these past few days, all minho could do was stare.

stare at taemin's retreating figure every single time the boy finishes telling him not to touch him too much in public. not to come too close. 

minho knows. he understands taemin and his point - we can't let dispatch get us.

but the pain that it leaves in his heart every single time taemin hisses at him or glares disapprovingly when he touches his arm is something that minho just can't ignore right away.

he reminds himself many times to endure it all - forget it. it will pass. but he soon asks himself for how long? how long should he restrain himself from touching the boy in public? for how long should they act like strangers to each other even in the confines of their apartment?

it's painful and minho wants to cry. 

but when jinki checks up on him one day, all minho can say is that it's nothing. because it's okay. taemin is a smart boy. he knows what he's doing. things will get better soon. but it comes out of his mouth like he's trying to convince himself rather than stating a fact. 

besides, they have free days from their hectic schedule. he can be with taemin during those rare free days. talk to him. cuddle with him. touch him as much as he can. shower him with all the love that minho has for him. 

yes, minho can wait.

but it doesn't really help when these free days come and taemin decides to leave the apartment to hang out with jongin and ravi. minho's grateful that he had taken acting classes before that he can hold back his tears and make a neutral face as he says 'okay, take care.' and leaves out come back fast, i really miss you so much. 

as the door closes, minho sees jinki watch him with a solemn face. he excuses himself right away. because minho knows what will jinki ask him - are you really sure you're okay? and minho doesn't want to hear jinki asking him that. why must jinki make an issue out of it? everything is okay. it will be.

it's almost midnight when minho stirrs from his sleep. he gets up to check if taemin has come back safely and perhaps tuck him to bed if the boy had once again passed out at the entrance and failed to get to his room. good old times.

when he leaves his room, he doesn't expect to hear voices engaged in a heated argument - an argument between jinki and taemin. that has never happened. not when jinki dotes on taemin like he's his younger brother. minho decides to intervene but when he hears his name, he stops. his mind tells him to turn back and do not listen furthermore. but he can't move. not when he hears jinki tell taemin that 'you're killing minho inside, taemin! do you even know what you are doing?'

'i'm only protecting our future. this is for the best. minho knows that. he understands.'

'are you sure you're doing this for us taemin?'

'what are you trying to imply jinki?'

'i'm asking you if perhaps this isn't about shinee anymore but the fear that the society has instilled in you, the obligation that your parents expects you to fulfill. or is it because you've fallen out of love for him'

minho can hear his heart pound hard. say no. no. no. 

there's silence. and minho knows he needs to run now. he needs to hide so he can't hear those words. 

'you can't hurt minho like this forever taemin. if you really love him, treat him as such. do not push him any longer'

'hyung i'm-

he tunes them out as he leaves; and when he sinks himself into his bed, he tells himself that everything is just a bad dream. but jinki's question and the silence still lingers in his head. if he had stayed, what would have taemin said?

yes, i'm afraid of what people will think of me.

no, their opinions doesn't matter to me.

yes, because they are my parents. 

no, they will understand because they are my parents.

yes... i don't love him anymore. 

no, i still do.

as morning comes, minho knows. he knows from the way jinki and taemin looks at him. he knows that dispatch is just an excuse. minho doesn't need words to tell that it isn't also about the society and their parents.

it's about falling out of love.

all minho can do is stare at the wall when he retreats back to his room and tells himself that things will get better soon. 

it's just a phase. just a phase. but for how long?

***

this is really weird. but i've had this scenario in my mind months ago.