Sitting at the airport, Tao feels lonely. There isn't anyone to giggle with or judge on his phone with. He mindlessly plays games when he hears his name being shouted. He's usually used to it, masses of girls screaming out left and right. But this time it's a male voice and Tao’s head snaps up. But it's only a crowd of picture taking girls that he sees, blocked by airport security. So he smiles at them; trying to ignore the pain that rippled inside of him.

He tries not to but he looks up the members Instagram’s again. Noticing that Chanyeol updated. His fingers hopelessly hovering over the video in the desperate need to double tap. He tries to assure himself that no one will notice. Then he sighs and turns off the app. They always notice.

Betrayer they slash at him. He sees multiple comments and blogs call him that. He bites his lip and tries to hold his emotions in. His dad had told him that he would have haters. He always did, even before it was like most people hated him. But he remembered Suho and how mad he always got at the fans remarks. “They aren't real fans” he would say angrily. Sehun would hug him and everything would be fine.

He really wished to see Kris again. But inside he was scared because even Luhan saw Kris only once and they were on good terms. Besides Kris was in Canada, filming with Vin Diesel. His fame was booming. Especially since the basketball game. That Tao secretly taped and watched. He cheered as loud as the fans whenever Kris got the ball. But the game ended and Tao fell asleep with an ache in his heart.

Interviews were hard. All the attention was on him and he didn't get any breaks anymore.
He couldn't just stand and stare at the camera. Or mess around with the members around him. He had to do all the talking.

At least he was home and his mom no longer cried on the holidays. She smiled whenever he came out of his room and just whenever he was around. Once he left early to the store, and forgot his phone. When he came back his mom was sitting at the kitchen table with tears in her eyes. “I'm not going to disappear” he said. But she hugged him extra tight nevertheless. After all he was her only child.

He didn't want to leave. It was his father's phone call. They talked every night since Tao’s plane first landed in Korea. Even if it was just a minute conversation. Tao was what whining about his leg and how tired he was and how he missed home. When his father spoke quietly, he told his precious son to come home. The next night he begged. Tao didn't want to leave, but he couldn't let his father beg either.

He misses his best friend the most. Despite having friends here, they didn't always understand him. Not the way Sehun did. Four years of showering, eating, sweating, crying, laughing, hugging really made them close. He missed the feel of Sehun. His pale arms around him, his face squashed into Tao’s neck. He missed the feel of Sehun’s hair in his fingers. He missed the cuddles, especially at night when he was too scared to sleep alone. And he would slip into Sehun and Suho’s shares room and slip into bed with one of them. Mostly Sehun.

He missed how when they would get drunk together. Kyungsoo would really get undone and he and Baekhyun would attempt to rap together. Chanyeol would laugh at everything even more, clapping his hands with such vigor that they would be red until the next day. Jongin would usually pass out on his lap because he was such a light weight. During O12 days, Luhan and Xiumin would get completely wasted and try to strip dance. Suho being the only semi sober person tried to stop them. Chen took pictures of everything and would later print them out and post them around the dorm. Lay and Kris usually sat buzzed. Sometimes Kris would become drunk cuddly. He would wrap his arms around Suho and act like a cute kid. Sehun was a quiet drunk, he would just latch himself onto Tao and watch everyone with a blank stare.

Now Tao drinks alone.

He missed the chaos. Mornings in the dorms when the members fought for the bathroom. Suho yelling in the background because Baekhyun was a little and wouldn't get up. Kyungsoo’s dark threats when anyone annoyed him food. Chanyeol tripping over flat ground when he was half asleep. Lay and the fact that he never wore clothes. Tao didn't like to either. Now he can't do that at home.

He still talks to Luhan but rarely. The prince of China has too much on his schedule for them to really get to meet up. Especially with how big China was. He missed being with them; Lay and Luhan and their ability to laugh at everything and nothing. Kris would glare at them but they only laughed harder. Until Xiumin would clear his throat, causing them to swallow their giggles quickly. Chen would just smirk at them.

He's closer to his fans, they gets to receive their gifts more often. He gets to interact with them. He gets to see their smiles and their dropping jaws when he comes in close proximity. Concerts aren't just a sea of lights anymore; he can see faces now too.

He had more freedom. When he's in pain, he can go home and rest. They don't force diets on him. His mother cooks plenty of home food. He is allowed to leave the house. He isn't in trouble for going out. He isn't controlled all time. He even gets to sleep, no longer having to take naps at every free moment.

But he was alone in the recording studio. No longer making fart noises with Jongin as they laughed. No embarrassing breathy moans as Jongdae watched on with constant laughter. No Baekhyun to sing trot songs with.

Tao stares at his phone, at the pictures. The only proof that he was once part of Exo. Not that he would admit it but Tao looked up pictures of him with the members. He would cry silent tears because he missed them. They all changed their numbers. Because saseng fans had found out their previous numbers. He couldn't contact them. Not with SM watching.

Yes Tao was lonely and he missed Exo. He missed Sehun. But he was home. And time heals everything.

Because I literally cry over Taohun being dead I poured out all my tears into this and I don't know what happened. I hope you don't hate me or Tao. Because honostly I miss Exo 12 and watch showtime way too much. I'm glad that the members that left are healthier and getting more famous. Whenever I see a picture of Kris he looks so much healthier not like he's constantly on a diet anymore. Luhan is doing his own music, his style is pretty unique but I love it. (Secretly addicted to his song "Lu") and Tao looks well rested to me. Overall they don't seemed to have changed. Because Tao's still giggles like an adorable Idiot, Luhan giggles at anything, and Kris is still Kris of his single was any proof. But that doesn't mean I don't watch Taohun videos all the time and cry about it.