Anything inside brackets () are song lyrics...

(My worlds an illusion

Nothing is really real)

*Flash*

“Move to the right…that’s perfect!”

*Flash*

“Now look y! More!”

*Flash*

“Excellent! Tilt your head just like that!”

*Flash *

“Now lift your shirt, Jimin, that’s it!”

* Flash *

“A little higher! Perfect! Show us those abs!”

* Flash *

“Perfect! Who’s next?”     

I sighed as I dropped heavily onto my bed. Always do this, do that. Looking how they want me to. I don't even recognise myself in these pictures. I thought in disgust as I flicked through the photographs on my phone. I thought about the heavily decorated room where we had our photo shoot in earlier, pictures of every idol in the industry covered the walls.

(I'm insecure when I'm alone)

I knew Alice wouldn’t be home until late, in a way I’m sad she pulled the late shift at the hospital. Tonight would have been a perfect night to just cuddle on the couch and watch crappy movies but at the same time, I’m kinda happy she’s not here. She’s too perceptive. She would pick up on my bad mood instantly and I know she’d worry about me. I sighed loudly, flicking through the photos again.

I’ve put on so much weight since our last photo shoot… I poked my stomach, repulsed by what I saw. I tossed my phone onto the bedside table as I heard the front door open. Alice must have gotten off work early. She shuffled into the bedroom looking completely exhausted. She plopped down onto the bed next to me. “Hey Jimin.” She mumbled sleepily as she snuggled against me. “Hey.” I mumbled back as I wrapped my arms around her. We lay that way for some time. My mind still reeling from the photoshoot earlier.

(Spotlight aimed get ready

To spin the lies of my life)

“You ok?” she asked sleepily against my shoulder, I nodded knowing she could feel the movement. I don’t want to bother her with the thoughts running through my head. She knows that I sometimes struggle with my image, but she doesn’t know that I still feel like I'm not good enough to be here… to be a part of Bangtan… to be with her…

(My illusion is my home)

But I would never say anything because I don't want to worry her. So I continue to pretend, I live within an illusion of false confidence so that I can keep up with appearances. Be the person that I'm being paid to be. To keep up with my amazing band members…

(Hidden behind a mask, no one sees through)

I felt my eyes start to sting with the beginning of tears. . I quickly sat up and excused myself to the bathroom before she could notice the tears that were threatening to fall. I made sure to securely lock the door behind me. I can’t have her walking in on me like this.

(Can’t keep up with this pretending)

I grasped the edge of the sink with both hands until my knuckles turned white and I could feel the hot tears start to run down my cheeks. I bit my bottom lip, determined not to let any sound escape in case Alice heard.

I sobbed silently in the bathroom for what felt like an eternity and I didn't notice that I'd sank down onto my knees until I heard knocking at the door and Alice’s worried voice coming from the other side. “Jimin, are you alright? You’ve been in there for a while now.” I quickly wiped away my tears and stood up as I cleared my throat, hoping it won’t crack as I answered. “I'm ok I’ll be out in a minute, ok?” my voice wobbled slightly, but thankfully didn’t crack. Alice hesitated for a minute before answering, “Alright, I’m waiting for you, ok?”

Her concerned tone only makes me feel worse since I know I'm being a burden on her for being so weak. I nod even though she can’t see me and whisper that I’ll be out soon before I hear her footsteps head back to our room.

I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and grimaced. My eyes are all puffy and my face is blotchy from crying. I have teeth marks in my bottom lip where I bit myself to hold in any sounds. I sighed as I washed my face, trying to hide as much evidence as I could of my tears. I don't want her to worry. I unlocked the door and headed back to our room. Luckily for me, Alice hasn’t turned the lights on so I might get away with my appearance. I quickly jumped into bed and pulled the covers up to my eyebrows, not bothering to change like Alice is doing.

“Jimin, are you ok?” Alice asked, concern lacing her voice. She’s too perceptive. I nodded hoping she could see the small movement. I heard her moving then the bed dipped down behind me and I curled up smaller, hoping that I’ll just disappear. I'm not worthy enough to be loved by this wonderful woman.

(Do you want the truth now?

About who I am?

You won’t love me any more)

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. “Jimin, please, tell me what's wrong.” Alice pleaded and I felt the tears start again. How pathetic am I? I sat up straight and looked at my hands that were fisted on my lap; I can't bare to look at her, as my mouth started moving on its own.

“Why am I here? Why am I still apart of this group? I'm not good enough to be here!” I spat. Alice tried to answer me but now that I've started, I don't know if I’ll ever stop. “Everyone in Bangtan is so much more talented and better looking than I am! I don't have what it takes! Am I only here because of the contract? And how could someone as amazing as you love someone like me?”

The tears were falling like rivers down my cheeks and landing on my fists and the covers, Alice wrapped her arms around me as I continued to pour out my feelings like a broken damn releasing the water it has held captive. “I'm not good enough for any of this! I'm not good enough for Bangtan, or for you…” I was suddenly silenced by as Alice’s mouth pressed against my own, her grip tightened around me.

Our kiss ended and for the first time tonight, I look at my girlfriend. Her face held a mixture of emotions as my tears began to slow. She looked hurt, confused, worried and angry all at the same time and I felt guilty knowing that it’s my fault that she has these expressions on her face. “Jimin, why haven’t you ever told me that you feel like this?” She whispered to me as she looked straight into my soul with her gaze. Her eyes wet with tears.

“Everything you just said isn’t true, Jimin. You are more than talented enough to be a part of Bangtan, your vocal talents are one of the best in the group, and they wouldn’t be the same without you. And as for us, how could you possibly even think you’re not worthy? You are one of the kindest, nicest, gentlest, cute, funny, amazing, y guys I have ever met in my life! Every day I wake up and I remember that I am dating Park Jimin and I wonder how I managed to get so lucky. I must have done something really amazing in a past life to be lucky enough to be dating you.”

I turned to the side and looked at Alice. She smiled at me before pulling me into a tight hug. “Please don't ever think of yourself that way Jimin, Bangtan wouldn’t be the same without you… and either would I.” she whispered against my shoulder and I felt a genuine smile start to appear on my face. “Thank you.” I whispered to her as I pulled her down so we could lie together. I pulled her tightly against my side, her head resting on my chest.

“Go to sleep now Jimin, and remember that I will always be here for you and so will your members. And if you ever start to feel down about anything, regardless of how small or big, please just tell me. Don’t bottle it up like this.” She said as she kissed my shoulder. I nodded and smiled, “I will, I'm sorry for the drama.” I whispered making her chuckle, “Don’t apologise. Now get some sleep, it’s been a long day.” I nodded again and pulled my lover closer. “Good night Jagi.” I whispered against her hair.

Here's the full song if any ones interested (I wrote it about ten years ago)  

If any Evanescence fans read this, these lyrics actually fit in with “Everybody’s Fool”.

My worlds an illusion

Nothing is really real

Spotlight aimed get ready

To spin the lies of my life

My illusion is my home

No one can tear me away and

It’s not the solitude that saves me

Don’t leave me here cause

I'm insecure when I'm alone

Oh, how I hate it

Can’t keep up with this pretending

Cause now you know that

My illusion is my home

No one can tear me away and

It’s not the solitude that saves me

Hidden behind a mask, no one sees through

I'm so confused, lost in my lies

Do you want the truth now?

About who I am?

You won’t love me any more

My illusion is my home

No one can tear me away and

It’s not the solitude that saves…

My illusion is my home

No one can tear me away and

It’s not the solitude that saves me