Soft yellow light cast light shadows across your floor, stuffed animals, blankets, various cars, trains and trucks scattered across your living room floor. Slowly easing the white door closed, you tip toed away from the door, reaching the end of the hall, you smiled to yourself before looking over your shoulder at Ethan’s closed door. Moving into the living room, you began tidying up some of the toys that he had played with during the day, making sure you or Woohyun, your husband, wouldn’t trip over them the next morning.

Credits scrolled up the screen. finding the remote tucked in a blanket, you flipped off the tv and turned off all of the electronics, readying the house for the night. Moving a few trucks aside, you parked them next to one another lining the baseboards of the wall. The sound of the front door opening caught your attention, however your eyes didn’t waver from the toys that you were gathering up in your arms and returning them to their various places around the room.

“Hey sunshine” Woohyun cooed to you, his hand lifting his bag up off of his shoulder and easing it down to the floor below.

You ran your tongue over your lips, “Hey” You cooed before standing upright and looking over at him, “I thought you would be home sooner” Your hand leisurely rested on your hip.

“Yeah…. I got a little hung up” Woohyun explained while he hung his coat up on an open hook above the shoe rack in the entry.

“Were you with the guys?” You probed, wondering over to the couch beginning to fold the blankets you had used to cuddle Ethan, your son, during the movie. Your mind flipped back to a few hours previously, where the members of Infinite had face timed you and Ethan, wishing him sweet dreams and just catching up on how the two of you were doing.

Your hands worked on folding the blanket, lining up the corners with the other corners, your eyes observing him closely as you picked up on his eyes wondering everywhere but in your direction.

“I just needed to do some things” He shuffled his socked feet across the floor, you nodded slowly, you placed the last folded blanket in a neatly folded stack before turning off the lights one by one as your gaze met his.

“What?” He questioned, his tone a little colder than normal and his charismatic smile was no where in sight.

“Nothing” You replied, shaking your head lightly from one side to the other to try and convince him of your reply.

“Don’t give me that look…. I know that look” Woohyun sang snarkily, his tone turning a little cold while walking towards you

“What look?” You questioned, your eyes dropping back down to fold a stray blanket between your hands.

“The I-don’t-believe-you-look” Woohyun pointed out, one hand lifting and resting on his hip, his eyes turned sharp, wanting to know what was going on.

“You were supposed to be home hours ago. Ethan waited up for you and he got wished goodnight from everyone… except you” Your voice began to get a little loud before you toned it down, knowing Ethan was trying to sleep down the hall. You picked up Ethan’s fairly new stuffed dog from the cushions of the couch and moved past Woohyun to give it to your son to sleep with for the night

“Where did you get that?” Woohyun questioned sternly, his hand reaching out and grabbing your wrist that was holding the stuffed dog. Bringing your hand up, he looked at the stuffed animal in your hold before his eyes switched to look into your eyes.

“I bought it for him to stop crying over you” You let your fingers move over the fur while your feet stood their ground.

“We don’t have the money to buy him things like this” Woohyun reasoned, his hand released yours, pushing your hand away as he was getting more frustrated with each passing minute.

“We would if you didn’t spend $300 on a shirt” You stated, turning away from him, both hands wrapped around the stuffed dog.

“I have to look good for the fans” Woohyun added, his voice beginning to echo a little through the house.

“And we don’t?” You snapped, spinning around on your heels, the truth finally spilling from your lips and his

“He doesn’t need more toys” Woohyun turned around and looked at the few toys in the corner of the room and a few on the couch and a train track set up in the other corner of the room.

“He deserves more…” You told him quietly, your eyes returning to the stuffed dog between your hands.

“How would you know what he deserves?” Woohyun snapped, his hands expressing anger and frustration as he lifted them in front of his body.

“How would you know! You are hardly around!” Things unraveled faster than ever before, as you spoke, tears starting to sting in your eyes.

“I’m around more than you know!” Woohyun rebelled, “I wish him a goodnight and tell him I love him all the time”

“You haven’t for four days now” You got quiet, your mind switching gears, trying to remember when he last told you that he loved you, the last time he gave you a genuine smile, hug or kiss.

“You know I am busy with work!” Woohyun huffed, his hands resting on his hips as he turned a little defensive.

“Yes I do, but your members seem to find time in their schedule for our son than you do” You stated firmly. “At least one member has wished him a goodnight every day this week.”

“That is easy for them to do!” Woohyun turned away from you, trying to take in a deep breath to calm down.

“It is easy for you too? I am not asking much, just a text at least. Ethan at least deserves that… I deserve that” The last part was whispered quietly

“What did you say?” Woohyun tilting his head and turning it towards you, hearing the last part clear enough but wanted to listen to it once more.

“We both deserve more than this” You told him a little louder,  “I feel like a single parent… taking care of him and going to bed alone ninty-five percent of the time. I have to show him pictures to remind him of you, doesn’t that just seem wrong to you?”

“I do plenty for this family” Woohyun patted his chest to emphasize his point.

“I’m not saying you don’t. You do a lot for this family yet you aren’t around us, you are a father not a Dad.” You told him knowing the difference is that a father is someone who is just biologically linked while a Dad is a positively emotionally linked to the child.

“I am around you Jagi, I just can’t be around all the time” Woohyun allowed his voice to rise.

“Oh really? Your members seem to find the time” You retorted, “You can’t be around all the time, but there are ways for you to be mentally present with us. I am not asking for much, I just want our son to have the best life he can.”

“I am trying to provide for us” Woohyun stepped towards you, making sure you herd him

“I know you do, but what about the memories? You aren’t around for those” A single tear fell from your eye, rolling down your cheek as his words were slowly breaking your heart.

“I have plenty of memories with him” Woohyun pointed down the hallway to Ethan’s door.

“Name one” You challenged, your arms folding across your chest, your voice trying to stay still and unshaken. Watching Woohyun, his tongue tossed in his mouth, his eyes moving over you then dropped to the floor.

“That is what I thought” You turned away and picked up Ethan’s sipper cup and headed to the kitchen. Woohyun stood still, his feet planted against the wood floor, while his mind rushed to find something, anything.

“You’re just a father” You told him from across the room. “Not a dad”

“I don’t believe you…” Woohyun whispered, his eyes lifting up to yours.

“You really don’t see it, do you?” You cocked one of your feet as you leaned against the counter top. “Ethan asks for your members more than he asks for you, like when they are going to come over and call. He waited up for you, I text you over and over again with no reply from you.”

“I have to take care of the fans” Woohyun padded across the floor, the weight of the conversation wearing on him as his hand raked through his hair.

“But you always do! I put up with you calling them your girlfriends even though I am your wife.” You faced him, your tongue running over your pursed lips.

“It’s part of the jo-” Woohyun started to name off excuses again

“Just stop” You held up your hand as more and more tears swelled in your eyes, pressing your palm against your temple, you tried to keep your tears at bay but the pressure was building inside, almost too much for you to hold in anymore while your heart ached and cracked inside.

“Why are you crying?” Woohyun suddenly became soft towards you, walking over to your side as you pushed him away. “Did I do something?”

“You know what you did” You whispered, the damage already being done.

Nodding his head solemnly, you walked into Ethan’s room, placing his stuffed puppy next to him, you heard the master bedroom door slam closed causing you to shudder at the sound. Kissing Ethan’s head, you petted back his hair before leaving his room quietly.

Shuffling across the floor, the moonlight slowly faded behind rumbling clouds, laying on the couch, you made yourself comfortable as your eyes closed, tears rolling down your cheeks while the fight replayed over and over in your mind throughout the night.

“Mommy?” A soft voice cooed while a little hand shook your shoulder lightly.

“Hrmmm?” You hummed, your puffy eyes opened to see your son, Ethan standing in front of you.

“Why are you sleeping out here?” He questioned, hugging the stuffed puppy between his arms.

“I didn’t want to sleep in my room last night” You sat up a little and lifted him up onto your lap.

“Can I do that too?!” His eyes lit up as he looked back at you, his words laced with enthusiasm. “I want to sleep out here!”

“Maybe, but only if you are good” You told him, pulling on a sad smile for him, knowing that he was totally unaware of what had unfolded last night.

That day, Ethan and you played together, enjoyed the sunshine at the nearby park and made some of his favorite cookies at the end of the day. Your heart still shattered showed from time to time as tears rolled down your cheeks, wiping away most of the time without Ethan catching you, you put on a smile for him trying to be happy for him, he deserves that.

“Why are you sad? We are having so much fun!” Ethan whispered, his eyes watching the tears roll down your cheeks before lifting up his tiny hands and wiping away your tears softly. Meanwhile the two of you watched his favorite tv show after dinner. “Are you not having fun?” His big brown eyes widened, reminding you of Woohyun’s eyes when he did that.

“I am having fun, I am just thinking of something is all” You told him, your arm snaking around his torso.

“I’m a good listener, if you want to tell me” He leaned back in your arms, his tiny hands wrapping around one of your fingers. Placing a kiss on the top of his head, you nodded your head gently, wishing you could tell him. Yet you kept quiet not wanting to put this heavy issue on his small shoulders.

The two of you watched a movie and waited for Woohyun to return home, the morning hours were upon you as you held Ethan in your arms. Ethan had been asleep for a few hours, but you continued to wait til the last possible minute to give Woohyun a second chance. The morning sun crowned over the horizon, quietly carrying him to his room, you laid in his bed with him, admiring your son in the light of the early morning rays.

“See? You are never home” You sighed, talking to yourself as if Woohyun was here.

A day or two passed as Ethan helped your genuine smile return to your lips. Three days later, from your fight with Woohyun, you had just put Ethan down for his bedtime. A radio station played as you cleaned the dishes, a few lights were to keep you company while you hummed the songs playing to yourself.

The front door unlocked and opened, your heart sank into your stomach, hearing the familiar step of Woohyun, you sighed softly, preparing yourself for whatever he was going to say.

Ethan stayed in his room, pulling over a few books from the shelf next to his bed, explaining the pictures in the book to his stuffed puppy, Spotty. Muffled talking caught his attention as he paused the story to try and listen, resuming the story once he didn’t hear anything more. A few moments later, the voices were louder than before.

“Hold on Spotty” He grabbed his stuffed dog and slipped from his bed, approaching the door and slowly pressing his ear to the door to hear better.

“I am a good husband and father, I have to keep the fans happy” Woohyun’s voice began to get cold towards you. “I have to work to provide for you two”

“But there has to be a balance” You told him, using your hands to demonstrate

“There has never been balance in my life, it all has been me giving give and everyone else taking.” Woohyun slammed his hand down on the counter top, emphasizing his point.

“E-Even with me?” You whispered, your eyes searching his face for answers.

“Even with you” He replied with the heat of the moment.

“If that is how you feel…” You whisper, sniffling a little.

“It is” Woohyun stated solidly after a moment or two of pause between your words and his. With his words, tears rolled unwillingly down your cheeks, adding onto your broken heart from the nights previous.

A slamming of the door scared Ethan back into bed, pulling the covers up over his head, he held Spotty close to him.

“Mommy and Daddy had a fight” He whispered softly, curling around his dog, some tears falling from his eyes. A few moments later, he emerged from his bed and walked carefully over to the door, knowing he couldn’t fall asleep now, he reached up and twisted the door handle. Pulling open the door, he stepped out into the hallway, holding Spotty close to him as you leaned against the counter, your hands covering your face.

“Mommy?” Ethan cooed quietly, standing at the end of the hallway. Quickly wiping away your tears you turn as he walks up to you, kneeling in from of him.

“May I have a drink?” Ethan whispers, his little fingers playing with Spotty’s ear.

“Of course” You nod, rising to your foot, you make him some warm milk before heading back over to him, handing him his cup, you lifted him up in your arms. Feeling his head rest against your shoulder, you slowly rubbed his back while his little body relaxed against yours, your feet slowly shuffled across the floor trying to walk as smoothly as you could for him.

Easing him down between the covers of his bed, you pull the covers back on him before easing yourself down on the edge of his bed.

“Mommy?” Ethan asked softly, his hand gently sliding into yours.

“Yes?” You tried to keep your broken voice hidden, while your eyes met his.

“Are you and Daddy going to leave each other like Kai’s Mom and Dad?” He questioned as you knew that Kai’s, his best friend, parents were divorced.

“Are we not going to be a family anymore?” His voice shook in uncertainty, the chocolate orbs of his eyes b with tears.

“We are always going to be a family. Why do you say that?” You questioned, gently wiping away his tears with your thumb slowly.

“Daddy and you were fighting….” He whispered, holding your hand tighter, his eyes dropping down to your clasped hands.

“Don’t worry, we aren’t going anywhere” You told him as you sat next to him on his bed, leaning your back against his headboard.

“You sure?” He questioned, laying his head upon your lap, your fingers found their way into his hair as you waited a little while before replying.

“I’m sure” You reassured him and yourself, his head nodded gently against your leg, your fingers continued to play with his hair until he fell asleep

Few moments after Ethan fell asleep the door opened slightly, causing your eyes to lift to the darkened mass in the doorway.

“Woo?” You cooed softly as the figure took a few steps inside the night lit room

“What are you doing here?… How much did you hear?” You changed your question almost immediately after the words spilled from your lips.

“Enough…” He sighed, moving more into the room before kneeling beside the bed. “You were right, I’m not around my family like I should and want to be. I want to be here for him I need to be here for him and you.” Woohyun paused, his eyes lifting to meet yours, his eyes shimmered with a fresh coat of tears.

“I’ll be a better father and a Dad, and husband. I can’t loose you two” His voice cracked, “I’m sorry, my fans aren’t as important as you and I will learn balance. I just…. I can’t… loose you” His words were broken up with tears rolling mercilessly down his cheeks.

“I’ll only forgive you if Ethan does” Your eyes lowered to look at your sleeping son, biting your lower lip, you dropped your eyes down to Ethan sleeping, your mind lining up the words you wanted to say next, “He thinks we are going to get a divorce…”

“Are we?” Woohyun’s question stopped your heart.

“Do you want to?” You whispered, your eyes moving to meet your husbands.

“No” He shook his head to reaffirm his answer.

“I don’t either” You whispered a struggled sigh leaving your lips while shaking your head to match his.

At least you two agreed on something. Now you two can build from there.