1 

Yoongi woke slowly, blinking his tired eyes open. His head was pounding. 
I made it home at least. 
 
He contemplated getting out of bed and going in search of medication or food but his body was not having any of it. His legs were particularly adamant. Yoongi stretched experimentally and regretted it instantly; his headache went up two notches.  
I'm never drinking again.  
 
His phone rang and Yoongi wanted to have whoever was calling killed immediately. 
 
"Jesus, turn that off."  
 
Yoongi fell out of his bed startled. There was another person in his bed. A person with a deep, sleepy voice he may have found very attractive under different circumstances but seeing as he didn't know who it belonged to, 
"Who the are you?"  
 
"Ouch..." The person said and Yoongi could hear the laugh in his voice.  
 
Yoongi glared at the long form taking up his whole bed now that he'd moved, blonde hair the only thing visible.  
 
"I'm guessing you came home with me last night, whatever, why are you still here?" Yoongi never let people stay over, especially not people who weren't Hoseok or Jin.  
 
"You asked me to stay." 
 
Yoongi snorted a laugh and was punished by stab of pain in his head. "Right, sure I did, that sounds exactly like me. Well this is also me telling you, whoever you are, to get out. I have a headache and even without it I don't do morning-afters."  
 
The man laughed at Yoongi then groaned. "Fine," still unmoving he asked, "Can I have some aspirin or water before you kick me out? And my clothes?"  
 
Yoongi wanted to roll his eyes but that would be more pain than it was worth. Grumbling he struggled to his feet and made his way to his en suite bathroom where he got some aspirin, for himself first and then for the blonde in his bed, and a glass of water as well.  
 
He stumbled his way back into the dimly lit bedroom to find the stranger had gotten out of bed and was in the process of stretching his arms above his head so he could pull his shirt on. Yoongi almost dropped the water. He was used to attractive people, he saw them every day and he's been with his fair share (and maybe more) too, but the man before him was something altogether different. Gorgeous seemed too pedestrian a word to use - and that was before Yoongi saw his face. Light brown eyes and holy jaw line... 
 
The man's lips quirked up into a smile and his dimples caught Yoongi off guard. He moved towards Yoongi slowly, still wearing a playful smile but his eyes suggested less playing and more business. Yoongi handed over the water and pills and took an unconscious step back. The man's smile morphed into smirk. Yoongi watched his throat work as he swallowed the water and regretted it. This morning seemed to be made entirely of regrets. 
 
"Okay," he said taking the glass from Namjoon's hand, "you've had your pills and you've had your water now leave."  
 
Namjoon held up his hands in surrender and walked out of the bedroom.  
 
It was unsettling. Something in Yoongi didn't want him to leave. He shook his head to clear it, whatever that was didn't mean anything. A short while later the front door of his apartment closed and he let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding.  
 
Yoongi padded into the kitchen, headache just beginning to dull, and made himself some cereal. Mouth full of sugary goodness and bowl in hand, he dropped himself into the living room couch and switched on the TV and turned the volume down. The segment on him would be on soon. 
 
Yoongi changed channels before the segment was over. It was the same it always was. His career had become the same commercialized he rapped about and the irony left a bitter aftertaste. Rapping about it propelled him to stardom, and that stardom made him what he despised.  
 
He put the empty bowl on the coffee table and leaning back he closed his eyes. He was so tired; tired of all of it. He didn't know how he got to this point, and didn't know if or how to find his way back. He felt like the same person but he wasn't. He was one of them now. 
 
Minutes later his phone was ringing again and though his cause for irritation had changed his irritation remained and grew with every step he took towards the bedroom where the phone was.  
 
"What?" He answered without looking at the screen. 
 
"Damn, who pissed in your cereal, love?" He could almost taste Jin's smirk. 
 
Yoongi swore and Jin laughed. "Jimin's party last night, did you see me go off with someone? Because I woke up with them still in my house - in my lair." 
 
"Yeah, you seemed really happy about Namjoon's existence in particular last night." 
 
"Namjoon?" Yoongi asked flatly. The named fit perfectly and it made him a little mad. 
 
"Yes. You were introducing him to everyone who would listen." 
Oh God. I am never touching another liquor bottle a long as I live. 

2 

Yoongi spent the next week too busy to think about anything besides promoting his latest album. And, really, the dreams didn't count - those were just his mind paying him back for all the inane chatter he forces it to concentrate on every time he does an interview. Namjoon was far, far away from his thoughts. Absolutely. 

Presently he was seated on the floor of Hoseok’s office refusing to move when Hoseok shut the light off to show him he was serious about leaving.  

"Yoongi, come on, seriously. Tae is gonna actually kill me this time - I said I wouldn’t be late today. You know how he gets when I've been too busy for too long and tonight is the dinner party and-" 

"Alright, Jesus," Yoongi cut in with a groan and pushed himself up to sitting, allowing Hoseok to pull him the rest of the way, "The almighty dinner party, very important, I've got it." 

Hoseok pushed him unceremoniously out the office door and locked it behind himself.  

It wasn't that Yoongi hated the dinner parties their friend group kept up even after leaving university, it's just that he couldn't always get himself motivated enough to go. The days wore heavy on him from time to time and though seeing the dorks he loved so much made him feel better the 'getting there' was the issue. As it were however, today he had Hoseok to literally push him there.  

The arrived five minutes late and after a verbal asswhooping from Taehyung that could not be staved off by Hoseok's aegyo they all gathered around the boyfriends' large dining table to eat like grown-ups. Jin had helped cook so thanks to the chef's hand it was delicious and Yoongi was reminded how much he missed having someone to cook for him. He often wondered if he and Jin would've worked out in the end if they'd kept at it, something to do with the way Jin still smiled at him so sweet and so loving, but then Jin would look at Jungkook with actual adoration rolling from him in waves that were nearly tangible and he'd be reminded why it wouldn't have. It was for the best, Yoongi smiled to himself and went to make another round of drinks for everyone.  

In the middle of another of Jimin's not-really-that-drunk-and-we-all-know table top dances the buzz of the doorbell made them all look up. Jin jumped up to get it and Yoongi looked around suspiciously at his suddenly quiet friends with secret grins on their faces. Beside him Taehyung was almost vibrating and Yoongi raised an eyebrow at Jungkook who smirked at him and proceeded to avoid his gaze.  

The is wrong with these idiots I choose to surround myself with? 

Yoongi's question was answered soon enough and he regretted asking it because standing in the doorway was Namjoon, the haunter of his dreams he was definitely not constantly thinking about. Yoongi couldn't find any words, he just stared. Around him there was silence as everyone watched him, waiting for his reaction. Yoongi wanted to throttle them all. The little ers. 

Namjoon smiled at him, dimples coming out to pour salt in his wounds, and lifted his hand to wave awkwardly, "Hey." 

"Hey," Yoongi got out eventually. He was still reeling but the word came unstuck from his throat in a too high pitch that had all his friends collapsing from laughter around him. 

Namjoon grinned at him and Yoongi was reminded again of the morning Yoongi woke to see him in his bed.  that's unfair. He shouldn't be allowed that grin at all. 

"Anyway, you all remember Namjoon, some of us more than others," Jin paused to giggle at his own joke with a waggle of his eyebrows that made Yoongi redden just slightly, "I invited him for the drinks portion of our evening. He's a bit late but he's here." 

Namjoon looked moderately embarrased at the call out but he recovered quickly enough. Jungkook got up to make drinks. 

"Sit anywhere," Jin said pointing oh so subtly at the spot on the floor next to Yoongi he'd evacuated when he went to get the door. Yoongi sent a pointed glare his way and got up immediately to escape to the bathroom down the hall. 

A few minutes later when he returned, nonchalance tacked in place and face washed and lip balm reapplied, Yoongi found Namjoon sitting on the couch next to Jimin and he couldn’t deny the tug of disappointment in his chest. Still he kept his face blank and retook his seat between Jin and Taehyung without looking at the man who it appeared he couldn't escape. This lasted all of two seconds and soon he was glancing at him every other moment. Namjoon had a drink in his face, grimacing with every taste of Jungkook's concoction – the kid was terrible at making them but they all indulged him – and Yoongi wasn't so much an adult he'd deny himself the pleasure he took in that small suffering.  

The night went on with almost the same amount of insanity it usually did. Namjoon didn't seem to taken aback to his credit but then he'd been to Jimin's party so nothing sone here while they were all on their best behavior should shock him. At the end of the night Jimin was still wearing pants, Taehyung and Hoseok were only half on top of each other and Jin was fast asleep with his head in Jungkooks lap, the latter petting his hair lovingly, and Yoongi? Well Yoongi hadn't killed anyone so that was usually his marker for how well he'd done on any of their nights together. Namjoon had migrated to his side at some point, drink in his hand and stupid smile on his stupidly attractive face, and now Yoongi was looking at him, sizing him up, trying to decide what he would do. Namjoonlooked right back at him and Yoongi wondered what he saw. He wondered if Namjoon liked it whatever it was, he hoped he did.  

They'd talked a bit, if 'hey's and 'what do you want to drink's counted as talking. Then they were kissing and Yoongi wasn't sure how it had happened or who had leaned in first but they'd gotten there. Lips locked in Taehyung and Hoseok's living room where all Yoongi's friends could see them and Yoongi found he didn't mind. At least for right now he didn't.  

"Go out with me," Namjoon suggested. They were outside the apartment building now waiting for their respective taxis.  

Yoongi looked up at him and after a moment decided, "Okay." 

Yoongi would swear at any retelling of this moment that Namjoon's face lit up so brightly it could blind an unsuspecting passerby. He couldn't help smiling shyly back then punching him in the shoulder before kissing him again. 

3 

Two days later Yoongi's phone beeped and he reached for it quickly, digging through the layers of clothes it was buried beneath.  

>I'll be there in five minutes< 

>K< 

. ity  fuckerson... 

Yoongi looked forlornly down at the pile of discarded outfits. He'd been at it for shamefully long but it seemed like everything he owned looked like on him. Or maybe it's me. He glared down at the clothes and gave up. He pulled on something he'd worn only once for a fashion variety show, he'd have to trust the stylists on this one and pray that Namjoon doesn't watch him on television or the internet. Right, because he lives under a rock. 

Yoongi scowled down at himself the entire time but when he was finished he actually looked good and Namjoon was only gonna wait a couple minutes for him to come downstairs. He already had his emergency phone call excuse queued for the question and he was ready. 

Namjoon was waiting just outside the building when Yoongi arrived. His eyes raked over Yoongi and he smiled appreciatively. Yoongi looked back at him unimpressed. He walked past Namjoon and got into the front passenger seat of the waiting car he was leaning against.

A few paces away cameras were capturing his every move and he wanted to leave as soon as possible.  

"I'm starting to think I should've waited in the car," Namjoon said when he'd slipped into the driver's seat and pulled on his seat belt. 

"I have warned you about them before you know," Yoongi secured his seatbelt and turned to face Namjoon. "You'll be on the news tonight." 

Namjoon laughed, "I hope they got my good side." 

Yoongi huffed a laugh, "Yeah, finger's crossed." It had only been a couple days to be fair, and Yoongi still couldn't remember more than foggy unorganized scenes from the night they met, but Namjoon kept surprising Yoongi. Yoongi wasn't going to be impressed easily but Namjoon had his attention. 

They drove in relative silence, bar commentary on the weather of all the mundane topics to cover, until Namjoon informed Yoongi, "I really hadn't thought you'd say yes." 

Yoongi paused in his searching for a bad metaphor about the setting sun and looked over at him. "Well, it's only dinner." 

There were the dimples again. "I know, but you forgot who I was and then threw me out of your house the morning after we'd met. And when I showed up at Taehyung's you didn't look particularly happy to see me there." 

Yoongi shrugged before remembering the blonde couldn't see him with his eyes fixed on the road ahead. "Well, if you woke up next to a stranger you'd throw them out too." 

"Not if they looked like you," Namjoon deserved the smack he got on his arm for that one. The greasy cheesball... 

"One more of those," Yoongi warned, and his cheeks didn't heat at all despite the odd pink staining them. 

"Sorry, sorry," Namjoon apologized with truly inspiring insincerity. 

*** 

The restaurant wasn't anywhere Yoongi had been before. It was small but modern, what people call a hole in the wall kind of place. Yoongi knew he didn't know everywhere in Seoul, seeing as he couldn't really go anywhere without being mobbed a few minutes in. And when he was free and younger he'd been focused on building a career and going to university, traveling between school and underground clubs, he had gone to a lot of strange places but he hadn't been everywhere.  

They walked in, Yoongi holding the door open for Namjoon because, regardless of what his mother muttered about him wasting his life, he was raised properly. Namjoon raised an eyebrow and Yoongi waited for some hyper-masculine bull that would confirm Yoongi shouldn't be here but he only looked momentarily surprised and then pleased.  

Inside they were greeted by a sweet older woman who directed them to a table on the left of the room. Yoongi was definitely taken with the décor, modern but with a touch of antiquity. There were a few people there but if they recognized him no one seemed to care who he was. One young boy paused to look at him, cheeks puffed out with food and fork raised to wait in front of his face with a piece of food on it, and Yoongi got a little nervous but then he shrugged and went back to his dinner. Next to him Namjoon told him again that he'd be fine in this kind of place. "No one here cares who you are."  

Yoongi didn't reply but he smiled. He couldn't remember the last time he could simply exist like this. He took off his hat and shrugged out of his jacket, relishing it. 

Once seated they were given menus. The options weren't that varied but Yoongi didn't expect that from the small place. He did however spot a favorite and ordered it.  

While they waited they talked.  

"Try to remember all of it this time," Namjoon teased lightly drawing a laugh from Yoongi.  

"Just tell me."  

"Alright, so I'm friends with one of Jimin's friends. I went with her to the party – that's how I ended up there." Namjoon explained. 

"Oh..." That was one mystery solved.  

"I have a younger sister. I was born in Seoul – Ilsan. I'm a lawyer – junior at my law firm. I write quite a bit but I haven't gotten anything published. And I love music as well." 

Yoongi nodded at the new information. Namjoon didn't look like a lawyer per se but it fit him still somehow.  

"What kind of stuff do you write?" He asked. 

"I write on a lot different subjects," Namjoon shrugged, "It's mostly whatever I'm feeling when I sit down to do it or the thought strikes me and motivates me to pick up a pen – or laptop." 

"Ah," Yoongi wasn't conscious of how he leaned forward at that, "I'm like that too." 

"You are?"  

"Yeah, I find that when I write what I feel, whatever it is, it's my best work. Like, you can feel what I feel when what I feel is genuine. I can always tell with other people too, which is why I don't like a lot of people's work but the ones I do I'm drawn to by their sincerity and the rawness of what they are trying to express. It's real. When you listen to an album you want to feel something; when I make music I want other people to feel what I do." 

"I know what you mean," Namjoon leaned back in his chair and listened as Yoongi spoke. Yoongi wasn't aware of it but it was fascinating to watch him talk and Namjoon wanted to listen to him no matter what he was saying but he was ten times happier when it was something like this - something he understood and felt too.  

Their food arrived and Yoongi was startled by the interruption he was so caught up in their conversation. He shocked himself a little actually at how carried away he'd gotten. He let the silence fall unimpeded and set about eating. 

As the night went on however Yoongi found himself in the same situation again and again and each time he would shut up, afraid he'd said too much, revealed too much of himself, and Namjoon would let it go on for a little while before coaxing him out again.  

"We could go see a midnight showing around the corner, I'm not sure what movie is on but..." Namjoon trailed off. They were outside the restaurant leaning against the side of Namjoon's car eating ice cream given to them on the house by the same woman who Namjoon informed Yoongi was the owner. If Yoongi was being honest they both knew neither wanted the night to be over quite yet, no one at ice cream that slowly.  

"Okay," Yoongi jumped at the suggestion, relieved he didn't have to suggest something himself. He wasn't sure if he would have eventually and that lack of that knowledge unsettled him.   

In  the end neither of them saw much of the movie. They instead spent the time laughing quietly about nothing and having whispered conversations in the back of the theatre huddled close with the dividing arm-rest pressed between them almost forgotten.  

4 

"So are you guys together now?" Jin asked Yoongi tilting his head in that cute way of his.  

"What? No," Yoongi's reply was a reflex, shot out quickly without any real thought. 

They were in Yoongi's apartment, Jin sitting across from Yoongi around the kitchen table while they finished off the last of the pizza. Jin had come over earlier with what Yoongi had thought were good pure intentions to feed him pizza and watch crap television with him, but it had been to get much sought after information. 

"Oh come on, you've been hanging out with him on your little dates for weeks – that's practically marriage for you." Jin said, exasperated. Okay, he may have a point. Not that I'll ever say that aloud. 

"Marriage?" Yoongi raised an incredulous eyebrow at his best friend.  

"Well not marriage but that's huge for you. You lose interest in literally everything so quickly and look at all the effort you make for him." Jin argued.  

"Okay, so I like him," Yoongi frowned at Jin's triumphant grin, "We aren't together. There's no together. We're just hanging out – why must there always be a label?" 

"So you admit there's a thing except that it doesn't have a label." Jin managed to look smug with pizza sauce on the front of his shirt and Yoongi scowled. 

"Not what I-" he began to defend himself. 

Jin cut him off, "Just answer me this, have you written about him yet?" 

And at that Yoongi flushed scarlet and Jin knew he'd won. Yoongi threw a cube of ice at him. 

"Mature," Jin commented. 

*** 

After Jin left Yoongi cleaned up the mess they'd made and then flopped down on the living room couch with a spiral-bound notebook in his hand that had seen better days. He flipped it open and turned to the last few pages and there lay everything he'd written since he'd started hanging out  with Namjoon. Some of it was truly disgustingly sappy but most of it was embarrassingly revealing. There was one in particular he liked more than the others and he'd even thought about recording it. It was good...but it was also too much. 

He wondered how Namjoon would react to hearing it, these words he inspired, and Yoongi shut the book quickly and hid it again under the couch. He didn’t even want to think about how mortifying that would be or how quickly he'd have chased Namjoon off and okay, whatever he'd said to Jin his days of lying to himself about Namjoon were long passed.  

Namjoon had worked his way under Yoongi's skin and into his soul. Namjoon fascinated him. Surprised him, impressed him, and made Yoongi want to try – try things he was afraid of even if he was still scared.  

They would lay awake talking for hours and Yoongi was allowed to just exist in a way he normally couldn't. He loved his friends and they loved him as well and while he could be himself with them there were still things he held back. Except with Jin because Jin had seen him at his absolute worst and there wasn't much he could very well hide from the older man. Even so, there were still some things and he hid them well... but Namjoon.   

As if he could tell Yoongi was thinking about him Namjoon called. The ringtone startled Yoongi out of his thoughts and he couldn't help the smile on his face when he picked it up to see Namjoon's face and name flashing.  

"Aren't you buried under paper right now?" Yoongi asked in lieu of a greeting.  

At the other end of the line Namjoon chuckled, "I came up for air because I miss you". 

"Yah," Yoongi rolled his eyes, "I'll only let that slide because you're sleep deprived." I missed you too. 

Namjoon yawned, "I am, this ing case is killing me. Sorry I had to cancel on Friday." 

"It's fine," Yoongi replied, "There are other days, and I understand being busy and not-enough-hours-in-the-day better than most people ever will." 

"I know, thanks," Namjoon said through another yawn and Yoongi wanted to take down whomever it was that had Namjoon working this hard for this long. 

"Don’t thank me," Yoongi admonished lightly, "I have a tour in a couple of months and promotions before and after it." 

Yoongi didn’t realize the implication of his words until after they'd left his lips.  

After  a moment that seemed to stretch for all eternity Namjoon laughed, "Good point. It'll just be my turn to wait then." 

Cautiously, Yoongi asked, "Will you?"  

Yoongi knew what he was asking this time. He knew what it meant. He was asking if Namjoon planned on still being around then, months down the line, with him...waiting for him.  

"I will," Namjoon replied and Yoongi let out the breath he'd been holding, relieved. 

"Okay," Yoongi said inadequately. He was almost overwhelmed but what surprised him was that didn't make him want to run away.  

When they hung up he reached under the couch and pulled the book back out and began to write.  

5 

Two weeks later Namjoon and Yoongi were in Yoongi's bed, lying next to each other above the covers in the dark with music playing low. Namjoon had won his case the week before and made his way straight there and he'd never left. They weren't living together but Namjoon had slept in Yoongi's bed, octopus limbs wrapped around the smaller man, every night since then.  

This evening they'd eaten out but a run-in with a couple of over-enthusiastic fans drove them quickly back in the apartment where they'd mutually decided to just try to relax for a while. They lay there quietly until Namjoon turned to face Yoongi and asked, 

"What are we?" 

Yoongi choked on nothing. He knew this had to come up at some point but he hadn't been prepared just then.  

Normally a reaction like that would make Namjoon fall over laughing at him but this time the blonde was staring at him intently, worrying his bottom lip. Oh ... 

After a few more moments of Yoongi opening and closing his mouth without saying anything Namjoon nodded and turned away again. And now Yoongi was panicking. He knew what to say but he didn't know how and the horrible irony wasn't lost on the award winning rapper.  

"Namjoon, I...." he tried but nothing came. 

"It's okay, Yoongi, I shouldn't have asked." Namjoon said quietly. Yoongi could hear how hurt he was and it cut him because he'd caused it. Stupid, stupid, so goddamn stupid... 

"No Namjoon, I'm sorry, I just, I don't know what to say," Yoongi reached a hand out to put on his shoulder and Namjoon pulled away. That stung. 

"I think a lot of things would be better than nothing but then you said quite a lot by saying nothing too." Namjoon wouldn't look at him and Yoongi felt helpless. 

"Namjoon..." Yoongi had never felt like this before, and he hated it. "I don't...I don't know what we are. We've never said, or talked about it, or put  a label on it. All I know is how much I like you, and I do like you so much. All I know is how you make me feel. All I know is how we are when we're together. All I know is how quickly whatever we are turned into something more than I intended for it to and how I don't mind it because all I want is to be around you, and with you, and talk to you, and listen, and lie here in the dark like alternative stereotypes." 

Yoongi looked up to find Namjoon looking at him with his dimpled grin at full intensity. "We are alternative stereotypes." 

Yoongi huffed a laugh. "Yes, well," he said eloquently, "Do you want to be my boyfriend then?"  

Namjoon pulled him forward so he was half on top of him, "Yeah, okay." 

Yoongi kissed him then, pulling himself entirely on top of Namjoon so he could do it properly. When they parted Namjoon looked up at Yoongi and smiled, "Aesthetic." 

"Oh for 's sake," Yoongi groaned but he couldn't help laughing along with him. This idiot is mine now.  

Epilogue 

Yoongi blinked slowly awake to find the room still dark. He reached and arm out but found no one next to him. He smiled fondly, good boyfriend. 

Yoongi emerged from the bedroom some minutes later to the late afternoon sun shining into the apartment and the smell of what would be breakfast for him. Namjoon was on the couch flipping through the channels and keeping his promise to not work today. Yoongi had come home last night after two months of being away on tour again. Two years in and it was the second one Namjoon had had to wait through. 

Yoongi walked up to the back of the couch and slid his arms around Namjoon, settling his head on the blonde's shoulder. He pressed wet kisses on the side of Namjoon's neck laughing when he squirmed. 

"Thank you," Yoongi said and pulled away to go to the kitchen. 

"Sleep good?" Namjoon asked and on any other day Yoongi would've tossed something at him for the cockyness dripping from those words. 

"Yeah, I did," he replied dryly instead.  

"You love me," Namjoon came up behind him and hugged him and Yoongi jumped because he hadn't heard the man move from his previous position. 

"Jesu-" his complaint died in the wake of Namjoon's kiss that always seemed to take the air right out of him with it's intensity. 

"You were saying?" Namjoon asked, lips still a breath away from Yoongi's kiss bruised ones. 

"Love you," Yoongi smiled up at him a little dazedly.