When I was 5 I learned to ride my bike.

The first question out of my mouth was, "But what if I fall, mom?"

Her answer would always be, "But what if you fly?"

When I was 6, I learned what death was. I was terrified. I feared death. 

"But, mom, I don't want to die. Dying is scary."

"But, Baekhyun, dying means the pain is over." 

When I was 11 I learned what true hate was. It is something that bubbles inside someone forever.

"Mom?" Screaming and crashing and blood.

"Yes?" Crying. More blood.

"When will it be over?" Thrashing. 

"Soon." Darkness.

When I was 16 I found out what really being tired meant. I had been tired of everything. Abuse, crying, lies, abandonment, hiding, and most of all, smiling.

"Mom, I am too tired."

"I know. I am too. But It's okay, that happens to everyone." 

"But I can't take it anymore."

"Please try, for me?"

"Okay."

"C'mon, smile for me! No, not like that, a real smile! Don't shake your head! Do I have to come over therre and make you smile?" Laughing.

When I was 19 I learned what the word almost meant. Almost. The saddest word in the world is almost. The word that says something didn't happen. The word that says effort and soul were sacrificed but nothing happened.

"Mom? MOM?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" 

"It's okay, Baekhyun. The pain will be over. I will fly, Baekhyun." 

"MOM!? NO PLEASE!"

"Quite, dear, you will wake your father. Go outside honey."

Sirens and lights. People yelling commands to one another. 

"Byun Baekhyun?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry. She has passed. She almost made it."
Crying. Screaming. 

When I was 21 I learned what relief was.

"Mom? I'm going to see what its like to fly."