Jihoon huffed out a breath of frustration as he smashed his hands onto the keyboard, producing an incoherent string of letters and symbols onto the screen. How many times? Just how many times would he have to try and try again in order to write some decent lyrics?

 

He exited the tab on his laptop and then leaned back onto his chair, closing his eyes. He just wanted to lie down and do nothing. He just lacked the motivation to do anything, whether it be produce music, or even listen to music. If only he could forget the world for a day. One whole day of doing and thinking absolutely nothing. Would that give him the peace of mind he needed?

 

There was a knock on the door. Jihoon sighed before he sat straight up. Why must there always be something to do?

 

The door cracked open, and Jihoon recognized Soonyoung’s blond hair before his face.

 

“How’s it going?”

 

“It’s not.”

 

“Do you need help?”

 

Jihoon hesitated. It wasn’t like he didn’t want help, but… he was a perfectionist. As tiring as it was for him to do everything on his own, he had to. Of course he trusted the other members, but he couldn’t be sure that things would be as well done as if he did them alone. He welcomed criticism and input, but he could only be fully satisfied with his own work.

 

This also made it so that all responsibility fell on him. If a song does well, it’s great. His creation and the members’ execution would be what drove the song to success. When it fails, then really, the failure would be on Jihoon’s shoulders, and his alone. He was strong enough to take the burden. There was no need to share it.

 

“I’m fine. Thanks for the offer.”

 

“Ah… do you want to take a break?”

 

Yes. I want to take a break from this. I want to take a break from life… But neither is a good a idea.

 

“I’ll survive.”

 

Soonyoung opened the door wider to let himself in. He walked to Jihoon and leaned over, supporting himself by placing his hands on his knees. He studied Jihoon’s face carefully, even after the young producer looked away.

 

“No, you need a break. Come with me, we’re talking a walk.”

 

Soonyoung grabbed Jihoon’s wrist before he could react and pulled him out of the cluttered room, out of the dorm, and out of the building. Jihoon let himself be pulled along, having no will to resist. It was only after they had walked a mile in silence that he wondered if they were walking just to walk, or if there was a destination they were headed to.

 

“Soonyoung?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

Jihoon was still behind the blond, still being led by the wrist.

 

“Don’t you think we’re wandering a bit too far from the dorm?”

 

“What’s the harm of that? As long as we make it back eventually.”

 

“Eventually… I don’t know if I like the sound of that…”

 

“Relax, Jihoon, We’ll go back after I show you something.”

 

“Fine, just… you can let of me now.”

 

“Oh, sorry, I forgot.”

 

Soonyoung immediately released his grip, and Jihoon rubbed this wrist. It didn’t actually hurt, but it felt strange that it was free after Soonyoung held onto it for so long.

 

After Jihoon assured Soonyoung that his wrist didn’t hurt, the blond continued to lead the way. Jihoon followed, but whether it was because his shorter legs were less efficient, or because he was losing motivation to walk, the distance between them started to increase. Jihoon suddenly felt it again. The lack of desire to do anything. He paused, but Soonyoung kept walking. The farther he got, the less Jihoon wanted to catch up.

 

Jihoon squatted and wrapped his hands around his legs. He buried his face in his knees, suddenly wanting to cry. There was no reason for his sudden sadness. It just came and hit him. He just felt sad and worthless. He felt bad that Soonyoung even tried putting up with him. He felt bad that he couldn’t be a better producer for s. He felt bad that he could never do anything right. He wondered if he could ever be good enough for anything.

 

“Jihoon?”

 

Jihoon looked up at the owner of the soft voice that called for him. Soonyoung was squatting beside him, showing an expression of worry. He started gently running his hand up and down Jihoon’s back.

 

“I’m so sorry I made you come out here. Are you okay? Does your stomach hurt? What’s wrong?”

 

That was the question Jihoon hated the most. It was the question that made him weak, no matter what. It was like a trigger of some sort. His vision blurred as hot tears filled his eyes. He put his head down to his knees again, and Soonyoung wrapped his arms around the boy and rocked him back and forth.

 

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m sorry, it’s all my fault. Don’t cry.”

 

Soonyoung continued to comfort him, and when he ran out of words, he began singing the vocal team’s song, 20. Jihoon listened, finding Soonyoung’s voice very calming. When the last verse was finished, Jihoon looked up.

 

“Do you want to go back?”

 

“Not right now.”

 

“What do you want to do, then?”

 

“Can we sit here for a bit?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

The two found a ledge to sit on. Jihoon uncharacteristically leaned on Soonyoung, but the blond didn’t question it. They watched the cars pass by. There was nothing else to watch, anyways.

 

“Soonyoung?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Where did you want to take me?”

 

“Oh… I don’t know if it’s an appropriate time to tell you.’
 

“What does that mean? Why wouldn’t it be appropriate?”

 

“Because it’s stupid.”

 

“Why would it be stupid?”

 

“... Here, why don’t you have some chocolate?”

 

Soonyoung pulled out a chocolate in a wrapper from his pocket and handed it to Jihoon.

 

“Why are you avoiding the question?”

 

He accepted the chocolate and ripped open the wrapper without looking at it. He brought the chocolate to his mouth and bit it, finding that it had a wafer inside.

 

A Kit-kat? But it doesn’t taste like a Kit-kat

 

Jihoon looked at the chocolate and pulled the wrapper to see what it looked like. It was a Kit-kat. Only, it was pancake flavored.

 

“Pancake… Kit-kat? Do they sell those?”

 

“Yeah, they opened a Kit-kat store in Korea! There’s so many flavors! They have pudding, and strawberry cheesecake, and sweet potato, and butter, and so much more!”

 

“Is it near here?”

 

“Yeah! It was where I was taking you-”

 

Soonyoung clasped a hand over his mouth as if he revealed something he wasn’t supposed to.

 

“That’s where you were taking me? Why would that be stupid?”

 

“Uh… never mind. It’s nothing. Chocolate is supposed to make you feel better, that’s why.”

 

“Wait a second… Kit-kats… Don’t tell me…”

 

“No, Jihoon, don’t say it out loud, it’s stupid.”

 

“Kwon Soonyoung… you…”

 

“I told you! Please don’t say it out loud?”

 

“You told me I needed a break and so you were going to take me to a Kit-kat store? ‘Have a break, have a Kit-kat?'”

 

“Oh my god, it sounds so much worse when you say it out loud.”

 

Jihoon facepalmed.

 

“What do I even see in you?”

 

“What?”

 

“Oh, nothing. Here, have some chocolate.”

 

Jihoon shoved the rest of the pancake-flavored Kit-kat into Soonyoung’s mouth before hopping off the ledge and walking in the direction of the dorm.

 

Soonyoung followed Jihoon and frantically ate the chocolate so that he could speak.

 

“Wait, Jihoon! What did you say?”

 

Jihoon shrugged.

 

“I didn’t say anything. You must be hearing things.”

 

“Jihoon~”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Soonyoung paused in confusion.

 

“For what?”

 

For making me feel better.

 

“For the chocolate, stupid.”