t/w - implied abuse, mentioned murder, mention of death, cursing

 

I sat up instantly, breaths coming out short and eyes widening. The dream I just had was way too realistic, but I could hear the girls bustling around the small house and I felt myself calming down. Jieqiong wasn’t next to me on the couch, probably off talking to the girls who were already awake.

 

A groan left my lips as I rubbed my face; it wasn’t the first time I had a nightmare. I stood and began walking down the hall.

 

“Morning, leader,” Sejeong’s voice came out bright and teasing as I poked my head into her room. Jieqiong, Mina, and Sohye were also in the room.

 

I gave them a tired smile before I went to check on the other girls. Doyeon, Yoojung, and Yeonjung were in the other room. When I got to the last room, I only saw Chaeyeon and Heehyun. Chaeyeon was tending to Heehyun’s leg.

 

“Hey,” I greeted. “Do you feel better?”

 

“It still hurts,” Heehyun answered. “Thanks for letting me stay.”

 

“Yeah,” I nodded, catching Chaeyeon’s eyes. I gently closed the door and walked back down the hall, entering the kitchen where I saw Somi sitting on the counter and Chungha shifting through a couple duffel bags.

 

“Rationing?” I asked.

 

Chungha hummed.

 

Somi grinned, “I’m helping.”

 

“Bull,” Chungha scoffed, stacking a few cans as Somi laughed. She pointed to them. “Those are expired.”

 

“We’ll toss them,” I replied, a bit unsettled about the amount of expired food we had. Sooner or later we’ll have to start hunting. We can’t live off of canned foods for the rest of our lives.

 

Somi cleared , interrupting my worrying, “So, Nayoung,”

 

I raised an eyebrow.

 

“Is Heehyun going to stay with us?”

 

Chungha stopped moving through the duffel bag to look at Somi before looking at me. Her eyes were expectant.

 

“That’s more of a group decision.” I said. “Would you mind? If she stayed?” I questioned warily, knowing that Heehyun seemed to have taken a particular liking to Chaeyeon.

 

The young girl didn’t answer me though. She averted my eyes and swung her legs back and forth. I took that as my cue to exit and go back to the living room. Plopping back onto the couch, I reached for my journal and pulled to the next clean page.

 

There wasn’t a lot to do now considering we were all just resting up and staying in the house. We needed a game plan, which is one thing we didn’t have. What exactly was a gameplan to have in such a world? Hell, wouldn’t it just be to survive?

 

I huffed, staring down at the blank page. What a great leader I was, having no clue what to do with ten (eleven, if the girls want Heehyun to join us) other girls under my care.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” A voice drawled out. I looked up to see Heehyun limping towards the couch.

 

I scooted over so she could sit next to me.

 

“I don’t know what to do now.” I admitted.

 

Heehyun gave a little chuckle, “Who does?” She retorted playfully, hissing as she outstretched her leg.

 

“What was your plan?” I asked curiously.

 

Heehyun shrugged. “To not bleed out in an attic.”

 

“I’m serious.”

 

“Nayoung, I am serious,” Heehyun said, a more hardened look in her eyes but the smile still on her face. “In this world we are in, the best plan to have is to not die.”

 

She wasn’t being helpful at all. I closed the journal and tossed it aside, leaning back.

 

“I mean, what was your plan before this house?” Heehyun asked.

 

“We wanted to move,” I answered. “Stuff happened and bad people knew where we lived. We needed to get as far away from them as possible.”

 

“Not to be such a Debby Downer, but you escaped one hell just to enter another,” Heehyun knocked her knee against mine. “You’re in my ex-gang’s territory, you know?”

 

“Oh, joy.” I grumbled.

 

“They don’t usually go out into the streets.” Heehyun said, as if that were some sort of comfort.

 

“And how much of this is their territory?”

 

“A large portion of it.” Heehyun answered me. “You’d be safer in the woods.”

 

“We just came from the woods.” I frowned. Should we backtrack? Or do we risk going further into enemy territory?

 

“It’ll be hard to get past them. Did you go through that place that looked like some town in a cowboy film?” Heehyun asked this with a small snort. “The dude that lives there is ing crazy.”

 

My eyes flickered down to my fists, suddenly reminded that I had beaten ‘that dude’ to death.

 

“Yeah, we went through there.”

 

“You beat him up didn’t you?” Heehyun kinked an eyebrow upwards. I snapped my gaze back up to her and she must’ve seen the surprise on my face because she grinned. “I’ve learned to become aware of people’s actions. You looked down at your knuckles when I mentioned him, gave me a hint that you punched the outta him.”

 

“I killed him.” I mumbled.

 

“With your bare hands?” Heehyun’s jaw dropped.

 

“Yes.”

 

“That’s pretty badass.” She stated, though I didn’t feel badass at all. “What about your arm? What happened there?”

 

I gingerly placed my hand over the bandages. “I fell.”

 

Heehyun laughed. “So much for badass.”

 

I couldn’t help but laugh as well, shaking my head and trying to ignore the throb at my heart.

 

“You’ve seen the guy before?” I questioned, “The guy who walks the zombies?”

 

“Multiple times. He’s always been too scared of us to do anything though.” Heehyun then shifted. “I have to pee.”

 

I tapped her knee and stood up. “I’ll go with you to the backyard. We have a buddy system going on with bathroom breaks.”

 

-

 

Heehyun had an arm slung around my shoulders as we walked back into the house, hopping instead of walking. We made it to the couch and I carefully helped her sit.

 

“Nayoung,” Sejeong’s voice called from the kitchen. “Help me pass out the food.”

 

I spun on my heel and walked into the kitchen, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion when I saw that Sejeong wasn’t preparing the rations. The girl tilted her head.

 

“Are we going to let her in the group?”

 

Oh.

 

“I don’t know.” I answered truthfully. “That’s not something one person has to decide.”

 

“Well, what would you vote for?” Sejeong asked me. I bit my lip for a moment.

 

“I’d vote for yes.” I replied, leaning my right shoulder on the fridge and crossing my arms. “She knows how to survive; she knows how to stitch up cuts and fight zombies. We need more people who are able to do such things. Why? Would you not?”

 

“I’m not too keen on trusting strangers.” Sejeong replied, stepping closer as she lowered her voice, eyes glancing towards the living room. “I mean, yeah, she can be an aid to us - but who’s to say she won’t just turn her back on us at anytime and call her gang members on us?”

 

“I don’t think she’d do that.” I shook my head. “But we don’t have to think about that right now. What we need to think about is what’s our next step.”

 

“We? As in you and me?” Sejeong widened her eyes.

 

I blushed, knowing exactly what she was implying. “No. I mean we as in the group.” My words were shaky. I cleared my throat and averted my eyes to calm myself down. “Heehyun told me we’re in the gang’s territory.”

 

“That’s nice to know.”

 

My eyes went back to focusing on Sejeong. “I don’t know whether to continue going in the direction we were going or to backtrack to the forest.”

 

“Well, ,” Sejeong cursed. “Do you think we could make it through the gang without losing anybody? Or is it safer to just… go back?”

 

“I don’t know.” I frowned, upset at myself for not knowing the answer as my hands fell to my sides, arms uncrossing.

 

“Give it a couple more days of thinking,” Sejeong suggested, taking hold of my hand and squeezing gently. “Somi’s ankle is starting to feel better. Make the choice when it isn’t bothering her anymore.”

 

“Okay.” I nodded numbly. Sejeong smiled before stepping back and pulling out a water bottle and some type of dried food in a bag.

 

“Share with Heehyun.” She pushed the items towards me. I gave her a grateful smile and walked out, nearly colliding with Yoojung who yelped. Doyeon, who was right behind her, steadied her friend with a giggle.

 

“Sorry.” I apologized, appreciating the fact that Doyeon let out a laugh at this. After everything the girl had been through, she deserved to laugh.

 

I slipped past the two of them and joined Heehyun on the couch. She was pulling at a loose thread on the couch.

 

“Having fun?” I asked, handing her the water bottle and bag of food.

 

“Of course.” Heehyun answered breezily, taking the items from me and shooting me a smile. “You two do really do not know how to have a secret conversation.”

 

“You heard us, huh?” I settled into the spot next to her, watching Heehyun sip from the bottle before handing it to me. She spoke after I took a small gulp of the water myself.

 

“Yep.” She nodded. “Thanks for voting yes.”

 

“No problem.”

 

“I’d stay if the rest of the girls vote yes.” Heehyun said, fiddling with the corner of the bag. “I don’t mind being alone, either. So, it’s a win-win.”

 

“There’s no such thing as a win in this world.” I replied with a sneer.

 

“You got a point there,” Heehyun nodded. “What I mean, I guess, is no hard feelings - about either choice.”

 

I gave a blank nod, releasing a small sigh. Heehyun’s head laid back against the couch, her eyes settling on the ceiling.

 

“Did I ever tell you where I was when the world went to ?”

 

“No,” I shook my head, my own eyes settled on my worn-out sneakers. “We haven’t had much time to talk.”

 

Heehyun gave a little laugh. “I was on my way to jail,” she said.

 

My eyes snapped up to look at Heehyun. “You were what?”

 

“I killed my father,” she closed her eyes. It was silent for a minute before I spoke.

 

“... Why?”

 

My question caused her to open her eyes, eyes focused on me in surprise. “What?”

 

“Why did you kill him?” I asked her. “It… It wasn’t just cold-blooded murder, was it?”

 

“I… I....” Heehyun stammered. The smooth-talking girl I had seen moments earlier was no longer seen. “No one’s ever asked me why.”

 

“I’m asking you,” I offered a small smile, noticing the glossy tears that welled over her eyes.

 

“God,” Heehyun leaned forward and wiped at her eyes, rubbing her face as she did so. “It’s just… . I’ve missed being near another human being with actual emotions.”

 

I let out a breath that was between a sigh and a small chuckle. I placed a hand on her knee and patted it.

 

Heehyun sniffled. “Long story short, he had done things to me. I had enough. And then when my mom called the cops…”

 

“Hey,” I called out gently. “It was justified. Your dad sounds like an .”

 

Heehyun laughed and nodded, wiping the remainder of her tears. “Yeah, yeah, he was.”

 

“Nayoung,” a soft voice came from behind me. I turned and saw Sohye standing awkwardly in the hallway. “Can I talk to you?”

 

I glanced at Heehyun, who just nodded and waved me off with a playful eyeroll. I stood from the couch and walked towards Sohye, who was fiddling with her hands.

 

“What’s the matter?” I asked carefully, noticing how Sohye was struggling to look me in the eye. She tugged on my wrist and pulled me towards the bathroom. My heart started racing as she seemed to get more and more nervous, even to the point of shaking. She locked the door behind us.

 

“Sohye, look at me,” I lowered myself to try to get her to look me in the eyes. “Sohye.”

 

Her lips began to tremble. “I wasn’t going to tell anybody because that’s… because nothing happened.”

 

“Sohye.” My voice got sterner. “Tell me what happened.”

 

“I was bit a long time ago. During the search for Doyeon.”

 

“You…” I took a step back and placed a hand on my forehead in disbelief. “Sohye, you were bit and you didn’t think of telling us?” I hissed.

 

“I would’ve turned, wouldn’t I?” Sohye whispered back at me, tears flowing down her cheeks.

 

“Show me.” I gritted my teeth.

 

Sohye reached down and lifted her shirt just a bit, enough for me to see a bite mark on her hip.

 

“,” I cursed. “Sohye, this is dangerous. You are dangerous.”

 

“Please,” Sohye’s eyes widened and she grabbed onto the sides of my shirt. Her knuckles turned white with how hard she was holding on to me. “You know I should’ve turned by now. You know it.”

 

It was true. From what I knew, people turned within hours. If what Sohye was telling me was true, and she did get bit a long time ago, she would’ve turned.

 

“Why are you telling me now?” I asked cautiously.

 

“Because I’m scared. More than ever.” Sohye whispered, fingertips digging into my sides. “I’m scared I’m going to turn soon and that I’ll bite someone.”

 

“So, what? You want me to kill you?” I scoffed but froze when Sohye nodded. I pulled back. “No.” I shook my head.

 

“Nayoung, please.” She made a reach for my gun but I smacked her hand away.

 

“I’m not going to shoot you.”

 

“You don’t have any other choice!” Sohye lost her cool, raising her voice. My back knocked into the bathroom door and I stared at the smaller girl in front of me who was losing her control. Her face was red and her cheeks were stained with tears.

 

I felt the vibration of a knock on the door on my back.

 

“Is everything okay in there?” It was Chungha.

 

“No.” I called back, staring at Sohye who began to fall to the floor and curl herself into a ball, sobs coming from . I reached behind my shakily and unlocked the door, opening it but not taking my eyes off of Sohye’s shaking body. I kneeled down and grasped her shoulders, forcing her to look at me. “You’ve been fine for this long, Sohye.” I whispered, fully aware that there was an audience behind me. “You might be immune.”

 

“She was bit?” Yeonjung’s voice brought on the tension that was hiding moments ago. It was in full force now. “You’re kidding me.”

 

“It’s an old bite.” I tried to calm her down, tried to calm everybody down. “She would’ve turned by now.”

 

“So what?” Yeonjung pushed forward, standing next to my crouched body. “So we wait until she turns? , Nayoung! She’s a ticking time bomb!”

 

“Lower your voice,” I warned the girl, glaring up at her as Sohye’s cries subsided. I got up and stared at Yeonjung in the eyes. “She hasn’t turned yet. Who’s to say it’ll even happen?”

 

“Still,” Yeonjung pressed. “Keeping this from us? She could’ve turned and then turned all of us.”

 

I saw her eyes flicker down to the gun in my jeans and pushed her back as she made a lunge for it.

 

“We are not doing this,” I said through my teeth, knocking her back as Yeonjung took heavy breaths. “We are not killing her.”

 

“You’re ing crazy,” Yeonjung growled, narrowing her eyes. “Keeping her alive with a bite puts all of us in danger and you know it.”

 

I felt a bead of sweat roll down the back of my neck and I pushed through the girls crowded by the bathroom door and walked down the hall. It was too stuffy in the bathroom. I leaned back against the wall and stared at Sohye, who was still on the ground.

 

Mina stepped forward. “Show it to us,” she beckoned to her friend quietly, helping her stand up. “The bite. Show us.”

 

Heehyun limped down the hall to where all the chaos was. She shot me a worried look and I just shook my head.

 

When Sohye lifted her shirt, multiple gasps rang out. Sejeong put a hand over .

 

“So she’s immune,” Somi gulped. “Is that a bad thing?”

 

“We don’t know if she’s immune or not,” Yeonjung replied. “She could just be a little slower in turning than everybody else.”

 

“You’re really pessimistic, you know that?” Somi grumbled, which only riled Yeonjung up some more. Her eyes flared with anger.

 

“I’m sorry but in the world we live in, it’s kind of hard to wish for miracles,” she took a few steps towards Somi but Chungha stuck her hand out, giving her a warning look. Yeonjung let out a breath of disbelief and focused her attention on me. “So, leader,” her voice was mocking. “What are we gonna do?”

 

“She’s going to kill me,” Sohye spoke up, gently pushing away from Mina and walking towards me. “It’s my body, my mind, it’s my decision on what to do.”

 

She made another reach for my revolver and I grabbed her wrist.

 

“I’m not going to.”

 

“Then I’ll do it myself,” Sohye whispered. “I know that it’s dangerous for me to be around you all. Please.”

 

“You can’t,” Mina intervened, stepping in front of Sohye. “You’re still alive. That has to count for something!”

 

Sohye let out a shaky breath and opened to speak, but Heehyun was quicker.

 

“Then you all should just take turns keeping watch on her,” she said. Everyone looked at her in surprise at her suggestion. Heehyun shrugged. “If she turns, kill her. If she doesn’t… then don’t.”

 

I could tell Yeonjung was about to say something so I cut her off.

 

“Okay. Good plan,” I nodded. “We take turns.”

 

“Another waste of time and energy,” Yeonjung scoffed and tried to push past me. I grabbed her wrist and nudged her back so she could look at me in the eyes.

 

“What the hell is the matter with you?” I questioned. “This is Sohye we’re talking about. Not some stranger - not some monster.”

 

“Tell that to me when you’re trying to stop her from biting a chunk of your face off,” Yeonjung sneered, bumping her shoulder with mine.

 

“I’ll take first shift, then,” Mina said quietly, taking Sohye’s trembling hand in her own and going to their room. Heehyun hopped to my side and placed a hand on my shoulder (half for comforting me and half to keep herself steady).

 

She gave me a small smile that was difficult for me to return. When she noticed my hesitation, her grip on me tightened. “It’s a tough call. Don’t blame yourself.”

 

“Shouldn’t I have known, though?” I whispered back quickly. “If I had been paying attention to her, maybe I could’ve…”

 

“None of this is your fault,” Heehyun shook me gently. “The world going to ? Not your fault.”

 

I gulped down the lump in my throat, clenching my fists. “You should be resting.”

 

Heehyun squeezed my shoulder and nodded. “Aye-aye, Captain.”

 

She hopped off towards the living room and I was left with seven other girls all staring at me.

 

“She’s right,” Somi spoke up quietly. It was obvious that the rest of us were surprised. Somi agreeing with Heehyun? What? “It’s not your fault and you shouldn’t act like it is. It’s not healthy for someone to be carrying all the burden. We’re a group for a reason.”

 

“Did any of you know about the bite?” I asked gently, all the energy having left my body. The girls all shook their heads and I sighed. This was just another problem on top of every other damn problem we had.

 

-

 

Heehyun was fast asleep on the couch and I sat on the other chair, my feet kicked up onto the shattered coffee table in front of me. I saw a shadow move from the corner of my eye and was about to reach for my revolver when I noticed it was just Doyeon. I breathed out gently.

 

She smiled and sat down on the arm of the chair.

 

“I got my period,” she whispered. I raised an eyebrow and she smiled. “I’m not pregnant.”

 

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing seemed to be able to come out. Doyeon’s hand found its way to mine and she squeezed.

 

“Thank you for getting me when you did,” her voice was sincere and riddled with tiredness. I nodded and covered her hand with my other, encasing it in both of my hands.

 

“I’m just sorry that they had gotten you in the first place,” I replied shakily.

 

“If it wasn’t me then it’d just have been another one of us,” Doyeon reasoned. “I’m okay.”

 

“Are you really, though?” I asked her, looking up at her with my eyes. Whatever had been done to Doyeon, she wouldn’t tell any of us. “Doyeon, we’re here if you want to talk.”

 

“I’d rather not,” she shook her head. I nodded in defeat, not wanting to force her to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with.

 

“We’re here.”

 

“I know that. Thank you.”

 

-

 

It didn’t take long for the two girls to warm up to Chaeyeon and Somi. Chaeyeon was glad that they had found the group, even if it did mean she that she drifted away from Somi. Hell, she had already been doing so - but at least now Somi wouldn’t be alone.

 

The days passed quickly seeing as they were always moving. Somi had gained back a bounce in her step, always joking along with Sejeong or Mina, usually teasing Nayoung for something. It was a nice addition to the group, they all admitted. Somi brought a youthful energy that they all needed in a world like that.

 

Chaeyeon kept quiet, though. She stayed behind Somi during the walks, with Jieqiong. The girl never tried talking to her but Chaeyeon knew she was itching to. It was one day when they were passing by an old playground that Chaeyeon sighed.

 

“Ask me,” she said. Jieqiong looked at her, confused.

 

“What?”

 

“Ask me what happened between me and Somi,” Chaeyeon murmured, kicking a pebble. Jieqiong let out a small laugh.

 

“It’s none of my business,” she shook her head. “But I’m all ears if you need someone to talk to.”

 

For the first time in a while, Chaeyeon smiled a genuine smile. “Thank you.”

 

“It’s no problem at all,” Jieqiong grinned.

 

They travelled for several weeks, always finding some sort of shelter to settle down in for the night before going back on foot the next dawn. It was a routine that they all got used to. There was the occasional need to kill a couple of walkers, but it was lucky for them that they’d never run into a whole horde yet.

 

It was usually Nayoung who did the killing - and Sejeong if she needed help - but it was usually just Nayoung. She was the one with the big knife, so it made sense.

 

One night as they were all squished up in an old treehouse, Chaeyeon shifted. She carefully took hold of Jieqiong’s head that was resting on her shoulder and laid her down on the floor so she could get up. She crawled towards the small window of the treehouse and stared outside.

 

She could see the three zombies they had to kill on the grass down below, their blood shining with the bright moonlight. She rested her chin on the windowsill and sighed.

 

“Can’t sleep?” a voice whispered out into the silence. Chaeyeon nodded, knowing Somi’s voice by heart, even if it was groggy with sleepiness. Nobody said anything after that and Chaeyeon accepted it. She had to accept a lot of things with Somi, even if she didn’t want to.

 

-

 

“This place?” Jieqiong hissed quietly in defiance as the group walked towards a small building that had all its windows boarded up. “That place could be crawling with them.”

 

“There’s not much other choice, Jieqiong,” Nayoung grumbled, gripping tightly onto her knife. “I’ll check if it’s safe first.”

 

“If you can even get in,” Sejeong mumbled, walking up to the windows and attempting to push the board out. Nayoung walked to the front door and jiggled the knob. Of course, it didn’t open.

 

She gritted her teeth as she pushed against the door with her shoulder, bumping into it roughly only enough to shake it but not enough to open it. Sejeong rushed forward and helped Nayoung with the door.

 

Chaeyeon stood back with the flashlight in her hands, shining it over the glass on the sidewalk and the blood that stained them. The others looked around warily in case any infected were to hear them.

 

When the door finally opened, it splintered and Nayoung’s shoulder was throbbing with pain. Chaeyeon handed her the flashlight and they each walked in warily. What they weren’t expecting was a very malnourished girl sitting in the far corner of the room, shaking in terror.

 

“Hey,” Somi stepped forward but Chaeyeon was quick to grab her wrist. Somi shot Chaeyeon a ‘what the hell?’ look before tugging her hand back. “We’re not here to hurt you. Are you bit?”

 

“I’m not bit,” the girl whispered, standing. “It took me a long time to get those boards up, you know?”

 

Sejeong smiled. “Sorry.”

 

Mina closed the door behind them and Nayoung stared at the girl.

 

“What’s your name?” She asked.

 

The girl tilted her head. “Kim Chungha.”