cause you live in shades of cool, your heart is unbreakable

He is lying on the couch long eyelashes casting shadows on his pale tear streaked cheeks, no matter what he does he just can’t forget, he tried god he tries so hard, but how does one forget something that pushed them to live, something,no someone that was everything to them, someone that made their life worth living,

“Hyung, it's been two months,you can’t keep doing this to yourself,” mi..minseok..He wouldn’t want you to go on living this way,” sehun mutters beside him,

Luhan just closes his eyes tighter refusing to open them hopind he can keep the image of minseok behind his eyes 

But I can’t fix him, can’t make him better..

A soft squeeze on his shoulder, jolts his eyes open, still finding sehun beside him with a concerned expression,

“Hyung if you want we can go for a walk, just..please"

Sehun's is almost falling apart so luhan agrees but only if they stop at his favorite coffee shop, minseoks favorite coffee shop,

because he is a masochist and just.wouldnt.stop.

Sehun knows it’s not right going there, it’s only going to put more pain to luhan but he’ll take whatever chance to bring the boy outside

Luhan orders an iced Americano minseoks favorite; he chooses the chair at the back and sits on the one that faces the counter,

sehun doesn’t know but that’s where minseok used to sit,

but he does know the reason that luhan isn’t laughing at his joke isn’t because it’s not funny, the reason luhan isn’t saying a word is not because he has nothing to say…he knows the reason is because he's just isn’t minseok.

And when he calls for me, not for you..

They’re on the bed luhans head on sehun's lap, as the youngster plays with his hair.

“I do try to move on you know”, luhan barely whispers, as he sits up facing him,

I try so hard’’ iam sorry if iam hurting you all with my ways but I just can’t do it,

“Listen, sehun voice cracks ‘’ I know it’s hard, it's been hard for all of us but minseok,…he..He’s gone and we are still here,iam here, give us a chance to try and help”,

“Don’t push me away please”..

Luhan can see how much he’s been hurting the younger guy, how sehun is almost breaking down and just to appease him he nod and hugs sehun back..minseok would want this.

He prays for love, he prays for peace..And maybe someone new.

It’s been two weeks and luhan is finally spending more time with sehun and the other boys,

he laughs when baekhyun copies tao, plays videos games with chanyeol, goes riding with lay and Chen and most nights he’ll let sehun cuddle with him at night.

But you’re unfixable

Luhan is a liar, he lies through his fake smiles, laughs and promises of finally moving on because the truth is that it gets harder every day, sure sehun is warm but minseok.. his minseok warmed ever part of him, his body, his heart, but now now every part of him just feels cold ,as cold as minseoks hand felt on the hospital bed..

How do they expect him to start moving on, moving on meant forgetting and he can’t imagine forgetting minseok.

Sometimes he can hear his soft voice, feel his touch like he is right there beside him, as the memories wash through him along with the tears,

Minseok ah”, luhan whispers ‘’ you know I love you right”

“Honestly luhan, what's there to even love about me,?

“No! No! luhan shakes his head like he couldn’t imagine his minseok would even think that

“You're perfect “, he whispers hovering above the smaller male,” I love your eyes, he accentuates by kissing him there, “your face, so tender and cute like a baozi”

Minseoks cracks a smile,one eyebrow raised questionably "a baozi"?

“And your lips”, luhan continues capturing them for a slow passionate kiss,

And soon they’re cuddling so close each feeling the warmth from their body’s and heart,

"Luhannie"

"hmm"

''I love you too''…

And luhan wakes up.

 I am sorry (but ca..can.. you take me with you)

 Sehun finds him on the floor a bottle of sleeping pills half empty,his hands cold and body limp

and as he shouts to the others for help tears wetting the cold neck of the body he’s tightly embracing, he know he’s failed, he’d let down minseok, he hadn’t tried hard enough, he should have known, he should have known after all how could he think that luhan would finally move on from minseok…..

its minseok for god sakes.

He should have known that the moment minseok was gone..Luhan was also gone with him..

“Sehun ah promise to take care of luhan for me” the tired boy on the hospital bed whispers,

" I promise hyung..I promise," the younger boy replies, his head on the older's tummy,tears creating a wet patch on minseok’s hospital gown..”I promise”

It was a promise he should have known he wouldn't be able to keep.