#

"Can I be your friend?" he said one afternoon while I was waiting for my bestfriend outside the school.

We became friends instantly.

"Can I get your number?" He asked when one time he saw me standing in front of my locker.

I gave my number to him with a shy smile but I didn't ask why. I wanted to know his, anyways.

"Can we go out sometimes?" He asked when I was walking alone in the corridor thinking what I should do to the assignment I forgot to do.

That sometimes became every Friday.

I like him.

No

I am falling hard for him.

#

"I'm sorry I like somebody else already" he said one time when I confessed my undying love to him when we were eating lunch under the big tree beside the soccer field.

It hurts so much. After all this time, I thought that he felt the same way or at least have feelings for me.

"Baekhyun, I like you as a friend, please continue to become my friend" he said onetime when I started ignoring him like a plague.

 

I smiled at him and said "Oh. Okay"

 

Even though it hurts so much, i cannot live without him. Being a friend is okay.

 

"I like Luhan, your bestfriend" he said one time when we were looking for gifts for Valentine's.

 

I should have known.

 

The hints when he asked me…

Why I'm not with Luhan.

Where is Luhan?

We should eat with Luhan.

What do you prefer, red or blue? What about Luhan?

 

But he forgot or didn't ask about if Luhan hyung likes anyone or is he dating anyone.

 

"Chanyeol, Luhan Hyung is dating Oh Sehun, from the other high school." I said.

He didn't speak nor look at me, he just left, without a word.

 

I didn't go after him.

 

He needed space.

 

"I'm sorry about that day" he said one time when I was studying alone in the library.

 

"I'm sorry too, I didn't tell you about Luhan hyung's boyfriend" I said and smiled at him.

I miss you.

 

"Please continue being my friend" He said looking at the floor, fidgeting.

 

"But, now that you know Luhan Hyung has a boyfriend, there's no need to become friends" I said to him.

 

When he told me that he likes Luhan Hyung I realized why he wanted to become my friend.

 

I should have known.

 

"No, it's not like that, yes at first I wanted to be closed to you because you are his bestfriend, but after knowing you, I like to be your friend, I like you as a friend, please" he said pleadingly.

 

As a friend.

But do you ever consider my feelings?

 

"Ah... okay" I smiled at him.

I'm so weak when it comes to him.

 

"Thank you Baekhyun" he said.

No. Not thank you.

I don't need it.

 

"Sure" of course. I lie.

 

We became friends again, or even considered bestfriends. Luhan Hyung graduated already, he is 2 years ahead of us.

 

 

 

 

#

"Baek, I think I am falling in love again, but not with Luhan hyung, okay?" He said.

 

Falling in love to whom?

 

Is it me?

 

No. I don't like to assume.

 

"Who?" I asked, trying to act normal, trying to act that I am not nervous.

 

"You know the transferee, Kyungsoo? He is so cute and amazing in singing. He sings like an angel" he said.

 

If course, it is not me.

 

I should have known.

 

"Then go for it. I'll cheer for you, make a move already before anyone else does." I advised to him.

 

So fool.

I'm so stupid.

I'm such a loser.

 

He smiled at me.

 

"That's why you are my friend!" He said tapping my head.

 

"I'm not a dog" I said and averted my eyes to anywhere else, I am about to cry.

 

"So, I have something to finish in the library, see you tomorrow" I said and walked away from him.

 

"See you Baek" he shouted when I was near the door.

 

I didn't look back.

 

I still love him.

 

 

 

"Hey you okay? You're spacing out" he said onetime when we were doing our project in my house.

 

 No I'm not okay when Kyungsoo is here, with us. He is dating Chanyeol after 3 months of courtship.

 

"Yeah, I'm just thinking of quitting the music org" I said.

 

"But why? You have a nice voice." Kyungsoo asked.

 

I just looked at him.

 

You're not invited here.

 

"But Baek, you love singing" Chanyeol said looking at me, disappointed.

 

I smiled at him.

 

"Because sometimes when those things that you love made you suffer and cause you pain, you should learn to let them go, I love music but this is the reason why I am failing and have to catch up to every subjects. We are graduating I need to focus in Academic" I said.

 

It hurts to say those words.

 

But Chanyeol, I love you more than music.

But I have to let you go because you're causing me too much pain.

 

He didn't answer nor talk for the whole studying session.

 

"Tell me the reason why you're quitting Music Org" he asked me onetime when we were alone in the bleachers, disappointment evident on his face.

 

Because you are there.

You are there with him.

For him.

 

"I told you the reasons already" I said.

 

Should I repeat it again?

 

"Then why are you ignoring me again?" He asked me.

 

Obviously, I am avoiding you.

 

"No, I'm focusing in my acads" i defended myself.

 

"Is it hard to reply to my texts?" He angrily asked.

 

"Why you're getting angry? Look, I don't want to talk you if you're like that" I said getting all my things and ready to go.

 

"Sit down Byun" he said.

 

I wanted to go. I wanted to run but I obeyed him anyways.

 

"Why are you suddenly like this? It started when I begin dating Kyungsoo" he said angrily.

 

Yes. It is because of Kyungsoo and your stupid love and affection.

 

I didn't answer back. I just looked at him and stood up so I can go.

 

I don't want to talk to you. Not now. I just decided to let you go recently and it is hard to do.

 

"Stay Baekhyun" he said firmly.

 

I stayed, standing up not facing him.

 

"Is it because of Kyungsoo? Is it because he is always with us? Baek, you know that he is my boyfriend and you should know that I have to be with him and you're my bestfriend that's why I am trying my best to also have time with you"  he said, almost shouting.

 

No. You don't understand.

 

I looked at him. Crying. He stood up when he saw me crying, going near to me.

 

"Baek, look I'm sor...

 

"Yes, you're right. This is because of Kyungsoo and you're right again this is because you are dating him. Can't you remember Chanyeol the day I confessed to you my feelings? That I love you? I still do. I still ing do. That's why I wanted space. I am avoiding you, to move on. To move forward because I am dying every single time whenever I see you with him. What? After I confessed to you, you asked me to continue being my friend, but did you ever consider my feelings even once? No. Because you are selfish. When you needed me, I'm always there for you but now, all I ever asking is for you to stay away from me. Please. I needed this. I need to move on, because I know you'll never return my feelings." I said almost losing my breath in speaking.

 

"Baek, I'm sorry" he said, hurt. He is hurt.

 

"You should have known" I said and left him.

 

I feel sorry to our friendship, but I won’t be able to move on if I continue being his friend.

 

#

 I was walking to the teachers room when I saw Chanyeol and Kyungsoo happily eating under the big tree near the soccer field, after that incident, Chanyeol never texted nor called me, he didn’t even glance at me when we were in the classroom or in the cafeteria, it’s like the half part of me was taken away. It hurts. But after a week of focusing in my studies, I didn’t think of him that much.

But one morning, I was walking in the corridor when I remember Chanyeol. We used to walk in this corridor every morning, lunch time and every afternoon. This is place where he first asked me for a friendly date. I can never forget his voice when he asked me “can we go out sometimes?”

 

Everything.

 

How much I wanted go back.

 

But I realized sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over again.

 

I sighed.

 

Where should I start?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A/N: 

I love angst obviously. HA HA HA HA