Black.

 

It's the insufferable silence swallowing her whole.

 

The aching throb pulsates throughout her numb body. She lets the tiredness swooping above her eyelids shut them down, dropping like heavy weights. Nothing more than a year long nap was what she was looking for.

 

Heehyun collectively scoops Dani into her arms, nodding her head every so often before dozing off. A movement of some sort picks up in her ears and she's helplessly awake again. She feels Chaeyeon press against her back, turning her head slightly to pass a whisper.

 

“You can sleep if you want to.” Her voice is soft, soothing, and it’s those simple words Heehyun was certainly looking for.

 

She shifts herself to lean comfortably on Chaeyeon, releasing a long dragging sigh after. “If only I didn't have to worry about going to Hell.”

 

Chaeyeon nods. “If only.”

 

“But say,” Heehyun groggily speaks, “isn't there another way for me to not end up in the Devil’s home? Y’know another opportunity?”

 

“I...I don't think so. The only way is gain one hundred tickets.”

 

“Then what about Dani? What happens when I leave?”

 

Her head tilts to the side, lips pursing to a straight line. “Seems like she has time, since her reaper hasn’t taken her yet.”

 

“.”

 

“I told you, I don't make the rules here.”

 

A frown settles on Heehyun's lips. “You know what? I don't care.” She huffs out a frustrated sigh, shifting Dani gently in her arms.

 

Quiet giggles leave her parting lips. “For someone who says they don't care, sure does care a lot.”

 

Her eyes avert to ground, strangling to keep her tired composure. “Yeah, whatever.”

 

“Don't worry,” Chaeyeon assures.

 

There’s a period where Heehyun sits quiet, narrowing her eyes when she looks over her shoulder. “If I really fall asleep, then I’m counting on you.” Heehyun yawns, stretching out her free arm as she cradles Dani with the other. “You promise to wake me up if anything happens.”

 

Still behind her, Chaeyeon slashes a finger across her chest, indicating a promise. “No problem.”

 

A long sigh huffs out when Heehyun accepts Chaeyeon’s promise. It's a sign of trust she gains from the other, simply reassured the next time she’s awake, Chaeyeon would be by her side as Dani would be in her arms. And for the longest time Heehyun felt a sense of comfort, a pleasing atmosphere to loosen her tense shoulders. Even if it was only for a temporary time, making the moment last was much more important.

 

She hears Chaeyeon hum a gentle tune and doesn’t notice herself drifting.  

 

vi

 

White noise escapes somewhere from the background, managing to startle her awake.

 

Heehyun wakes up with her back fallen to the ground, eyes open up to the airy dull sky. Groans pass her tongue bitterly as her fingers run behind to the nape of her neck, pressing down on a cramp. When did she fall asleep in the first place? Hastily, heehyun gets up, cowering when she feels a harsh jab jolting in her side. A hiss also leaves and she grits  her teeth immediately at the pain. Quickly, she soothes her side with a rub of her hands against it. Unaware of what happened before she fell asleep, she realizes in an arising panic that Dani was no longer in her arms and Chaeyeon was no longer leaning on her back. In a frantic motion, Heehyun turns around, propping up on her feet. She finds the two, a few inches away, fumbling with whatever was between them. Well, it was mostly Dani who was fiddling around with the device in her hands as Chaeyeon watched, quite lonesome. A loud sigh of relief brushes past her lips.

 

It was Dani who notices her first, jumping to her feet to hop into Heehyun’s arms. Slightly caught off guard, Heehyun tips a little back, struggling to lift Dani up. The latter’s face buries deeper into Heehyun’s shoulder as her arms hang around her neck. Peering over Dani’s shoulder, she could see Chaeyeon chuckling a bit, a slight awkward tender grin forming.

 

“She thought I killed you.”

 

She raises her brows and takes at the girl clung on her. “Did you really think that Dani?” The child nods, earning a comforting pat on the back.

 

“She wouldn’t believe me,” Chaeyeon complains. “I kept telling her you’d wake up soon, but then she herself came to the conclusion that I killed you when you’re already dead.” Heehyun starts laughing. “And then I started playing along with the joke until she started crying uncontrollably. So I had to give her my stupid device to keep her distracted.”

 

“She’s just as kid,” Heehyun grins, amused with the situation. “You have to be careful with your words and their emotions.”

 

“As if someone who’s spent their whole life in the afterlife knows how to take care of a child.”

 

opens to reply before Dani leans closer to Heehyun’s ear to whisper. It’s short and quick as Dani pulls back with a grin while Heehyun breathes out a chuckle.

 

“What did she say?” Chaeyeon asks.

 

The two give each other looks before directioning their sight back to Chaeyeon. Heehyun lifts a finger to her lips and Dani copies. “It's a secret.”

 

For once, Chaeyeon huffs out with a roll of her eyes. “You guys .”

 

vi

 

“You’re not going to leave, are you?”

 

“What?” Heehyun sits stunned at the question. “Where did you get that from?”

 

“I heard you and Chaeyeon talking,” Dani shamelessly admits. Her voice drowns in sorrow, dipped in a sense of helplessness. “She said you had go soon.”

 

“Well, Dani…” A hand comes to assuringly to pat her head in comfort. Her nth sigh stretches long and heavy, trailing a quiet apology. “People all eventually have to leave someday. Partings, departures, farewells, goodbyes. It’s something you can’t really avoid.”

 

“But–but you don't always have to. You don't have to leave. You could stay here with me and even Chaeyeon. We could be here, together,” she rambles on, arms thrown up in the air in exaggeration. “Or is it because you’re not happy being here with us?”

 

Seeing tears bring along the other’s eyes, Heehyun instantly answers. “No, no, no. That's not it. It's not because I'm not happy being around you guys...it's just that–” She lifts up her arm to tap the ticket on her wrist. “–I have a place that I belong to.”

 

A frown deepens on Dani’s face. “Where's that?”

 

Trying not to fully reveal the concept of Hell to a child, Heehyun wraps around all the ideas in her head to construct a positive phrase. “I guess you could say it's my new home.”

 

“New home?” Dani glances down at her own ticket. “Then do I get to go with you? I have the same colored ticket as you.”

 

She bites down on her bottom lip before speaking. “Not yet. I'm only going because my reaper, Chaeyeon, says the train to take me there is coming soon.”

 

“A train? What's a train?” Dani asks, suddenly  immersed.

 

Inside, Heehyun thanks herself for diverging the topic to a better one but slightly regretful as she has to explain of all things, what a train was.

 

“Okay, a train is…” Heehyun pulls out the closed pocket knife that was sitting in the pocket of her jacket. She fumbles is open, poking it into the dirt ground to draw out a poorly drawn train. The she starts explaining in short, easily comprehensible words and phrases.

 

She spends the rest of the time teaching Dani all simplest things if she were ever to be alive again.

 

“And guess what,” Heehyun smiles.

 

The girls’s head lifts up in curiosity. “What.”

 

“The more tickets you have, the bigger your house will be.” She waves her arms in air, emphasizing the size of it.

 

“Really?” Dani perks up with enthusiasm.

 

“Really.”

 

Maybe she shouldn't have been spreading lies, but it could be taken in consideration that it was at least partially true. Earth, was technically home. And the more tickets Dani were to gather, the more closer she was to reincarnate there. It's unbelievable when Heehyun’s nearly risking for a child, worried about her future. Maybe it's because of the nostalgia that radiates off her. The crown of young innocence floating above and the naïve, gullible trait. It reminds too much of herself when she young, living such sugar coated daydreams.

 

vi

 

The arrival of the train had come sooner than expected.

 

She makes it to the stop with her hand enclasped over Dani’s as Chaeyeon’s on the other side of Dani. She lets the little girl secure her hand around her finger, effortlessly hanging on. Heehyun rips her gaze away from them, staring right back up at the swarm of the dead, bustling as they wait for the train.

 

To Heaven.

 

To Hell.

 

The collar of her shirt feels as if it's choking her, running dry. An unsettling sensation swirls at the pit of her stomach, suddenly blowing second thoughts. She could run, but where would she go?

 

Before getting on line, she’s given Chaeyeon a tight hug and another to Dani. A bidding salute of a goodbye mutters from the three. It's short. Slight bitter sweet. Heehyun remembers not to leave certain feelings as she didn't come to die to create more loose relationships. After their moments of goodbyes, Heehyun’s washed away by the crowded line. She doesn't forget to turn and throw another farewell wave back to them.

 

They slowly drown behind the others.

 

Petite and stout, there's a man by the entrance, reaching over to check tickets on whoever was boarding. He peers over on each wrist, bellowing a loud “next!”

 

Heehyun stands on her toes to take a good look at line in front of her, grumbling after when she notices how absurdly long it was. She considers to go back to Chaeyeon and Dani, but her thoughts interject when the line starts to move again.  Through constant short shuffles towards the train, there's a movement where Heehyun thinks her legs are going to collapse beneath.

 

An exasperated sigh blow between her lips when she's made it two spaces behind the entrance of the train. The two in front of her finally steps in with the man’s approval, their white tickets glowing. She pulls her sleeve up, ready to approach him. But before she can take a single step, his hand raises to stop her. He leans back to take a look into the carriage.

 

“It's full,” he says.

 

“What?”

 

“Didn't you hear me? I said the train’s full. There isn't any space left.”

 

Her eyes widen in disbelief. “Are serious? I’ve been waiting here for nothing?” Her teeth sink into her bottom lip. “Can't you just squeeze in one more person?”

 

“I'm sorry to say, but we fit as many as we can.”

 

Heehyun drags her fingers down her face. “God, how much longer do I have to wait for the next one?”

 

The man, or Heehyun could predict to be the conductor, turns his wrist to take a good look at his watch. He rubs beneath his beard, giving himself a few seconds to think. “At the least...one to two weeks.”

 

“One to two weeks.” Heehyun persists,“Why does it take so long?”

 

“We’ve gotten the biggest crowd in there. It's going to take a while when we go through the process.” He glances at his wrist watch again. “I can't really do anything else.”

 

“But–”

 

“I can't continue talking here, I have a train to conduct.” The conductor steps in, interrupting Heehyun. He flicks off a small salute from his forehead, along with a tip of his cap. “See you soon.”

 

And the door closes to a distraught Heehyun. She listens to the frustrated whines and groans behind her, inflicting the same feelings she had too.

 

But somewhat, Heehyun was a kind of glad she hadn't gotten on.

 

vi

 

“I can't believe,” Chaeyeon laughs. “I can't believe he stopped right at you.”

 

“I insisted that he was able to take one more passenger, but he kept cutting me off. But I guess it's fine,” Heehyun grumbles. Her eyes travel to Dani happily playing around with the cassette. “I mean at least Dani seems to be taking it well.”

 

“She happy you didn't leave her, yet.”

 

“What, she's not glad she's stuck with you.” A teasing grin forms.

 

“She has this eternal hate for me,” Chaeyeon slight pouts.

 

“I think you haven't formed a certain trust with her, or she just dislikes reapers.”  Heehyun shrugs, raising her eyebrows.

 

“Possibly both.”

 

“Who knows..”

 

Chaeyeon tilts her head. “So, about those two weeks.”

 

“I wouldn't mind waiting, I guess.”

 

vi

 

Stars.

 

Sometimes the hovering rhombuses above were like stars. Heehyun tells Dani about them; how they light up the night sky, burn to the touch, and round like spheres, Though the rhombuses weren't necessarily bright, nor scalding hot, or even cohesively shaped as one, Dani still calls them stars. Heehyun’s lets her be.

 

She sits side to side next to Dani, submerging in the stillness of the atmosphere. Quiet and tranquil. They stay like that for quite some time, enjoying each other’s presence. It’s until Dani speaks up first, catching Heehyun’s attention. “When is Chaeyeon coming back?” Dani asks, a longing expression on her face.

 

Heehyun smiles. “You miss her? I can’t believe Dani misses Chaeyeon.”

 

Embarrassed, Dani presses her knees closer to her chest. “I’m just asking.”

 

“Why though,” Heehyun teasingly pokes.

 

With faint pink hues spreading across her cheeks, Dani first fumbles out incoherent words. “I-I-it feels empty. It feels empty and too quiet when she’s not here. I miss her cassette player too.”

 

“I get you. I miss that darn cassette player.” Light chuckles emerge from Heehyun along with a toothy smile. “Don’t you worry, Chaeyeon’s coming back soon. She has some work to do.”

 

An understandable nod comes from Dani and she proceeds to gaze at the sight in front of her. Heehyun pats the crown of her head twice, dropping her hand down after. She looks far ahead too, counting all the rhombuses one by one to herself. Boredom really has struck. Propping her hands on the ground behind her, Heehyun leans back a little. She manages to a quick peek at Dani, who’s still curled up with knees to her chest. Heehyun slowly turns her head back, tapping her feet without sync.

 

It’s minutes after, Heehyun has to squint at a figure walking close by, growing taller by the passing second. She turns her head to tell Dani about, but it seems she’s already spotted them. At first Heehyun doesn’t notice the figure was charging right for them when she stands up. However, it’s too late when she’s pummeled in the face with a punch.

 

Heehyun groans as she presses her hand against her nose, coming in touch with a revelation of blood pouring down. The world was already spinning dizzy to her blurring vision. She stumbles to ground, falling on her back as she trembles in wide eyes. She barely has the time to grab the premise of the situation when the air knocks out her lungs from a swift kick to the stomach. Heehyun curls up on the ground, thrown into a coughing fit as she tries to push the man above her away. Another punch lands on her face and she grits her teeth. And barely, she hears a flickering fuzz of someone’s voice in the background. Somewhere throughout the ramming of fists to the face and the kicks to the ribs, Heehyun manages to land a hit on the man. He staggers clutching the side of his jaw, giving enough time for Heehyun to roll off the ground back to her feet.

 

It was obvious he was after their tickets, so Heehyun instantly lowers her sleeves, covering it.

 

Her eyes quickly snap up to a fairly ordinary man, raising his fists again to Dani cowering helpless on the ground. A surge of anger ignites in her and she curls her fingers into a tight fist. Unmindful, she drags the sleeve of her jacket, staining it deep red. Feet stand grounded on the sidewalk before Heehyun tackles him onto the ground with a swing of her fist. All past the red blur of her vision, and the excruciating pain enveloping her from the inside, she yells at Dani to run. Taking a second to make sure Dani had started running the opposite way, Heehyun has the man pinned down in her punches. She jabs at his face multiple times, cracking open a bloody nose, splitting his lip at the second, then a third to the eye. And she keeps going, digging her knuckles into the very skin, bruising it black and blue. Despite his persistence, Heehyun clenches her jaw to throw one more punch, but thrown off guard when he clings onto her ticket.

 

He’s nearly tearing it straight down the middle, splitting it till it stops at the edge of being cut. profanities string in the air along with the thoughts of dying. Her heart races in her chest, blooming the undying fear as she manages to pull away just in time so her ticket didn't fall off. She slips away from him, finding him now unconscious on the ground as soon Heehyun finds herself too, slipping away.

 

She hears loud steps, gaining closer by the second. Tired and barely feeling alive, Heehyun doesn't bother to look. Everything was falling apart too easily as she's curled up helpless on the ground, whimpering through the pain. She lifts her arm up, watching the ticket on wrist unable to hold itself together as it slowly starts to tear by itself.

 

“Heehyun!” It's Dani’s voice that rings vibrant in her ears, shaken with fear and worry. “Heehyun!” Heehyun flutters her eyes open, finding her bustling up in tears. The pitch black of the darkness swoops in front of her sight, consuming her whole. It's a cold when whatever slithers by her wraps around. Whispers stick cold against her ear, murmuring endless taunts to rip it. Rip her ticket.

 

Her arm moves up, towards her slowly. it was at the brink of falling apart, only hanging on a millimeter of what was left. It was no use. It was going to tear soon.

 

She takes in a deep breath.

 

Heehyun rips her ticket.

 

Dani watches wide eyed, frozen in place as she's still encountering a wave of shock. Her gaze travels back and forth to Heehyun and the ticket. Not a single sound utter from .

 

Before her body deforms, despairing into the real dead, she looks over to Dani. The little girl pelts down a waterfall of tears, cheeks swelling up red. “Take it,” Heehyun weakly breathes out. “Quickly.”

 

“N–no,” Dani sobs. “I can't–I can’t take it.”

 

Not to waste time, Heehyun grabs for Dani’s wrist, forcefully attaching the ticket onto her wrist. Dani tries to resist, but it's too late when the third white line appears on her ticket. Heehyun still spreads a weak grin, whispering out the words. “Remember me when when you make it.”

 

Through the messy wave of hot soaking tears and loud cries, Dani forces up a smile. “I will.”

 

vi

 

She finds a diamond hovering just a little bit above the ground and she knows it's Heehyun.

 

It’s a mess when she comes back, finding a blinding mess in front of her.

 

Blood splayed all over the ground. Tears soaking and spilling. A little girl crying. A man laying dead or alive. While amidst everything is a hovering rhombus and no Heehyun.

 

She bends down to Dani, gently placing a hand down on her shoulder. A hushed whisper leaves her lips as she consoles the crying girl with reassuring words. “It's okay.” The girl lifts her head up, eyes full of tears. Chaeyeon smiles softly, gaze never leaving. She wraps her arms around the latter in a gentle embrace, patting her back in light taps. Dani’s sobs begin to quiet down, drowning in quiet hiccups. Loud sniffles and scratchy coughs make their way up, leaving nothing but the unsettling atmosphere hanging on their shoulders.

 

But truthfully, Chaeyeon wants to thrash out, yell, scream, tell whoever was listening that it was ing unfair. She wants to ask Heehyun if this was what she felt all the time. Filled with sorrow and necessary emotions. Getting too attached and being too dependent. And if she did, she was really sorry. Sorry that even after death, everything was still the same.

 

Bitterly, Chaeyeon in a deep breath.

 

She feels worse for Dani.

 

Her eyes travel down to her as Dani curls up in her arms. It’s a long uncomfortable dragging silence that that sits amongst them, Empty solace fills the void of the space once again and nothing comes to lift the numbing burn blooming in her chest. She simply sighs, unknowing what to feel.

 

“Are you going to leave me too?”

 

Chaeyeon jolts up at the words, startled at the sudden question. She looks over at Dani, peering into the eyes of a hurt child. Her fingers instinctively go to brush a strand of Dani’s hair behind her ear as if a mother taking care of a child. “I won’t,” Chaeyeon says, wavering a weak smile.

 

“Promise,” she whispers.

 

“I promise.” Chaeyeon holds out her pinky, bringing Dani’s closer to intertwine them in a agreement. Dani seems satisfied with it, contently sinking deeper in Chaeyeon’s arms in a drowsy sleep.

 

Chaeyeon deems not to worry for now as there was always tomorrow to do so. Maybe everything will get better and she really hopes it’s soon.

 

The blank horizon that trails on in her sight, ceases to never end. Just the desolate empty space left hanging, drowning in the still silence like a desert. A mix of emotions swirl in the pit of her stomach in a jumbled mess as she still has no idea how to absorb the situation.

 

And for the longest time, Chaeyeong sits in silence.

 

———

a/n: ah it's been long since I last updated and I feel this update wasn't able to fulfill my absence. I'm sorry. it seems a little rushed since cramming so many things in one chapter doesn't go well. I felt a dissatisfied at this myself. But since I'll be updating after finals which is soon, so hope you stick around. Thank you.