His Smile
His SmileThe light is so bright.
. . .
Who… left the blinds open? I’m so not a morning person.
. . .
“Jongup! JONGUP!”
. . .
Who is Jongup?
“JONGUP! Wake up! Someone help him! He fainted!”
Oh . This seems pretty serious.
. . .
Is somebody going to help him?
. . .
Oh god. I don’t feel very good.
. . .
. . .
. . . . . . .
-x-
I find myself blinking a few times as my eyes adjust to the bright lights. For some reason, the brightness is unbearable. I feel a headache coming on. Maybe I should just sleep it off.
My eyes squint just enough to examine my surroundings. There’s a chair sitting on the side of my bed. It’s filled with roses, deflating balloons, and a giant stuffed bear. There’s a small television on the wall in front of me. It’s on and playing some kind of video. A video of blue and red warriors running around a field. They’re chasing each other, or maybe they’re fighting over something. There’s a bunch of other stuff in the room, too, but I have no idea what to call those doctor-y tools.
Wait. This isn’t my room. Where the hell am I?
A woman dressed in white walks into the room. She has the plainest black hair ever and thick black glasses. But what makes this guy noteworthy is his expression. She looks really scared? Is she afraid of me? I swear, I’m not a monster. I don’t think I’m a monster?
“Ummm. Doctor! Doctor!!” she screams as she runs out of the room. She leaves so quickly, it’s like she had to take a piss or something.
The lady returns with a man dressed in a white lab coat. He looks just as scared as her.
“Jongup, how are you feeling?” he tries to hide his fear.
I blink. Oh, is he talking to me?
“Who’s Jongup?” I ask him, “Did someone ever help him? I heard he fainted.”
Their eyes widen. The man looks as if he’s about to pass out. He’s lost his cool. The man tries to remain calm, but he’s really not fooling anybody.
“This is not good, Doctor,” the woman says to the man.
“At least he’s awake and alive, Jieun,” the man assures his. He then focuses back to me, “Jongup, rest up okay. You’re still pretty weak.”
“Okay,” I really don’t know how to react to this.
The man walks over to the counter. He opens up a few drawers and pulls out even more questionable items. The woman walks out of the room. Good, it looked like she was about to have a heart attack.
I watch the man go between the different drawers. He washes his hands. Throws some plastic into a bin. Opens another drawer. Reads through a few papers. Attaches things together. Opens even more drawers. Washes his hands again. He’s about to walk out of the room when he runs into a man. He’s different from my first visitor, but he has a similar scared reaction.
He’s really handsome, though. The glasses on his face compliments his facial features.
“Oh, good, you’re here,” the man says.
“J-Jongup! Jongup! He’s awake!” the guy stammers. It looks like he’s about to cry.
“Well, yes, but you need to stay calm,” the man replies.
The guy tries getting passed him, but the man holds up his hands. He puts his arms on his shoulders.
“Doctor! I need to see him! I need to make sure he’s alright!” he cries. Like, tears are literally falling his face now.
“I need you to calm down, Junhong,” the man now has a serious expression on his face, “Let me explain something first.”
The guy nods and the man shuts the door.
-x-
When the door opens up again, the guy walks into the room alone. He’s shivering. It’s not cold or anything in here, right? His face seems dry now, but his cheeks are still red and moist. The scared expression is still on his face.
He doesn’t say anything. It’s like he’s trying to speak up, but he can’t find the right words. Has he never seen a monster before?
“I’m not a monster, you know,” I feel the need to reassure his, “You don’t have to be afraid.”
A tear rolls down his face. He’s about to break down again.
“Jongup… Jongup… I thought… I tho…” He cries some more. He can’t finish his sentence.
His voice is familiar. Where have I heard him before? How do I know him? I almost immediately put the puzzle pieces together.
“Oh! You’re that guy who was crying for help!” I’m especially proud of myself for figuring it out, “Is he okay? Somebody helped your friend out, right? I really hope so!”
The tears are running down his face at full speed now. He’s sniffling and hyperventilating like crazy. Did his friend not make it? Did someone not help him?
He grabs my hand and holds it tightly. It is then I discover a bunch of colorful cords and wires attached to one of my arms.
“Jongup. Yeah, y-yeah, you’re awake now. *sniffle* You’re okay,” he says.
“Of course, I’m okay,” I reply.
“No, Jongup. You, you…” it’s like he doesn’t know what to say next, “It’s August 9th.”
“Okay?” I’m still not sure what he’s getting at.
“Jongup. You’ve been out for three weeks now.”
-x-
So I guess my name is Jongup, and I’ve been in the hospital for three weeks now. Apparently I passed out after a tragic accident, and now I’m in recovery. The doctor says I have amnaysia or something. I forget what that means.
“Good morning, Jongup, how are you feeling?” the man, who I’ve recently discovered is my doctor, greets me a few days after.
“Hey, Doc,” I smile as he walks in, “I’m doing well, I guess.”
He does his usual thing with the drawers as well as check some numbers and lines on the screen next to my bed.
“Are you hungry? I can have someone bring in breakfast,” he offers.
“No, I’m fine,” I reply.
“Okay, let me know then,” the doctor says. He then proceeds to open all the drawers again.
I look over to my robotic arm. The wires haven’t moved since I’ve woken up. They’re starting to get itchy and irritating. Exactly how long are they planning on keeping me here? It’s pretty boring, actually. All I do is lie here and watch strangers come in every day. They’re all scared once they see me. They try to hold back their emotions, but they all end up in tears.
That one guy has been visiting me every day, though. He doesn’t say much. He usually just asks me questions about my life in the hospital. He cries, too, but I think he’s starting to get used to it. I still don’t know who he is, though.
But I feel like he’s important to me somehow.
“Hey, Doctor, I have a question,” I propose.
“Yes, what is it?” he’s occupied with his drawers business.
“Who is that guy who keeps visiting me? How do I know him?”
The doctor puts down his toys and shuts all of his drawers. He takes a step towards me.
“I don’t think you should know that just yet,” he says. He’s worried I’m going to freak out and have a heart attack once I learn the truth. Apparently I’m in a fragile condition.
“Pleeease, I really want to know. There has to be a reason he’s been visiting me every day,” I reason with him.
“Well….” The doctor is hesitant.
“Isn’t it time I start regaining my memory back anyway?” I must’ve been really good at negotiating. Was I a lawyer or something?
“His name is Junhong. He’s your boyfriend.”
-x-
Another day I find myself flipping through channels on the TV. Junhong is sitting next to me, typing up words onto his laptop.
“Hey, can I ask you a question?” I ask his while shutting off the TV screen.
“I’ll try my best,” he responds. He closes his laptop to focus his full attention on me.
“Tell me about our adventures,” my questions comes out as a demand. Junhong scratches the back of his head.
“I don’t know if the doctor would approve of that,” he’s honest with me. Is knowing the truth really that bad?
“Okay, don’t talk about my life then. How about… we talk about you? How old are you? What’s your favorite color? What are your hobbies?” I ask away.
“Um, I’m 26, my favorite color is blue, and um, I guess I like to skateboard?” he answers me.
“Wow! You sound totally cool! Your boyfriend must love you. You do have a boyfriend right? What’s he like? Tell me a story!” I wonder if I’m being too direct, but I really want to know more about his. I want to know more about us.
“Err, yes, I do have a boyfriend,” his expression changes after he processes my questions. This must be really unexpected for his. He really doesn’t know what to say. “But, um, he’s not important right now. You should really get some rest!”
With my non-robotic arm, I grab his arm and start shaking it.
“Please! Please tell me about him! I’m really bored,” I beg.
I see the corners of his lips curve as he smirks.
“Alright, fine,” he admits defeat. “Give me a second to think about this.”
After a minute, his face lights up.
“One day, last summer, he took me to an amusement park,” he starts to narrate. I have to interrupt his, though.
“An amusement what?” I ask.
“It’s a place where, um, people go to have fun,” Junhong explains to me. I nod my head. “They have different things people can do there. Like go on rides, and play games, and they have performances…”
I actually remember it.
I don’t remember all the details, but I remember eating those fluffy blue cloud things. I remember buying them for his. I remember handing it to his. I remember his lips touching my cheeks. Junhong was really happy. He loves those puffy candy clouds.
“So anyway, we went to the amusement park, and he took me on a rollercoaster,” he continues his story, “I was really scared to get on, but when we got to the top, he held my hand really tight. He looked into my eyes and told me I was going to be okay. And, um, I screamed really, really loud. But it was fun and we laughed like crazy afterwards.”
I can barely process this, but Junhong seems to be more relaxed as he tells his story. I don’t want his stressing, so I inquire further.
“What else did you guys do at the amusement park?”
“Well, um, he also won me this dog,” he begins.
“You can win live animals?!” I’m a bit shocked by this information. He laughs.
“Heehee. No, Jongup. It’s a just a plushie dog,” he answers. I’m suddenly relieved. “He played that game where you have to throw a ball and knock down all the bottles. It took him a few tries, but he eventually got them all down. He gave the prize to me, and we named it Bubbles!”
Junhong seems really happy by this. A permanent smile is glued onto his face. He’s really, really pretty when he smiles.
“And what about the edible blue and pink clouds?” I want to confirm if those really do exist.
“Oh! You mean cotton candy?” he’s surprised that I’ve remembered. Yes, cotton candy. That’s what they’re called. “Yeah! He totally remembered that it was my favorite. So when I was in the bathroom, he purchased some as a surprise. And when I walked out, he handed me two bags. He’s just… really special like that.”
He sighs and squeezes my hand. The smile is still plastered on his face.
I’m smiling, too.
I sound like a wonderful person.
-x-
A couple more days pass and I’m still in the hospital. More people come and go, but I still don’t remember any of their faces. It’s not a surprise, but Junhong still visits me every day. In fact, I wait in anticipation every morning for his. his arrival is the most exciting thing here in my hospital room. He’s a really nice and friendly person, no wonder I loved his.
“Sorry, Jongup, I got caught up at school,” he apologizes as he walks in one afternoon.
“That’s okay, school is more important,” I reply. Not that I know for a fact that school is important, but I assume it is because you’re actually paying for it.
“Don’t be silly. You’re definitely more important to me,” he says.
Junhong takes a seat on the plastic chair next to my bed. He grabs onto my hand again. Something about interaction with me makes him calmer. I don’t exactly know why it works that way, but I’m glad I can help.
“Can you tell me another story?” My mind is curious again. I don’t know if the doctor has talked to him, but he’s really loosened up on the subject of my memory.
“Yeah, sure, what do you want to hear?” he inquires.
“Tell me more about you and your boyfriend,” I suggest. Just like the first time, it takes his a minute to come up with a memory of us.
“Well, last year I spent Christmas with him and his family,” Junhong starts.
“Woah, woah. What’s a Christmas?” I ask his. It sounds like a food, or maybe a disease.
“Christmas is a holiday,” he educates me, “It’s a time where you relax and spend time with your family and loved ones.”
“Ohh,” is what comes out of my mouth as I remember, “That sounds really nice!”
“Yeah. It really is!” he’s smiling again, “One year during Christmas, I stayed with my boyfriend’s family. My family doesn’t really celebrate, so he had me come over, and, um, we exchanged gifts… You remember that Christmas tradition right?”
I remember.
I remember getting Junhong something he really liked. I remember his excited expression as he opened it. He couldn’t stop smiling. Actually, now that I think about it, everyone was smiling. Even the strangers who were watching us.
I remember. It was a ring with a small diamond in the center. I don’t know why I got his a ring, but he really, really liked it.
“Yeah, don’t you give gifts to show your appreciation or something?” I think that’s how it worked.
“Yes, exactly!” Junhong cheers, “He got me something really nice. Something that showed me that he really appreciated me. Like… like… it showed me that he was going to love and appreciate me forever.”
Dang. This guy must really love jewelry.
“Oh! Um, anyways,” he blushes red and continues the story, “We also went over to his grandpa’s house for some food! Grandma makes the best desserts ever! There was pumpkin cookies, fruit cake, and my boyfriend’s favorite, blueberry muffins.”
“That sounds delicious!” I exclaim as I’m reminded of my favorite dessert, “Can we get some blueberry muffins today?”
Junhong giggles and smiles. I love when he does that.
“I’ll ask the doctor about your diet and see what I can do!” he winks.
“What else did you guys do?” I’m always eager to hear more.
“Erm, it’s probably not as interesting, but after the party, he took me for a walk through the park. He held my hand as we walked through the icy paths,” Junhong took this opportunity to grab onto my hand, “We saw snowmen and bright, colorful Christmas lights… Then we sat on a bench. He warmed up my frostbitten hands. He put his arm around my shoulder. And, um, well, he did some things… And he told me he loved me very much.”
Junhong’s eyes seem to drift away as he reminisces. There’s a wide, comfortable grin on his face. He’s in his own little world, and I don’t think he realizes that he is still in the hospital room with me.
But that’s okay. I’ll let him fantasize a little longer about that wonderful day.
Junhong must be really special to me.
-x-
I’m starting to remember more and more about my life. I actually recognize some of the people who visit me. My uncle is the big man with the strange accent. My father is the man with the beard who always wear plaid. And I think my mom is the lady with the changing hair colors?
Junhong remains the same, though. He’s always pleasant to see. He’s always fascinating to talk to. And he’s always so handsome.
“Hey, Jongup, you doing any better?” he asks me as he takes his usual spot by my bed.
“Yup! The doctor says I’m recovering faster than expected!” I’m eager to report to him.
“That’s great,” he smiles. It immediately fades, though. His eyes look tired.
“Is everything alright?” I inquire.
“Yeah. I’m fine,” he lies for my own sake.
“It’s the math teacher, huh?” Junhong has complained about him before.
“Yeah. I didn’t do so well on my test,” he admits.
I know math isn’t his strongest subject, but I can’t really help him with it. If I can’t remember things that happened the other week, there’s no way I can remember math equations… or numbers in general… I can count to ten?
I do, however, know how to make him feel better.
“Why don’t you tell me a story,” I recommend, “I want to know more about you and your boyfriend.”
It’s working; he’s totally smiling.
“Sure, Jongup. Do you want to know anything specific?” he asks.
“Hmm… Have you two traveled anywhere?” I question. He thinks.
“About two years ago, we went to Hawaii together!” Junhong exclaims, “Do you, uh, remember what Hawaii is?”
“Umm. Islands, right?” I remember watching it on the television.
“Yeah! Hawaii is separated into several islands. Good job!” he compliments me, “The two of us went to stay with my sister for a week, and we had lots of fun!”
I can tell he enjoyed it, the smile doesn’t leave his face.
“What kinds of things do you do in Hawaii?” I only know about the islands. I honestly can’t remember anything else.
“Well, my boyfriend and I attended a luau, which is like a Hawaiian celebration? And there were some performers who picked people in the audience to participate in a hula competition…” he can’t finish his thoughts and he begins to chuckle out loud.
I don’t see what’s funny, but whatever it is, it’s hysterical to Junhong.
“I’m sorry,” he stops his laughing fit, “So my boyfriend goes up in front of everyone, and he’s just… he just dances like a giant dork! I can’t really describe it, but it’s the most stiff and awkward thing ever! But he was really into it, so he’s up on stage shaking his hips with the silliest expressions. Oh my god, he’s such a goofball.”
“B-but I’m sure he’s a good goofball!” I feel the need to back myself up as my face turns red. Junhong starts laughing even harder now.
“Y-yeah, that’s true! He really is! The audience loved him, too!” he has to wipe his eyes, “He even won first place, which got us free dessert!”
Junhong is still giggling up a storm. I’m not used to seeing him this happy, but it’s definitely not a bad thing. I really like seeing him happy. I hope one day I can make him laugh crazy like that again.
“Okay, okay. I really needed that,” he sighs, “But other than the luau, my boyfriend and I did tons of other cool things. We went on a hike, ate some really great food… We went to the beach several times.”
Oh yeah. I remember the beaches.
I remember sitting on the warm sand with his and watching the pink sunset. He was humming a tune, and I was rolling my feet along the sand. He said something to me, something important. I said something else. Then we closed in on each other, and his lips touched mine.
“We kissed on the beach,” he spoke in a serious tone, the smile still on his face, “I didn’t think that day could get any better, but he kissed me under the sunset. It was the end of the best day of my life.”
Junhong looks at me with teary eyes. He grabs onto my hand.
“Jongup, my boyfriend is an amazing person. I just want you to know that,” he states. Aww man, why am I crying now? I really don’t know why tears are forming in my eyes.
It seems like I’ve been on many wonderful adventures with Junhong.
And I want to embark on many, many more.
-x-
I blink my eyes. What time is it?
“Look. I need to talk to you,” I hear Junhong’s voice.
Am I dreaming? Doesn’t he have school today?
“Yes, Junhong? What can I help you with?” that voice belongs to the doctor.
“I know you said to wait… but I’m scared. I’m scared that his amnesia will be permanent. I’m worried that he’s going to forget about me.”
“Well, Jongup is recovering very well, though.”
“I know, but there’s still things he doesn’t remember, and there’s still things he doesn’t retain. I have to explain certain concepts to him over and over. That’s not progress in my eyes, Doctor.”
Oh no. Junhong seems really worried about me.
“We’re doing the best we can, but doctors aren’t miracle workers. You should consider yourself lucky that Jongup actually remembers as much as he does. Some victims of amnesia take years to get their memory back, and others don’t get it at all.”
“Look, I understand that. But if you guys aren’t making any progress on his memory and Jongup is starting to feel better, then I want him out of here as soon as possible.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Listen to me. I might not be able to bring back Jongup’s memory… I can’t force him to remember every experience we’ve ever been through… But we can still make new ones. *sniffle* I can make new memories! I still have time to give him a wonderful life!”
Junhong…
“I understand that-“
“No! I don’t want him stuck here for the rest of his life! I don’t want him to think of me as a stranger every time I walk in! I love him, and Jongup means the whole ing world to me.”
I can feel tears rolling down my face. The doctor remains silent.
“We were supposed to get married! We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together! We were supposed to have unforgettable experiences! We were supposed to… supposed to…”
“Junhong, it’s going to be okay. I promise.”
“Please, Doctor. I want Jongup to be happy.”
There’s a silence. I can hear Junhong’s crying from my bed. I really hope he can’t hear mine. After a while, his cries get muffled. I bet you the Doctor is hugging him to death. I really hope he is. I hope he’s comforting him and making him feel better.
I really hope others are able to take care of him until I’m well enough to care for him again.
“Give us one more week or two, okay? I promise, we’ll get him ready for the outside world.” I hear the doctor reassure him.
“Y-yeah. Okay. Thank you.”
I hear footsteps heading down the hall. I wipe the tears off my face with my blanket.
Junhong appears at the door. His cheeks are moist and red. A fake smile is across his face.
“I hope I didn’t wake you up, Jongup,” he greets me as he sits in his chair.
“Nah, I just got up early,” I shrug. I wonder if he notices my cheeks are moist and red, too.
There’s an awkward silence. Junhong is staring at the floor, not even making an effort to smile anymore. I feel like tears are about to drop out of his eyes again. As his boyfriend, I really can’t have that happen.
“Hey, uh, I just remembered something from my past,” I break the silence. He wipes his face.
“Oh really? And what’s that?” Junhong inquires, now focusing his attention onto me.
I shoot him a cheesy grin.
“I remembered that I have the best boyfriend in the entire world,” I say. his expression immediately changes.
“Y-y-you do?” I broke his. Tears rush quickly down his cheeks.
I lean up in my bed. his tears are seriously contagious.
“Yes, I do. And he has the cutest smile in the entire world,” I reply.
I grab onto his hand, and I squeeze it as tight as I can. He might still be crying but I can see that beautiful smile of his forming on his mouth. I can see the tears through his wide rimmed glasses, but his smile is adorable nonetheless.
“J-J-Jongup…Jongup I…” he struggles to find the words.
“I remember that I love you, Junhong.”
That’s when he leans in close, and his lips touched mine. Actually, I think Junhong called it a ‘kiss?’
I still can’t remember everything. I still can’t remember most things.
But I do remember how much I love Junhong.
And one day, I know we’ll be able to finish the rest of our wonderful story.
[The End]
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