Hello there! This is just a glimpse of a period of my life that I’m trying to get rid of. My story didn’t end this well. It’s been just 4 months and my heart’s still crying. But this is part of my catharsis. Please, love, wherever you’re, be safe.

I would love to dedicate this one-shot to my dear friend Astrid (aka AsSyungie) whose birthday is today! February 21. I love you so much, dear princess; I hope this is to your like.

Happy birthday, bae!

CHANCES

He arrived early at the café. It was really hot in LA and he welcomed the cool air inside the place. The barista smiled and greeted him like old friends. I must be spending too much time here, he thought. He took a seat on a cozy sofa on the corner and a few minutes later he smiled widely when a brunette opened the door.

“Oppa!” She chirped happily from the door.

She was 164, half Korean half American. Her long brownish hair was tied up in a high ponytail. Hyesung remembered the last time he saw her with short red hair. She looked so much better with her natural hair and that bright smile that he envied so much. He stood up and she hurried to his side.

“You’re here! I’m so happy to see you! How are you? When did you arrive?” Her gray eyes sparkled and Hyesung chuckled; he liked this girl, who was younger and brighter. She was like sunshine in the middle of rainy day.

“I’m happy too. I’m fine. I arrived last week.” Hyesung let her took a seat and then went to the counter and asked for their drinks.

Afterwards, he came back to their seats and both were immersed in a conversation. Hyesung was listening to the woman with care and interest. She was so different than any other girl, always smiling, gentle and kind. She had a strong character when needed but on the inside she was vulnerable, like a little girl.

Less than 40 minutes had passed and Hyesung was already laughing like crazy with her stories. She was really funny. Suddenly the door opened again and a familiar scent hit his nostrils. It was his lotion, if has to be. He had given it. Hyesung looked up and there he was. Eric Mun. How much time had passed since the last time Hyesung saw him? It was almost a year and a half. Tall, tanned and well built.

The last time Hyesung had spoken to that person, he had told him “I don’t want to be friends anymore? I’m tired and sick of it.” And he meant it. He was tired to be near Eric, looking how hard he was struggling with his demons, offering him some relief and being nothing more than friends, according to him. But to be honest they weren’t really friends, at least not the concept Hyesung had; a couple of guys spending time together and having fun together.

18 months ago, Hyesung and Eric saw each other after a long 2 years of absence. They had been friends for almost 14 years; they met at junior high school when Hyesung was 16 and Eric 18. Hyesung was awestruck by him; Eric was so reliable and so mature since he was 2 years older, and Hyesung looked up a lot to him. Everyone in the school knew about their feelings; however, Eric never took the next step, instead, he told Hyesung he couldn’t have a relationship and that he loved him so much to hurt him.

Eric’s last words resonated in his mind, “If we meet again, I would love to have you back. I promise I’ll try then”.

He recalled that day. Hyesung had suffered a lot afterwards; he had got inside his parent’s house and gone straight to his bedroom, just to cry his heart out. And the next couple of years he always thought he did something bad enough to annoy Eric and that was why they never got the chance to be a couple.

Years later, Hyesung went to College; the same college Eric was and indisputably they met again. But that time, and all the times after, Eric was always going out with someone. Hyesung had given up hope; he even got a boyfriend, a long distance relationship. Kangta was someone who had the patience with him and his spoiled attitude, the guy spoiled him even more and Hyesung was so madly in love with him. After both graduated from college, they tried to make it work. Kangta asked him to move to his hometown, since they were 1,000 kilometers apart, but Hyesung knew there wasn’t any work for his career.

So, after almost 4 years of a long distance relationship, Hyesung ended it. Eric was there that one time; Hyesung was driving back from his work and called him, his friend picked up at the second ring. He told him about his long distance boyfriend, and how everything had ended. “Don’t cry, Hyesung-ah, it was for the best;” yes, it was for the best, but still hurt.

Eric had been the best friend if he wasn’t seeing someone. Every time, Hyesung wanted to be near him; his new boyfriend or girlfriend prevented it. And it was frustrating, because Hyesung wanted to have a closer relationship with Eric even if they were just friends. He wanted to be around him and involve him with his family and his day by day; but Eric always wandered around Hyesung without having a real commitment.

In 2011, Hyesung moved to another city because of work and got in touch with Eric. He was single, for like… 3 months. Hyesung had told Eric he needed time to be alone because he didn’t know how was to be alone; however, Eric on the first chance he had he got another girlfriend. And once again, Hyesung was left out. Each time was like that, Eric got a new partner and he was out.

On December 2012, they got in touch once again. On January 2013 they got the chance to see each other while Hyesung was on vacations at his parent’s house. That day, Hyesung listened to Eric eagerly; he wanted to absorb every bit of him. He was still as handsome as ever, and his heartbeat was remembering him why he loved that man so much. Eric had told him he wanted a stable relationship now, he was almost a year single and he was thinking he could manage a new relationship. That sparkled something in Hyesung. Why Eric was still looking for a new partner when Hyesung was just right in front of him?

It wasn’t until February that Hyesung decided to tell Eric how he felt for him. With his heart exposed Hyesung confessed to Eric, “Why don’t we give us a chance?”

“Hyesung-ah…,” Eric lost his words and Hyesung felt like crap. Here it comes, he thought, he will say no. “I… I don’t think I can have a relationship now…” Hyesung froze. WHAT? “Listen Hyesung-ah, I’m not a complete man, and I’m afraid I might hurt you…”

Hyesung chuckled with his excuse. I don’t want to hurt you, where did he hear that? Oh, yeah. Ten years ago. Eric questioned him and Hyesung just leaned his weight in the column outside his parents’ house. “I can’t believe you just used the same words from back then,” Eric was shocked. “When I was 16 you told me exactly the same; that you didn’t want to hurt me.”

Both went silent. What was Hyesung supposed to do? He wanted to be with Eric so much, but if Eric didn’t want it then… The only choice was to stop seeing each other. Hyesung didn’t want to look Eric’s back once again, not with another girl or a boy.

“What do I do, Eric?” Hyesung asked defeated. “I really don’t know what to do.”

“Whatever you decide, I’ll support it,” Hyesung lost it. Why this reliable man was letting him chose? Why? If he knew how Hyesung felt towards him. Hyesung stood tall again, upset. “Am I the one who needs to choose?” Eric nodded. “Well then, if I’m gonna choose, then I don’t want to see you ever again, got it, pal?”

Eric almost gasped; he even took a step closer. The silence made presence again. Hyesung saw how confused Eric was; but he felt the same! Eric was always like this, someone else had to make a choice, not him, never him. So, what was he expecting? That Hyesung fight a lost battle?

“Hyesung-ah,” Hyesung change his posture and crossed his arms. “W-why don’t we remain friends and see how it goes?”

Ok. That was unexpected. “Are you being serious?” Eric nodded again and took a step closer to Hyesung. The slender man pondered the thought. Was that a glimpse of hope? “Ok. Let’s be friends. But…, do something for me…” Eric took a step back. “Kiss me, Eric. Kiss me like you mean it.”

Eric took some steps closer to Hyesung, grabbed him by the waist and closed the gap between their lips. It was calm, not rushed; their lips were made for each other, they locked like two pieces of a puzzle. Hyesung sighed while Eric hugged him closer to his body and opened his mouth to tease Hyesung’s entrance. It was so good that Hyesung almost felt dizzy.

After that Kiss, Eric left. And their relationship was so confusing. Sometimes Eric seemed to like Hyesung back, but sometimes he distanced from Hyesung, and that was so frustrating. It was like push and pull, and Hyesung loved him so much that let everything passed.

“Pa… Hyesung-oppa…” Eunseo waved her hand in front of Hyesung’s face. “Earth to Hyesung, are you with me?” Hyesung blinked a couple of times.

“Ah… Sorry, Eunseo-ah…” Hyesung smiled and returned his eyes to his drink. “I was just lost in thoughts.”

She knew that look. It was like 18 months ago when Hyesung called her in the middle of the night crying his heart out because he had just told Eric he didn’t want to be friends anymore. Hyesung was so broken that night that Eunseo had taken a flight to Korea the next morning. Eunseo admired Hyesung’s strength a lot, he has always the right advice and he lent his ear whenever she needed, so Eunseo felt like she needed to be just the same with him. He had suffered a lot since then, he tried to date other guys but they just didn’t pass the first date.

“Oppa…” Eunseo’s eyes softened and she grabbed his hand. “Have you heard from Eric-oppa?” Hyesung eyes got glossy with longing. “When you called me that night I got so worried, but then you changed. Are you really okay?”

Hyesung smiled brokenly. “He’s over there, Eunseo-yah,” he moved his head signaling the counter, and the girl turned his head to the barista. “Before you ask, I didn’t know he was in LA… I’m shocked too,” Hyesung interrupted her question.

“You won’t talk to him?” Eunseo asked carefully. Hyesung denied with his head. They weren’t friends anymore, he was with a new girl, and they seemed happy since he had changed his kakao’s profile. So, what for? “Ok,” Eunseo smiled.

Just when Eunseo picked up her topic, Eric walked in front of them and looked straight to Hyesung, who picked that precise moment to laugh wholeheartedly when Eunseo told him about the last time she fell running. Their eyes met.

The time froze.

Eric froze.

Hyesung froze.

Even Eunseo got silent and got interested in her drink.

Eric went inside the café to get an Iced Americano, when something caught his eye. He looked around and then he spotted a blonde tall male sitting with a brunette. It was him. The man who haunted his thoughts. Shin Hyesung. It has been more than 18 months since the last time they spoke, let’s not talked about seeing each other. The last time he saw Hyesung’s face was on August 2015, he had asked him for lunch on a Friday noon. When he arrived at the restaurant, Hyesung was already there; he looked a little arrogant and tough. He didn’t greet Hyesung; he just took a seat in front of him and said hi, as if they slept together.

Well, they had slept together twice, and that was the most marvelous experience for Eric. Hyesung transformed in someone ier and naughty in bed. And the best of all was that he met every one of his fantasies. But not anymore. Eric had destroyed everything good he had with Hyesung, even his trust. He still remembered the last time they spoke. How broken and hurt he was; his voice had broken with each one of his words.

“I… I just want to tell you 2 things. One, happy birthday, Eric, hope you have a great day. I know for you, this is just another day, but well…, for me it is important,” he took a deep breath. “And second…” Hyesung had stopped there, took another breath. “Listen, Eric. I had imagined how I’m going to tell you next and in my head it always turns out right. However, I know this won’t be the case,” Eric listened intently, the man on the other side of the phone inhale and exhale many times, preparing himself for the next step. Eric knew what was coming. The end. And he had brought it over him. “I’m tired, Eric. Once, you told me I was the only person who was constant, and I was so happy to hear that. But…, I’m sick of being your safety net. I love you so much, Eric, but I just can’t. Am I being to selfish?”

“No. Do what you have to do,” and that was when he heard the soft sobs. Hyesung was crying, because of him. Instead of trying to calm the boy, Eric kept its posture. He had a girlfriend now and he must respect her.

“I’m sorry, Eric,” Hyesung tried to laugh, “I don’t know why I’m crying. I know you don’t like me crying,” Eric kept silence. “I just want you to know that I feel betrayed. I was always honest with you, I really love you. But you…, you just don’t love me back,” Hyesung choked with his own words. It was hurtful to listen to him, but at least he deserved that. “I would have liked if you had told me since the beginning that you would never love me back.”

“I told you, Hyesung. I told you when you asked me to try that I wasn’t ready for a relationship,” Eric’s voice sounded harsher than what he wanted. “And then you stuck around me; with messages, and calls, and always asking to meet. You were everywhere!” Eric was rough, he knew it, but it was the only choice he had. Though, he wanted Hyesung to remain by his side, but that was asking too much.

“You know what, Eric? Let’s stop here. You and I were never friends, I was yours. I’ve always been your friend, the caring one. The kind of friend who would put you above everyone else,” Hyesung inhaled properly. “But you have always been the long-distance friend, and I’m sorry, but I don’t want that. I want a friend who will take care of me once in a while, and a friend who wants to spend time with me. I want a real friend, the kind of friend that can be at each other’s house and watch a movie, or talk with your parents. Could you believe it? It’s been almost 14 years and I don’t even know the names of your parents. I’m done, Eric. And it hurts me so much to tell you this, but, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t even wish you well.”

After all said and done, Eric had told Hyesung his sister was calling and that they would talk later. The truth was, he wasn’t going to call, and Hyesung wouldn’t either. They hung up. And they went separates ways.

And now there he was, smiling and laughing with another girl. His new girlfriend? And Eric was just about to exit the cafeteria when their eyes met.

Hyesung froze.

Eric froze.

And the girl took interest in her drink.

Hyesung was the first one to move. He bowed his head acknowledging him. Eric blinked a few times, confused, and then bowed his head too. Then he walked away. Hyesung felt a little pang in his heart. He surprised himself expecting another kind of reaction, not a cold one. But that was okay.

“Are you okay with that, oppa?” Eunseo asked suddenly, interlacing her small hand with his. “I know he hurt you, Hyesung-ah, but I know you still love him, don’t you?”

Hyesung’s eyes clouded with tears. He squeezed Eunseo’s hand and bit his lips. “I hated him for so long, Eunseo-yah, I don’t know if I can survive another disappointment,” his voice broke.

“I’m sure he has suffered a lot too, can’t you see the way he walks with his shoulders down?” Eunseo was a psychologist, a good one. She had her own office, but sometimes the government asked her for consultation. She was right, Hyesung noticed it now. Eric wasn’t walking upright, he was kind of dull and like the world weighted on his shoulders.

Hyesung followed Eric through the window a few seconds. “I shouldn’t…”

“Go, Hyesung-oppa. Both need it,” Eunseo hurried Hyesung with her deep gray eyes.

The stood up like a spring and left the cafeteria quickly. He spotted Eric at the parking lot, he was about to get inside his black Camaro.

“ERIC!”

When Hyesung averted his eyes and went back to his conversation, Eric understood there was nothing to be said or done. Their friendship was shattered in pieces. He went outside, thinking how handsome Hyesung looked when he smiled, it was one of his guilty pleasure. At least, he was happy. Eric smiled sadly. One of the two has to be happy.

He was about to get into his car when he heard it. His voice. “ERIC!” He looked up at Hyesung who was in the middle of the parking lot, a bit flustered but still there.

Hyesung got nervous suddenly. He had called him because he didn’t want Eric to go. At least let me hug you, jerk. Let me properly say good bye to you. But he knew the moment Eric’s eyes locked with his that he wouldn’t want to say good bye again. Please, God. Hyesung opened his arms to Eric, giving him time to react.

Eric left his coffee on the hood of his car, closed the door, and hurried to his side. Please God, let me reach him, Eric prayed. Hyesung watched the man quickening his pace to his side; his eyes clouded with tears.

They crashed together. Eric wrapped him in a hug, a needy one. Hyesung embraced him back, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with his own feelings. Eric was real. His tears fell silently. Please God, if you’re there, let us begin again. Please, don’t take him away from me again, Hyesung thought.

“I’m sorry, Hyesung-ah. I’m sorry,” Eric said between his tears, and that was everything Hyesung needed to hear. “I didn’t love you as I should, and I’ve missed you so much,” Eric’s arms tightened around Hyesung.

“I’ve missed you too,” Hyesung sobbed.

Eric broke apart just enough to kiss Hyesung. That was it. The kind of feeling Eric missed the most. Hyesung felt like home, the kind of home he had always wanted; warm and cozy. Why was he so blind?

At the corner of the cafeteria, the brunette looked at them, spilling tears too. They needed this chance.

“Eunseo-yah!” The girl averted her eyes when a tall man, with blue eyes reached her. “Where is Hyesung? I thought you were going to meet him…” The man looked at her crying face. “What’s wrong, babe?”

“There,” Eunseo pointed to the couple kissing at the parking lot. “He’s there, giving another chance.”

Her boyfriend hugged her and both smiled. They deserved to be happy. Please, give them a chance.