"Till this day, I still remember your laughter of happiness." 

Chapter OST: Miss You - Standing Egg [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SHzDQ_rq-8]

Autumn leaves falling, the light breeze lightly brewing across the pathways. The sun radiated with great joy in the light blue sky as the first day of autumn started out the same way every year. The routine has been the same for a while.

How are you doing, honey?

I’ve missed you.

“Kim Ae Min, hurry up! I won’t wait for you if you’re going to dilly dally any longer!”

I adjusted my coat as I lightly combed through my brown hair that was barely tamed after all the things I had to do when I was on my own during this period.

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The little girl waddled out of her room as she pulled on her little white skirt and adjusted her top lightly as she ran towards me into my embrace as I adjusted her coat before brushing through her hair. I slipped her feet into the grey Nike as she grinned happily at the pair of shoes that was the most comfortable for this little one.

Dear, I finally understood why you wanted our daughter 5^th birthday present to be a pair of runners instead of fancy heels, boots or sandals for her.

After I tied the shoe lace for the little princess, she gently glided her hands over the crown of my head.

“Eomma, your hair is really pretty today.”

I gave her a small smile and stood up as she grabbed my hands and led both of us out to the black Lexus that was in front of the cozy little house. Clicking on the automated button, the car gave a bright beep and lighted up. Ae Min climbed into the backseat into her car seat as she buckled herself up like she was used to. I climbed into the driver’s seat and clicked the start button to rear up the engine as I put on my seatbelt.

The car gave a healthy purr and started off as the silence of the car was filled up with Ae Min’s joyful laughter and cheers.

“Eomma, is Appa going to be happy when he sees us?”

“Yes, baby girl, he would be extremely delighted.”

She hummed a light tune and talked about the cars that went by us as she occasionally spurted out words like,” Eomma, in the future, I want a car like that!”, “Eomma, that car has a huge crocodile painted on it.”

“What’s your favorite car, baby?”

She gave a small smile and without a single second of hesitation, she giggled,” This one! Appa loves this car a lot, so Ae Min will love it a lot as well! But Ae Min can’t take it from Eomma!”

“Eomma, is Appa performing energetically now? Is he jumping around the stage and hugging Samchons?”

“Yes Princess, Appa is performing with lots and lots of energy now, and Samchons are all with him as well!”

She clapped gleefully at the thought as her clap abruptly stopped. I glance through the rearview mirror to see her disheartened face that took over.

“What’s wrong, princess?”

“If Appa is using lots and lots of energy now, he won’t play with Ae Min later!”

“I’m sure Appa has left lots of energy for his favorite baby girl.”

She giggled behind her hands at that thought as we pulled into the venue that we had come to every year. She unbuckled herself as I turned off the engine and unbuckled my own seatbelt, getting off the driver’s seat. I made my way to her side as I carried her off, and to the ground. She shuffled her feet anxiously and in excitement as she hummed one of the new songs one of the boys taught her from their new album.

From a distance, a loud blast of music could be heard as their new album’s songs could be heard clearly. There were cheers and claps from a distance as Ae Min waited for me to lock the car up. She bounced on her heels and yelled,” Appa, we are here to see you! Did you miss Ae Min?”

She waited as the music continued blasting. She pouted and mumbled gently,” Appa, why didn’t you come home?”

I gently her hair as she hugged the Pooh soft toy on her right hand a little longer as she gave it a small baby kiss before kissing the Piglet that was on her left hand.

Darling, just like you, Ae Min loves the Pooh characters! Goodness, why can’t she follow in my footsteps and love Stitch?

She gently whispered to the Piglet,” Piglet, we have brought Pooh to Appa. He must’ve missed Pooh a lot.”

I took the paper bag from the car and locked it up as she Ae Min held onto my hand and I brought her further into the venue. As we went closer, the cheers, screams, claps and music became louder and louder.

We walked slightly further and at the entrance, there stood a familiar face. He turned around and saw us as he gave a light wave with a cheerful smile.

“Hey, you’re here!”

Jin Hwan gave me a light hug and lightly tapped my back. He then crouched down to give Ae Min a light wave as she ran into his embrace, not forgetting about the two Pooh characters. She kissed him lightly on the cheeks as his eyes twinkled with happiness.

“Hey Princess Kim, you’re here?”

“Samchon Jin Hwan! How is Appa?”

“You can go and see for yourself!”

Hearing the commotion, two others came out to join in. Han Bin and Yun Hyeong gave me separate hugs as Jin Hwan carried Ae Min in his arms. As Han Bin gave me the hug, he lightly murmured,” You’ve worked hard.”

Yun Hyeong embraced me tightly,” You must’ve missed him like crazy.”

Yes I do miss you like crazy, Babe.

I walked past the metal gates as the music got louder, I could hear the boys cheering and screaming as they ran around the venue laughing. The rest of them welcomed me warmly as Chan Woo even yelled,” Hyung, sister-in-law is here!”

They took the bag containing lunch.

Before I could reach you, the smallest figure among us all, your baby girl, ran forward and hugged you tightly. She didn’t want to let you go. She landed a kiss on your features as she finally let go, her lips pouted.

“Appa, why are you always so hard, and so cold?”

Watching this occurrence, nobody spoke, the only background was the blasting music. The silence engulfed our daughter as the leaves crunched under our feet. The laptop that was placed in front of you, played a video montage, every single concert moments of you that you had on earth, was playing as the crowd cheered wildly. The boys ran around your tomb wildly in the field that they bought just for you, as they laughed like all of you used to.

They brought the new album that they recorded, but you wrote. They blasted it for you to hear and be proud of them like you always were.

“Appa, I have brought Pooh for you again, this year.”

Ae Min laid the little doll right in front of your tombstone as she lightly brushed the dirt away. The area seemed lonely at first, the field was just empty with your tomb in the middle but as weeks and months went by, the boys started hanging photos on the tree branches and bringing the trophies and albums to be place around the field.

They really missed you, dear.

I really missed you, Honey.

Twisting and turning the wedding band around my finger, I could feel the engraving in the band.

My One True Love

The music started again as the boys were running around like wild, playing catching and screaming things they held onto for so long.

“Kim Jiwon, why did you leave so early?!”

“Hyung, we really missed you!”

“Kim Jiwon!”

Kim Jiwon, the name that sounded like perfection to my ears, the person that looked like perfection to my eyes. No, the name that is still perfection to my ear, the person that is still perfection to my eyes. The one that could make my heart skip a beat every single time. The one that brings flowers to me just because I was upset. The one that would sneak into the cinema to surprise me whenever he said he couldn’t come. The one that ironically rapped about how much he love me at the wedding ceremony. The beautiful eye smile, the amazing laughter. The one that makes my name sound so melodious to listen to.

Kim Jiwon

Our baby girl has grown so much although it was barely 2 years since you left us. One thing that princess failed to mention was the unspoken words behind her every sentence about you.

“Eomma, is Appa going to be happy when he sees us?”

He doesn’t really see us, does he Eomma?

” This one! Appa loves this car a lot, so Ae Min will love it a lot as well! But Ae Min can’t take it from Eomma!”

Appa said that before he went away from the earth that he is giving this car to Eomma.

“Eomma, is Appa performing energetically now? Is he jumping around the stage and hugging Samchons?”

I know that Appa’s presence is still a large role in the group. Samchons never took him out in their hearts.

Appa is performing on stage in heaven.

“If Appa is using lots and lots of energy now, he won’t play with Ae Min later!”

Appa can’t actually play with me later, but I miss him.

” Appa, we are here to see you! Did you miss Ae Min?”

I really miss you, Appa.

“Samchon Jin Hwan! How is Appa?”

Did you put blankets over Appa when he is cold? Did you brush the dirt and dust away from Appa’s tomb?

Kim Jiwon, that day, why did you insist on entering the florist shop yourself?

It was as though fate knew you would want to save me and Princess.

You told us to go ahead first and you’d meet us later.

A later which never came.

The florist shop caught fire, it was a quick spread which you couldn’t escape.

You left me in a thick mess, but you left me with 6 of your brothers to go through this together. They were supposed to meet you in the shop next door but you went in to the florist earlier to get a bouquet for me. The boys were waiting for you. You saved 8 lives that you love and cherish.

But I lost the only one that I love and cherish, the one I wanted to live with till I’m old, laugh with till I’m dead and cry with till I’m gone.

It took me a year to stand up on my own with the support of this 6.

But thank you for at least leaving me with Princess to hold me on.

I know you’re still there, watching and protecting us.

"Till this day, I still remember your laughter of happiness." 

Thanks for being my One True Love.

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