Just a little more misery, guys. I’m so sorry. It will get better soon.

And so I decided to drink myself into oblivion. My phone sat open on the page a few meters away on the floor. I just huddled into the corner with my bottle of vodka, crying into my knees. It had been a few hours since Dami left, and I was scared to be alone. Scared of the loneliness and scared of myself.

The suicidal thoughts wouldn’t leave my head, especially when there were thousands of people asking me to do so on my instagram. People were calling me left right and centre. My phone was buzzing with messages.

I was beyond drunk by this point, on my second bottle of vodka and I was starting to feel sick. But I took another swig and bared the feeling. The afternoon had turned to night when I heard somebody typing my code into the front door. I cowered further into the corner when the door opened and I saw Youngbae walk through.

He looked around the room and suddenly his eyes found mine and he dropped the bag he was holding. “Oh Ji” he gasped, rushing to my side. It didn’t take long for him to see the empty and half full bottle of vodka. “ how much have you drunk?” I shrugged and dropped my head against the wall.

“Come on, Sweetie.” He helped me to my feet and I fell into his chest. “Dami told me everything, but I don’t think she knows everything” I staggered with him to my bedroom.

“I’m gonna hurl” I slurred. Youngbae managed to get me to the toilet where I shoved my head inside and emptied out my stomach, which was basically just streams of alcohol and bile. I shuddered and more tears welled up in my eyes.

“JiYong, why would you do this to yourself?” Youngbae whispered. He sat with me by the toilet and when I had finally stopped emptying my stomach out, he pulled me to his chest and I sat between his legs and cried into my best friend’s chest. He comforted me until I must have passed out.

I had a nightmare about the night he attacked me. And I woke up drenched in sweat with the biggest headache and my breathing irregular. “JiYong? JiYong!” Youngbae was shaking me and I calmed down finally. “What was the nightmare about, Ji? It didn’t sound like he was just beating you up.” I just shook my head and rubbed my eyes.

“Where’s Ri?” I panted. Youngbae straightened the covers and pushed me back onto the mattress.

“Seungri’s still in the police station, his Dad has to come and get him before he can be released.” I nodded and nursed