So this is my first time posting anything ive written. It is also the first time in 4 years i was able to write anything but just a short drabble.

I apologise for any mistakes. I just had a lot of Seulrene feelings and an urge to write, so i felt like sharing it.

Also. My phone wont work with me so just have understanding that i wasnt able to post it properly.

Enjoy.

 

“I’m cold.” She mumbled and managed to crawl under my blanket before I was able to grasp what was happening. Every muscle in my body tensed as I could feel the skin from her bare legs against my hand resting on the couch. It took me what felt like forever to be able to move my body again. I raised my arm and was just about to grab my own wrist in an attempt to control the urges inside as she took my arm and placed it around her, she leaned in closer and let her head rest on my chest. I held my breath to try to conceal the loud beating coming from my chest.

“Your heart is beating really fast, are you okay? She asked and with those words I realized my attempt had failed. I tried filling my lungs with air so that id be able to give a quick answer not to worry the brown eyes looking at me. As I took a breath the scent of raspberries and the god forsaken perfume that I was never able to figure out what it smelled like, it all filled me up and it made me dizzy.

I knew i was taking too long to answer, she started moving as she was beginning to get worried. Without even knowing how, I blurted out some kind of excuse about the movie making me upset. She gave me half a smile and put her hand on my stomach and telling me not to think about it, its just a movie. I wanted to tell her that I couldn’t care less about the movie that I just half an hour ago I suggested for us all to watch. I wanted to tell her that she was the only thing on my mind.

With the movie coming to its end both Joy and Yeri said their goodnight and went to bed. Wendy was half asleep at the other end of the couch and so was the girl resting half her weight on me. At some point I had lost control and my fingers started playing with her hair but now I was scared that if I stopped she would move and her warmth would no longer make me feel safe.

 

 

    I must had fallen asleep with my fingers tangled in the older girls hair because she woke me up and Wendy had left the room. Within the split of a second I pulled away and was just about to stand up as she took my hand in hers and looked me in the eyes.

“Common, lets go to bed. Its cold tonight and the heater doesn’t work. The other girls are all sleeping in Joy’s bed. Its too crowded for all of us, would you like to sleep in my room with me?” She asked without hesitating. I couldn’t bring myself to say a word so I just nodded. I prayed that she would notice how flustered she made me. Most of the time I had been good at hiding these feeling, but lately it was getting hard. I found myself staring at her more often then not, and every time she looked at me I began acting like a teenager. At any other time I wouldn’t want her to know, I never wanted anyone to see how she made me feel. But at this second all I wanted was for her to look at me the way I saw her.

 

     I crawled under the covers and she was right, it was freezing. I pulled my knees up against my chest trying to keep warm. As the covers moved and the weight of her body lowered the mattress I once again held my breath. She moved closer and put her arms around me, I could feel her bury her face in my neck. The warm breath against my cold skin was more than enough to give me goose bump.
Every part of my body craved for more, I forgot how to breath. Her skin felt like fire against my own and all I wished was that she would never let me go. A part of me wanted to have her closer, I wanted her to let me crawl under her skin as she had gotten in me mine. The sheer thought of that made me angry at her for making me feel like this, but above all angry at myself. Without knowing it I clenched my fist and took a deep breath trying to forget the anger.
I felt her fingers finding its way from my shoulder to my hand and carefully trying to loosen my clenched fist.

“Seul relax, its just me.” I could feel her lips burning at the back of my head as she whispered those words.

 

   I woke up, her head resting on my chest, her warm hand on my stomach with her fingers intertwined with mine. I wanted to scream to see if I really was awake or if I was dreaming but the air became thick as butter as she mumbled something incoherent in her sleep. I allowed my lips to rest at the top of her head as I closed my eyes and just enjoyed this moment. I didn’t know if this was ever going to happen again.
A sudden knock on the door scared me and I must have pulled back my hand from hers. The person on the other side of the door knocked again, louder this time.

“Irene unnie, its time to wake up. Wendy unnie made us breakfast!” I could hear Yeri’s voice from the hallway, the girl next to me tensed her face as she mumbled some short answer. I could hear footsteps walking away and Irene let her left hand slide under my t-shirt and across my stomach. She grabbed my waist and i could feel her fingernails resting on my bare skin. I had to catch my breath. The sound of me inhaling was as loud as it could possibly have been. The dark haired girl opened her eyes and looked up at me.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Her voice was hoarse and she was fighting to keep her eyes open in the bright light coming from the large window behind me. I didn’t know what to say, how would I even be able to respond? I was more than okay but at the same time I was scared to death.

“I.. eh. I.. uhm ..” I stumbled on my words as I was interrupted by Joy screaming from the hallway telling us to get up. I had never been so angry at Joy as I was at the moment the older girl let go of my waist and sat up on the bed with her back against me. Her tank top had slithered up and was stuck in a twisted form right below her shoulder blades and I had to look away to prevent myself from falling of the bed.

She grabbed a hoodie from the chair next to the desk and put on a pair of slippers. I was frozen in the bed, unable to move a muscle as she opened the closet and took out an oversized pullover shirt and put out her hand to give it to me. I managed to grab the white fabric and she gave me half a smile.

“Wear it.. Until you can grab something else... Or just.. Its still cold i mean.. Just.. Wear it..” She stumbled on her words and I couldn’t stop the smile forming on my lips. I gave her a nod as I thanked her and put the shirt over my head. I noticed how I was shaking and clumsy as I was I got stuck in the soft fabric. She let out a small laugh and I could hear her footsteps moving closer as I struggled to get out of the sweater.

“Let me help you” It was like I could hear her smiling and I got scared she would be able to hear my heart beating. Within the split of a second she managed to help me get the shirt on and as I opened her eyes her face was just inches away from mine. I heard her take a deep breath, but couldn’t understand why. I wasn’t able to blink, her brown eyes was glowing from the morning sun lighting up the room. I blinked, next thing I knew I was looking at her lips, she her bottom lip. I swallowed hard and looked back in her eyes only to notice she had been looking at my lips too. I had to bite my tongue not to kiss her right in that moment.

“That’s it, if you want breakfast you get up now or I’m eating it all!” Joy bursted through the door and the sudden intrusion scared Irene, she jumped back and landed sitting on the floor.

“Oh.., I’m sorry..” the young dark haired girl apologised, took a step back and closed the door. The older girl stood up, opened the door and screamed after Joy to knock instead of just intruding. Suddenly I felt sorry, I felt as I was in the wrong place putting Irene in this situation.

“I’m sorry.. I.. sorry..” I gracefully escaped the room and ran in to the bathroom. I locked the door, leaned my back against it and sat down. As I buried my face in my palms I forgot about the cold floor under me. I could hear Joy and Wendy talking in the kitchen but I couldn’t make out a single word.

How could I have been so stupid, I should have just told Irene I could fix the shirt myself. Or even better, just have slept in my own cold bed. What if she knew how I felt now? What if she wasn’t ever going to talk to me again. What if the manager found out? Oh god, what if the company found out!

   I don’t know how long I was in the bathroom, I was woken from my horrible daydreams by the small knock on the wooden door and Yeri’s calm voice on the other side.

“Unnie, come out and eat something please. Or atleast let me bring something in to you.” She sounded so fragile, so broken. I couldn’t say no to that voice so I stood up, unlocked the door and slowly opened it. The moment the door was open she somehow managed to slide in and put her arms around me.

“Yeri sweetie its okay, lets go eat.” My voice was shaking so I forced a smile. She nodded and let go of the tight grip she had around my body. We left the bathroom and I took a deep breath, scared to run in Irene, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Yeri sat in front of me in silence as I ate my cold breakfast. She must have been scared that I would fall in to a billion pieces if she left me alone because she didn’t leave my side for the whole day. In the beginning I found it cute but it was so intense it was starting to get annoying. When the clock passed midnight I managed to convince her to go to her room. I grabbed my headphones, spread my arms and legs all over the bed as i pressed play and turned up the volume.

 

   A couple of days had passed since that night when the heater was broken. Everything was more or less back to normal, but the longing for her body close to mine was burning a hole in my heart. As the five of us was getting in the car I suddenly realized that I was going to sit next to her again. The beating in my chest became stronger when she opened the door and took the seat next to the window across from mine. The drive to the grocery store felt longer than usual, I tried my best not to look at her fearing she would feel my eyes admiring her beauty.

“Irene unnie cant we all watch a movie tonight?” Wendy’s request from the backseat made me look up from the phone I had been trying so hard to concentrate at. I looked at Wendy and then over to Irene. The dark-haired older girl looked terrified as she looked at the redhead. Wendy smiled at Irene that gave her a small nod in response. I couldn’t take my eyes of the older girl looking out the window. When the car slowed down she turned to me and as our eyes met I felt how my cheeks was becoming the same red colour as Wendy’s hair.

The energetic younger girl that just a couple of days ago had interrupted that beautiful morning let out a loud cheerful command telling us all to get moving. The other four of us turned to her to find her jumping in her seat. I never understood how she could find grocery shopping so thrilling and enjoyable.

We all tried our best to keep up with Joy and Yeri running around choosing items from the shelves and putting them in the shopping cart. It took me less than 3 minutes to get sick of following them around so i just wandered off alone looking at different snacks. I grabbed two pringles containers as Wendy suddenly stood next to me.

“You cant see it, can you.” She said and I looked at her not understanding a word. It was almost like she was speaking a language I’ve never heard before. I was just about the ask her what she was talking about when she turned around and walked away.

 

   When we got back to the dorm there was a note hanging on the door. Irene who was walking in front of the rest of us grabbed it and read it out loud.

“Heater broken. Sending someone tomorrow.” She let out something between a scream and a groan while unlocking the door. The apartment was freezing and I didn’t even bother to take my jacket off when I heard the youngest say my name.

“Seulgi unnie, cant I sleep in your room with you? Wendy snores.” Yeri looked at me and Wendy who was coming in last forgot to stop the door from slamming shut and making a lot of noise. Irene jumped and dropped a box of cereal on the floor.

“I do not!” Wendy started but then realized that the youngest might actually be telling the truth.

“So, can I?” Yeri turned to me again, I didn’t know if she was trying to do as she had done a couple days before or if she just didn’t want to sleep in the same room as Wendy.

“Yeah sure, but I toss and turn in my sleep.. Don’t blame me if I kick you.” Why was I acting so rude? This was a good thing, this meant that it wouldn’t be a situation where Irene and I had to have an awkward moment about maybe sharing the bed again.

 

   Letting Joy choose the movie might not have been the best idea. Yeri had gone to bed after just thirty minutes and Wendy was once again half asleep wrapped in blankets trying to keep warm. Even Joy got sick of the movie after a while and left the living room leaving me pretty much alone with Irene. We sat in silence watching the movie, I wasn’t able to focus and had no idea what was going on. The only thing spinning around in my head was that night three days ago. It was almost like she read my thoughts when I heard her voice next to me.

“I’m cold... May I?” I turned to look at her. The light coming from the TV allowed me to barely see her facial expression. My heart started racing but all I could to was nod. She moved closer and once again managed to crawl under my blanket so gracefully I barely noticed until her hand touched mine. I let my arm rest on the back of the couch and she didn’t hesitate a moment before grabbing it and putting it around her.
I knew she could hear my heart beating but I wasn’t able to even try to hide it. I wanted to tell her it was because of her, tell her she made everything inside me feel like utter chaos and the most beautiful peace at the same time.

“You cant see it, can you?” She asked without moving her head from my chest. I looked down at her as confused as I had been when Wendy asked me the same thing.

“See what? I don’t understand.” I heard my shaky voice respond. She let go of my stomach and moved away from me. I could almost hear my heart falling to the floor.

“Never mind” She stood up and left the room. She left me completely dumbfounded as I tried to figure out what I had done to upset her. I was starting to get up from the couch since there was no point in staying now that she had left when a pillow hit the back of my head.

“You fool! Why cant you see the way she looks at you?!” I turned around and saw Wendy sitting in the corner. I had completely forgot she was even in the room. The redhead moved closer to me as I sat down again.

“What do you mean? See what? What way? What are you talking about” Nothing made sense anymore I wasn’t even sure if I said it out loud or just in my head.

“I’m talking about Irene. Why wont you notice how she looks at you the same way you look at her? God the both of you are equally as blind.” She threw another pillow at me but this time i dodged it and it landed on the floor behind me.

“I.. wha.. I.. No, when I look at her she isn’t looking at me.” I stuttered not sure if Wendy was even able to hear what I said, it all sounded like a mess when I heard myself speak.

“Because the both of you always turn away as soon as you see the other looking. For two so smart, you guys are really dumb. You two are the only one who isn’t able to see it. Geesh.” She was starting to get annoyed but i didn’t know how to respond.

“I’m going to bed, i'll sleep in Joy’s bed. Try to see what everyone else can see.” The girl stood up as she threw another pillow in my direction, I didn’t even bother to try to dodge it and it hit me in the face.

What if Wendy was right, what if Irene actually looked at me like I looked at her? But how would I find out? I couldn’t just ask her. Could I?
“Oh for the love of! Kang Seulgi just go ask her! If you don’t you might never know.” I whispered trying to gather strength to actually make this move.

 

   I opened the door to her room so quiet I knew she would scream if she saw me. As I closed it behind me I wasn’t as subtle and she turned around and looked at me.

“I.. I’m cold.. Could I sleep next to you?” I had stopped breathing, I think I forgot how to breath. I wasn’t sure if my heart had stopped beating or if it was beating harder than ever before. I was getting ready to leave the room when she moved back and lifted up the covers as an invitation. I lied down next to her facing her. The light coming from the streetlights outside was just enough for me to be able to see her eyes.

“I can see it now.. I.. I don’t know what else to say.” I said as quiet as I could but still making sure she heard me, the wasn’t a chance I was going to be able to say it again.

“What took you so long.” She smiled as she pulled a string of hair away from my face. I had to grasp for air as her face moved closer to mine. My heart skipped ever other beat while it was trying to make its way out of my chest. I could feel her breath on my skin the second before her warm lips met mine.