“Walk faster! Professor Kim told me he’s only able to meet with us for a few minutes since he has to attend a meeting or whatever. C’mon!” Yoon Ji’s friend kept on dragging her wrist even when inside the university’s premises already.

Yoon Ji heaved a soft sigh as her eyes wandered around her old school. Her second home for 4 years. The place that witnessed all the joy, yet also struggles, her teenage life underwent. If not for Bo Mi dragging her hurriedly, she could’ve reminisced some of her memories serenely.

That’s when she realized…

“Yah, Professor Kim’s office is that way. Why are we going to the quadrangle?” She was about to pull back and stop her friend from walking further but the latter was obviously much stronger and continued to walk faster.

“Yah! Bo Mi-ya! Wha—”

She was dumbfounded when Bo Mi just suddenly left her in the middle of the quadrangle and sprinted off real quickly. She was about to follow after her when a group of students- no, a horde of students rather, blocked her path (a good 2 meters apart from her). Left, right, behind, front, she was trapped. She looked at the students’ faces, most were familiar, but some were not. Aren’t they my hoobaes from last year? She thought.

What made it even weirder for the woman in the middle of the horde of students was how each student was just smiling at her while holding a blue rose. Her favorite type of rose. She furrowed her eyebrows in deep confusion as she muttered to herself, “What exactly is happening?”

As if on cue, a guitar strum echoed throughout the area.

She turned her head to the source of the sound and as she did, the students who were formerly blocking the path, moved aside, making a wide space, revealing a man with an acoustic guitar hung over his shoulder.

When she saw him, her mind went blank. Same goes as her expression. What was she supposed to feel?

He was smiling shyly, but given a closer look, the corners of the man’s lips were twitching slightly, indicating his nervousness.

Then, her heart skipped.

No, it wasn’t the type of skip when you see your crush.

It wasn’t the type of skip when you’re reminded of your first kiss.

For her, it was a different kind of skip.

It was the kind of skip that reminded her of something else.

Yoon Ji courageously looked directly at the man’s eyes, for they were still more than 10 meters apart. Observing this, the man made one step forward.

But she remained rooted on her spot, the blank expression on her face not fading away, just watching his every movement.

He started strumming his guitar, not failing to maintain the eye contact the both of them shared as he walked ever so slowly.

She watched, listened. She realized that he was playing and singing an acoustic version of Westlife’s Tonight.

Tonight, I dedicate my heart to you
Tonight, I’m gonna be a part of you
Tonight, you’re gonna know how much I miss you
And I miss you so

I don’t wanna act like
I know that you’ll be mine forever
Though I hope it’s forever
Don’t want you to feel like
I take you for granted
Whenever we are together

So put your best dress on
And wrap yourself in the arms of someone
Who wants to give you all the love you want

When she took in the fact that he was now just a few meters away from her, she found herself having difficulty to breathe properly. But of course, she didn’t make it obvious to the man in front of her.

He won’t notice anyway. He never notices. She shook her head lightly as she realized the bitter thought she just had. Thus, causing her to break the eye contact first. Well, the song has just ended anyways.

“Yoon Ji.” He called as soon as he finished the song.

Her heart skipped again.

The same skip it did a while ago.

What kind of skip was it exactly?

She looked down and hesitated to look at the man’s eyes again as she recognizes the rising pace of her breathing pattern. She also noticed how her heart was unbelievably racing in a quick manner right now. And what is this? She felt her cheeks heating up as he steps forward again, making the distance between them less than a meter now.

“Yoonji.” He called, again.

She was too busy figuring out the various emotions running through her that she was beyond surprised when he suddenly knelt in front of her, already holding a bouquet of roses and chocolate on his hands. Too stunned that she did not realize she was looking at him, again.

The next words, phrases, and sentences that came out from the man's lips came to her all in a blur. It was as if the moment she met eyes with him, in such close proximity, her ability to listen and understand things flew right out the window.

The moment she set eyes on his face, she felt hypnotized.

No.

Rather, she felt like drowning. into a whirlpool of emotions she can't seem to escape from.

His eyes.

His nose.

His lips.

His ears, that whatever the size, he always seemed to be proud of.

And his voice, the deep voice that she used to hear every day of her life without a miss. From the moment she wakes up 'til the minute before she sleeps in.

I would be lying if I say that I didn't miss his voice. She thought, voice speaking on her mind ever so softly.

And then, he smiled. The smile that distracted her so much she was pulled back to reality. How ironic.

What am I doing here?

What exactly is he doing?

What is he saying?

I can't look at him without feeling hurt... why? Still?

Strings of thoughts lined up on her mind as she calmed herself and slowly took in the situation she is on right now.

Her- still in the middle of her alma mater's quadrangle, looking down at the man who is still kneeling in front of her while spilling out words she can't seem to focus on since he started speaking.

But then, her calmness was short-lived as she heard the next words the man said. If she did not understand a thing he was saying a while ago, this time, she understood everything...

"Yoon Ji, would you give me the chance to start over again with you? Would you give me the chance to show and prove to you the better version of myself? Lastly, would you hand me the privilege of being together with you as we live the next days, months, years!... of our lives?"

...and she did not feel good.

With those simple words, everything came back to her.

How much she suffered hurting-- alone, when he decided to leave her.

How much she was haunted every night thinking if she was that easy to be thrown away. If she was merely a cheerleader for him.

How much she felt suffocated every time she was unintentionally, constantly reminded of him.

She remembered feeling a consistent pinch inside her even just by seeing his name, his picture or whatever that has his face or the letters of his name on it.

She looked at him, particularly his eyes. His eyes that were beaming so bright and with so much hope.

Wrong move.

With one look, the tears she was trying to hold back with so much effort finally found their way to pool the corners of her eyes.

No...

No, I can't..

I need to get out of here. It hurts.. it hurts so much.

I can't take this anymore...

"I'm sorry, Chan Yeol-ah" she spoke carefully, not wanting her voice to crack but failing miserably.

As soon as she stated those words, she immediately turned around and started walking away quickly. As she did, the tears finally rolled down her cheeks.

Apprehending that he won't be following after her anytime soon (or not at all anymore), she started walking slowly, ignoring the whispers and gasps the crowd was continuously producing.

While she was controlling her sobs from getting any more attention than they already have ('they' being him and her), she then realized something.

She finally realized what triggered the skip of heartbeat she felt awhile ago.

She finally caught on the dominant emotion she has been feeling after seeing him again in months.

The reason behind the burning of her cheeks, the difficulty of her breathing, the quickening of her heartbeat's pace. She finally knew.

It wasn't because of happiness. Of excitement. Of thrill. No, it was anything but positive.

It was this afterall...

Pain.