later”

I swallowed down the lump on my throat and I saw Himchan’s face changed, like he was regretting what he just said.

“Let’s go home. I’ll prepare for our dinner” he suggested.

I nodded and his hand reached mine while his other hand was on the cart.

I was remained silent through the ride. I kept thinking about what he said, about having a child. It’s been three year so I guess it’s the time, but I was worried that I can’t be a good mother due to my job. Himchan probably can read my mind right now.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to bring up about that”

I didn’t really mind. It wasn’t like I was mad. He was right. He just wondering, nothing’s wrong with that.

“About our children? Our future children? No worries. I was wondering what kind of father you will be. Will you be pampering and showering them just like you did to me?” I tried to brighten up the mood. I didn’t want him to feel guilty when it was none of his fault.

He suddenly pulled off to the side of the road and left me shocked.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.

He turned to my side and grabbed my shoulders gently.

“I know what have been you thinking, silly. Listen, I’m sorry okay? If you ever thought that I was pressuring and pushing you to have baby with my words just now, I apologize. I never meant it that way”

“This is Kim Himchan I know, why were you apologizing for something that wasn’t even your fault? I’m alright”

“I know you feel pressure, from my parents, your parents and our friends. I know that all”

He was saying the truth. Our parents keep asking us to give them grandchild but Himchan was always explained to them nicely but it won’t stop.

He continued,

“I shall be careful with my word. I’m sorry”

“Himchan, there’s nothing wrong with that. Stop apologizing”

“We will give them a dozen of grandchild when you are ready” he joked and I know very well the solely reason behind it. He wanted to cheer me up.

“You think I’m a factory?” I hit his arms and his arms were off from my shoulders.

I couldn’t help to let a bashful smile when he said we will give our parents a dozen of grandchildren.

“Joking , silly” he tugged my nose.

“Just don’t think about it too much okay?.

“I’m not, you are just overreacting” I replied and he can finally smile when he was assured I was fine.