Jiyong wasn't stupid, nor was she blind. She was well aware of what she had done and what she failed to do. She knew her strengths, her weaknesses. She had taken the time to learn from them, good and bad alike. To that end, there was nothing she hated more than having her old mistakes and successes thrown in her face. 

For example, Jiyong was a . When Bigbang had originally been put together, she was the worst kind of faithless tyrant and bitter . The only person she would talk to amicably was Yongbae, warming up to her childhood friend in Seunghyun. She didn't speak to Seungri for the first eight months they were together. She had only ever spoken to Daesung in order to get him to do things, unnerved when he only responded to her harsh and angry words with kind smiles and affirmative nods. Jiyong was a . She knew that. And there was nothing more she hated than when hosts and fans would pester her about it, would bring down the moods of her boys remembering the intial dark period. She loathed it.

Jiyong was a success. She knew that. She didn't need to be reminded. It wasn't helpful being told that It's not as good as Heartbreaker or Will she ever write another Fantastic Baby? It was infuriating. No, maybe Heartbreaker was the peak of her solo career. Maybe Fantastic Baby was the best dance track she would ever make.  off about it. Focus on what's she's showing you now, whether or not you like it on its own. 

Jiyong knew her faults. She was aware of everything that had happened in her life - what she could have changed and what was inevitable. It had taken her time to accept that, but she had. She came to focus only on what was happening now, what will happen. There was no point in scrabbling around in regret and lost time. 

That said, she still wondered how her bandmates had ever come to trust her, love her the way they did. 

When she had torn the muscles in her leg, she hadn't been expecting help to come, anyone to drop their lives for her. She had called them all, let them know what happened before the media could get a hold of it, but she was well aware that they were busy. Yongbae was on tour, Seunghyun was working on a movie, Seungri was developing his solo career and Daesung was working intermittenly on television shows. She had been mildly surprised when Yongbae had shown up, but of them all, he had the strongest relationship with her. They were like siblings, so close that most times they could just communicate through looking at each other. She had completely understood when he told her that he couldn't stay with her through the whole tour, but would be there was long as he could. What had surprised her was Daesung appearing, some hellish red-eye flight dogging his steps as he ran into the backstage, dropping his hasty luggage and bursting into tears. He'd run right up to her, wrapping her in his arms and kissing the side of her head.

"Dae, what are you doing here?" She had laughed, smoothing down his hair when he finally pulled back enough to look at her. She took the tissue offered by the staff and wiped at his reddened eyes gently. 

"I cried when I heard you were hurt." He replied, smiling through his tears. "I had to be here. I had to come help you."

"You're insane." She laughed, pulling him down to touch their foreheads together. "Did you sleep on the plane?"

He gave an exhausted laugh. "How could I? Knowing you're here, injured badly enough that you can't stand, even with crutches?"

"How long have you been awake?!"

"I don't know. I packed up and came as soon as I heard and could see again."

Yongbae handed her her wallet. She smiled a thanks at him before popping it open. She took out a card. "Here. This is my room key. The staff will call a van for you. Go back to my room and get some sleep. There's no concert today, we're just planning."

"But, noona-"

"I'm really happy you're here, Daesung." She cut him off, voice low, gentle, but authoritative. "But I don't need you in the hospital too. Go sleep for a bit and Yongbae and I will come get you when we're going out for dinner. Okay?"

He nodded at her, tenderly cupping her face and kissing her forehead softly. He gave her another smile, a squeeze to her hand and then turned and left, room key in his hand. She felt oddly cared for.

Yongbae patted her shoulder. "Do you plan to knock to get back into your room?"

"I'm pretty recognizable. I'm sure the staff can give me another key." 

He raised an eyebrow. "You're just going to let him sleep in your room?"

She ducked her head. " . . . He's strong enough to help me clean up."

He snorted. "Whatever you say, Ji."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You may play that you want into our RiRi's pants, but we all know who's leathers you'd really rather see. After all, who else, myself aside, have you ever let sleep curled up to you? Share your hotel rooms?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't pretend that you don't do the same thing."

Yongbae shrugged. "It's your call, not mine."

As promised, Yongbae had to leave ten stops in, but that was okay. He had his own career to care for and that was absolutely okay. She didn't expect nor did she want anyone to sacrifce themselves for her. Daesung would not be dissuaded, however. He remained with her through the rest of the tour, pracing around on stage and carrying her around, up on his back and forever careful of her injured leg. 

She had a ton of fun with just the two of them, playing and joking, getting the crowds to scream and scramble for their phones when she would kiss the side of his face or his hand rode too high up her thigh because she was slipping off his back. that wasn't even to mention all the singing they did together, getting him to rap some of her parts and her abysmal attempts to reproduce his infamous high notes. 

They also continued to share a hotel room for the rest of the time. It wasn't that she didn't trust her staff, rather that she was uncomfortable with such temporary kind of people dealing with her privately, at her most vulnerable. Before Yongbae and Daesung, she had refused assistance in her bedroom completely, taking hours to do something as simple as cleaning herself and brushing her teeth, changing out of clothes. Daesung was someone who she'd seen at his barest and that had seen her. They had grown up together, become adults together. He never complained about helping her, didn't take no for an answer when she tried to refuse. He had helped her take off her shoes, pants, even underwear. He helped hoist her into the bathtub, held her up when she needed to rinse, helped her into her nightclothes and was her permanent prop when she had to limp around wheelchair-unfriendly places. He would get her whatever pain meds she asked for, prop up her leg comfortably without being told and would cuddle her when the meds didn't help as much as they should. She came to really adore him over those months, to depend whole-heartedly on his strength, his upbeat nature, his good-spirited smile. She wasn't going to complain about how warm he was, the way it felt to be handled so carefully by such obviously capable arms, what it was like to wake up draped over the perfect anatomical specimen he called a body. 

But that would be admitting defeat to Yongbae, who probably had a pool with Seungri. And that just would not do. 

She wouldn't admit it anywhere but in her empty apartment that she actually missed that time. Not because she was hurt - because that major  - but because Daesung seemed to shrink away from her again. They didn't really touch unless it was necessary and Daesung didn't try to instigate any skinship with her. To be fair, Daesung wasn't a particularly touchy person, like Seunghyun. He didn't mind being the object of skinship, but he barely ever instigated it and even then it was mostly with Seungri. The maknaes had an interesting relationship, full of ups and downs and settled now as a kind of co-dependance which seemed to really work for them. 

Daesung was Seungri's source of happiness and judgement-free advice. Seungri was Daesung's source of freedom, learning from the maknae without his knowledge how to let loose, have fun and not be afraid of hate, reprimand, failure. And maybe that was something Daesung was missing, being graceful in a graceless situation, something their unfortunate Seungri had been in too many times. Seungri lost it sometimes, too. Daesung would be the one he would turn to for quiet reassurance, to give him a quick hug and a whisper of "You're doing good" to continue on. She supposed even someone like Seungri, on so many times by unknowing fans, executives of YG, YG himself and obnoxious and oblivious show hosts, would need some help, to be told that it was worth all his effort and time. That he was worth the love he got.

It was knowing this that made Jiyong upset with herself. She should be the kind of leader that Seungri could come to, but Seungri was nothing if not a fast learner. Those initial eight months (and the months leading up to that) had destroyed any chance of her being his support. They had mended their relationship and he often spoke about her like an older sister, even to his parents, but he would never trust her with that kind of weakness. He would never get past knowing how abrasive she could be to expose his delicate underbelly like that. She also knew that he didn't trust any of his other hyungs with it, either. Seunghyun had issues dealing with himself on the best of days, let alone minding the feelings of the maknae, and Yongbae was more of a cool cousin that he spoke with at dinners but really didn't hang out with otherwise. Only Daesung, even with their rocky opening. Daesung, no matter how much he disapproved of something or disagreed with an action, had never closed himself off. He remained an open vessel of comfort and compassion - perhaps because he had received none and had been forced to take it with good humour lest he find himself in even more dire straits.

Jiyong knew this. She knew that her almost two-year-long fit in their trainee/debut days had burned bridges she hadn't even known she would want to cross. She didn't like it, but it was her fault and she'd accepted that. She'd even taken the time (albeit two years after their debut) to sit all the members down and apologize to them for being an . None of that made it acceptable for the hosts of Happy Together to bring it up.

Daesung immediately went quiet, sinking back into the seat and bowing his head, using his hair to purposefully shield his eyes. Ever since he'd gotten that haircut, he didn that whenever he felt cornered or upset (or sometimes just when he was tired). Seunghyun blinked at them in his dopey, surprised way, but maintained a silent composure, looking down the line to the most affected. Yongbae looked off into a vague distance offstage, sitting himself out of this. If he hadn't witnessed jiyong blatantly ignore Seungri one day, he woudln't have believed she could be so callous. That left poor Seungri alone, sitting down at the end with nowhere to go, eyes wide and caught in the trap. 

She nervously fixed her hair. "Yes, our intial years were rough. I wans't the nicest to the younger members."

"How so?" They pushed and she resisted gritting her teeth. It wouldn't do any of them any good to see her lose her cool.

Seungri seemed to have regained his showmanship, then, launching into the story of how he'd gotten her to come around, the drama they had bonded over. Daesung sat stock still, not so much as breathing loud enough for Yongbae to hear to avoid any attention on him. She could almost physically feel the distance he was trying to create, how his hands were folded and clenching on his lap, leaving bright red nail marks where the cameras wouldn't see. Seungri used their distraction of the drama to turn the conversation away from their terrible debut to Jiyong's favourite tv shows (her beloved period dramas) that brought both Seunghyun and Yongbae back into conversation and allowed the maknaes time to shrink away and push back the awful feelings that came with those memories. She knew that Seungri would shift closer to Daesung and the two would lean on each other, silent as they exchanged comfort and support. 

After Happy Together, when they were standing in the studio parking lot, Jiyong was on her phone, making reservations at a small, kitchy place on a sidestreet that she'd been to before. When the others noticed her hanging up, she offered them a small smile. "Dinner's on me."

That night, she brought both the maknaes back to her place. They sent her quizzical looks as she let them in, but said nothing and took off their shoes. She set up her California King size air mattress in her living room and popped a movie into the player, one she knew both her youngest members really liked. She got some bedding from a hall closet and set it up. 

"Noona, what are you doing?" Seungri asked, always the first to break silence. 

"After an interview like that, I think my maknaes deserve to be taken care of." She responded, disappearing into her room to make sure she had some of her members' clothes stashed somewhere so they could be comfortable. She coudln't remember if these sweatpants belonged to her, Yongbae or Seungri, but it didn't really matter. She had another set which definitely belonged to Daesung and she took some of the loose tank tops she had around, bringing them back out with her. They were looking at her as if she was another person. 

" . . . I don't understand. You already bought dinner." Seungri spoke up again. 

She set the clothes down on her couch and sighed, walking over to him and pulling him into hug. "I'll never be able to make up for it and I'll never be able to tell you exactly how sorry I am. You didn't deserve the way I treated you during our early years, not at all. It hurts you and bothers you whenever it gets brought up. And don't pretend it doesn't because I can see it. I can't fix what I did, though I would change it in a heartbeat if I could. So, I'll do what I can now and forge something better, stronger, give you more good memories than bad ones."

He looked at her for a long moment like she was crazy, but then ducked his head into her shoulder and hugged her tightly. "Heh. I love you too, noona."

She squeezed him tighter. "You're worth every penny, every fan and every smile you bring to someone's face. You're worthy of all the love you get and all the love you don't." 

His body vibrated against hers, trying to keep him from tears despite the stress he was under. She patted his back and pulled away, giving him a tender smile. 

"Go get changed and stay over the night, okay? Let's watch a movie and sleep in my living room. Maybe throw back a few."

He laughed, not bothering to wipe at his eyes, and took her advice. She turned to Daesung then, taking in the loose way he stood, silent and simply observant in the way he looked at her. She walked over to him and hugged him too. He hugged her back, his cheek resting in the short, dark hair, his thick chest expanding as he took a deep breath. 

"You're beautiful, Daesung." She said and his breath stopped for a moment. "You're one of the most beautiful people I've ever had the privilege of seeing with my own eyes. You've got so much raw talent, such a wonderful body and an absolutely lovely face that no one seems to notice here in Korea. You're precious to me, though I do a real ty job of letting you know that." She released him and reached up, cupping his round face between her petite hands, aware of the contrast between her palor and his bronze. "So beautiful."

He hiccupped as he choked off tears, dropping his gaze to the ground. She stood up on her toes and kissed his eyelids, even through the makeup, and took a second to press a little kiss to his nose. 

"C'mon. Let's get this makeup off you."

He mustered a small smile, eyes shining in her hall lights. "Is this your way of asking me to stay too?"

She wiped away his tears and gave him her biggest smile. "I want you to stay, but you don't have to."

He took a deep breath and pressed their foreheads together. "Are you sure you'll have clothes that fit me?"

She laughed then, slapping his arm playfully. "I know the pants I have will. And really, I would rather you shirtless."

He laughed with her, following her lead as she tossed him the clothes she'd gathered. "Go change! And tell Seungri to hurry up or I'll start the movie without him!"

True to her plan, the maknaes slept with her that night. 

They woke up with Daesung on his back, one arm under his head and the other wrapped around Jiyong's waist. Jiyong was laying on her stomach, draped over Daesung with her head on his chest. Seungri was spooning her, face nuzzled into the space betwee her shoulder blades. 

Daesung was the first to wake, but he had no inclination to move, nor to disrupt the two on top of him. They were too precious lie that and he wasn't willing to be the reason they had to wake. Seungri followed an hour after him, blearily blinking around and trying to remember where he was. It wasn't often that Jiyong let people sleep over at her place, so the confusion was understandable. 

"Morning." Daesung whispered. The maknae looked up at him, blinked, then looked down at Jiyong. 

"She still asleep?"

Daesung nodded. 

"What time is it?"

"Almost ten thirty."

"." Seungri extracted himself from the mess of bedding as quietly as he could. "I have an interview at noon."

"Good luck! Take my car. Keys are on the table."

Seungri hastily threw on his jacket, trying to tie his shoes at the same time. "This is why you're my favourite hyung. I'll try to have it back to you soon."

"Don't worry about it. Just go and don't be late!"

And Seungri was out the door. 

Jiyong woke up some time between noon and one. Daesung was asleep under her, but Seungri was gone, some of Jiyong's clothes stolen from the back of her couch. 

". That's right. He had an interview." She murmured, rubbing her eyes and trying not to just curl back up and sleep again. She may as well pretend to be productive, maybe make Daesung lunch before he had to go. 

"Mmm. Finally awake, noona?"

She looked down at him, smiling back at his smile. "Yeah. Did you see Seungri go?"

"Yeah. I think he was wearing his pants from yesterday, my shirt and your jacket."

She snorted. "Nice."

He stretched, arching under her like she didn't weigh anything. Well, with the way his muscles rippled against her, maybe she didn't. She looked down, watching him flex, one of her hands unthinkingly pressing against him, tracing over the angles and curves. 

"See something you like, noona?"

He was smirking at her, so she grinned back. "Maybe I do. Whatcha gonna do?"

His hands gripped the egde of the mattress and he rolled his body again, a kind of serene, satisfied smile coming to his lips as she gasped, not expecting how high he could bow his body. He lowered himself again and she gave a breathless little laugh. 

"Was that supposed to dissuade me? Didn't really work."

"Wasn't meant to turn you off."

She caught that quicker than he did. "So it was meant to turn me on?"

His cheeks went red but she could only grin. She pulled herself up, one hand on his hip and the other threading into his hair, leaning down to kiss the corner of his mouth. 

"I'll keep that in mind." She breathed before abruptly rolling off him, waltzing away in tiny cotton shorts and one of Seunghyun's really loose shirts from their debut days. 

He let the breath rush out of him when she rounded the corner, turning to stare at the ceiling. "That was new."

After that, she started making sure that she played around with him both on stage and off stage. 

And it wasn't dating, Yongbae. 

He started to play back, too. Wrap his arms around her, swing her around and even throw her over his shoulder once. He started asking her to go places with him, without the other members, and they would spend whole days shopping or at a movie or eating something he'd found or was interested in. Some days, theyw ould go grocery shopping and he'd make something for her back at his place, despite not being the best cook (Yongbae held that title). Not that she would complain, because if she tried to make anything other than chocolate cake, she'd come out with charcoal instead and she'd already beent he cause of a building-wide evacuation more than once due to her less-than-proficient skills.

And then, one night curled up on her air mattress again, she kissed him. 

Some stupid romantic comedy was playing because neither of them could be bothered to buy new movies for these nearly weekly get togethers. Daesung had been laughing at something silly the male lead had done to get the female lead's affection. Jiyong had been watching him most of the movie, entranced by the way he laughed, how his eyes would light up at something romantic that happened and lulled by the feeling of his heartbeat, how his chest rose and fell with each breath. 

When he had finally noticed her staring, twenty or so minutes from the end of the movie, he peered down at her, resting on his shoulder, arm thrown over his chest. The hand on his chest up the muscle, gently caressing his neck before cupping his jaw. He stayed there, just watching her. She pushed herself up a little, just enough to press her lips to his. She set herself back down again, facing the movie. His arm, the one underneath her, wrapped itself around her waist and his cheek pressed into her hair. 

She didn't know where that courage had come from. 

Jiyong had plenty of it when she was on stage, surrounded by cameras and fans and other idols or coworkers. She was the epitomy of confidence, second only to Seungri, and she had no problem exercising that. But in her personal life, she was shy and reclusive, not quite able to go after what she wanted. She iddn't know if that might be due to joining the idol ranks at twelve and missing out on a lot of social conditioning that might have been able to help her. It was only made worse by Daesung, who was everything she wasn't. He had charisma, sure, when he was performing and could work a crowd or host to his whim, but it was something that had taken him years in show business to learn, to assess his place and his stage persona. But he had a kind of humanity that she didn't - he never lost his rural common sense and his earthen, grounded nature. He was good with people, approachable and accepting. 

It wasn't much longer until the movie ended and she sat up to switch off the tv. As soon as the world went dark, she was lifted at her hips and laid face-down on Daesung's chest. His hand curled around the back of her head and he pulled her down into a full, long kiss. She didn't know how she stayed solid, his kiss melting her from the inside out. 

His lips trailed up her cheek to her ear. "You could have just asked me out, you know."

The statement startled a laugh out of her. "Oh yeah?"

He hummed an agreement.

"But where would the mystique be in that?"

He chuckled, but then started planting a series of kisses along the Roman numerals sloping her neck and shoulder, making her shiver. 

"Who needs mystique?" He murmured, gently teasing some of her skin between his teeth just to hear her gasp. "I could have been doing this weeks ago."

She hadn't thought of that.

"Should I start making up for lost time, then?"

He chuckled, eyes coming together in cute cresents. "Absolutely."

"Okay, so maybe you win this one."

"Of course I did." Yongbae looked up from lyrics Seungri was showing him. "What did I win?"

She shuffled awkwardly, standing over them. "You should make that G sharp a D."

Seungri blinked, looked down at the paper and the score underneath. "Wow. That's . . . perfect. Thank you."

Yongbae raised another eyebrow before he noticed the dark mark on her collarbone. He was on his feet in an instant, pulling her shirt to the side and examining the mark closely. "I absolutely did win. Seungri, you owe me dinner."

"What?! What for?"

"Jiyong got laid last night! Told you she would crumble before the end of this year!"

Seungri pushed his way in and examined the hickey closely. ". Fine. You win."

She cleared and the two backed off.

"Wait." Seungri was suddenly back in her space. "You smell like Daesung."

She blinked rapidly. "how do you know what Daesung smells like?"

"Coconut bodywash and Armani Code. You smell like his organic coconut bodywash and the Armani Code I gave him for his birthday."

Seunghyun entered the room but stopped short at seeing Seungri's face buried in their leader's neck. "What are you doing, maknae?"

"Come smell Jiyong! She smells just like Daesung."

Seunghyun came over and scented her neck. "You do."

"Holy , how do all of you know what Daesung smells like?" She said, exasperated.

It took a long moment afterward, but Yongbae clued in. "OH! That's what- OH!"

"C'mon. If you know something I don't, spill." Seungri pushed. 

"I called it that she was going to hook up with Dae and she- she totally did."

She pushed them away. "C'mon. I was just at his house apartment last night and he let me use his stuff."

"And the cologne?"

"The place smells like it. Not surprised I do."

All four froze when Daesung walked in, headphones in and oblivious to them. He walked into the room, going over to a desk and picking up some file before beginning to leaf through it. Whatever was in it seemed to satisfy him because he turned to leave then froze himself when he spotted them. Slowly, he pulled out his headphones, eyeing them warily. "Should I even ask why you're all molesting Jiyong?"

Seunghyun and Seungri jumped him while Yongbae made sure Jiyong didn't split in the chaos. The eldest and the maknae managed to wrestle off Daesung's t-shirt to reveal several hickeys lining his abs.

"Didn't hook up with Dae, huh?" Yongbae smirked, tossing his leader's too-light frame onto the couch. 

"It was just petting!" She argued.

Daesung landed beside her and they examined him more thoroughly to find lighter marks across his chest and some fingertip-sized bruising on his biceps.

"Heavy petting." She amended. 

"I win the bet!" Seunghyun declared, laughing and scampering around the studio room. "I win!"

Seungri and Yongbae sighed at the same time, but Jiyong and Daesung could only look at each other in scared confusion.

"Twenty free dinners! Yes!" Seunghyun's laugh was bordering on manical before he started to calm. "Don't worry, Ji, Dae, you each get one too. On the house for helping me win."

Yongbae and Seungri, begrudgingly, went to congratulate their hyung. Daesung saw the opening, grabbed Jiyong's hand and bolted before they could stop him. They didn't stop running until they got to his car, panting and smiling when he locked the doors and they were safe. 

"Oh my God." Jiyong rasped through her wheezing. "They practically assaulted you."

"I didn't know whether they wanted to look at your hickeys or have with me." He agreed. "Did they try to . . . ?"

"Nah. Bae just caught sight of the one you left on my neck." She shifted in her seat so the tenderness in her hips would ease. "Though it would be fun to see the looks on their faces."

"Hmm, I'm sure." He took her hand, gently rubbing his thumb over her knuckles as they caught their breath. "I don't have a shirt. Wanna order takeout at your place?"

"And get some more . . . exercise like I did last night?" She wagged her eyebrows, breathlessly laughing as she collapsed back into the plush seat. "Sure."

The three other members burst out of the building, trying to decide whether to check Jiyong's nearer car or Daesung's. 

"But you should make that escape snappy." She hastened to add. 

She could barely breathe she was laughing so hard at the betrayed looks on their bandmates faces as Daesung's car roared to life and he hauled out of the parking lot. He pressed a button when they were out of view of the YG building and the roof rolled back. The rush of air felt wonderful with the rev of the engine and the rush of her heart. Her hair, grown out because she damn well felt like it, whipped around in the wind and it felt awesome.

None of it was as good as the ringing tone of Daesung's laugh, though, or the way her hand felt, all wrapped up in his.