-idk why i like killing my bias in every fic OTL-

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"Hyung..." Yoongi is sure he heard it very clearly. He did try to block it out, but it would never leave him.

That last, desparate look asking for him to just be with him still pains him. Gosh, it's still playing right before his eyes. He just wants to erase it and live for once. His stomach groans and churns, indicating his hunger for the seventeenth time that day. He tries to ignore it; it has become a habit now, to ignore hunger. He was numb to almost everything right now.

"Yoongi-hyung, come out. Please..." He hears Jungkook's desparate voice, but he doesn't want to. His room has become his safe haven. Seokjin had to stay with Taehyung and Hoseok for the mean time, until Yoongi just sorted himself out.

"Yoongi, it's been two months and you've come out only when you needed something to survive a few more days. Come out now" It is Seokjin now, and he still doesn't get up. If not for his frequent movement inside the room, he would have gotten bed sores by now. 

He senses that the tension outside is rising, but he just doesn't want to face them. He still remembers Jimin's parents crying helplessly that night. He blames himself for everything that happened that night.

"Yoongi, come out!" Seokjin yells and Jungkook shushes him down, trying to not make the elder feel even more hurt.

"Let me talk" Jungkook said and pushed Seokjin back.

"He still won't come out! How many more days will he keep blaming himself?" He yells but the youngest just ignores him. Taehyung, Namjoon and Hoseok just looks at the two, worried for Yoongi.

They had never seen the guy so depressed in the five years they've been together. True, all of them were emotionally affected at the sudden happenings in their life which resulted in the death of their always-smiling member, Jimin.

"Yoongi-hyung, I'm sure Jimin wouldn't have wanted you to be like this" Yoongi looks startled at the mention of the name. "He always looked out for you because no matter how cold and ignorant you were to him, he still knew underneath the thick wall there was a person who deeply cared for everyone. Hyung, it isn't your fault."

'It is your fault that he died! It's all your fault!' Hoseok's outburst that day resonates in his ears, almost as if mocking what Jungkook just said.

"He liked you, Yoongi-hyung. Whenever he felt insecure about himself, you were the first who went to him and said comforting words. Somehow, you two looked out for each other, intentionally or not"

"Please..." Yoongi whispered, trying to ignore the younger's words. Each of them felt like a stab to his heart.

"He wished for all of us to be happy after we disbanded, right? He wanted all of us to meet again in the future, with all of our kids, just like a reunion after years. He even said what he imagined us to be in the future: you were supposed to be a producer, right?" Jungkook could feel his own tears choking him, yet he continued.

Yoongi knew he had to come out, at least for the members if not for himself. 

And so, he does.

He feels the jolt that passes through his legs; an effect of touching the floor after weeks. He wobbles abnormally, and he knows it. He somehow finds his way through the dark room, but could also feel his senses blinking. 

As he finally reaches the door and unlocks it, he couldn't keep up anymore.

Jungkook opens the door, nose scrunching from the whizz of the pungent smell of a closed room. But what is even more surprising is the sudden thud, right before he opened the door.

"Hyung!" He yells as he kneels down, pulling the elder to his lap. 

Everyone is surprised at this sudden outburst. Seokjin looks utterly shocked at the scene before him.

Jungkook single-handedly lifts Yoongi onto his shoulder and runs out to their car, Namjoon and the manager following right behind him because he definitely doesn't know how to drive and someone needed to accompany him.

"... What just happened?" Hoseok asks, still unable to register the scenes that followed before his eyes.

"Yoongi-huyng..." Taehyung mutters loud enough for him to hear, and the two spare a glance at each other before running out to accompany the rest. 

The only one left behind is Seokjin. He goes inside, ignoring the mess the room was in. He sees everything put apart— even Yoongi's mattress— and messed up. He tries to imagine how Yoongi spent his time inside. He stumbles upon a sort of scrapbook and bends down to take a look at it.

His mind immediately flases an old memory—

"Hyung!" Jimin ran into Seokjin, huffing and puffing out of breath.

"Slow down, kid. What is it?" Seokjin asked as he smiled at the cuteness of the younger boy.

"H-Here; I made this" He said and handed over a black-covered note, which seemed hand-made. 'Sometimes internet does come in handy!' Jimin said to himself but Seokjin heard it.

As Seokjin went through the notebook, he felt overwhelmed at the content: it was a hand-made scrapbook. Inside was many, many polaroids of them and random drawings.

"Happy birthday, hyung!" Jimin exclaimed, but grinned awkwardly at the silence.

"T-This.... you made this?"

"Well, yeah, duh. This would explain why I slept out on the couch for days" Jimin smiled.

"... Thanks" He sighed, unable to say anything else. He was truly overwhelmed at Jimin's dedication towards making this gift.

He could feel the tears pricking his eyes as he sees Yoongi's version of the scrapbook; slightly different and perfectly done to his liking. Jimin really knew what everyone liked.

Her let the situation sink in for a minute: just the mess in the room clearly explained how devastated Yoongi was. How he blamed himself for what happened. 

He had caught Yoongi sneaking out in the midnight, helpless and hungry. He pretended to sleep on the couch, and peeked over what he did. Yoongi never took much food: maybe a bottle of milk kept by Jungkook or a couple of biscuit packs.

He honestly wanted to just pull him into a comforting embrace and tell him that it wasn't his fault, but his ego wouldn't let him. If Yoongi and Jimin hadn't went out that day, maybe Jimin would have lived. Maybe he could've avoided the speeding car; maybe nothing that is happening now would've not happened; maybe they'd be promoting their new mini album by now. Yet, it can't be undone now. Jimin was gone, and so was everyone's normal selves with them. Everyone were deeply affected at the demise of Jimin, but no one gave a single thought about how Yoongi actually felt being the reason to all of it.

Kim Seokjin finally understands how serious Yoongi's situation is.

---

All Yoongi faces is darkness. It is blinding and deafening. He could hear nothing, and the silence was deafening enough.

"What do you mean he's in a coma?" Namjoon asks the doctor first.

"He skipped days of sleep and food. He's heavily dehydrated and exhausted to the point his body just gave up when he tried to take a move. I'm actually surprised he managed on water and some light food all this time" The doctor snaps back at him. "What do you expect me to do? There are a lot of side-effects of lack of sleep, he just got to the extreme of it"

"But... we all skipped sleep" Hoseok mutters. True, they all had forgotten how it was to sleep, but that was only for a few days after Jimin's funeral.

"But were you as affected as he was? He seems to be extremely depressed. There's only so much a mind can take in. Lack of sleep can sometimes result in hallu—"

"Is there any chance for him to recover?" Jungkook interrupts. He really didn't want to argue with this rude doctor now. "I–We just want to know this and nothing else"

"There's a chance, but we don't know when. If he responds to the treatment well, he'll be fine in some days. If not... you know the rest"

Almost everyone feel like they just received a cold slap to their face; almost like Jimin giving them a painful wake up call to take care of someone who thought it was all because of him, of someone who wasn't a direct reason for the accident. The severity of the situation finally sinks into everyone.

"C-can we go inside?" Namjoon asks.

"Sure"

The three step in, not realizing until now that there was one person missing other than Jimin.

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Seokjin sits down, hands shaking uncontrollably. If this was all a big, huge prank then he just wants to get out of it.

"Just come back..." He pleads to Jimin, although he isn't sure if the latter could ever hear it.

It is his turn to make everything a mess now. He breaks down compltely, throwing everything to sides. His mind is just filled with so much of supressed feelings that it makes him go insane. Being the eldest, he felt the need to pull everything together as a mature guy would, and was the one who pulled everyone out of their shells. 

Everyone except Yoongi.

No matter how hard he tried, he could not get Yoongi out of that room, let alone from his depresseion. He soon realized that he cannot unless the rapper tries by himself, so he started to slowly give up.

"Seokjin-hyung!" He stops when he hears a voice. A very familiar, yet missed voice. He slowly turns, half shocked and half surprised.

"J-Jimin...?" His confusions are steered clear when his eyes see the person becfore him.

He wants to scream but nothing comes out of his mouth except shrill breaths. The room feels cold to him all of a sudden.

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, trying to convince himself that it was just an illusion; a hallucination of his dull mind. 

But a part of him; a huge part; hopes that it is Jimin.

---

It has been almost a month, and Yoongi hadn't got out of his forced trance yet. More and more lies had to be put up on the media to give them some free space. Fans flood their dormitory building everyday, so much that they had to move to their practice room temporarily. Their parents called them asked them to come home and be out of the limelight for a while. Yet, no one wanted to leave, not when Yoongi's in a condition like this.

Namjoon is walking to somewhere, slow steps filled with overflowing thoughts. As soon as he reaches the destination, he feels somewhat depressed enough. 

"It's me again, Jimin" He chokes out and sits down against the windows. That one space alone is flooded with flower-boquets and ribboned wreaths, all from their loving fans.

He still remembers how Yoongi was at their funeral.

"Hy-Hyung..." Hoseok called out to Yoongi but he stayed in his place, almost like a corpse. His eyes were hollow with dark circles covering a huge part of his face. "Y-Yoongi hyung..." Hoseok called out, worried if the other was even in a sane state.

Everyone were flooding the funeral hall, but the six had more to care about. Fans, idols, colleagues, staff of their management company, managers, CEO's, all of their families and extended families passed by them, telling them words of encouragement. But not anything can console them and fill in for their loss. Being with some stranger in the same house for eight years and suddenly losing them is hard, as hard as losing a family member.

Although they were greiving for the loss of Jimin, they were even more worried for Yoongi. That guy was the only one who was with Jimin in his last moments.

Boy, he was traumatized enough. Seeing all the crimson red made him sick to his stomach. Only he can picture that exact moment when Jimin died, right in his arms.

And all of it was because of a stupid move from Yoongi.

He could still hear Jimin’s desperate and weak calls to him, saying he didn’t have to panic so much, saying he would be out of danger soon.

“Lies” Yoongi muttered. “You lied… You ing lied, Jimin! You lied to me that time! You said you’d be out of danger soon! You said you would live… That you would live!” He raged at the motionless picture with a ribbon on. He hated the fact that it turned out into an inconsolable loss. His desperate pleads to God weren’t even heard. He hated it that it had to be Jimin and not him. It could have easily been him smiling in the photo instead of Jimin; they were just a few meters away, after all.

“Hyung!” Jungkook pulled the elder back, trying to control him.

Namjoon could just watch everything helplessly. As a leader, he was completely unable to make any move. He himself was in a mess.

“It , doesn’t it? Staying above all the time?” Namjoon asks, trying to console himself. I have to stay strong.

"It must be nice being up there, huh? You’re even calling Yoongi-hyung to you”

He could almost see Jimin saying that he didn't want to bring Yoongi to his place. He gets into an array of thoughts of how Jimin would reply. If he could, that is. 

---

All Yoongi sees is, still, darkness. He is conscious enough to comprehend he's in some kind of a problem.

And to be honest, he seems to be liking where he was. No noise, no disturbance, nothing to interrupt him. He always liked being in a dark room, unlike Jimin who preferred brightness. You must be a sadist to torture yourself like Kookie, he remembers the younger saying that to him once.

He could never forget Park Jimin; never in his life. That ball of sunshine (as he likes to put it) had always made his life more brighter, more prettier.

Yoongi could never be thankful enough.

He still heard Jimin's laughter which sounds literally like the chimes of christmas bells to him. He still saw that smile which made the shortie even more handsome and cute. When he first saw Jimin, he thought he was way too innocent to be in this world. He cannot deny that he had a thought that Jimin was actually not from this world, and maybe; just maybe he could be an angel. He remembers laughing about it for hours with Jimin being utterly confused.

"Will he be fine?" Jungkook asks Hoseok and the latter just gave him a shrug. Taehyung is sleeping on the couch in the room after staying up for half of the night. Namjoon opted to stay outside, just in case any crazy fan decides to come and torture all of them.

"I don't know, Jungkook... I don't know"

Just then, the two hear a near-commotion down the hall, and go out to see Namjoon and Seokjin fighting each other. Seokjin was far more than just mad; he looks furious.

"Dammit, Namjoon! I saw him, alive, looking at me! He's standing right there, can't you see?" Jin shouts, not minding the whole hall looking down at the two.

Namjoon looks like he had to resist the urge to slap the elder. "Hyung! What nonsense are you talking? There's no Jimin, and there would never be one! He's gone, you hear me? Gone! He's not coming back again, why don't you understand that!" He yells back, just as much mad as Seokjin is.

Jungkook and Hoseok know to just let them let everything out. The two fighting right now were the people who had to force themselves to not break down, and support everyone. Being the eldest, Seokjin had this untold responsibility up his shoulder, bearing it eventhough he knew it wouldn't be easy; he knew that he would break down one time or another.

Namjoon, on the other hand, had to act alongside the manager, being the connecting link between the group and the general public. He refused any help from anyone, even from his own family. He wanted to act strong, at least for himself.

No one except Seokjin knows that Jimin is right there, watching all of them, a lone tear slipping off his eye. Maybe he is just a hallucination in Seokjin's tired and depressed mind, but he is happy that he could at least see everyone, although he wishes it wasn't in this condition.

Without another choice, Namjoon snaps the elder out of his consciousness, startling everyone. Jungkook sees Seokjin lying there, a reddish bruise on his cheek, unmoving. 

He wishes everything would just return to how they were.

---

The media catches every possible news of the now-hibernating BTS, and there are fans flooding the hospital as well. The Metropolitian police had to actually come and put a barrier to prevent anyone entering the premises. Still, the sneaky media somehow managed to capture Bangtan at their most vulnerable state.

"You've made a huge mess, idiot" Taehyung mutters with a smile, looking up at the white ceiling. Yoongi is still in his 'coma' or whatever they call it, for the fifth day in a row, but Taehyung chooses to believe that it is Jimin who isn't letting Yoongi come back to the real world. He does wonder sometimes if he was actually not normal enough to think straight. "You always make a mess, don't you?" He chuckles dryly, remembering the time when he created the most huge mess of all: by his own death.

He remembers everything: the sound of the bed rolling outside; the bloody sheets which covered some of the deformed parts; Yoongi frozen in his place, refursing to believe what was right there, before his eyes; Hoseok's ugly cries; his own narration of all the promises the two made as friends; Seokjin and Namjoon not even looking at the lifeless boy, and Jungkook crying his hardest for the first time ever. He remembers how Yoongi refused to leave the mortuary, telling Jimin didn't like cold and dark places, narrating how he was afraid when they once locked him inside his room for fun, as a birthday prank. He remembers all the Xbox football matches the two played, with Jimin smiling in victory when he won, teasing Taehyung at his loss.

Instead of moping over the sadness of his friend's death, Taehyung decided to remember their happy times instead. It was funny, how a chage of perspective can make thing a hell lot of better.

Just then, right at that moment, he sees Yoongi's fingers twitch. Even if it was just a slight movement, it was visible enough. Taehyung focuses his concetration onto Yoongi, trying to sense any other movement. 

And he could swear he saw Yoongi's finger move, curling up inside.

The next thing he knows, he is running madly to find anyone who could come and check on Yoongi.

All Min Yoongi sees is white. The space right before him was blindingly white. He tries to look down, but something over his face itches him, and he raises his hand to take it off. He feels his hands feeling stiff and sore as he reached for the thing over his face, feeling the curves of the plastic mask.

"Don't!" He freezes when he hears a voice. A voice which is 'oh-so-familiar' to him; a voice he had wanted to hear for quite some time now.

"Jimin..." He mutters in shock. He could feel that unpleasant lump rise up in his throat, trying to block his voice. He gets up, still facing the boy who looks very much alive in his eyes.

The latter just smiles back.

Yoongi feels weak and helpless before him. His eyes avert to some other space, his mind telling him that it wasn't really Jimin. His heart, though, decides to not hear what the mind had to say.

"I'm sorry, Jimin. It's all because of me; because of me..." Yoongi says, ignoring the pearl shaped tears that were starting to flow out. He takes out the oxygen mask which is itching his nose, finding it hard to breathe as soon as he did that.

Jimin is still smiling warmly. "It isn't your fault, Yoongi-hyung"

"I ruined your life... I-I killed you... and your dreams"

"You didn't"

"I made your family cry; I made everyone cry." Yoongi just wants to hide himself into the deepest place of the world, but at the same time he wanted to live. "I'm sorry, Jimin... I'm sorry" He slumps back on the bed, feeling all the energy leave his body. He couldn't get up.

He could see Jimin disappear slowly, that ever-so warm smile never leaving his face. His breathing gets hitched as he lies there, helplessly looking at him disappear into thin air. He wanted to grab his hand and hold it so tight that not even the strongest force would break them apart.

Taehyung runs back inside, looking at Yoongi staring straight into the ceiling, tears pouring out from the side of his eyes. "Hyung! You're awake!" He says-- yells-- with a huge grin plastered to his face.

"Not so loud, Mr. Taehyung" Someone else says, and Yoongi finally looks away from the ceiling, staring at Taehyung and a stranger who seemed to be a doctor.

After some questions and some needles pricked into his skin, Yoongi is allowed to get up. He looks beyond normal, but Taehyung is happy that he was finally awake after passing out for five long days now.

One by one, everyone come inside the room, in various state of minds. But everyone were happy to see Yoongi looking actually alive.

Only Yoongi and Seokjin could see Jimin looking over them, the same amile decorating his face.

All of them know it was time to move on.

Moving on doesn't mean forgetting someone; it means to keep that someone in your mind forever as you continue to live your life.

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--okay im so done and tired now i sat this in three sittings and god everyone is scolding me. it didn't end that notably, but it still ended. inspired by some films and books--