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The scar of betrayal and hurt still haunts Luhan to this day. He lets it sink in the back of his mind and continues with his day as the happy student. He doesn't let himself think too much of what happened and what could've been by busying himself with what he can do today. And maybe his heart aches whenever he looks at a screenshot and remembers the kindness and fake love from someone he held dear. 

And that person was Kim Minseok. 

Minseok was someone Luhan met by pure accident. He just happened to sit next to the other male and the two sparked a conversation like they were best buds. Luhan especially, he's an extrovert as much as he was an introvert. Minseok was pretty shy at first and Luhan found it really adorable to have someone older act this cute. 

It was summer. Luhan hated summer.

But he found the sun of his dark days in summer and he was grateful.

At the time. (And maybe he still was today.)

Luhan needed two p.e credits in order to graduate with Academic Honors and he was going to start his junior year doing it. Of course, it was in summer and Luhan hated the sun. It was difficult to survive, Luhan would whine, when he had to walk home from the bus stop and end up super drained. His mom would make him shakes and that would be the only thing he "ate" before hitting his bed and sleeping for more than six hours. 

But Minseok was always there, smiling and telling him random things Luhan couldn't remember. At the time he was having a hard time trusting his boyfriend, Baekhyun, and he felt really bad for thinking bad of him. Baekhyun had moved and wouldn't have connection until they set it up but Luhan would always see the green dot of Baekhyun's chat on and it would frustrate him. He would never say anything about if of course. 

They broke up at the end of the month which is where Minseok swooped in and filled in the spot. Luhan was very grateful and the more they talked, the more he felt attracted to the older. Keep in thought, he would say, Minseok is older than you by two years. But the older returned those feelings and they ended up dating as soon as Luhan entered his senior year of highschool while Minseok was in his second year of college. 

The beginning of their relationship was the best. They were close and loved each other. Luhan was caught in being an artist or a writer while Minseok was going for psychology.  He remembers talking early in the morning and messing around in second period (because Luhan had choir and the connection was bad) through their phones. Then the rest of the day would be of the two. Somewhere, Luhan would notice that his eyes lingered a bit too much on a boy named Chanyeol in his Chinese class. (Luhan was Chinese but he wanted to learn more) and noticed the affection from a boy called Sehun in his art class. Of course, he would tell Minseok about these and Minseok would talk to him about it. 

They were together and Luhan thought that the smallest thing of infedility could hurt them and would apologize about it. But there would be times when Minseok wouldn't say anything. He would be extremely awkward and didn't give much more than two words. Sometimes he made Luhan think he wasn't worth it. He had a lot of insecurties and knew by fact that he had depression and anxiety. Minseok sometimes acted as if he didn't know all these and would continue unknowingly (or knowingly) hurt Luhan. It sometimes went far as to Luhan crying and having to talk to his best friend, Yixing. 

He doesn't remember much now, everything is slightly clouded but he knows that it really impacted him. A few months later had Luhan on a spin. He doesn't remember getting his therapist and he doesn't remember much of what could've worsened his depression. All he knows is that he wasn't good during December. He knows that he was having feelings for Chanyeol and woud talk to Minseok about it. Minseok was really chill and would say "You can date him and if it goes wrong, come back to me." 

As much as Minseok would reassure him, he always felt uneased and scared that he was hurting Minseok with what he said. Their conversations weren't that much of sweet but every once in a while they would have little fights of adorable pictures and writing. Luhan really loved the moments where they would call each other for the longest of times about random things and he could recall how happy he was. Sometimes Minseok would surprise him and send him pictures of a Luhan's name and the words "我爱你" after. Those are what would make Luhan's day but he's disposed of them, except for one. 

Maybe the fact that Minseok was taking psychology was a red flag or maybe the fact that Minseok was awkward with certain people and would let Luhan pass with some high things. 

Luhan would never have thought of Minseok as a bad guy. But he was wrong, so so wrong. See, it hurts to be betrayed, especially when you pour your heart out to someone who you think loves you. All your secrets and antics. It was one-sided because it was "taboo" to ask anything about Minseok. As much as Luhan wanted to ask about Minseok, he was shut down so he tried not to ask much but it frustrated him and added onto his depression.

As much as Luhan liked Chanyeol, he tried not to be all over him and tried his best to be loyal to Minseok. That was until he met someone named Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo and him were really awkward but they managed to talk a bit. One day, Kyungsoo just started talking to him and Luhan managed to say that Minseok was his boyfriend and did everything go down. 

He found out a day later that Kyungsoo was also dating Minseok. Minseok told lies, that of "He's delusional, I had to. He wouldn't leave me alone."  but Kyungsoo told me something else. And he also said that Minseok cheated on him the first time. and that he thought it would be different now. From Kyungsoo, Luhan knew that Minseok was empty and never loved anything in his life. His heart was crushed and all the "I love yous" said before meant nothing. Minseok never loved Luhan. 

The day he asked Minseok about Kyungsoo, was also the day they broke up. Minseok wasn't affected and Luhan realized it was because he never cared. He knew he should've taken charge since the day he saw some random person all over him. He was dumb to be led so far. And the thing was, it destroyed Luhan. He was in his computer class when everythign came clashing down and he couldn't help but cry for the whole period. By the time he got to his study hall, he was feeling empty and his eyes were puffy and rubbed a bit too hard. Kyungsoo tried to be his friend but Luhan didn't want anything with Kyungsoo, not now, not ever. The whole day he was tired, sad, and empty. Many took notice and would ask but all Luhan did was shake his head and give a sad smile. 

As soon as he got home, Luhan's depression got the best of him. All he could think about was death and betrayal and he wanted so badly to kill himself. The funny thing was, his birthday was in four days. He spent as much time alone the whole week and would have attacks when he thought about Minseok and then he was back to ground 0. His friends tried so hard to comfort him but Luhan's mind screamed death. He doesn't think he could've cried that much. He spent three days dwelling in his sadness. On Saturday, he wanted to sleep in; he probably did. Luhan doesn't remember much anymore. But his birthday came around and he just wanted to be alone. They celebrated it and he tried to invite his friends but only his best friend showed up. He tried not to show how disappointed he was but he masked it so well. He was still hurt but he smiled all day and made brownies and coffee. But he wasn't happy. Luhan felt dead and tired. He wanted to leave. His eyes were tired of crying over someone who didn't care about him. 

And he wanted to kill himself. He really did but his conscience told him not to. He remembers trying not to cry on his birthday after his best friend left but he ended up doing so. And it hurt way more when he recieved a text saying, "Happy Birthday." Luhan knew who it was and it caused him to get an attack. He doens't know what went on through his mind but he ended up talking slightly to Minseok and it killed oh so sweetly. He remembers crying himself to sleep. He remembers going through the screenshots of his conversations with Minseok and the exchange of pictures they did. All he did was cry and cry. 

He contacted Baekhyun and they became friends again.

But as much as Luhan is fine and single, his mind will drift back to Minseok.

Minseok, the one who broke his heart.

Minseok, the one who never cared.

And maybe, just maybe, Luhan will learn not to fall too deeply for people. 

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so this story was basically based off of mine. I changed a lot of things and the reason there wasn't dialogue was because I had erased and forgotten every other word that was shared. 

What makes me slightly mad now was that she used my favorite poem as her own and I wanted to cry because I didn't need something else tainted. I am okay now. I can say that. I went through a hard time but it's fine now. 

there might be a lot of grammar mistakes I am sorry but it's midnight and i need sleep.