23/02/16

I was filling the soy sauce bottles when he suddenly appeard left behind me. I heard a soft sweet voice saying something in chinese, I looked back and there he was standing with his cute glasses and in his work clothes. ‘’Sorry?’’ I asked him and he repeated the same thing in chinese again. Maybe he thought I was chinese? I looked at him questioningly, I guess he knew I couldn’t understand what he was saying so he made some gestures if I could move away the soy sauce bottles, because he had to place the big rice cooker at its place. ‘’Ah sorry!’’ I immediately moved away the soy sauce bottles and smiled at him.

That was the first time I had an interaction with him, but I didn’t have any feelings for him back then. It all started almost 3 weeks ago.. I’ve been working there for almost 2 months now and I just found out I have feelings (or shall I say a crush) for some chinese guy, who can’t even speak my language. The only thing I know about him, is his name. I even had a dream about him the other night. Maybe I’ve been thinking about him too much lately? I’ve been wondering how old he could be and my dream told me he is 22 years old. Is it a vision? Is he really 22? or am I just hoping he’s not older than that.

4 weeks ago, I was walking past him and noticed he was actually really cute. He got this very young, cute, baby-like face and that’s why I have this nickname for his: baby face. From that moment I started to keep an eye on him more often. The more I looked at him, the more my heart started to beat harder and harder. Until one day.. I went towards the containers to put away the empty plates. I walked through the curtains and he was standing there, leaning against the sink and arm crossed. I could feel my heart suddenly beating faster while placing the plates in the containers. You don’t know how nervous I suddenly felt, also because I could literally feel his stare on me. When I turned my head to his side to look if he was still there, he was still staring at me. I don’t know how fast I walked out of there. After walking out, I could still feel my heart beating crazily. I was so relieved to see my cousin standing there, waiting for the food to bring away. ‘’Omg pff I’m going crazy.. everytime I’m around baby face I get so nervous haha.’’ ‘’HAHAH WHAT OMG THAT SO CUTE’’ and from that moment my cousin started to tease me whenever we passed by him or when we was around. And everytime we have eye contact, we both look away out of awkwardness.

One day we arrived at work, we dropped off our stuff at the staff room and walked towards the toilet. I saw him from afar, walking the opposite side towards the staff room. When we walked past each other, I smiled at him as a greeting and he smiled back at me. I could feel myself smiling when he did that. When we were inside the toilets, my cousin started to tease me again about him but I actually didn’t really mind because the only thing I could think of, was his cute smile. I couldn’t believe and I still can’t believe how this could happen. I mean a few weeks ago, I was perfectly fine. No interest in someone, no one who had catched my eyes and certainly not him. Every time I see him now, even when it’s his back, I can’t help but smile at myself and feel the butterflies in my stomach flying around. Especially when I look into his eyes, what has happened a few times now.
I was standing at the sushi bar and placing sushi plates on my tray. I looked up and the moment I did that, he was standing right in front of me and I was looking straight into his eyes. I felt like I could rip my heart out of my chest. I quickly looked away and walked off.

I don’t know if i’m being delusional, but it seems like he’s looking towards my direction a lot the last 2 weeks. Maybe he noticed I’ve been looking at him too and that’s why..  But okay let me tell you another story. I was standing in the B area while cleaning tables and I decided to look towards the sushi bar to catch a glimpse of him. But when I did that, again I was looking straight into his eyes. I kinda panicked and started to feel myself getting hot, so I quickly turned around and got back to cleaning tables. I hope I’m not obvious or it will really ruin my reputation, not only because I seem like a stalker and creeper, but also because the people there at work will laugh at me? I don’t know what I should do, but I gues I will try to act cool and normal around him.. Easy words, but how are you supposed not to smile when your crush is right in front on you and acting cute all the time. Even when he talked chinese to me 3 times and smiled at me as if I could understand, it doesn’t matter to me. As long as I can admire him from afar and see his cute smile that could light up my whole day. Do you know that feeling when you like someone, or start to develop feelings for someone but it’s so frustrating and hard to explain, that it makes you want to pull out all of your hair.

‘’Want to but I can’t help it, I love the way it feels.
It’s got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real.
I need it when I want it, i want it when I don’t.
Tell myself I’ll stop everyday, knowing that I won’t.
I got a problem and I don’t know what to do about it,
even If i didn’t know if I would quite but I doubt it, I’m taking by the thought of it

And I know as much its true, baby you have become my addiction.
I’m so strung out on you, I can’t barely move, but I like it.

And It’s all because of you.
And It’s all because of you.
And It’s all because of you.
And It’s all because,
Never get enough, he’s the sweetest drug’’