a n  i n t e r v i e w . . .

 

 

His intense gaze sent cold shivers down my spine. Among all those years we have been together, he has never ever stared at me like that, like this. I stared back at him, trying my best not to look scared or nervous; but inside, I was shaking from fear. His sudden behaviour was an aberration, and it was the least thing I wished ever happened. It was a nightmare, and I hated nightmares.

He took a deep breath before running a hand through his black hair. I just stared at him, at his actions, and the way he acted definitely was not the usual him I knew. His eyes showed frustration and his actions showed annoyance; irritation. And I was by far confused of what they meant. That is, until he, the devil himself, spilled it out.

“I’m sick of this,” he spoke in a tone full of irritation.

I stopped smiling and broke my gaze from his Americano-colored hair. I stared at him, the ends of my brows trying to gather onto the center of my forehead.

“W-what do you mean?” I stammered, wishing that what I just heard through my ears was not what I was thinking right now.

He took a deep breath before continuing with his fatal words, “I got a new job.”

Job? What was he trying to say? Well, at least he was not going to talk about that. I slightly smiled, trying to brighten up the atmosphere. “Oh nice! Finally you get a job! I was like nagging you the whole time to get a job and finally you applied for a job-”

“Listen to my whole sentence. I didn’t finish. I’m going to be a singer. A famous one,” he cut my sentence and uttered. He broke our intense gaze and took a sip of his cold, bitter Americano. I took a glance at his Americano; Americano was never my style, it tasted disgusting with its bitter taste and I quite detested it. I prefered more of a sweet coffee like Caramel Macchiato or Vanilla Latte, and so every time I stared at my boyfriend drinking it, I would cringe. However, this time, I didn't cringe; I somehow didn't find it convincing to cringe on these type of atmospheres.

“A famous singer?! Woah! Our Jiminnie will finally become a singer! I knew you will become one! Your face, voice and body sure is one of a kind-”

And once again, he cut my sentence. “I can’t be a singer if I have a girlfriend.”

My smile dropped again. It took me a few minutes for my mind to process his words, and once my brain scanned through each word, repeating the same phrase a dozen times, my whole body was abysmal; there seemed to be no hope. His words were abstruse and even if I got the chance to understand it, I wouldn’t.

I looked at him, shocked. My eyeballs tensed up as I stared at him in utter disbelief. “W-what do you mean? Jimin-ah, w-what are you talking-”

“Let’s break up.”

It felt as if someone had just splashed me with cold Americano, and that someone was no other than my boyfriend, Park Jimin, or wait, would he be my ex-boyfriend now? No, I couldn't let that happen. I still loved him and I couldn't give up this easily.

Our love is not over, yet.

“J-jimin-ah, I… I-I don’t get what you’re talking about… What do you mean?" I replied, trying my best not to cry. My voice was shaking and I could feel a big lump of saliva trying to pass through the middle of my throat. I tried to gulp it up but ended up coughing, and all of that just ended up making me spill out my tears. The thought of us segregating was just- no. I stared back at him, brushing away all my tears. "Don’t you remember our promise? We promised each other to marry-”

“I don’t love you.”

And again, he stabbed me with his acute words. The fact that he said ‘don’t love’ and not ‘don’t like’ felt  acrimonious. Never in my life, have I expected him to reject me like this; as bitter and cold like Americano. I started to tear up again and all I could see through my blurry sight of tears was his face staring at me with disgust as I began to cry again.

“J-jimin, i-is this some sort of prank? C-come on Jimin, it’s not funny. S-stop it-”

“This is not. I don't like you anymore. I'm sick of you.”

I stared as Jimin stood up to take his leave. I just sat there, staring at him with my sad eyes in which were pleading for help. But he was just there, staring at me with cold eyes in which were pleading for freedom.

“J-jimin-ah! D-don’t leave me! Y-you know I love you! C-come o-on, this is not funny at all!” I cried and stood up, grabbing onto his hand to make him stop.

"Don't touch me," he growled in a tone that sent goosebumps all over my body. I just stared at him, looking at him with shock. I never expected this side of him and I never ever wished to see it. "How many times should I tell you so you can understand?! 10 times? I don't like you. I don't like you. I don't like you. I don't like you. I don't like you. I don't like you. I don't like you. I don't like you. I don't like you. I don't like you."

The way how he repeated those cataclysmic words with full ease and without any struggle hurt me even more. They were words that were poisonous, virulent, ruinous: they could easily destroy my heart. And yet, he said it like abc; like as if it were the most easiest things to say in his whole world; like as if he didn't care how much he was hurting the opponent through his deadly words.

I just kept staring at him with my jaw half opened. I tried to regain myself back, but my soul was long gone; I couldn't think of anything but simply just the words that kept stabbing me head to toe. I tried to say something, to get him back, but my brain was not working like I wanted it to. Every system, organ, cell, vein of my body stopped functioning. My voice didn't come out of my throat and the only thing I managed to hear from myself were the fragile sounds of my cries pleading for help. And even if I did manage to say something, it would only be the tiny whispers I managed to free from my throat, which were all calling for the name of the murderer.

"J-jimi-"

"Don't even call my name," he growled once again. His back was facing me but his face was slightly turned towards me, and I could see the scary glare he was giving me. "Just," he took a deep breathe of--what seemed to me like--frustration, "leave."

"J-jimi-"

"Didn't you hear what I said?! Are you deaf?!" he shouted in anger. He ran a hand through his soft hair and turned a bit more so he could glare at me with more advantage. "Don't you have any pride?! Stop clinging onto me like an ugly and piss off."

 

After all those years, I was only an ugly, clingy to you...?

 

Funny, how even after you killed me so, so painfully, I still want you back.

 

 

. . .

 

 

F o u r  Y e a r s  L a t e r …

Passing through the dark hallway, there walked a girl. Her lips were curved into a beautiful grin; her back was straight, showing how confident she was; her hair danced in the air, matching with the rhythm of her steps; her hips swayed side to side, moving along with her hair. The girl was not scared of anything, not anymore; not after she had nothing to lose and everything to gain. The girl was not weak, not anymore; not after she went through all that pain. The girl was happy and strong, she was brave. Nothing was going to ruin her, and I mean nothing. Not even the one boy who carried fatal weapons around his identity and was an evil demon himself, but concealed it with a fake, disgusting smile that killed millions of fangirls, but gave the girl double s and s.

And that girl, was me.

And I, the girl, was called Kim Sun Min.

“Hey Sun Min, boss is finding for you,” KyeongHun called.

I turned around and glanced at him. I raised a brow before asking, “Why?”

The boy, in return, shrugged his shoulders, “Dun’no, she just told me to tell you to come to her office. She has something to tell you.”

“Kay, thanks for telling. C’ya at lunch,” I casually replied and walked towards the destination. But before I entered, I turned around and glanced at KyeongHun one last time, “Nice glasses, by the way.”

Pulling down the handle of the door, I heard him respond “Thanks” before I entered my boss’s office.

“Sup, Su Jeong,” I greeted as I coolly took a seat in front of my friend’s desk, staring at her busy-looking face. Yeah, my friend was my boss, and my boss was my friend.

“Yah, how many times do I tell you to speak formally to me during work?!” she admonished, looking up from the piles of paperwork.

I cringed in disgust upon looking at the amount of work she had on her desk. Work was never my style, I was more of a playing girl than a working girl and I was not scared to admit it, because after all, the one who plays is stronger than the one who stupidly works everyday.

“Who cares? It’s only you,” I pointed at her, “and me,” I pointed at myself. “We’re friends, can’t friends speak like this to each other?”

I heard the girl groan before rolling her eyes playfully. “Whatever,” she muttered and continued with whatever she was doing.

“The reason you called me?” I asked and raised a brow, taking a piece of mint from her plate of candies (she barely ate them and the cleaners would always fill it up so I told her that I would clean it off for her).

“Oh,” Su Jeong stopped from writing a piece of bunch of stupid crap and took a folder from her cabinet. I stared at her actions and raised my brow higher. “You have been assigned a new report.”

“And?” I asked, not looking at her anymore and instead, playing with a couple strands of my red-dyed hair (I dyed it yesterday and I must say, I actually love this color. Red fits me, maybe its me because it has the same color as blood... Okay, I just sounded like psycho, please forget it. Red fits me, because I look strong in it. Maybe I should do my nails in red, too. And even do pedicure. Yes, brilliant idea).

“They’re about dating rumours,” she replied.

I smirked and looked up from my dyed hair. I loved writing reports about dating , especially when they all had to do with those stupid, fake idols. I always loved gossiping writing immature articles on the web, sharing it to the public and reading all those hate comments fans gave to each other, creating a whole bunch of controversies and arguments.

“And who are these immature motherers?” I asked with a sly smirk still playing on the end of my lips.

Su Jeong looked hesitant for a moment. She took a deep breathe in which I realised was filled with worries. The girl stared at the folder for a moment before passing it to me. “I’m sorry, Sun Min.”

I weirdly looked at her. What is she sorry for? Is something wrong?

I was still confused of why she was so hesitant and sad and all. That is, until I opened the folder and inspected the paper. And that also included me reading the names of the main characters, and even looking at their pictures.

The smirk plastered on my face got brushed away quickly as a frown replaced it. I clenched my jaws, staring at the name, finding it abhorrent. The mint inside my mouth was crushed into small, tiny pieces by the sudden impact from my teeth--in which were now battling against each other, trying to crush one another.

“What the actual ing …” I murmured and stared at the paper before closing the folder in rage and throwing hard onto the table in front of me. “You must be kidding me! What the ?! You know my problem?! Why me?!”

Su Jeong just glanced at me without any surprise, as if she was already expecting this from the beginning. “Heard you’re having trouble with buying the new limited edition Louis Vuitton bag. Well, here it is, time for you to get one. It’s a great opportunity for you. A great, no, an excessive amount of money will be paid to you if you take this job,” Su Jeong calmly said as she stared at me. “And why? You still scared of facing him?” The smirked and I just glared at her. The last part of her phrase bugged my pride and I didn't like it, at all. And once something bugged me, I would never let it bug me again. No matter what it was, or who it was.

“Just kidding, stop killing me with your glares,” Su Jeong wiped off the smirk and replaced it with a reassuring smile--in which I was very thankful of because if she kept it for even one more second, I might have ended up in prison. “Plus, you're one of Korea’s best mysterious reporters. If this becomes successful, you will become even more famous and gain even more attention from even much more people in Korea.”

My ears perked up upon hearing the word ‘money’ and ‘attention’. I stopped glaring at my friend and instead, smirked.

There was an awkward silence before I broke it.

“I’ll take this job,” I responded and grabbed the folder.

I stood up to take my leave.

Park Jimin, just wait for me.

. . .

I stared at myself in the mirror. I took a glance at all the features of my face, trying to find for at least one part of my face that would make a boy dislike me, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find one (not to brag or anything).

Why did he reject me?

I didn’t get it. Why did he not like me? Why did he stop liking me? Was I not enough?

I’ve been thinking, over and over, the possible reasons to why he wanted to end our relationship because the single fact that he wanted to be a singer was not enough. Many singers already had girlfriends, so why couldn’t he have one?

Why did he not like me anymore?

I wasn’t ugly, nor was I clingy, nor was I was a (I only loved him). But why did he call me an ugly, clingy ? Did he not know what ugly meant? Or did he not know what clingy mean? Or was he just too plain stupid that he didn’t even know what meant?!

I couldn’t help but feel angrier every second. That stupid son of a , thinking he’s the best and all. Just wait, I will get your and make you ing regret your stupid decisions.

I stared at the picture in front of me, a picture of the girl who was rumoured to be dating with Jimin. My eyes observed each of her facial features, disliking every part of her. She was ugly, plain ugly. I didn’t like her one bit.

The day I figured out about the rumour, I researched every single fact about her. She was from BigHit entertainment; she was an actress (a very famous one); she debuted the same year as Jimin (2013); she was the same age as Jimin, just a few months younger than him; her height was 159cm (psh, shorter than me); she weighed 45kg and had abs (I already went to the gym for the past few weeks and lost plenty of weight and earned my abs); she graduated from a poorly university that was barely known to people (psh, stupider than me); she was korean, but spoke both Mandarin and Korean (psh, I know way more languages than her). I couldn’t find one single reason to why Jimin would date someone like her. I was way better, to every criterion.

I was going to be prettier than her, way prettier. I was going to make him regret, even if my life depended on it.

“Can you make my makeup more bold?” I asked, slightly irritated by the fact that the makeup was poorly done by the ‘makeup artist’ (psh, and they call themselves makeup artists).

“Sorry, I’m a beginner and I have fewer experiences in makeup,” the staff apologized as she bowed her head down.

I looked at her and angrily breathed in and out. I ran a hand through my hair before taking a glance at the clock: 10:00 AM. The interview would start in 30 minutes and yet, the only thing done by the lady was the poorly drawn eyeliner and the unfairly done BB cream. I sighed furiously. Without wasting any time, I took my own makeup bag and placed it on the table. I spread all my cosmetics around and erased all my makeup that was done by the lady. The lady widened her eyes as she saw all her work getting erased by the piece of cotton.

“It’s okay. You can leave, I’ll do my own makeup,” I muttered angrily and quickly cleaned my face.

Starting from the moisturizer, to the sunscreen, to the primer, to the BB cushion, to the concealer and to the setting powder, I was done with my face makeup. Now the eyebrows, eyes, lips and cheeks. I started drawing my eyebrow with my eyebrow pencil and made sure I cleanly highlighted it with my browcara. Now the eyes. Eyeshadow primer, to the eyeshadow base, to the eyelid shadow, to the crease eyeshadow, to the under-eye shadow, to the outer corner shadow, to the eyeliner, to the eyelash curler, and finally to the mascara. Eyes were done. Now were the lips. I got my lip balm and moisturized my lips with it. I was too lazy to do anything specific with the lips so I just simply did an ombre pink with my newly bought lip tint from Laneige. Now I only had my cheeks. Beginning with the bronzer, to the blush, to the contouring and then to my highlight, my makeup was done.

I had 10 minutes left (makeup only took me 20 minutes, thanks to my past experiences of quick makeup). I looked myself at the mirror: perfect, it was beyond of what I expected. I smirked. Things were going the way I expected.

Now the clothes. What should I wear?

No way was I going to wear something too casual, or too simple.

I was going to wear something that was going to outshine his eyes, something that was going to right away make him regret; and that was something that was going to make me confident. I looked at the short denim shorts and oversized grey v-neck shirt. Perfect. Something y (that was going to be able to show my perfectly toned legs and my perfectly shaped s), yet casual. I quickly wore my black converse high and finished myself with a messy ponytail (I had no time to do my hair).

I took one last glance at the mirror before satisfying myself with what I saw in the mirror. I looked at the clock: 4 minutes left. Wouldn’t hurt to take a few selfies, right? I quickly took my phone and took several selfies, posting it on social media before leaving the makeup room.

While walking through the hall, I was already receiving plenty of likes and comments from the posts. I grinned. Everything was going like how I wanted it.

Jimin.

50 seconds before I meet you.

Oh, I’m so excited.

But…

Wait.

Why was I feeling nervous? Why was I feeling anxious? Why was I worried?

I stopped walking. What’s happening to me? Why am I suddenly acting like this, like four years ago?

A sudden signal of pain passed through my body and for once, I lost strength on my legs and had to lean onto the wall next to me. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I didn’t like it, not one bit. I felt different and it definitely wasn’t confidence, nor victory, nor excitement. I didn’t know how to explain this feeling, but it was definitely familiar, as if I have always felt it during my whole life. I told myself multiple of times to snap out of it, to be happy that I was finally going to have the chance to revenge him, to finally slap him on the face, but my heart wasn’t listening to my brain.

No, I wasn’t just going to let this opportunity slide off my hands like this. I was going to grab it back and win it. Because after all, that’s what I always did.

I forced a smirked before opening the door to the interview room.

I entered the bright room with full confidence, eyes sparkling with revenge. I didn’t forget to smirk, oh no, never was I going to get rid of my smirk--this smirk of mine that carried a bunch of meanings.

My pupils widened upon looking at the figure that was currently standing up from the big, luxurious sofa. I waited as the boy turned around to meet its interviewer.

At first, his eyes turned into ugly crescents and his mouth turned into a ty smile. But no way, was I going to let him keep putting that smile on his stupid face. I was going to erase it as if my life depended on it; he was a bunch of crap written on a piece of paper, and I was the eraser, I was going to erase him right away.

“Nice to meet…” his ty voice faded out as he turned to look who his interviewer was. And that’s when my smirk only widened.

“Hello, Jimin. Long time no see, eh?” I greeted with the same sly smirk on my face. I took a few steps closer to him and led out my hand for a handshake (don’t worry, I was going to wash my hands right away).

This is it.

He stayed frozen, staring at me with utter disbelief. His jaw hung open and his eyes stayed wide open. That only made me gain my confidence. Why? First time seeing such pretty girl?

“Hello Jimin?!” I shouted, trying to bring back the boy back to Earth (but was going to make sure to throw him back to hell).

Jimin snapped out of his thoughts and stammered, “H-huh? O-oh… N-nice to meet you, Sun Min-ah.”

“Oh please, use honorifics on me. As you can see, I don’t like it when people I don’t really know just speak to me like that. I find it quite disrespectful,” I replied and tried my best to smile (which was very hard since the smirk on my face didn’t quite disappear).

He froze again. I guess it took him a few minutes for his brain to process my words. Why? Does it hurt you? Well, you know, I don’t really care.

“Are you not going to shake my hand?” I asked, not forgetting myself to speak in a slight rude tone.

He broke out of his thoughts and quickly raised his hand to shake mine.

“Sorry, Sun Min-ssi… Long time no see, huh?” he spoke in a tone that was too soft that almost made me feel… guilty. I quickly shook out of my thoughts. No, I was not going to feel guilty, never.

But that thought quickly disappeared when the warm feeling of his hand touched mine. My heart beated faster than usual. This feeling, it felt so familiar, and I… I loved it. The feeling of his hands on mine just felt too right, too perfect, too good to be true. I loved it and I just couldn’t dislike it. It’s been such a long period since I touched his gentle hands and I must admit that I missed it so, so much. I looked up to stare at him, but that only ended up me falling into those same deep eyes I used to admire everyday. I gulped nervously. I mentally shouted at myself multiple of times to stop staring at him, but that didn’t work, because my eyes were only falling deeper into his eyes. He, too, didn’t tear off his eyes from mine. And that only resulted us locking eyes for a long time.

It felt as if I being possessed, again. , only his eyes and yet, I was already drowning with help. How was I going to survive this interview? Was I just too weak after all? Was all those thoughts of me being confident and strong and happy just a stupid myth of mine? Was I just going to give up this easily?

No.

I was not going to lose this easily.

I was going to win.

Fortunately, that made me escape out of his deep, beautiful eyes and helped me snap out of my thoughts. I quickly let go of his hands and broke our deep gaze.

I scoffed anxiously before uttering, “Let’s start the interview.”

I quickly took a seat on the big, luxurious sofa and took out my tablet. Although my eyes were concentrated on the blank screen of my iPad, I could see from the tips of my eyes the intense gaze I received from him.

I suddenly felt fear in my veins. It felt just like four years ago, and I didn’t like it at all. Just before I entered the room, I knew I had victory in my veins, I felt it; the victory was rushing through me. And I liked that feeling, the feeling of winning, because losing felt miserable, losing felt lonely and losing felt painful.

And I both lost the game and… him…

You only realise how stupid you are until you lose the game, and that’s what happened to me. I precioused him like a newly bought diamond everyday and everynight, but boy, only do I realise how stupid I was thinking he was everything to me after he dumped me like a piece of trash.

He was good.

Good at throwing people in the garbage can. Good at making people think they were useless. Good at hurting people.

Because I really thought I was a piece of trash, I really thought I was ugly, I really thought I was clingy, I really thought I was a . I really thought I defined the image of an ugly, clingy .

But later, years and years later, do I realise how stupid I was.

He really had the skills in making people think useless .

I learnt to realise that I was not the ugly one, nor the clingy one, nor the . I was not a piece of trash. Because he was. After all, he was the ugly one, he was the clingy one and he was the . He was the piece of trash. Park Jimin was.

I bit my lips in anger. Thinking about all those past memories made me furious all again. Clenching my jaws, I the recorder on my phone and started to record our interview. I opened a new document in my iPad and typed: “Interview with that ing ”.

“From now on, I’m going to start an interview with you,” I spoke, trying not to sound so angry but I couldn’t help it; one look at his face and anger would boil in me.

He looked back at me and nodded. He gently smiled before saying, “You may start.”

His smile.

His gentle smile.

Oh gosh, how much I missed that beautiful smile of his.

It felt as if all the anger in me just flushed away because one look at his smile and you would feel like a newborn baby: Being introduced to the bright light and feeling all fresh and innocent.

I stared at his smile in a daze, and suddenly, all those memories of him and me playing around, making out, loving each other just came flying inside my mind. And again, that annoying deja vu feeling came back, as well as the butterflies-inside-my-stomach feeling. I looked away, trying to get rid of all those thoughts, but no matter how hard I tried, his smiles, his laughs, his sweet voice would swim around my brain, bugging me.

I breathed in and out. This is not the right timing to think about those useless . Sun Min, snap out of it. Don’t you remember how miserably he dumped you? Don’t you remember how horribly he treated you? Like a piece of trash?! Like an ugly, clingy ?!

Anger boiled in me again. Good. This is it. This is how I wanted to feel.

I looked back at him, eyes as fierce and as strong as possible. “Please be honest in this interview and I hope you do not lie.”

“Okay,” he replied.

His voice. Why did he sound so happy? So confident? So brave?

Was he not hurt? Did he not suffer? After the way how he treated me and he did not suffer one bit?!

I was in pain every day and every night and yet, he was here, sounding oh-so-happy?!

I bit my lip. Why was I so hurt? Why did I feel so, so pained? I was supposed to feel angry, furious, mad… But why did I suddenly feel so weak?

Jimin, were you okay? Were you happy? Were you able to comfortably sleep in your bed with legs spread out, while I was crying every second, feeling miserable every morning and not even being able to sleep?

Why…?

My hands started shaking. Why were tears trying to burst out of my eyes? Why were my eyes suddenly feeling so wet? Why was I feeling so weak already?

I quickly shook out of my thoughts. I couldn’t be weak, not after I came all this way, to this place.

“Are the dating rumours true? Are you really dating celebrity Park Ji Eun?” I asked straightforwardly, not caring one bit whether his answer could’ve hurt me (because it probably will).

He kept staring at me and I looked up at him from my iPad screen. My eyes stared as his mouth opened to say something, to say something poisonous, to say something that was going to stab me.

Please don’t say anything. Just don’t open your mouth. Just don’t say anything. Just stay there, in front of me, looking at me like that.

But yet again, he didn’t listen to me and ignored me.

“Yes, the rumours are true. I am dating Park Ji Eun.”

Haha.

Even after four years, he manages to stab me with his words. He manages to hurt me even only through his voice.

I just stared at him. But why did it feel as if he was trying to say it to me, me only, and not the recorder?

I weakly smirked. I forced my hands to type the answer, though they were badly trembling. My fingers moved slow and fragile, each tip trying to press down each key on the board.

Why did I feel so hurt?

Why did I feel so pained?

Why was I so jealous that he had someone he loved?

And why was I so mad that that one person was not me but another girl?

Because I still love him.

I still loved him.

I was still a fool. I was still the weak one who fell for every tiny, little thing the devil did.

I thought I forgot him. I thought I didn’t love him. I knew I hated him. But I was wrong. It was like a slap on the face, the reality. Reality really hurt, after all.

I forced a smile and looked at him, “Oh really?! Congratulations, you guys really do make a cute couple! I am very happy for your current relationship!” I tried my best not to stammer nor stutter nor cry, but it hurt so badly and it felt as if I was drinking poisonous acid.

It hurt not to sound hurt when I actually was hurt.

It hurt to act okay when I actually was not.

It hurt to see him.

It hurt to hear his voice.

It hurt to hear that he actually had someone he loved that was not me.

He just stared at me, like always. He smiled back and softly chuckled, “Ah, thank you. I didn’t expect that from you though.”

My smile dropped.

Why?

Why didn’t he expect that from me?

Did he still think I was weak?

Did he still think I was the useless one?

Did he still think I was the stupid one?!

I bitterly led out a laugh. Yeah, after all, he was Jimin, Park Jimin.

And I was Sun Min, Kim Sun Min.

It felt like being shot by a bullet. Not a slap, but a bullet, a bullet in the heart. The realisation that he was Jimin and I was just Sun Min felt like being shot by a bullet. The realisation that he loved someone else and not me felt like being shot by a bullet. Heck, even if my heart stopped beating, it wouldn’t hurt as much as this, as the truth, as the realisations that have kept striking me.

“H-how long have you two been dating?” I stammered, not looking at him but looking at my iPad. Gosh, I stammered. I’m already showing my weakness. No. This is not how I wanted things to turn out. This is not what I planned. I could already see my future; I was losing.

“A year,” he responded bravely, as if he didn’t care how I felt right now.

I hate you so much Jimin. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you!

“A year, huh…” I acerbicly muttered and typed the answer on my tablet. “It must have been hard to hide your relationship, wasn’t it?”

“Ah,” he giggled, “yes. It was hard to keep our love a secret for a whole year.”

He’s a demon disguised as an angel.

He giggled like an angel, but spoke the words of a demon.

I stared at him.

I hate you, Jimin.

I hate you and your damn existence.

“Was she your first love?” I asked, not caring one single whether I sounded impatient or weak or sad. I didn’t care none of that. I only needed to know whether he was real with me, whether he actually thought me as his first love (cause I was), whether he actually loved me.

His gaze lowered as he took a deep breath, “No, she is not my first love.”

I didn’t know why but I could feel my heart lightening a bit at his answer. I smiled, this time not a forced one. I felt more relieved and content.

So he still viewed me as his first love?

I dislike you Jimin.

I was smiling at my tablet.

No matter how many times you shoot me with your fatal gun, I will always survive back again at your sweet words. Yes, that’s how stupid I am. And I hate and cannot admit how stupid I am, but that’s just reality. That’s just who I really am. And I can’t change that.

I typed the answer on my tablet in a faster speed, a bit happier of his answer.

I knew I had to talk about the dating rumours and about that Park Ji Eun, but I just couldn’t. I had to know more about his true feelings towards me and whether he actually really remembered our old days that were filled with happiness and love.

“When did you find your first love?” I asked, not caring one single bit whether my tone sounded cheerful and excited, not dark or strong.

He smiled upon remembering the olden times. “It was on my fresh days in High School when I first met her. I fell head over heels for her and straightly confessed to her,” he spoke and giggled a bit as he recalled the time he drooled over me. “At first she seemed to feel uncomfortable with it, but being the kind girl she was, she accepted me. Oh, how kind she was. She was one of the nicest girls I have ever met. Later, I asked her out and we had our first date. She clearly seemed uncomfortable, but I was too stupid to notice it. However, as time passed, our feelings for each other became stronger and we became more real for each other.”

I smiled. Oh, so he still remembers?

It felt as if a beautiful rainbow appeared in my rainy mood. It felt as if the heavy weight on my shoulders were removed. I felt happier, even if this wasn’t what I was really going for.

I couldn’t contain my happiness and decided to continue with asking more questions about his true feelings for me. Forget about the main purpose of this interview, I didn’t care about attention or money or power anymore. I needed him, and him only.

The next question that popped in my mind made me hesitant for a moment, but still, I didn’t refuse to ask. I just had to know his true intentions.

“Next question,” I took a deep breath before asking, “Since when was it when your heart left your first love?”

He too seemed hesitant as I realised that he suddenly widened his eyes and lowered his gaze, breaking our gaze.

Ouch.

My heart was hurting once again. It felt as if the beautiful rainbow in my rainy mood just disappeared, and the heavy weight on my shoulders that were once removed, were placed back again. I felt miserable once again, and I couldn’t help but to feel pain rushing through my veins.

I clenched my fists.

Why is he not answering?

Wait.

But why was I in relief that he was not saying the answer?

Why was I happy that he was not speaking the truth?

Why did I not want him to say the truth?

Because the truth hurts, and you know that.

I took a deep breath. I was not going to let go of this easily, I had to know it, I just had to know his true feelings and I was not going to give up this easily.

I just had to know the truth, even if it hurt so much.

“Was it that day, when we fought severely? Or…” I coughed on my own saliva as I already started to feel the tears welling up in my eyes, “O-or did someone else come in your mind?” I stammered.

“Why? Why did you not like me anymore? Why did you stop loving me? Was I not enough? I don’t get it. I think about it again, and again, but I just don’t get it. Why?!” I cried, already feeling the tears raining down my cheeks.

He froze and only looked at the ground.

I’m sorry. I’m making you uncomfortable with all the questions I ask you, even though I already know the answer.

“Speak to me,” I croaked. “Tell me the truth, please. I want to know, even if it hurts. I want to know.”

But he just sat there, blankly staring at the ground in front of him.

I bitterly smiled under all my tears. Yeah, after all, he was Jimin. And I was just Sun Min. Forget it.

“Forget it. I’ll just view it as if someone else came in your mind. It’s okay, really. I don’t care anyways,” I lied, struggling so much to get those words out of my mouth. Gosh, why am I hurting myself so much? This was not what I was going for, definitely not.

Jimin instantly looked up as he heard what I had just said. He just stared at me, with those blank eyes that I never knew what it meant. I tried to seek for truth under those deep eyes of his, but end up facing nothing. I see no pain, no regret and no love. It was as if he felt nothing for me, as if he was neutral with me, as if I was nothing but just Sun Min to him.

Seeing my tears, he carefully leaned closer to wipe my tears away. I just sat there, watching him lean closer to me. My heart… Why was it beating faster?

However, just as he was about to touch my face, I turned my head to the side, preventing him from touching my face. Gosh, it hurt so much. It pained me too much to avoid his touches, those soft touches I enjoyed feeling every single second. Why was my brain not functioning properly? I knew I craved for his touches, but why did I avoid it? It was as if we were not meant to be, never were. And that is why my mind avoided it, because it knew that we were not meant to be.

“Sorry, I don’t like it when strangers touch my face,” I mumbled under my breath, silently crying with my head turned to the side.

Why was I crying like a stupid idiot?

Cause I was one.

After all those years, I thought I was mature enough. I thought I was strong and confident, and… Happy.

But once again, I was wrong.

I wasn’t.

I was a pained girl with a costume on. I was fake, the whole entire time.

Those times I tried to be cool and strong, that was all fake. Me saying that I was the playing types of girls and not the working ones, I was wrong. After all those years, I was still the working one and not the playing types.

In conclusion, I was after all, the weak one.

I cried even more.

But I couldn’t let him see my tears. I couldn’t show my weak side to him. He was a predator and I was his target, if he knew my weakness, he would keep attacking me with my weakness.

I got my phone in a rapid speed and closed my tablet, stuffing it back in my bag. I quickly stood up to avoid his gaze on me.

“Sorry, I can’t stand this anymore. This interview is done. Do you have any last words for me?” I asked, still not looking at him.

A few seconds of misery passed when he suddenly said, “I’m sorry, Sun Min-ah.”

Sorry?

Sorry?!

Sorry?! After all those years?!

I don’t get it.

I looked up at him again. “I wasn’t the one?! I want to know. Even though it’s an obvious answer, I want to know from you, from your voice. Was I not enough?! I don’t get what you mean by ugly, I don’t get what you mean by clingy, I don’t get what you mean by . Do you even know what those poisonous words mean?!” I slowly started raising my voice, but I did not care.

Seeing that he did not answer my questions, he must have felt uncomfortable. I only bitterly smiled once again.

“Just look at me one more time, you loved me, right? Your feelings for me were real, r-right? You loved me, right?! Right?! ANSWER ME!” I shouted as tears continuously fled down from my eyes.

But you only do what hurts me: No comment.

You keep ignoring me, even when I’m pleading for help, even you’re hurting me, even when I’m dying right here, in front of you.

“Look at me and answer my question. There’s no time. I can’t wait. For the last time, I’m asking you again and again.”

But he just sat there, hurting me more by more.

On the question paper, lots of questions that I can’t ask remain. Lots of questions I don’t want to to know the answer of.

I waited, and waited, but he just sat there, blankly staring at the ground in front of him. I pulled a sour smirk on my face. Yes, after all, he’s Jimin and I’m just Sun Min.

“I’m sorry. I think I’m just burdening you. I will go now. The interview is finished. Thank you,” I said firmly before wiping my tears away. I quickly got my bag and slung it on my shoulder before taking my leave.

But just before I could pull the handle and open the door, he grabbed my wrist.

His touch.

Oh, his touch.

How much I missed it.

His gentle, warm hands touching mine. Even after all those years, I melted under his touch.

I hated this. I hated myself for melting under his touch. But I just couldn’t help it. It was as if he was controlling me, not me. And I hated it, I hated the fact how I would go all weak in front of him.

I didn’t turn around and only sobbed, “Have a happy life with Ji Eun. I wish all my luck for you.”

Those last painful words that came out of my mouth stabbed my heart. I never thought I could stab myself without a knife, but I guess I could. Because I was stabbing myself with my own words that were struggling to leave my lips. I took a deep shaky breath before leaving the room.

I realised, I’m hurting myself too much.

I still love him, but he doesn’t.

One Sided love, why does it hurt so much? Why does it hurt so much that even when you’re doing nothing, it still hurts? Or is it that I’m just too weak? Or too plain stupid?

Park Jimin, have you ever loved me, even once? Even one single second? Even one millisecond of your life?

I was like a chewed gum to you. You tried all you could to get rid of me, and I tried all I could to stick to you. But in the end, you got even more disgusted of me and threw me away. And in the end, I was nothing but just a piece of useless trash.”

I really thought I wasn’t a piece of trash, but I guess, I really was.

 

 

T h e  e n d …

 

. . .

Author's Note:

Okay, okay. I know what you're thinking: "What the heck? This is not even a proper ending!!!". And I'm terribly sorry that the ending was not clear and good enough. That's why, for all of you, I decided to make sequel for this story (I just didn't know how to finish this story, so I basically decided to add a sequel). I'm still thinking of how to finish the story so please be wait a little for the sequel!!!

And please, please, PLEASE comment down your thoughts about my first try on oneshot!! Please do comment down your thouhts so I can take motivation or I can improve^^

Thank you for subsribing (and upvoting if you did) and I hope you enjoyed "Interview"!

I love you all and please anticipate for the sequel!!

(The options for the sequel are in the following chapter, so you can choose wisely)

Byeee!!!