Twisting the key in the lock of your door, hearing the lock retract, you quietly pushed open the door and closed it behind you. The hint of last night dinner still hung in the air while the moonlight cast across your living room floor, a night breeze blowing the light drapes covering your windows giving off a slightly eerie feel to your place. Slipping off your shoes one at a time, you removed your purse from your shoulder before padding across the hardwood to your balcony. Grabbing a blanket along the way, you slid open the door and stepped back outside. A gentle breeze brushed past your exposed skin as you made your way over to the large Adirondack rocking chair you kept outside.

Easing yourself into the seat, you folded one leg under the other, situating the blanket around your shoulders then pulling it around your torso, you took a few deep breaths as the crisp night air slowly brushed your hair against your cheeks. The sweet song of birds slowly faded and crickets replaced their song with a song of the night.

The sun had fallen lower and lower in the sky as you remained silent, watching the day bleed and morph into night. It was well past the time you normally would have been swallowed by exhaustion, but sleep seemed to be eluding you. Your thoughts wandered, reliving experiences you wish would simply stay buried in the past, and as the images flashed in your mind, your stomach would tighten and you could practically feel the panic and anguish threaten to swallow you whole.

Rocking slower and slower in the rocking chair, the gentle motion eased your body yet kept your mind active. Your train of thought traveled from one memory to the other, one memory morphing into the next until you arrived at the drama that seemed to unravel today. Everything seemed to rest on your shoulders, the weight of a stressful day at work to the drama that was consuming your family life.

Raking in a shaky breath, fluttering your eyes closed a single tear ran down your cheek as the night air brushed over the wet tear sending chills through your body. Your fingers found the ends of your sleeves and pulled them over your palms, Running the fabric against your skin, you attempted to wipe away the tears yet multiple tears followed.

Hours and hours ticked by as you didn’t catch any sleep that night, enjoying the quiet night on your balcony by yourself, you watched the colors of the sunrise paint the clouds and reflect across the glass on the high rise buildings of the city in the distance.

Adjusting your position slowly, you stood up and made your way inside. Getting ready for another day at work, you went through the motions, your mind still festering over the family drama from days previous. Focusing on your work, the day ebbed away slowly, hours ticked away as you went with the flow of things. Literally feeling nothing through the day, hours bled into one another as you didn’t say a word, just kept your head down and tried to keep your mind off of something other than your personal problems.

Heading home, you stared off into the abyss, your mind churning over the family drama that continued to play out in messages flooding your phone. Your eyes blankly stared out the window of the bus as you counted the stops, watching the cars pass you by while the evening thunderstorm slowly rolled in from the east.

Standing up on your stop, you made your way to the front, paying for your ride, you exited the bus and thanked the driver quietly. Your arms wrapped around you as you slowly walked towards your apartment, the sound of your shoes against the concrete slowly faded from your conscious. A vibration originated from your pocket, waiting a block or two, you pulled your phone out along with the keys to your apartment.

Unlocking your front door, you glanced at the messages piling into your phone as you turned off your phone and slipped off your shoes, not wanting to deal with that right now. Yearning for an escape, begging for some sort of relief from this pit you seemed to find yourself in.

A warm shower, left overs for dinner, a drama episode played as you tried to numb your mind from the drama that grew in your family life, separating one of your family members from the other. Pulling a blanket over your bare legs, you pulled the sleeves of your favorite hoodie over your palms while sinking into the cushions of your couch. Resting your head back against the cushions of the couch, you sighed softly seeing the drama episode play out before you.

Your phone lit up between the folds of the blanket that bunched up around your waist, Waiting a moment or two, you slowly grabbed for your phone and slid your thumb across the screen, unlocking it slowly, you dropped down your notification bar to see that it was a new message from your boyfriend, Yongguk.

Turmoil began to bubble up inside you, with one side of yourself wanting to talk to someone while another side of yourself just wanted to stay in the dark and just be alone. Your eyes stared at the new message you had from him as you eventually convinced yourself to open the message. Tapping your thumb against the screen, your phone pulled up the conversation, your eyes drifted down to the bottom of the conversation to see the new message he had sent.

Just thinking about you :) I hope you had a great day, love - Y

Tears began to sting your eyes as you flipped your phone over on your lap, feeling like he was another thing added onto your list, you reached out and grabbed the remote. Knowing he had no idea that your life was slowly crumbling, you let the hours tick by, your life slowly wasting away with every late night episode you watched.

Day after day turned into a downward spiral, nothing new, nothing to smile at, nothing to laugh at, absolutely nothing. Feeling empty and the darkness consuming you slowly, you sat up from the couch and looked into your kitchen. Pushing yourself upright, you shuffled into the kitchen and opened the door to your tiny fridge in your pantry. Kneeling down, your fingers glided over the paper labels and the glass bottles.

Picking one of the many bottles you had in your wine fridge, you stood back up and popped the top of the wine bottle. Pressing the cool glass to your lips, you sipped your favorite flavor of wine, your eyes closing as the cool, slightly bitter fluid moved down your throat.

Easing the bottle down on the counter, you grabbed a wine glass and a small whiskey container that you drank only when you really wanted to forget something. Shuffling back to the couch, your eyes moved over the lit candles across your coffee table, the tv was black and you were alone. Placing the drinks on your coffee table and filled your wine glass up with a mixture of wine and whiskey.

Pressing the glass to your lips, you tasted the drink roll over your tongue, your head slowly laying back as you felt your body slowly ease into the cushions of the couch. Knowing that you were going to get drunk tonight, you eased yourself into a hangover, sipping glass after glass.

Your eyes focusing on the flame of the clustered candles in the darkness, the flame flickering in the darkness. Sipping more and more of the drink concoction in your cup, you let your problems fade away with the numbing power of alcohol. Suddenly a noise echoed through your apartment, your eyes looking over towards the door before returning your eyes forward once more. Hearing the door open slowly to a spare key, you closed your eyes knowing who that key belonged to.

Bang Yongguk

Staying still, you took deep breaths knowing the picture that was painted right before him. Alcohol, desolation, tear stained cheeks accompanied by a candle light glow. Yongguk closed the door behind him, slipping off his shoes, his eyes caught you sitting on the couch with a few empty bottles in front of you on the coffee table.

A light tint of the smell of alcohol covered your apartment as he slipped off his jacket and slowly approached you.

“You didn’t text back” Yongguk’s voice filled the silence in your apartment

“I know” You whispered, trying to keep your voice steady yet cracking towards the end as you lifted your hand up and covered your mouth.

“_________?” He whispered, sitting on the edge of the seat next to you. Tears rolled down your cheeks once he called your name, dropping your head slowly knowing that you were caught and not alone anymore.

Against your better judgement, your eyes turned towards him, your tear stained cheeks visible in the light glow of the candlelight. Watching his movements so smooth and slow, your head starting to throb from your several drinks you have had that night. Adverting your eyes back to the drink between your hands, you leaned back and sighed. Yongguk’s eyes drank in your form, your tousled hair, loose clothing, approaching you slowly, he eased himself back into the couch next to you.

“What is all of this about?” Yongguk leaned his arm on the upper cushion of the couch, his eyes intently moving over your side profile.

Shaking your head slowly, you closed your eyes feeling your head start to spin, “You wouldn’t understand…”

“I may not understand, but I’m staying with you tonight” He whispered as he moved more onto the couch, letting you read his open body language. Your eyes lifted up his body before looking into his eyes, his face lit from the candles, you peered into his eyes leading you to his soul and his heart.

Tears swelled up as a lump in your throat formed, lifting your hand up you covered your mouth and leaned into his shoulder. His arm wrapped around you and held you against him. Once you felt his arms encase you, you let everything go, more tears rolled down your cheeks, soaking into his shirt as your breathing turned uneven and hitched as your cries turned into sobs.

Moving you on top of him, he took your wine glass from you placing it on the coffee table, he held your shaking body as he rubbed your back, tucking your head under his chin and holding you close. Mumbled words caught in his cotton shirt as everything spilled out, mumbles, tears, frustration and sorrow.

After a while, he felt your body relax, peering down, he saw your sleeping figure on him, your hands tightly wrapped around the fabric of his shirt, holding onto him so he won’t leave you.

“You should have texted, you wouldn’t have to go through this alone, angel” He whispered not knowing what is going on, however, he held you close. Making sure that you felt his love and warmth as he was going to hold your hand through this all.