001.

UNINVITED

Hyora looked at the grandfather clock that stood in the corner of the funeral home’s foyer. It was 6:45 PM, only 45 minutes into the wake. The foyer was bustling with people going back and forth between the chapel and the refectory. The gravity of the occasion hadn’t hit her quite yet. It wasn’t that she hadn’t accepted her sister’s death but that she couldn’t believe this wake was happening. Before the news of Haerin’s accident, their parents hadn’t seen or spoken to her in months. She hadn’t gone missing, she’d run away. And even Hyora herself had no means of contacting her older sister. She’d changed her cellphone number so that no one in the family could call or text. She deactivated her SNS accounts.

Even though Haerin had cut ties with her family, Hyora knew she was still living in the same city in the months leading up to her death. She couldn’t leave behind her activities as GOT7’s fanclub president. Hyora thought that she would be able to run into her every now and then but BTS’s promotions hadn’t overlapped with GOT7’s in quite a while. The guests tonight were family but mostly friends. A lot of Haerin’s IGOT7 friends showed up to pay their respects but Hyora couldn't hide that she was annoyed by the fact that the time her sister had spent before her death was with them and not her family.

Hyora grabbed a cup of coffee from the refectory and headed outside to the funeral home’s large patio. Her cellphone vibrated in her cardigan’s pocket over and over again. And over and over again she ignored it. She hadn’t checked her phone since the morning. She let her thoughts drift as she stared into the darkness. She observed the fountain centered in front of the funeral home. The path from the gateway diverged around it and led right up to the patio. The angel statue on the fountain had a forlorn expression but its wings looked resilient. Its white marble sparkled under the faint light of a lamppost.

Eventually she heard the grandfather clock strike 7 PM. Just as she was about to finish up her coffee and head back inside the chapel, a van pulled up in front of the funeral home gates. Hyora squinted as if that would give her a better view of the guests coming out of the car. She shut her eyes and bit her lip in realization and sank back into the bench, letting out an audible sigh of vexation. 

They exited the van one by one until seven male figures, clad in black stood amongst themselves at the entrance of the gate.

I can’t believe this is happening, Hyora thought to herself.

The seven figures started walking down the path towards the funeral home. Hyora refused to look up at them and played around with the coffee cup in her hands.

“Excuse me, are you Haerin’s sister?” One of them finally asked. They all loomed in front of her. She didn’t want to stand up to greet them.

“Yep, that’s me,” She replied curtly. She stole a glance at the boy who spoke and looked away immediately.

Condolence, they all said in a chorus of distinct voices. Even though she wasn’t looking at them directly, she saw them bow out of the corner of her eye.

“We don’t want to cause a scene,” the boy who had spoken first said, “So we said we wouldn’t bring our guards…”

“But we’d really like to see her, and pay our respects to your parents…” Another one said.

“Your fans are in there,” Hyora said softly, setting down the coffee cup on the bench. She didn’t know what that comment would mean to them but she felt as though she needed to say it. Your fans are in there, uninvited, just like you… It was almost like that was what she was actually saying.

“You sister was a wonderful person, she means a lot to them.”

Hyora knew who was speaking. It was the leader’s voice, mature and rigid but at the same time timid in light of the atmosphere. She knew them all by name of course but she wanted to play around for a bit. “You’re not going to introduce yourselves? Or do you just assume that everyone knows you?”

“Sorry…” The leader apologized immediately, “I’m Jaebum.”

Hyora looked up at all their faces for the first time. They were handsome, no denying that. This was the first time she’d actually interacted with them. The other members awkwardly introduced themselves as well. She smirked a bit internally, intending for them to feel awkward. Her sister was a huge fan of their group to the point of becoming fanclub president. And Hyora made it seem as if she didn’t even know who they were.

“I’m Yoon Hyora, Haerin’s younger sister. But you already know that.” She said as she stood up to lead them inside.

“You look a lot like her,” Bambam said.

Hyora froze for a moment at the comment as she was heading into the foyer. “Nah, she was a lot prettier,” She said so quietly that they probably didn’t hear. “Come in, but stay lowkey okay? Like don’t bust into a song.” As if. She bet that their body guards were lurking around outside the funeral home just waiting for a reason to come rushing in.

Almost immediately, the volume of the guests’ chatter rose as they noticed the boy group walking towards the chapel. Hyora was pleased that her sister’s friends remained respectful. It was only right. She led the boys down the aisle to the front of the chapel where Haerin’s casket was displayed.

Everyone in the chapel was staring. An idol group was there without their entourage and without any cameras. That in itself was amazing. Hyora took another look at her sister’s serene face. For some reason she disliked the makeup on her. Haerin never wore a lot of makeup so she looked a lot different in the casket than she did when she was still alive. She thought about Bambam’s comment and how there was no way the two of them looked alike. And then she entertained the possibility that maybe she’d come to internalize that. Growing up, their parents used to joke to people that their daughters were twins born two years apart. But as they grew older, it seemed like people noticed Haerin a lot more for her beauty. Hyora was content with her own looks but there was a time when she believed Haerin was able to get everything so easily because she was beautiful. Friends, boys, leadership positions and even high grades. She never once considered that it might just have been that their personalities were completely different. Of course it wasn’t that, boys don’t care about personalities!

“I’ll leave you here, my parents are probably in the refectory if you want to speak to them,” Hyora said, turning around to face the idol group. She was surprised to see that there were only six of them standing at the casket with her. “Aren’t there seven of you?” She asked almost sarcastically. The boys looked amongst themselves, also confused.

Hyora looked to the back of the chapel where she saw the seventh member, Mark, talking to a girl who she recognized was the fanclub’s vice president, Euna.

She saw him shake his head at what Euna had to say. It seemed like Euna was trying to convince him of something but he was disagreeing with whatever she was saying. Hyora studied Euna’s face and her body language. She seemed so distraught, like she’d just stopped crying. Mark shook his head again, slowly this time, and turned away. His eyes met Hyora’s and they stared at each other for a brief moment, without expression. Then he proceeded to exit the chapel.

“Excuse me,” Hyora whispered, leaving the other boys at the casket. She hurriedly made her way down the aisle but was caught by Euna.

“Hyora, I need to talk to you,” Her voice held a sense of urgency.

“Then let’s talk,” Hyora said, staring at Euna’s grip on her arm. Euna noticed and immediately let go.

“I’m sorry,” She said looking around, “Not here. Not tonight. Please meet me tomorrow morning, 9, at The Cottage. I’ve got to go. I’m sorry.”

Hyora stood in confusion as Euna swiftly left her behind, leaving the funeral home from the front entrance. What was going on? She looked around, several guests were staring at her oddly, their faces just as confused as she was. Okay that was shady, she thought. But shook it off as she searched the foyer for any sign of Mark. She looked outside at the benches where she was just sitting moments ago. No one on the benches.

She looked to see if Euna was out near the gate, possibly getting into her ride, she caught sight of Mark sitting alone at the fountain. She approached him slowly. If she cared she would have asked him why he wasn’t with the rest of s. As she sat down next to him she took out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket. She took one out and offered the box to him.

He let out a small laugh which sounded like a scoff, “Are you kidding?”

“Why would I be kidding,” Hyora said, taking out her lighter, “What’s the matter? Can’t ruin that beautiful voice?”

“You smoke like this with BTS?”

There it was. Hyora rolled her eyes up in disbelief and lowered the cigarette from her lips. She thought about getting up to leave but couldn’t find the energy to. All that came out of was a sarcastic, “Wow.”

“Your sister spoke about you a lot. That’s how I know.” He said, “How long have you been their fanclub’s president? And what made you choose them?”

“Since their debut and none of your business.”

Hyora wondered what Haerin had told these boys. It couldn’t have been much. The sisters had drifted from each other even before Haerin ran away.

He seemed amused by her bluntness. The truth was she already knew some of the BTS members before their debut. She was friends with Namjoon when he was still an underground rapper and was never into all the idol group crap at first. That was one thing that set her apart from her sister. Hyora recalled the one time Haerin sought her out at an underground rap battle because she’d snuck out from the house one night and their parents were worried sick. Even though she was embarrassed that her sister showed up to take her home, she was also kind of happy that Haerin knew exactly where she’d be. Back then they had different interests, but they were still close.

“By the way, they make me rap so my voice doesn’t have to be that beautiful,” He reached for the cigarette at her lips and put it between his own. Hyora pulled out another one, lit it, and for a while they sat in silence, inhaling and exhaling smoke and taking in each other’s presence. There was a certain bitterness in way that he said they make me rap. It was subtle, but it was there and Hyora was intrigued by it.

“Why act like you don’t know us?” Mark asked, “I’m just curious.”

Hyora couldn’t help but smile at this. “You think I know you?”

In a way she did. She knew their names, she knew their positions, she knew their songs. GOT7 debuted only half a year after BTS. But her sister had been following the members long before their debut. 

“Do you listen to our music?”

Honestly, I think your music’s , Hyora thought. “No offense, but your music’s not really my taste,” was what she said instead. She didn’t expect him to laugh so wholeheartedly.

“None taken. BTS has good music. I'll admit that.” He said honestly.

“I mean, I guess that’s why I’m their fanclub president.” She drew another drag from her cigarette and smoke billowed out from her chest. He did the same. 

“You just answered my other question. You know, about why you chose them.”

“It’s deeper than that,” She said without even thinking. Suddenly she considered what BTS and the fandom really meant to her. But even though it was all an important part of her life, she hadn't allowed it to consume her life entirely. Could she say the same for Haerin?

“I’ve got time.”         

“Why do you want to know about me?”

“You sat down next to me, doesn’t that mean you wanted to talk?”

“Wait, aren’t you supposed to be the quiet one of your group? Or is that image just all manufactured?”

“So you do know us.”

Hyora couldn’t tell if there was any hint of flirting in their conversation. But she was wary of where this was going. So she grabbed the opportunity to say what she'd been wanting to for long time now. “Listen, Mark, I don’t know what you… your band… or your fans… meant to my sister but it was obviously a lot for her to run away from our family.”

His face stiffened as he listened to what she had to say. She didn't want to sound like she was blaming him or GOT7, or anyone for that matter but there was no closure without an explanation.

“You know,” Hyora continued, “I hadn’t talked to her in five months. Five ing months. And then I get the word from some celebrity gossip news outlet. GOT7’s Fanclub President Passes Away in a Car Accident on the Way to Music Bank Recording.” There was another period of silence. She didn’t notice that there were tears clouding her eyes. “Tragic. That’s what the news articles said about it. Then you all released a video, singing a song for her. So sweet. That’s what the netizens said.” Her voice cracked and the tears spilled down her cheeks. The feeling was new. She wasn't used to crying, let alone crying in front of someone else. 

“I’m sorry…” He said, and it was obvious he didn't know how to react, “We…”

“Of course you’re sorry,” Hyora dropped her cigarette and stomped it out, “Did you know?”

“...What?”

“Did you know that she ran away from us? From home? Without a single word...”

It was a loaded question. It was a lot to demand from him but she didn’t care. She deserved just that much. What had gone down in the months she hadn’t seen her sister, they’d probably seen it all. And she wanted to know everything. The obvious answer was that yes, they'd all known. The band, their fans. There was no way they could not have known about it. Hyora wanted to press the issue further and ask why they never told Haerin she should come back home, or at least let her family know she was okay. And then there was the possibility that they did tell her to. Hyora wanted to know that too. 

“Mark, we’re leaving, let’s go.” Jaebum’s voice cut through the air before Mark had a chance to answer. The boys descended the patio stairs and passed the fountain in long strides. With their matching black longsleeved button-ups and black jeans, they seemed like a murder of crows fleeting in the stillness of night. Hyora immediately knew that her parents had told them to leave. There was no way that they'd be welcomed here. “Thanks, Hyora. We'll see you around...”

“Is that a ing cigarette?” Jackson asked, looking at Mark’s hand, “Did you save one for me?” He addressed Hyora.

“Oh shut up,” Jinyoung said rolling his eyes, “Come on." He put his hand on Jackson's back to steer him away but Jackson held his eye contact with her until they were too far into the darkness that not even the lampposts could light the growing distance between them.

“Look, I don’t really know what to say,” Mark said, giving Hyora one last apologetic look as he stood up, “I’m just really sorry…” He followed the rest of the group and Hyora, now conscious of her tears, wiped them away from her eyes with the back of her hand as she watched them head out the gate. She held her head up high and tried to shake the feeling of regret and blame. She couldn’t even process the fact that she was crying. It was so unlike her. She didn’t even cry when she found out about the death. What was so different now? 

Her pocket vibrated again and she took her cellphone out for the first time since the morning, checking the most recent text message. 

NAMJOON 32 seconds ago
Please call me back.