Nervous Doesn't Begin To Explain How I'm Feeling

Bringing Color

Three torturously slow hours of filming separated Jackson from getting to see Mark again. Every break they got, Jackson pulled out his phone, checking to see if the other had messaged him back. It was always no, but it gave him an excuse to secretly stare at Mark’s picture. He was positive that if he stared at the picture long enough, he could memorize the boy’s face.

When shooting finally wrapped for the day, it took everything Jackson had not to full-on sprint to his dressing room. The faster he got changed, the faster he’d get to Mark’s hotel. As he made his way through the back hallways of the studio, he opened up their chat, taking a moment to appreciate the picture yet again before typing out a quick heads up.

852Puppy: Just finished for the day. Leaving in about 5. We still on for dinner?

Something about the heart-clenching anxiety he felt immediately after sending the message made him nervous. He’d never felt this way before, not even when he debuted. Why was he reacting like this? Mark stumbled into Jackson’s life less than 24 hours ago and he already had an effect on him.

SilenT93: Sure. I’m not at the hotel, though. I’m at that big mall downtown.

Jackson tried to stifle the laugh that bubbled up in his throat. There were tons of big malls in Hong Kong. But he found the boy’s naively vague description endearing. It made him want to show Mark around his home city that much more.

After a few more messages, they decided on a meeting place. Jackson finished up changing and filled in his manager, who huffed unapprovingly. He didn’t say anything, though. He knew trying to prevent Jackson from doing anything was a lost cause once he’d set his mind to it. The manager agreed to let Jackson go out, so long as he took one of the managers or a security with him.

A quick car ride later, the driver pulled up outside the NBA Store the two agreed to meet at. Jackson immediately spotted Mark’s bright white-platinum hair pacing back and forth in front of the shop, the rest of him hidden by the crowd of people passing along.

Normally, Jackson wouldn’t risk going out in a crowded area like this if he didn’t have to. He barely made it through the crowds of fans at airports where he was surrounded by security. All alone would be impossible to control if anything happened. But he couldn’t just sit there and hope that Mark saw him, either. Especially not with him pacing like that.

He grabbed a hat from his bag, fitting it over his head in hopes of hiding himself at least a little. Fortunately, his loose black t-shirt didn’t have any super obvious brand names on it. That would help him blend in a little more. Once he was sure he’d done the best he could to conceal himself, he slid out of the van.

As Jackson made his way toward the boy, he noticed the other was on his phone. “Yeah, so I’ve heard,” Mark grumbled. “You’re the one who told me. Yes, like five minutes ago. I know. I know. I’m leaving tomorrow. Nothing’s gonna happen. I know. I know. I understand. Sure. Okay, I love you too. I’ll talk to you later.”

Jackson was at the ready when Mark turned back around. Clearly shocked, Mark didn’t back away when he saw the larger form standing behind him. Instead, their eyes stayed locked on each other, each trying to wordlessly take each other in.

“Ready to go?” Jackson asked, breaking the silence. As much as he’d love to stand there and stare at Mark forever, he couldn’t risk standing out in the open any longer than necessary.

Mark nodded, quickly stuffing his phone into his backpack and following Jackson to the van. It wasn’t until the two were climbing into the vehicle that a girl yelled out Jackson’s name. Everyone around them suddenly perked up, excited to get the chance to see the celebrity in person. Jackson slammed the van’s sliding door shut as soon as he could, hoping and praying that no one had noticed Mark.

“Wow, they really do recognize you anywhere,” Mark muttered, staring out of the window at the crowd starting to form around the van.

“Unfortunately,” Jackson replied. “Don’t get me wrong. I love my fans. It’s just that sometimes it’d be nice to be able to walk around without having to worry, you know?”

Mark nodded, staying silent and keeping his eyes fixed on his hands, which were resting in his lap. Jackson wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab one of his hands, but that would be weird and awkward. They barely knew each other.

“Who were you talking to back there?” Jackson asked. Mark’s eyes grew wide. He glanced over at Jackson, obviously flustered by the question. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me. I was just curious.”

After staring at him for a few more seconds with an expression Jackson couldn’t read, Mark’s eyes moved back to his hands. “It was my mom,” he said. “She saw pictures of us at the airport, so I had to call her.”

Jackson’s body freaked out when Mark mentioned the pictures. His stomach twisted in excitement that Mark had already talked to his mom about him, but his heart still ached over the fact that he’d had to go through the whole ordeal in the first place.

“I’m sure seeing your picture made her worry,” Jackson admitted, trying to bury the happiness that was bubbling up inside him.

“She was more worried about whether I got your autograph than anything else,” Mark admitted. Laughter erupted out of Jackson’s mouth, unable to keep it held back any longer.

“Your mom knows who I am?” he asked, unable to curb his curiosity.

Mark nodded. “She keeps an eye on Chinese tabloids so she has something to talk about with my family in Taiwan. At least, that’s what she says. I thinks she just likes reading gossip.”

“Well, I can sign something for her if you want,” Jackson offered. “It’s really the least I could do for putting you through all the chaos.”

The silence that followed his offer made Jackson nervous. Hell, everything made him nervous when it came to Mark. Had he said something wrong? His autograph had never lead to this quiet of a reaction before. Usually people squealed or laughed nervously or something. But Mark just continued to stare at his hands, lost in whatever he was thinking about.

“Uhm,” Mark finally muttered. Jackson could barely hear him over the hum of the van cruising toward their destination. “I mean, an autograph would be fine. But maybe a picture of us would be better?”

If he hadn’t been strapped down, Jackson would’ve fallen out of his seat. He could tell Mark was embarrassed to even ask in the first place. Jackson made a mental note that the other looked adorable when he acted shy. “I think that’s a great idea,” Jackson agreed. “Though is this for you or your mom?”

When Mark finally looked back up at him, Jackson winked playfully before breaking into another fit of laughter. The rosy pink that filled Mark’s cheeks just made Jackson laugh even harder. How one person could be so adorable, he’d never know.

After a few moments of uninterrupted hysterics, Jackson managed to calm himself down enough to explain himself, hoping Mark would understand. “I’m just asking because I might pose a little differently for a picture that’s for your mom. That’s all.”

“What?” Mark asked.

“I just… I mean…” Jackson stuttered, understanding all too late the slightly less pure undertones of what he’d said.

This time, it was Mark who laughed. It was more of a giggle really. The sound reminded Jackson a little of the hyenas from The Lion King, but brighter and more cheerful. It was one of those laughs that made you smile when you heard it.

The van slowed to a stop, pulling up to the curb of a small shopping area that looked mostly closed up for the night. The small restaurant they stopped in front of was lit up by a few dim wall lights. A row of tea light candles lined the windowsills, flickering in the night.

“Is that where we’re going?” Mark asked, pointing at the shop. Jackson didn’t even bother answering, instead sliding open the door and climbing out. He waited as Mark followed him out before closing the door and walking into the restaurant.

“Jia Er? Is that you, dear?” a woman called from the back.

“Yes, auntie. We’re here,” he answered, motioning for Mark to pick one of the handful of small tables that filled the restaurant. He watched Mark pick a spot then glance around, noticing the family portraits and random old photos hanging on the walls.

“Your aunt owns this place?” he asked after a few minutes of silent inspection.

“Well, she’s my mom’s best friend,” Jackson explained. “But I’ve called her auntie since I was a little kid. She may as well be actual family. Her pork cutlets are to die for.”

As if his nervousness hadn’t been obvious enough, the awkward segue from talking about his aunt to the food was like a spotlight in the middle of the night. Mark smirked, clearly enjoying Jackson’s sudden spurt of nervousness. 

Before Jackson could embarrass himself any further, a small woman with silver-streaked hair shuffled up to their table. The smile stretched across her face grew wider with each slightly-staggering step she took. As soon as Jackson noticed her, which took only a matter of seconds, he moved from his seat to her side to help her.

For a minute, he stopped watching Mark completely, focused on making sure the old woman made it to the table safely and had a seat. Seeing her so weak made him worry more than he probably needed to. Jackson always remembered her as the strong, sassy woman that when he was younger. Seeing how she was now never stopped surprising him.

“Dear, stop fussing and introduce me already,” she said, the slight rasp in making her sound even older.

Heat rose to Jackson’s cheeks as he moved back into his chair. He’d thought getting embarrassed in front of his friends in high school was bad enough. This felt ten times worse. “Right, sorry,” he muttered. “Auntie, this is Mark. Mark, this is my mom’s best friend, Chang LiHu.”

The woman scoffed and immediately scooped up Mark’s hand from the table. “I may as well be his mother for how often I had to look after him,” she said to Mark, a deceivingly sweet smile stretched across her face.

Mark laughed in return, making Jackson let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that his aunt was embarrassing - okay, maybe she was just a little bit sometimes - but Jackson didn’t want her eccentricity scaring his soulmate away.

“So how did you two meet?” she questioned, keeping Mark’s hand trapped in between hers.

“I accidentally fell into Jackson this morning at the airport,” Mark admitted quietly.

“This morning?” the woman echoed. Her eyes tore from Mark’s face to look over at Jackson with a confused look.

In the past, Jackson had always brought dates to the restaurant when they’d been together for at least a few weeks. He’d always considered meeting his family to be something more precious than a first date type thing. With Mark, though, it was different. As soon as he’d asked Jackson for suggestions, his aunt’s restaurant immediately popped into his head. And once the thought appeared, he couldn’t get it out of his head. Something inside him desperately wanted for everyone in his life to immediately meet the boy now sitting across from him.

Why? Jackson wasn’t sure. He barely knew anything about the American that stumbled into his life this morning. All he knew was that Mark was different from anyone he’d ever met before. Something about him made Jackson’s heart race at just the thought of him.

“Jia Er,” his aunt said, snapping him out of his momentary trance. Her eyes glimmered as she watched him. She knew he hadn’t been paying attention. “You really should have told me that Mark was so handsome. I would have changed into a better dress.”

Mark blushed, another small laugh escaping his lips. The woman patted his hands once more before pushing herself up onto her feet. “I smell the cutlets. Dinner will be ready soon.” Jackson moved to help her, but she waved him off before he could get to his feet and continued to shuffle back into the kitchen.

“I think she likes you,” Jackson joked once the coast was clear. Mark laughed, making Jackson’s heart skip. With just the one sound, his nerves vanished. Everything just felt comfortable now.

Maybe tonight would go better than what he’d allowed himself to hope for. 


Hey everyone! This comeback is killing my writing time, let me tell you! Haha. Anyway, I meant for this chapter to be the entire date, but the lead up grew to include more than I originally thought it would, so I'm splitting it up.

Thanks to everyone who's commented and given kudos so far. I love reading what you guys have to say about the story and what you think of everything, so be sure to keep leaving your thoughts below.

Fingers crossed for #Fly2ndWin tonight on M Countdown!

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Hunseok- #1
Chapter 19: Eii, I really appreciate this story and hope that all is well with you
Hunseok- #2
Chapter 6: Every time I read this last scene, no matter how many times it has already happened, I will always find it lovely
Hunseok- #3
Chapter 5: Ahhhhh, sweetheart, I've read it in ao3, but it's been a while now, and every time I read it I find myself increasingly full of grace
faeriewingz #4
Chapter 19: I know you're busy so I just wanted to come in and say that I hope you are doing well and aren't too stressed. I love coming back and re-reading these chapters and look forward to your future updates.
Lynnbee #5
Chapter 1: I really love this story. The world building is great and the character are so nice.
Lury01 #6
Chapter 19: I usually don't comment on any story but I feel like it's necessary for this one. Your writing is excellent and personally, I love it. This is probably my favorite fanfiction ever and even if it wasn't a fanfiction, I would still love the story. Every time you update I tell the story to my friends (because they don't speak English). You don't have to worry just let it flow that's usually when the best things happen.
angelicabq #7
Chapter 19: Don't worry about how much time you need to make a chapter and don't think that what you write isn't good enough for us. When we started to follow your fic was because even if you think it's a crappy chapter it's actually good af. You are an amazing writer and tbh I don't care if I have to wait 1year to get a new chapter because your fic is sooooooo good that is worth it. Amazing chapter as always, thank you for no giving up in this amazing fic. You are like my favorite author and this is my favorite fic
vipbabyexotic #8
Chapter 18: Cries, Jackson is willing to give up everything to be with Mark. Feels is overflowing in my heart cuz I'm so happy for them.