Weakness:

1.            the state or quality of being weak

2.            a deficiency or failing, as in a person’s character

3.            a self-indulgent fondness or liking: ‘a weakness for chocolates’

Finally, the exact and reasonable explanation for all his problems. Just a word, just a state: weakness. Nothing more and nothing less than pure, innocent weakness. The answer has been in front of his brown eyes all this time, even in a dictionary, and he has been suffering horrible headaches thinking about that night, those feelings and that boy; trying to get a clear and rational answer when all what he had to do was just open his eyes and see that it was just his first kiss, the first time somebody touched him like that, the first time he felt sensations he never felt before. It was just that, just a new experience, just something new to learn although it is not too useful.

He had spent hours and hours thinking about it, trying to find the truth, trying to understand, trying to find him, trying to know who he is; Youngjae even tried to pretend that night never happened. All that time, all those thoughts, all those ideas and hypothesis, all the pain in his brilliant mind, all the lack of sleep; just to get this simple, tiny conclusion: weakness. Everything is reduced to that word, to that expression, to that one feeling. He felt weak that night, he felt weak to that kiss, his first. He felt weak to those hands which were the first to caress his skin. He felt weak in front of that boy who was the first one to touch him in such nice and sweet way.

Like the weakness of a mother who can’t say no to his son if this cries. Everybody feels weakness for something or someone at some point of their lives, and he wasn’t the exception. He is human too, he feels, and it seems his body and senses love that boy’s touch so much that it is still engraved in his skin after almost a week; still making him feel weak. It was just that, just weakness… just weakness… just… Weakness! He had borderline madness for a little bit of weakness! For that simple, dumb, lame feeling he always mistook as tiredness. It was just that, just weakness for that boy.

“Weakness must be the feeling’s …” Youngjae chuckles at that silly thought as he sits with his only friend in a bench under the shadow of some tree; watching the entire school’s backyard full of people talking here and there.        

-What’s so funny?- Yugyeom asks curios, an amused smirk already playing on his lips.

-Nothing, I was just thinking.- Youngjae sighs, giving to his friend a cute smile as he fixes his glasses.

-About what? Suzy?- the tall boy wonders, the smirk on his mouth getting wider with excitement.

-Why could I be thinking about Suzy?- the small boy asks back confused, frowning a little as he really doesn’t understand.

-Well, 1: because she asked you to text her and you still didn’t. And 2: she is right there with her friends.- Yugyeom says, pointing with his chin the distant place where the girl is.  

-Those are facts. That doesn’t answer my question.- Youngjae comments, knowing that Yugyeom wants to tell him something with that but he can’t catch it.

So the boy rolls his eyes. –Don’t you want to get closer to Suzy? She is cute and seems to be nice, right? Why don’t you just go and ask her out?- he explains… in some way.

-Well, she is cute and nice, but closer how? And ask her out where?- Youngjae asks still confused, tilting his head to one side as he looks at those small eyes.

And Yugyeom let his head fall, wondering how his friend can be so oblivious to these kind of things. –Closer like friends but eventually more than friends. And ask her out on a date.- he tries to explain, seeing his little friend frowning cutely.

-But Yugie!- Youngjae whines. –I-I’ve never… went on a date…- he mumbles somewhat shy, pouting a little bit.

-I know, but there’s a first time for everything.- the tall boy answers with his cool smile. –Awww, my little Youngie is growing so fast~- he mocks, pinching those cheeks as he plays with them.

-Yugyeom!!- the small boy whines yet again, putting those hands away from his  face. –I didn’t say I’m going to ask her out.- he clarifies, rubbing softly his sore cheeks.

-Oh, come on! You have to do it, Youngjae! At least if you don’t want to keep searching that boy who kissed you.- Yugyeom comments, a rare serious tone ringing on his words.

Youngjae just sighs to that, understanding pretty well what his friend implied. –You are right… I have to ask her out.- he mumbles kind of embarrassed, looking at Suzy's direction.

-Yeeah!- Yugyeom exclaims excited. -Go now!- he pushes his little friend, a little too excited.

-N-now?!- Youngjae repeats, feeling the nervousness and uneasiness starting to run in his body.

-No, yesterday.- Yugyeom rolls his eyes amused. -Yes! Now!- he exclaims, again, too excited.

-O-okay…- the small boy barely mumbles, swallowing hard before standing up.

He fixes his glasses one more time, breathing deeply before taking the first of many steps as his feet lead him across the backyard. His speed is slow, so slow that Youngjae wonders deep inside if he truly wants to do this, yet before he could even think about it he is already there, in front of the cute girl who is chatting with her friends. A small shiver runs down his back as four pair of eyes set on him, looking at him with curios but warm glances. The small boy can’t help but blush a little, thanks to the nerves that starts to fill him up quickly because he hates being the center of attention of anyone.

-Youngjae…- Suzy's sweet voice reaches his ears almost immediately, and when his brown orbs are placed on her he can see that breath-taking smile in her pink lips.

-Hi, Suzy… c-can I talk to you for a moment?- Youngjae asks politely, exhaling slowly as he tries to play it cool like if he didn’t feel nervous at all.

-Sure. Come, let’s go near the font.- the girl answers charming as always in the short time he knows her; grabbing his hand and sweetly dragging him to the middle of the backyard.

The two of them sit down in the font, making sure the water couldn’t reach them, and then Suzy's sparkling eyes look at the brunette boy with a glance he identify as anxious and somewhat happy.

–So what do you want to talk about?- she asks, not wasting any more precious second of the short break.

-Well…-Youngjae sighs deeply, hoping to release some nervousness in the process. –First I want to apologize because I didn’t text you yet. I have been… dealing with some problem.- he confesses a little, placing his slightly shy orbs in those girly ones.

Suzy just smiles at him. –It’s okay, Youngjae. I wasn’t expecting a text so quickly.- she comments calm, that sweet tone playing almost angelically in her voice.

-So quickly?- the boy wonders confused. -Is there a social contract where it is explicit a period of time to text a girl?- he asks curios but not less confused, tilting his head a little to the side as his eyes never left those cute ones.

And the small girl in front of him laughs softly sweet. -What are you saying, Youngjae?- she says amused, the smile in her adorable face getting wider.

-I-I’m sorry. I don’t know anything about these kind of things.- Youngjae apologizes, feeling the blush burning stronger in his plump cheeks.

Yet Suzy just keeps smiling at him, so sweet and bright that Youngjae thinks if angels exist they would be like this girl in front of him. –I told you, you can text me anytime. I’ll be glad to text you back.- she says soft, so soft that it could be mistook as a whisper; as she leans closer to him and kindly pushes his glasses up to his nose’s bridge.  

-Really…?- Youngjae says as soft as her. -Will you text me back is I ask you out?- he wonders, hearing a rare seductive tone ringing in his own voice as he sees how an adorable pink color blooms in Suzy's face.

-D-depends. Where would we go?- she asks, sounding so cutely nervous that a smirk can’t help but curve in the smart boy’s lips.

-Is that a yes?- Youngjae wonders with this new soft, seductive tone; slightly raising his eyebrow as they still are so close.

-Y-you didn’t ask me properly.- the girl comments, looking down and then up to him again with such a cute shy gaze.

So Youngjae’s smirks gets wider as well as Suzy’s blush gets redder. – Suzy, do you want to go out with me tonight?- he asks looking straight into those warm orbs, his alluring voice softer than ever.

And Suzy can’t do anything besides nodding slowly along with a cute, shy smile. –I’d love to…- she responds mildly, enjoying the sight of those tempting lips smirking in such a y way. –I have to come back with my friends now but why don’t you text me later so I can give you my address?- she says standing up as the brunette does too.

-Yes, of course. I’ll see you later.- the boy answers with a confidence he doesn’t have idea where it comes from; hands sliding in his pockets as that smirk is still curved in his mouth.

-Okay, see you soon!- Suzy says cutely, quickly kissing his cheek before turning around and walking back with his friends; leaving a perplex Youngjae  behind.

“She kissed me…” the boy thinks, feeling the warm sensation of those lips slowly being erase from his skin by the cool summer wind. “But it didn’t felt as nice as that boy’s kiss” he confesses in his mind, sighing softly as he walks back to where his friend must be waiting for him.

But after short, small steps there are four boys standing on his way; blocking the path. –Oh look, it’s the ‘gang’- the small boy comments not really surprised. –But wait. Is just four of you, where is the fat ? He couldn’t pass through the school’s doors with that massive of his?- he wonders mockingly, looking back to those boys.

-Jinyoung is preparing your surprise, little nerd.- Jaebum comments, that stupid smirk already playing on his lips. –But why don’t we talk about that little girlfriend you got?- he asks, so falsely nice.

-I don’t have a girlfriend.- Youngjae denies surely, wondering if these four saw when Suze kissed him.

-Don’t try to lie, nerd. We saw you talking with Suzy. You looked so intimate together.- Bambam, if he’s not mistaken, tells him with a suggestive tone.

-I doubt it, Bammie. He’s too dumb to be ing her.- Jackson comments disgustingly, making his other friend chuckle.

-Well, maybe she does other stuffs to him. Suzy looks like the typical shy girl who is wild in bed.- Jaebum adds as disgustingly as the shorter boy, even naughtiest.

-Ey! You don’t have any right to talk about Suzy, you don’t know her. She’s not like all those easy girls you slept with.- Youngjae says really angry, taking bold steps closer to his step-brother; but strangely the four of them step back.

-Awww, the little nerd is defending his ty girlfriend.- Jaebum mocks cruelly, laughing along with his friends.

-Don’t call her that!- Youngjae exclaims angrier, clenching his fits strongly as those quizzical laughs makes his blood boil. 

-How do you do her, nerd? Doggie style? I bet she like it rough, like all s. Does she you hard till you in her cute mouth too?- Jaebum wonders in a hideous mix between mockery and naughtiness; along with an evil spark shining in his dark eyes.

-Shut up! Don’t talk about her like that!- the small boy exclaims yet again, feeling angrier and angrier at every single poisonous word his step brother spits out; the laughers still echoing in his head in such a despicable way.

The tall black haired boy just smirks mischievous. –I’m so sure she is so dirty. Asking you to her anytime, anywhere, because she is such a little . She feels so good inside, doesn’t she? So hot, wet and tight… almost as great as , right?- he asks evilly, noting how huffy the small boy looks.

-I told you to shut up! Is not like that! Do you think I’m not going punch you?! Because I will!- Youngjae shouts furious, feeling his hot blood running fast in his systems as he takes strong steps closer to his step-brother.

-Cool down, nerd! What’s the matter?!- but there’s Jinyoung’s mocking voice sounding loud in his ears as well, while those laughs increase faster as he feels cold water running over his entire body… making him feel more furious.   

Youngjae quickly takes off the empty bucket Jinyoung had drop on his head, seeing those stupid boys laughing hard and high fiving between them like if they had won a battle; act that only made his anger reached unsuspected limits. His angry and loud steps echoes in his mind as the adrenalin runs fast in his veins, encouraging him to say what he have been keeping inside his chest all these past long years.

Without notice Youngjae approaches Jaebum, pushing him harshly until the tall boy falls down on the grass; hearing the laughs becoming a tense and surprised silence at that instant. The small brown haired boy sits over his step brother’s stomach, tugging his shirt’s collar as he bring their faces closer, seeing those wide brown eyes looking at him in shock as his angry gaze pierce them coldly.

-I hate you…- Youngjae hisses with all the disgust he has been gathering inside since the first time he met the other. –I ing hate you.- he pronounces each word slowly, with unimaginable hatred; seeing his own angry teardrops falling in Jaebum’s skin.

And just then Youngjae stood up, not wanting to hear a single word more from that boy or wanting to see him again. He walks away without looking back, ignoring all the people who looks at him with clear surprise reflected on their faces; ignoring even his best friend who keep calling his name. But Youngjae doesn’t want to be with anyone, he doesn’t want to talk with anyone. The anger which burns his body right now is so intense, so strong that he could make a big mistake if someone dares to get in his way. And the last thing he needs right now is deal with another mistake.

Jaebum on the other hand stans up slowly, looking around at his friends and the other people in the backyard. Everyone has their eyes set on him; even Yugyeom from afar is staring at him in such a harsh away. He just sighs deeply, looking down at his feet as Youngjae’s cold words play again and again in his mind, breaking his heart increasingly painful. Piece by piece tearing it apart like the broken glass of some forgotten old window… like it was nothing. Like if he was nothing. Like if his feelings were nothing.

-I told you it wasn’t a good idea, Jaebum. This didn’t turn out well…- Jinyoung’s worry but soft voice rings distant in his head, while his mind goes back to the first day he saw the small boy, making the last pieces of his destroyed heart ache sorely.

Jaebum sighs heavily, as the answer lefts his mouth dully; showing in his dark orbs, which only could look down, how big is the damaged of the sadness those words have made in his soul.

-Nothing has turned out well since the very first time, Jinyoung…-