Doyoung was the greatest guy I had ever met. He was sweet, caring and always made sure to tell me how much he loved me. Fans recently found out about our relationship. Let’s just say that they didn’t take it very well. Doyoung kept telling me not to read the comments online, but I couldn’t help it. I was curious. It was my biggest mistake. The only thing I saw were pages filled with hate comments and death threats. They kept on commenting on how I wasn’t skinny enough and that I wasn’t pretty enough for Doyoung. I tried to ignore them at first, which went pretty well, until they decided to make their verbal threats into something more physical. People started showing up on my doorstep. They started shouting mean comments from outside my window. They even called my cell phone and left horrible voice messages. They threw all kinds of trash on my property. They started throwing eggs on my windows. I was never a weak and insecure person, but the stress slowly got to me. No matter where I went, I was never able to avoid them.

I didn’t want to tell Doyoung about this, because he already had an extremely busy and stressful life, so I didn’t want to make him worry even more. I couldn’t make him turn against his own fans. They were the ones who kept his career going.

I thought about the entire situation carefully before coming to a decision. At first, I didn’t even want to think about the possibility of not having him in my life. It was the hardest thing to do, but I had to be strong and realistic. I decided that going our separate ways would be the best solution for the both of us.

Doyoung intimidated me to a certain extend. He was smart and intelligent, so it always felt like he could see right through me. Like right now, at this exact moment. I could feel him staring me down. He could tell something was wrong with me.

‘…what?’ I asked him. He didn’t say anything, because he knew that I knew what he was asking from me. He wanted me to explain what was wrong with me. ‘I’m fine, Doyoung,’ I lied to him. ‘No, you’re not and we both know it.’ I sighed. ‘Do we have to talk about this, right now?’ I pleaded with him. ‘Well, you’ve been acting strange lately, so I figured something was off. It must be pretty important if it has been bothering you this much,’ he said.

I stayed silent for a bit. Did I really want to tell him? Was I ready to break things off? Was I even making the right decision? All these questions started clouding my mind. I sighed. ‘I don’t know if this is the right time to talk about it,’ I said doubtfully. ‘What are you talking about? I’ve got plenty of time to listen to you whenever something’s wrong,’ he said reassuringly. ‘Babe, what’s wrong? Please tell me.’

I couldn’t look him in the eye. I knew that if I did, I would burst into tears. I couldn’t tell him the real reason for all of my distress. I didn’t want him to blame his fans. So, I decided to lie for his sake.

‘Remember how you once told me about parallel universes?’ He looked at me with a confused expression as I asked him this question. He slowly nodded his head. ‘You see, Doyoung. I feel like we’re living in two completely different worlds right now and I feel like they will never collide. I feel like you’re galaxies away from me. You’re unobtainable. You’re impossible to reach.’

‘What? What are you talking about?!’ I could tell he was trying to keep his cool, but in reality he was losing his mind. I loved Doyoung, but I wasn’t good enough for him. I didn’t deserve him. I wasn’t meant for him.

‘Doyoung… I don’t think we should do this anymore. Us. It’s just not working out,’ I said. ‘What do you mean? I thought things were going well between us,’ he said confused.

‘Listen. You have treated me better and cared for me more than anyone else ever has. You loved me more than I ever loved myself,’ I told him. ‘But I’m not meant for you. I just don’t think I could see a future for us together,’ I lied to his face. ‘I feel like I owe you so much and there’s no way I could ever return all of your love and affection. I don’t deserve you, Doyoung. I don’t deserve any of this.’

‘Yes, you do. You can’t even see how beautiful you are to me. You mean the world to me. I promise I will make you feel even more loved. I–‘
‘Doyoung, you don’t understand.’
‘…what?’
‘I don’t love you anymore.’

He stayed quiet, but I could see the chaos that was going on in his head. I wasn’t able to hold back my tears anymore. I couldn’t stand looking at his crestfallen expression. This was all my fault. I’m the reason for his despair.

He broke the silence. ‘You know what ? Realizing that nothing you ever believed in is true. Destiny, soul mates and all of that bull. None of it is true. You were right. I should’ve listened to you right from the start,’ he said.

‘No, Doyoung. Don’t say that. That’s not it. It just wasn’t me that you were right about,’ I told him while the tears kept running down my cheeks.

‘I feel like I’m in the wrong world, right now. There are parallel universes out there where this didn’t happen. I don’t belong in a world where we don’t end up together.’

He started crying. I couldn’t bear looking at him. I couldn’t bear looking at the tears which I had caused. ‘I’m so sorry, Doyoung. I’m sorry,’ was all that I could say to him. We didn’t share any more words that night. We just cried in each other’s arms. We knew that this would be the last time we could hold each other.

I decided to leave as soon as he fell asleep. I didn’t want to go through another painful goodbye in the morning. I packed all of my stuff and gave him one last kiss on his cheek. I left the place as if I had never been there.

Sometimes you love each other, but you both have to leave with a broken heart.