*WARNING* There are eating disorder mentions in this fic. Please do not read if they might be triggering to you. 

Of course I noticed he was getting thinner. How could I not? It was small things I noticed that I figured he was trying to get me not to pick up on. He tried to hide things but I was good at noticing things. We spent all of our time together because we lived together and we were best friends or maybe more than that. I don't think he could hide it from me no matter how hard he tried. Little things seemed off recently and not in a pleasing way. 

We always ate snacks together. Junkfood was our thing. He would go to the conveinece store down the road and pick out armfuls of unhealthy treats and bring them back to our dorm while I picked out something to watch and we'd stay up watching stupid videos and movies until he feel asleep lying on my stomach and I shut the television off an closed my eyes. It was our routine, happening at least once a week, but most of the time, more often that that. It was the best. I longed for it. I didn't care too much for the junk food, though it was always a bonus. My favorite part was having Baekhyun in my arms. The way we layed on the couch, fitting seamlessly together, was relaxing and I waited impatiently for the nights when he would suggest we watch something together, as he headed out the door to walk to the convienence store. But we hadn't eaten junkfood together in over 2 months. He barely ever layed on the couch with me. He was always secluded in in his room, isolating himself. 

I noticed his clothes differently now. His old sweatshirts barely stayed on his shoulders. His pants were baggy and he would pull them up multiple times while walking. When he bought new clothes, which was rare lately, he always bought the size small. He used to always buy a size medium. Now, even the small shirts seemed to be a bit baggy on him and the small jeans seemed to be barely balancing on his hips. He used to steal my sweatshirts too. They were always large on him but I liked getting them back because they always smelled of him when I wore them the next day. Now they all smelled like cheap laundry detergent and they felt colder than before. The last time he stole my sweatshirt was 6 weeks ago and it looked long enough to graze his kneecaps. When he war a baggy shirt, it sometimes dipped down to show his collar bones. Sometimes it seemed as if there was nothing covering his collarbones. As if they were just bare bones, as if he were dead, decomposing like a skeleton. 

Phrases like "I'm not hungry," "I already ate," and "I don't like this food," became increasingly more common, coming from his mouth. I almost always ate alone nowadays, staring at the empty spot across the small round table, a chair meant to be filled by Baekhyun. It felt lonely eating without him but I wasn't going to force him to do anything. He was a grown adult. I figured he could handle things on his own. I figured he would eat when he needed to eat. 

He wore more makeup now too. I mean, he always wore makeup occasionally, but recently he wouldn't be seen by anyone without it.  He was always buying undereye concealer. He went through lots of it. When he took it off at night I saw the circles under his eyes. They stretched all the way down to this cheekbones and were as dark as plums. I rarely would catch him without makeup on, though. And when I did, his first instinct was to look away or cover his face. I once tried to reassure him, telling him he had nothing to hide from me but he just walked away, locking himself in his room. 

I missed his smile more than anything. He used to smile about everything. He laughed at cute dogs, my ears, funny videos, and his friends. He would laught at the dumbest things and some people found it annoying but I found it extremely enjoyable. When he smiled, I smiled. He was a ray of sunshine. But he had lost the sunshine. I still loved him just as much but I missed the ray of sunshine. All I saw now was a tired ghost of his happy self, barely making it through each day. 

Two weeks ago he had sat on the couch with me, a rare occasion. Happy to have him near me, I pulled him towards me, my hands wrapping around his waist. That was when I felt his ribs. I felt them through the red shirt he was wearing. They were poking out like sharp knives in his smooth skin. I began to run my fingers up his bony ribs but he pulled my hand away, saying nothing, looking away. I rested my hand on his hip but he pushed my hand away. He wasn't fast enough though because my fingers were able to brush against his hipbone. It was jutting out like a rock, making his body look and feel skeletal. After he pushed my hand away he got up in one swift movement and walked away, going to his bedroom and shutting the door, not looking back. I couldn't hold back the silent tears as they began to drip down my cheeks. I couldn't believe what he had done to himself. My Baekhyun wasn't like this. What happened to my happy Baekhyun? 

After that night I started filling the cabinets with more junk food. I bought oreos, chips, ramen noodles, and twinkies, hoping he would eat them. I checked the cabinet constantly throughout the day, checking to see if anything had been eaten by Baekhyun. I refrained from eating any of it. It was for Baekhyun. He surely needed it much more than I did.  I was ecstatic when I saw a bag of chips missing. He must've eaten them. I smiled for the first time in a while. 

That night, I took out the garbage. As I threw the bag in the trash can, I noticed something sitting at the bottom of the can. It was the bag of chips I thought Baekhyun had eaten. They were untouched and now crushed by the garbage bag I had thrown on top of them. This boy was good at hiding things but I was also good at noticing every little thing he did. I went back inside, a lump in my throat, deciding to let the incident go unnoticed. 

Last week was when it really hit me though. We had a long day of practice at the dance studio. Kai had been pushing us extra hard but it wasnt anything we couldn't handle. But Baekhyun was too weak, I guess. He hadn't eaten anything, like most days, but he always managed to come to practices because he was one of the hardest workers I knew. He was never the best dancer in the group but he always tried as hard as he could, and he always managed to nail the choreography better than I ever could.

That day he was looking weak but managing to do the moves pretty well. He was good at hiding pain. After about an hour of rehearsal, Lay insisted Kai let us have a break. I noticed Baekhyun sort of wobbling towards his water bottle. He seemed to be struggling a bit but everyone was tired so it didn't seem too unusual. He reached down to get it off the floor but he fell over just as his finger skimmed the side of the bottle. He crashed to the floor, hitting his head, making a loud sound. Everyone looked in his direction. At first I thought maybe he was being clumsy but I knew better than to let myself think that after the things I had been noticing the last couple of months. Baekhun wasn't moving. He had passed out. I ran to him as quickly as I possibly could. I tried to wake him, tapping his cheeks and splashing a bit of water over his face but it was useless. I had to take him to the hospital. Luckily, there was one just up the street. I figured I could carry him. I picked him up, and what I felt scared me. He was as light as a feather. There was no fat or muscle on his body. He was skin and bones. I felt his boned dig into my arms. I tried to hold him carelfully, feeling as though I might crush him with my grip. I explained to the other members where I was going and left the studio as quickly as I could, careful so they wouldn't notice the tears in my eyes. 

How could I let this happen to him? 

How could I let him waste away?

A/N:

This was my first actual attempt at writing a fanfic. I don't really know if I intend it to be a one shot or a chaptered fic but if someone wants more parts to it, then I will probably be willing to write more. I would really like some feedback on my writing. Since it is my first time it is probably terrible and I probably need lots of help. Also, I think this is really short, I am trying to work on making my writing longer. Any tips or comments on the length would be much appreciated!