so i'm gonna love you

(like i'm gonna lose you)

in retrospect, namjoon had asked for it. walking up to a hissing stray hybrid under a playground slide wasn’t, well, his specialty. not when he’d had his hood pulled up to combat the freezing sub-zero drafts, and looked very well like a serial killer.

then again, no one had forced namjoon to approach the hybrid cat, who was huddled under the slide, knees pulled up to his chest and tail wrapped tightly around his waist. he was shivering like a leaf in the wind, clad in only a thin knitted sweater that had seen better days and holey jeans that were falling apart, cheek smeared with dirt. still, he had managed to let out a baleful hiss, albeit weak and almost whispered, when namjoon had approached cautiously, arms held out in mock-surrender.

what was he even doing?

“hey, hey, i won’t hurt you,” he started, near enough to see the numerous thin cuts on the hybrid’s face now, mostly scabbed over, and the small but gruesome looking bite mark he had on the juncture between his neck and shoulder. namjoon winced.

the hybrid let out another hiss, cry sounding more pitiful than anything before tapering off into a whine as the wind seeped into the cracks between the slides. he scrambled backwards, fingers trying to find purchase on the dirty ground, chafing against the gravel. namjoon’s heart clenched.

“let me help you,” he whispered, crouching down to look the cat in the eye. his fur, while matted and in need of a wash, was a very very light gray, and shone in whatever weak lighting the moon provided. his eyes were wide open, ears back and flat against its head.

“you’re freezing, and there’s been reports of record lows tonight. if you stay out here, you won’t…” namjoon didn’t dare finish his sentence, too scared to think about what would happen to the hybrid if it stayed out here through the night.

“i’ll run you a bath back at my apartment, a-and i’ll put on some tea- i promise i won’t do anything you won’t like! just, you’re freezing and it’s warm inside-“ he caught himself before he started rambling even more, but the hybrid looked less defensive and afraid, so he pat himself on the back metaphorically, even if it had come at the expense of his appearance, hell- why was he so god damned flustered in front of a hybrid?

maybe it’s because he’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, his mind whispers traitorously.

“please- please come out?” namjoon whispers, voice gentle and coaxing. the hybrid stays in position, much to his chagrin, and he sighs softly.

“i promise i won’t hurt you,” he continues, hand reaching out slowly to the cat. he didn’t flinch away, which was a good sign, and slowly, very gently, namjoon’s hand hovered over the cat’s head shortly before coming to rest between his ears, matted fur damp but soft between his fingers. the hybrid’s pale face tilted up to nestle into his palm, and namjoon’s lips curved involuntarily, petting the hybrid softly. his expression was still guarded, and he was still shaking, but he had calmed down considerably.

“let’s go home, okay?”

as he strapped the hybrid into the passenger’s seat and turned up the heating after noticing how his teeth were still chattering, he couldn’t help but think back to what he had said.

home. he didn’t know a thing about caring for hybrids, hell, he was the clumsiest person he knew. seokjin often said he could hardly take care of himself, how would he take care of a fully grown hybrid?

but somehow, the word home sat nicely on his tongue. it sounded right, warm. he would leave the rest for tomorrow.

**

namjoon worried his bottom lip between his teeth, wondering why the hell he’d thought it would be a good idea to bring home a stray hybrid. aside from the fact that he would have died of guilt knowing he’d left it out in the cold, he couldn’t come up with much. especially since he had no idea how to do anything remotely safe when it came to taking care of another living, breathing being.

like now.

he found himself at a loss, as he looked at the hybrid sitting drowsily on the toilet seat, rubbing his eyes with a fisted hand. he tried very very hard to resist cooing at the cat, and it came out as a strangled noise instead. the hybrid’s ears twitched, and he looked up at him with questioning eyes.

suddenly, melting into the bathroom floor seemed like a very, very viable option.

“um-“ he began, cringing at how awkward he sounded.

“i’ll need to treat that wound on your neck, but you’ll need to get cleaned up before that. w-will you be okay alone? i’ve set out some clothes for you, i mean, we aren’t exactly the same size, but at least you’ll be warm?” his statement came out as more of a question, lilting at the end, and he rubbed a hand over the back of his neck nervously.

goddammit, pull yourself together!

the cat stared at him softly for what seemed like an eternity, before he nodded, so small it would have been inperceptible had he not been looking intently.

“i-i’m going to go now, if you need anything just call for me, alright?” he would have high-tailed it out of there immediately, if it hadn’t been for the fact that he remembered the hybrid didn’t even know his name.

“i’m namjoon, by the way,” he says hurriedly, lips coming up to form a smile that looked more like a grimace than anything, before practically running out of the toilet.

he leans against the closed bathroom door, sighing loudly.

after he had tucked the hybrid into the car, the cat had fallen asleep swiftly within the toasty confines of namjoon’s audi, head pillowed on a hand, curled up against the passenger-side door, breathing soft and even. he had glanced at the hybrid periodically during the drive back, hands gripping the steering wheel tight till his knuckles had turned white, constantly checking to see if the hybrid was still breathing. his lips had been blue, nose a ruddy red under the playground slide, and namjoon had had to carry the cat back to the car, hands under his bony knees and back, the weight frighteningly light in his arms. the hybrid had buried his cold nose in namjoon’s neck, and he had tried hard not to flinch, thankful for the small puffs of air he felt against his nape, even if it had made his hair stand. he tries not to think about the tiny whimper the cat had let out when he’d closed the door, hurrying to the driver’s side and flinging himself into the seat before driving off with what seemed to be 20 miles above the speed limit.

taking a deep breath, he pushes away from the bathroom door to call hoseok.

it was going to be a long night.

he misses the small, soft repitition of his name on the other side of the bathroom door as he walks away.

“namjoon,” a soft voice whispers, syllables curling around a pair of chapped lips.

**

“any particular reason you’re calling me at eleven at night?” comes the sarcastic drawl, and namjoon grimaces.

“hey, um-“ he mutters into the receiver, not sure where to begin. “any chance you have any idea how to treat a gash? like, maybe not for humans- but more of the hybrid variety?”

the last syllable’s barely out of his mouth before hoseok’s shrieking into his ear. he winces.

“KIM NAMJOON! did you get a cat? how come it never came up? did you injure your cat on the first day? i swear to god-“

“HOSEOK,” he hisses, “not so loud! and no, i didn’t get a cat, i kind of picked up a-“it’s too late.

“NAMJOON HYUNG GOT A CAT?” comes the loud chorus from hoseok’s two hybrids, taehyung and jimin, and namjoon groans into the hand pressed to his face.

“just tell me how to treat the gash before i need to treat myself for a loss of hearing, too,” he says.

**

hanging up after a very stressful, very interrogative conversation with one jung hoseok, namjoon rubs a hand over his face tiredly and screams very, very quietly into his fingers.

hoo, okay, you can do this, kim namjoon, you can do-

the door to his bedroom creaks open slowly, and he looks up in suprise, only for the words to die in his throat.

the cat is clad in a wide-collared threadbare t-shirt, an old thing from namjoon’s college days, and the smallest, shortest pair of joggers namjoon could procure from his mess of a closet. he’d decided on the wide-collared shirt after considering how he’d needed to access the cat’s neck and shoulder easily to clean up the bite wound, but something lodges itself in his throat as he looks at the cat, collarbones displayed so beautifully. after cleaning up, the cat’s skin is so pale it’s almost translucent, and he’s so tiny, so slight in namjoon’s large clothes, sharp and bony in places where he shouldn’t be, and namjoon’s heart pounds and aches at the same time— was that even possible?

“hey,” he says, smiling a little, “you doing okay?” the cat fidgets a little at this, fingers twisted into the hem of the shirt, and nods quietly, eyes downturned and cheeks flushed a pale pink. the colour’s returning to the cat’s lips, and his hands aren’t shaking anymore, and namjoon breathes a small sigh of relief at this.

“come sit down,” he says gently, rummaging around in his bedside table for the necessary supplies hoseok had listed, taking out disinfecting wipes, iodine and gauze, checking them several times to make sure they’re hybrid-safe.

the hybrid sits himself down slowly at the edge of the bed, as if afraid to impose, one leg folded beneath the other, worrying the shirt between his pale fingers, a nervous tic namjoon will soon come to learn of.

he sits down infront of the hybrid on the floor, setting down the supplies beside him on the parquet. he tears open the wipes methodically and tries hard not to fidget at the feeling of eyes on him, a gaze so intent he almost sweats a little. 

“this is going to hurt a litte,” he says, looking up, eyes meeting the cat’s, who pinks and averts his gaze, and namjoon’s fingers clench a little around the iodine bottle a little too hard.

he’s so cute.

cleaned of the dried blood, the bite mark looks less severe than before, but namjoon still winces as he thinks about the pain the cat must have gone through. he swipes the wipe over the wound gently, once, twice and stops when he hears the quick intake of breath. he looks up, hands stilling, to see the hybrid with his bottom lip between his teeth, white from how hard he’s biting down.

“if it hurts, you can cry out, it’s okay,” he says soothingly, hands hesitating before setting one tanned palm over the hybrid’s fingers, clenched around the hem of the shirt. slowly but surely, the fingers relax under his touch.

he finishes cleaning and moves onto dabbing some iodine onto the wound lest it got infected, and covers the wound with gauze and medical tape swiftly. he procures some band-aid then, and opens one, looking up at the cat questioningly.

“i’m going to put this over the cut on your face. is- is it okay to touch you?”

the cat stares at him for a second, and for a moment, namjoon’s heart stills at how close they are, close enough that he can count each eyelash on the cat, eyes a dark, dark brown. he readies himself for rejection, prepared to hand the cat the band-aid, adjusting the grip so their fingers won’t touch.

kim namjoon, you fool, of course he won’t let you touch him, he’s afraid, and , you’d probably hurt him-

“okay,” comes the barely whispered assent, so soft it could have been an exhale.

namjoon jerks up shakily, eyes widening. the cat’s gaze is focused on his feet, and namjoon begins to wonder if he’d imagined the voice, but the the cat’s pink cheeks tell him otherwise.

he breathes out softly, and smiles.

“thank you,” he whispers, fingers peeling back the plastic backing of the band-aid before smoothing it over the cut on the cat’s cheekbone, fingers so gentle he surprises even himself. the cat’s skin is soft to the touch, warm, and namjoon finds himself flushing at their proximity. perhaps he brushes his fingers one time too many over the hybrid’s cheek, under the excuse of checking whether the band-aid’s properly adhered. perhaps.

“i don’t know what to call you yet,” he says finally, cleaning up the supplies.

ears twitch, and the hybrid looks up, tail swaying slightly. he meets namjoon’s gaze and holds it for a second before averting his line of sight again.

“yoongi,” he says finally, voice low and a little raspy from disuse. namjoon tries to ignore the shivers that wash over him from hearing the cat’s voice.

“yoongi,” he repeats, smile so wide it hurts, and he bets hoseok would say he’s got that “big dumb goofy grin” on his face again, but that be damned, he’s so god damned happy.

“it’s nice to meet you, yoongi.”

a/n: ahhhh there's probably a crapton of mistakes let me know if you find something embarrassing orz i do hope it was an enjoyable read!! im so weak for sugamon its not even funny lmao