/

The room spins when she blinks.

This is why Wendy doesn’t trust Seulgi and Sooyoung – especially not when it’s Halloween – because they do things like switch her crop top for a strapless bra (“the skimpier the better”) and make her take two shots of Whiskey before they even step one foot out the door.

“You never go to parties. Just let it all out tonight.” Sooyoung straightens up Wendy’s cat ear headband. When she looks at her reflection, the mirror vibrates.

“We’re walking to Jongdae’s party anyway, so you don’t have to worry about driving.” Seulgi chimes in with mascara in her hand, walking up in front of Wendy to fix up her left eye. “There. Perfect.”

Wendy blinks, alcohol tickling the tip of her tongue.  “I actually look pretty hot.”

Sooyoung’s eyes crinkle into a smile. “You should start wearing makeup. You look stunning.”

Seulgi pinches her cheeks. Wendy blushes and stares at the way Seulgi pours herself another shot of pineapple rum, delicate fingers tapping along the edge of the glass. Wendy shakes her head.

“Are we getting Wendy laid tonight or are we getting Wendy laid tonight?”

They all laugh. Even Wendy herself, who would rather at this very moment turn into a ball and roll all the way back home and into her bed.

The three of them link arms as they walk toward the sound of muted bass. Wendy trips on a blip in the sidewalk and almost falls, as if the world was sending her a warning.

Seulgi catches her by the wrist.

/

Wendy has a beer pressed into her palm the moment she steps inside.

Sooyoung had already danced her way into the kitchen, pressing herself lightly against Sungjae’s body as he showed off his bat costume.

The living room is thick with the heat of too many bodies. Seulgi’s hand laces into hers, pulling them both onto the dance floor.

As they squeeze through costumes, someone’s angel wing slaps Wendy lightly across the face, and Seulgi giggles about it into her drink.

“Aw.” She grins, then rubs the back of her hand across Wendy’s cheek, leaving a tingling burn. Wendy swallows, suddenly filled with the urge to down her beer.

“Jongdae went all in with the strobe lights, huh?” Seulgi breathes into her ear, and Wendy can only nod at the way green and blue lights frame her face in the dark.

There was something suffocating about watching Seulgi sway to the bass. Her body moved like liquid, enchanting and hypnotizing, as if she were a dream.  It made Wendy feel small.

“Hey.” She fights her tongue, choosing words carefully through her clouded thoughts. “You look really pretty today.” The alcohol had settled in her system. Seulgi laughs.

“And so do you.” She runs her fingers through the back of Wendy’s hair, and as soon as it starts, it ends. Wendy wants her to keep touching.

Instead, Seulgi closes her eyes, once again beginning her dance.

/

“Soojung’s staring at you, you know.” Wendy says a bit later. She closes her eyes, overwhelmed by the way the world blurred into a kaleidoscope of colors.

“Oh, I know.”

Seulgi positions her body closer to Wendy, wrapping an arm around her waist. Wendy will never get used to this feeling.

When she opens her eyes, Seulgi is close enough where she can see each of her eyelashes flutter. But Seulgi isn’t looking at her; Wendy traces her gaze back to Soojung.

They sway to the beat.

Why me?

Wendy doesn’t think she’ll ever understand the two and their game. It always begins like this – with a challenge, a taunt, push and pull – and ends with the two tangled into one another’s embrace.

It was dumb. It was childish. It was toxic.

Why her?

They both watch Soojung make out with a shorthaired girl dressed as Detective Conan. The kiss is aggressive. Wendy can feel the grip on her waist tighten sharply.

If Wendy didn’t know any better, she would have thought Soojung and that girl were in love – or something – considering how intensely they kiss, but she already knew the truth. The only image behind Soojung’s eyelids is Seulgi.

And when Seulgi stares back at her in the darkness, she knows the only person Seulgi is thinking about, is Soojung.

“I’m gonna go get some fresh air.”

The music drowns out her voice.

Seulgi barely looks at her when she leaves.

/

“You okay?” A dainty voice calls out. “Did you drink too much?”

Wendy had found refuge behind a tree in the corner of Jongdae’s yard. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone.

“Uh,” she says, “I’m fine.”

She hears footsteps crunch into leaves, until the shadow of a figure hovers above her.

“I’ll keep you company, if you’d like.”

Wendy thinks for a moment. Her voice is soothing.

“Okay,” she nods her head to her left, a gesture for the girl to sit.

“Want one?” Wendy turns her head. She holds out a cigarette, with one already pressed between her lips. It looked like she was dressed as Hermione. The thick-framed glasses clung heavily on her face, but she still looked awfully pretty up close.

“No thanks. I don’t smoke.”

“Suit yourself.” She laughs. Wendy watches her flick the lighter on with her manicured thumb, pale hand floating above the flame. Light dances on her cheekbones like a show.

She takes a long drag, and Wendy traces the smoke – out of her lips, up into the sky, floating towards the moon until it died – mesmerized.

“So why are you just sitting here?” She tilts her head. Wendy coughs.

“Too stuffy in there,” she answers simply. The girl nods and lets her words trail off. She doesn’t pry, almost like she already knew the truth.

They both sit quietly after that, staring at the moon. Shoulders close but not touching. The bass is so deep it rattles the dirt. Wendy hated smoke, but in this moment, the smell is comforting.

“What’s your name?” The girl asks.

“Wendy. You?”

“Joohyun,” she extends a hand. The warmth of her skin makes her shiver in the dark. The girl pulls off her coat. “Aren’t you cold?” Her hair flows in the breeze, tickling Wendy’s face as she positions the coat on her shoulders. She smells like flowers. “You’re barely wearing anything.”

“Thank you.”

“Wendy?” Joohyun’s mouth twists thoughtfully, like she was perplexed. “Are you from the States?”

“I’m from Canada, actually. But I moved back here when I was ten.”

“Oh,” Joohyun blinks, “I studied in Toronto for a few years.”

Wendy jumps in surprise. “I’m from Toronto.”

“Toronto’s autumns are cold, huh? Colder than Korea’s.”

“Yeah.”

“I met Krystal there, at my Uni.”

Wendy eyes her curiously. “Krystal?”

“Soojung. She went by the name Krystal. I went by Irene. It still feels a little weird to call her by her Korean name, even when we’re back here.”

Wendy opens , then closes it again. There are hundreds of words she wants to say, but doesn’t. Wendy treads carefully.

“Mmmm,” she can only hum thoughtfully. “I know Soojung.”

She hopes those three words are enough.

Joohyun takes one last drag and snuffs out her cigarette with her boots. “I know,” she says, in a casual, airy sort of way, and before Wendy can answer - “I saw you dancing with Seulgi.”

The air is piercing. Wendy stares at her. She understands, now. Joohyun had sought out for her, for one reason or another. Joohyun already knew.

The words that come out of Wendy’s lips in response surprise even herself.

“Do you want to dance with me?”

/

Back inside, Wendy and Joohyun had taken about (two, three, four?) more shots of vodka each.

The world is blurry again, but this time, Wendy wants to cry.

“Do you like Seulgi?”

Joohyun’s dancing is clumsy and inebriated.

“Yeah. She’s all I can think about, sometimes.”

Wendy throws an arm around Joohyun’s shoulder, raking fingernails softly up and down her neck.

“I used to be in love with Krystal. For a really, really long time.”

Joohyun presses her forehead against Wendy’s. Their faces are separated by a single breath. Her eyes are deep black pools. Wendy can only imagine herself in them.

“Well. She wouldn’t have deserved you.”

Joohyun trails her hands downward, settling onto Wendy’s hips.

“Well, then, Seulgi doesn’t deserve you, either.”

Wendy is the one who leans forward first, but even in the tiny gap that separates them, she can tell Joohyun meets her halfway.

Joohyun’s lips are hot, burning her own. She tastes like ashes, like Wendy was swallowing an endless fire. Joohyun trails a hand across her cheek, then runs her fingers along her jaw. Wendy melts into her touch.

Joohyun pries Wendy’s lips open with her tongue, softly at first, as if she were asking for permission. Wendy parts them and lets her explore.

“You’re such a good kisser.”

Wendy pulls away, breathing hotly into . Joohyun just grins and presses their lips together again.

In the corner of her eye, she spots them across the room. Seulgi and Soojung. Mid make out. Hands all over each other. Strobe lights hitting their bodies. On. Off.

Joohyun brazenly cups a hand between her thighs, and Wendy makes a noise. The image of Seulgi flashes briefly in her mind.

But. It is brief. Gone in a flash.

When Wendy looks at Joohyun, she is all she can see.

Wendy thinks this might be it. The beginning of an end.

/

“So this year’s Halloween was a success.” Sooyoung exclaims as she chews on her french toast. “We all got drunk, but none of us are that hungover. We all got laid. What more can we ask for?”

Seulgi grins happily, hand patting Sooyoung’s head. Wendy looks out the window into the empty parking lot. The sky is grey. It was a day where it looked it looked like it would rain, but the clouds decided to wait, holding it in instead.

“Did you get her number?” Seulgi asks. “She was pretty.”

“Yeah. I did.” She looks down at her phone.

“See, this is why you should go out with us more.” Sooyoung has a bite of scrambled eggs in . “You’ll get all the girls.”

All the girls.

Or one.

“I should,” Wendy concludes, still having to force a laugh. Before she can say something about being the hottest one out of the three of them, she feels a vibration.

 bae joo hyun has sent a message: "thanks for last night. i’m sorry about the circumstances, but either way, i’m glad i met you. i’m free on weekends, if you ever want to get coffee."

Wendy can barely hold back a smile. Seulgi and Sooyoung don’t notice; They have lapsed back into quiet bickering, as per usual. Wendy can only bask in the normalcy and comfort of their friendship.

Maybe it was a good thing Seulgi was just a friend. Wendy couldn’t imagine a world without Seulgi’s encouragement, Seulgi’s dumb jokes, Seulgi’s insightful thoughts on the world.

            “how about this saturday?”

Seulgi throws a fork into Sooyoung’s hashbrowns. Sooyoung scowls.

“If Sungjae wanted some of your hashbrowns, you’d give it to him in a heartbeat.” Seulgi reaches for Wendy’s pancakes instead, all while dodging a punch from the girl beside her.

            “see you saturday then”

The walk back to Sooyoung’s Prius is quiet. Sooyoung lets Wendy choose the song. Seulgi has her feet pressed up against the center console from the back seat, snoring as soon as they hit the road.

Wendy wasn’t over Seulgi, doesn’t think she’ll ever really be, but with the horizon in view, Sooyoung’s humming drowning out the music, and a thumb grazing up and down her phone, settling at her recent messages, she thinks, this will have to do for now.

And okay, she takes it back.

This is why Wendy does trust Seulgi and Sooyoung and always will.

/

*happy birthday wendy!!