It was a gloomy spring, the year 1879. I was born a girl then but fate would change me forever.

Every day, I wake up to the incessant screams of my grandmother, whom I called her Nana. The shrilling voice dictates my life, from birth till now. I’ve always dream of going to school, and henceforth parading my knowledge to the outside world. Yet subsuming those dreams into my life is far impossible as life treats me unfairly. Every day, I would spend the day doing odd jobs under the shimmering waves of heat, surrounded by man and woman with sun-bleached skins.

I was the middle child, born in a poor family. Based on ancient superstitious, the middle child brings bad luck to the family. Perhaps, it is true because immediately after my birth, my father died from an epidemic illness. To my family, I was a filthy brat. So, I’m forced to eat leftover food and to sleep on cold hard cemented floor as a requirement. I tried hard to gain approval from my family. I toll hard to atone for the crime I did not commit but may have caused it. Yet I still got a disgusted glare and a spit to my face. I was not given a name for my family could not be bothered to think of a name for me. So I decided to call myself Wu Ming, which means nameless in the Chinese language.

Now, you may wonder. Wasn’t my name Hyesung? That name will only unravel at the later parts.

My family made no efforts in hiding their desire to get rid of me. I was either going to be sold into slavery or married off into a family far worse than mine. One day, Nana told me, “Tomorrow, a servant boy will come here and fetch you to Han Valley where you are to wed the master of the Yan family. Master Yan is a well-respectable retired general. I spent a hefty price trying to get him to marry you.”

“But I don’t want to wed someone I don’t know, much less at such young age.” I protested in a small voice. Nana, upon hearing that, snaps. “A filthy brat like you ought to be filled with gratitude that someone would want to marry you.”

I was only sixteen when I was married off to a family located in the Han Valley, hundreds of miles away from home. Despite my protests against marrying someone I barely know, an emaciated servant boy still came to our house the next day. He came to our house with nothing – no wedding gifts and no mode of transportation. We left for Han Valley with nothing but our tattered clothes. No one came to bid us farewell.

That was the last time I would ever see my family.

The journey to Han Valley was a treacherous road. In order to reach our destination, we need to pass Hu Bei, a city filled with nothing but deaths. A plague struck the city. Dead bodies infested with rats and maggots lay on the streets. A vile stench encompasses the city. Chants of Buddhist scriptures reverberated around us. I tried to ignore the misery surrounding us but all I could see were rotting bodies and rats staring at us as we tread past Hu Bei.  

It took us two days to walk out of the wretched city. By the fifth day, we arrived at the Yan family mansion. The grandeur of the mansion was simply too intimidating for me to take another step. The mansion loomed proudly behind bright red walls, guarded by two majestic marble lions. The servant boy and I created a huge contrast against the architecture with our dirty faces, tattered clothes and swollen soles from our weeping blisters

I did not have any saving grace; a pretty face, proper etiquette or a rich family background. What if Nana had conned them into marrying a rich child bride but she was just a fatherless child? What if they regret buying me? Where can I possibly go?

The servant boy leads me to the grand hall, passing the shady courtyard of ferns and cypress and a delicate marble fountain where the soft gurgling of the clear melodic water resonated in the surrounding silence. A plump lady whom the servant boy greeted her as Madam was waiting for us at the grand hall.

“She’s here!” Madam shouted.

Master Yan enters the grand hall. His thin frame and wrinkled eyes make him look frail. Yet there was a certain commanding aura that prohibits me from staring at him. It only took him less than a few seconds for him to scrutinize over me.

He frowns. “This is the girl I paid so much for? What dirty and ugly face she has. What a horrendous looking child.”

“Shush! This is the best girl we can afford to have given your present predicament.” Madam scolds. “She will look more presentable once we have cleaned the dirt off her.”

With a disdainful glare, Master Yan grumbled. “Welcome to the Yan family, my future child bride.”

I was introduced to a maidservant named Yue who would be attending to my every need. The bedchamber where I am to rest before the wedding was evident with the fact that the room was furnished on a meagre budget. The room was dim, with only a small window at the side, curtained with a square of starched white cotton cloth. The walls were of royal green, with small details sewed in. Though the room lacks the majestic character the exterior mansion has, I dare not touch anything with my hands, lest I soiled the objects with dirt.

After Yue has prepared my bath for me, I dismissed her. Shyness prohibits me from letting her clean my sweaty and dirty body. The water turn black as it cascade down my body. I was skinny and covered with scars. Yet Nana was willing to spend some money for me to have a comfortable home for the rest of my life. Maybe she wasn’t as despicable as I thought. After my bath, I changed into a clean silk robe, with Yue bringing in a tray with bowls of rice, stewed meat and vegetables. It was the first time I see such hearty meal. Starving, I bolt everything down. Maybe, just maybe, I might have a shot of changing my life for the better.

At the same time, I noticed Yue standing at the corner. Perhaps I wasn’t used to the social etiquettes at this house yet, but I felt bad for gorging down everything while she is probably starving.

“Why don’t you come and eat with me, Yue?” I reckoned towards her. “I can’t do that, my lady.” Yue uttered, “Madam will be displeased with me.”

“She might. But we just have to be careful not to let her find out.” Without a word, I pulled Yue to the table. After every small bite, it became bigger and bolder. Till the extent of inhaling every food we see in sight.

At first light, the mansion was as silent as though it has just ended in the night. Begrudgingly, still in my silk robe, I look over to the courtyard, seemingly looking for the preparations. Then it dawned on me that this wedding is probably going to be an intimate affair for there was no one in sight. I should probably greet Master Yan first as a form of respect.

As I make my way to his chamber, I heard an unfamiliar voice. Fearing of interrupting them, I stood behind the door and waited. Inevitably, I got caught up with what they were conversing.

“I am afraid you will not be able to make it tomorrow.” The unfamiliar voice spoke. “There is no cure for your illness.” I was suffocated by fear.

If Master Yan is dying, why would he still want to be married? What was I getting myself into? I need answers! I tried not to make a sound, knowing that if I am captured, my life will be in grave danger.

Once I was outside my chamber, I bolt through the door, surprising Yue who was setting my breakfast on the table. Yue gasps and spins round. I wasted no time in pulling her by her arm, pushing her against the wall. “Do not scream.” I warn her, “Unless you want our lives to be in danger.”

Yue whimpers, and in the faint light shining through the small window, her eyes were frantic. “Tell me what is going on in this household!”

I felt nauseated the moment I heard Yue’s breathless rush of words. Master Yan had contacted an incurable disease. It was about a month ago when everyone learnt about the news and even though he is already in his fifties, he has never been married before due to his constant travelling as a general when he was younger. Now, he wants a companion for the afterlife. After the wedding, I am to be slaughtered and lay to rest beside the corpse of Master Yan. My job is to be a spirit bride.

“But…. He doesn’t have much time left to live.” I stuttered. “He…. I overheard someone saying he won’t be able to make it through the night.”

Yue lowers her head. “Then I’m afraid, my lady, that tomorrow, you will be slaughtered in a spiritual ceremony, joining Master Yan in eternal sleep.”

“You liar!” I spit. “I am not going to go through that sinister ritual. Why didn’t you tell me about this horrible treatment I’m about to face yesterday?” I shouted. “I treated you so well and this is how you repay me?”

Out of anger, I rip out of my silk robe and change into Yue’s servant clothes, quickly slipping my feet into her tattered sandals. Yue gripped my arm hard, screaming. “No my lady, you are to stay for the ritual. It’s the right thing to do!” I pushed her hands away, and out of spite, I beat her with my fist until she is barely conscious. RUN, RUN!

I flee into the light, dashing through the paddy fields of rice, into the dense forest. “Run Wu Ming, run!” The wind bellows. It felt as though the wind was protecting me and spurring me on. I obey. I hurtle myself into the dark forest. It was so dense that light threading into the forest was seen as an ominous sign. I did not pause for breaths nor did I stop to ease the painful stitches in my side. I felt distraught.

How could Nana do this to me? Did she know of their plan? And if she did, how could she have the heart to do this to her own granddaughter? Where am I supposed to go now? There is no one for me to trust.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks. At that moment, it seems as though the sky was looking after me for beads of water begin to fall without any hint of stopping. Hiding the tears I am shedding. I fear not what is ahead, but what is behind. Death is chasing me but I was not scared for only in the throngs of the trees and canopy did I felt protected. I staggered on. Wishing that I could grow wings and leave this evil world I am living in.

It took me a night to walk out of the forest. In a daze and with a of luck, I chanced upon a town. However, perhaps my luck has run out for the town was stripped of life. It was a burned village. Even with my tattered sandals and dull servant clothes, I was standing out as though I was a wealthy merchant. Food has run out for the town’s fate was intertwined with calamity.

Even with the countless devastation the town has gone through, a town will never be short of bandits ready to rob whatever livelihood that is still left in you.

“Surrender to us and we will let you live!”

Bandits! I need to hide! Even those with starve-mutt ribcages and eyes bulging in their gaunt skulls tried hard to escape from the eyes of the bandits. Bandits are ruthless. They will stop at nothing to get what they want. They are the villains in children’s bedtime story, the ghost in adults’ nightmare. They are therefore also known as ‘The Soulless Thieves.’

“Fool! Why are you still standing here for? Are you not going to surrender?” One of the bandits strikes me on the head, causing me to fall. “Get up and get in line.” He shouted.

The bandits worked in a vicious manner. They hauled families out from their house, seizing them so that they can trade them off as slaves in exchange for golds. Even as the men plead with all their might to not have their wife and daughters be taken away, they would continue ing the spears into their body. And even with the women giving screams of dismay, along with the children’s painful shrieks, the killings continue. One by one, down the line, men and women who resisted the bandits were either killed or .

I was next in line.

Anxiety was building up. I knew that either way, I will be exploited. Yet maybe, I might be the only person lucky enough to survive. The sound of the heavy footsteps crept closer. Trembling, I looked up and a barbaric-looking man was staring straight into my eyes. “Well now, this girl looks hideous. But she looks like she is also more than suited to be a slave.” He gave the others a twisted smile. “Maybe we can have some fun with her first before we trade her off.” Laughers echoed in the background as though it was a sign of agreement amongst them.

“No! NO!” I yelled. I tried hard to free myself from his grasp, but before I knew it, I was on the ground screaming. I felt distorted by the excruciating pain. My nails were ripped, broken and bloody from trying to claw my way to escape. “This is not how I want my life to end.” I whimpered, and as much as I want to escape from his grasp, I had lost the will to fight back. I was tired of my life.

“Well now, she has stopped struggling. Tsk. And I was beginning to have fun.” He spat. “Tie her up boys. We are going to sell her off as a slave.”

Within seconds, I was lifted up from the ground, with blood dripping down my fingers. I was tied up and hoisted onto a horse. I knew of the destination I was about to go and deep down, I know that I will never be free again. So I started pleading softly to myself, to the person that was located far away from me.

To my father whom I’ve never met before, please bring me out of the sufferings. Bring me to the place of the unseen, to a place where I won’t be frightened and abused and where I can be within your comfort.