Heechul stared blankly at the bottle on his right hand. Pretend to read the label while in all truth and honesty, he really didn’t care. The blaring sound, coming from the speakers inside the exclusive club at the capital city, didn’t manage to stop him from continuesly staring blankly into nothingness ahead of him.

   He still feel empty,broken and extremely silent inside.

   The pretty man sigh deeply, before taking another sip from the bottle. This is his fourth bottle yet, he still far away from getting drunk. His mind shows no signs of drifting into haziness. In fact, he felt as sober as a new born kitten.

   He didn’t like it.

   He grunt on the bitter taste of the alcohol, lingers on his tongue.

   His beautiful, cat-like eyes caught the sight of his best friend's disapproving look.

   Leeteuk had always been there for him, since the very first day of all of his torment begins. The dimple man has become an unwilling witness towards Heechul’s torments and heartache throughout the months since his ‘other half’ left. The older choose to stay on his side, giving him comfort and support, lending a shoulder to cry on and making sure that this friend of his is going to move on, no matter what, because he honestly can’t stand the sight of a heartbreaking Heechul in front of his eyes, every single day.

   It pains him to see his friend’s suffering, while he can’t do anything to help.

   “ How’s things going on with Siwon? ”

   Heechul sigh, yet again. He looks at his best friend’s eyes blankly, before answering his question with a simple:

   “ Good… ”

   The dimple man shook his head slowly. He knows what’s going on between Heechul and Siwon. He knows that Heechul desperately used the latter as some sort of distraction or worst, as a mere replacement to cover his broken heart, and the leader didn’t like it.

   He can tell by the way Siwon gazed towards the older, that the young man harbored something emotionally deep towards the pretty man. Leeteuk knows too, that Heechul isn’t that stupid to not notice all of this.

   Yet, he still choose to go on with this dangerous idea of using the young man as his rebound, making the leader frown with disappointment towards his acts.

   “ He’s not that bad Heechul. Just give him a chance to love you… ”

   “ What do you think I’m doing right now, Jungsoo? ” Heechul snorts, a bit irritated of his friend’s choice of words.

   “Playing with his heart, manipulating his feeling towards you for your own benefits while trying to run away from reality… ” Leeteuk answered confidently, despite the younger practically kill him with his glares soon after.

   “ Stop looking at me like that. The kids might be scared with you but I’m not. You know it too. Heechul-ah, I’m begging you to stop whatever it is that you’re planning on doing with the lad, before it’s too late… ”

   “ It’s already too late Jungsoo. I can’t let him go now. I need him, so bad. He’s my drug. He’s the only one that can make me forget all the pain I feel inside. Without him…I’ll die… ”

   “ Then, would you consider giving him a chance, a space inside your heart? Who knows, things might get better after that? Maybe, he’s the one destined for you, maybe you’ll be much better once you’ve accept him into your heart. C’mon Heechul…it’s been months since Hankyung left. Shouldn’t you move on already? ”

   Their conversation stops abruptly when both pairs of eyes caught the glimpse of a very fine looking gentleman, who just steps inside the club, waving at them with a graceful dimple smile on his face.

   Siwon.

   Heechul, ─for the umpteenth time for the night─ sigh deeply again. He wave at the young man once, signaling him to wait for a bit, before he turn to look back at his best friend’s eyes deeply.

   “ How would I get better Jungsoo-ah? How could I possibly get better, once I’ve had a taste of the best? ”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   The night scenery of the capital city of South Korea manages to calm his feeling for a little bit. The cool breeze of an early autumn didn’t budge the pretty man at all. The warmth, coming from a pair of hands, wrapped securely on his waist, with firm and toned chest pushed against the small of his back manage to keep the cold breeze away from his body.

   Heechul and Siwon are currently enjoying the night scenery from the balcony of Heechul’s apartment, after having a romantic dinner together. Wrapped in a thick blanket, both men silently enjoying each other’s company, cuddling, embracing, and in Heechul’s case; reminiscing.

   Heechul’s mind couldn’t help but to drown into his vault of memories, when he used to do the same thing with his used to be ‘other half…’

   “ Close your eyes…”

   “ Huh? Why should I? ”

   “ I have a surprise for you… ”

   “ Tch. You, and your never-ending surprises… ”

   “ You don’t like it? ”

   “ Don’t be silly Bukkyung Bap, of course I do! ”

   “ Oh…I thought you didn’t like it… ”

   “ No, I didn’t like it. I loved it, cause you always makes me feel special when you give me one… ”

   “ Really? ”

   “ Really, China man. Now, stop being a puppy and give me my surprises now… ”

   “ Close your eyes first… ”

   “ Aisht...Why can’t I get my surprises like a normal human being do? ”

   “ Stop complaining Heechul and just do what I told you, or else you won’t get any─ ”

   “ Alright! Alright! Geez, impatient ahjussi… ”

   Heechul close his eyes reluctantly.

   “ Wait for a bit more…and…you can open your eyes now… ”

   The pair of beautiful eyes slowly fluttered open, before it widen in shock.

   “ Fireflies?! Yah! Where’d you get it?! ”

   “ Secret… ”

   “ Tch. Too many secrets Bukkyung Bap. But seriously, they’re beautiful…Wait. Where did they come from? ”

   Heechul’s head quickly look down, peeking from the balcony, only to be greeted by the sight of a grumpy looking Kyuhyun who’s currently holding a mysterious rectangular thing on both hands, an ecstatic looking Donghae and a mischievous looking Eunhyuk, both holding a tank in which the fireflies came from, and last but not least, a happy looking Sungmin, who can’t stop himself from bouncing up and down like a high bunny, watching the insects fly out of the tank successfully. The latter soon smack Kyuhyun’s head, all of the sudden.

   “ Ouch! Yah! What’s that for?! ”

   “ It’s time, you idiot! ”

   “ Aisht! ”

   The maknae angrily snaps a few button on the rectangular thing he’s been holding on, and soon, bright, colourful lights slowly show, forming some words on the rectangular thing ─which Heechul already confirmed as a sign board─ making Heechul scoof in amusement.

I LOVE YOU KIM HEECHUL

BE MINE FOREVER~

   “ Yah! Silly ahjussi. Using the kids like this. Did you force them out? ”

   “ Let’s just say, I pull a few ‘strings’ to get what I want… ”

   “ Tch…Did the old man know about this? Cause he’ll definitely freak out if he knew you sneaked up his ‘babies’ from the dorm behind his back… ”

   “ Don’t worry. I already inform Jungsoo hyung about my plan… ”

   “ Crazy fellas~ ”

   “ So? What’s your answer gonna be? ”

   “ Huh? ”

   “ I love you Kim Heechul…Be mine, forever~ ”

   “ Ah…The sign…Let’s see…hmm~ ”

   “ Hyuuung~ for our sake, just say yes already! We’re freezing down here! ”

   “ Yeah! Monkey’s right! It’s cold hyung, and we’re hungry… ”

   “ Is food all you can think about, fish?! ”

   “ Yah Sungmin! Don’t call my Donghae fish! ”

   “ Shut up monkey! ”

   “ Don’t you─ ”

   “ AISHT! BE QUIET YOU RETARDED PIECE OF *beep*!!! ”

   “ Hey! No cursing maknae! Or I’ll tell Leeteuk hyung─ ”

   “ I DON’T CARE FISH! NOW, HEECHUL-AH! HURRY UP SO WE CAN DISSAPEAR FROM HERE! YOUR MUSHY SCENES MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE MY GUTS OUT! ”

   Heechul’s eyes widen in disbelief after he heard the youngest’s words.

   “ What the─ this kid really…Yah! Don’t you have any respect for your hyung?! ”

   The pretty man swear he heard a ‘whatever woman’ coming out from Kyuhyun’s mouth seconds after he finish talking.

   “ Heechul, stop it. The kids’ right. They’ve been waiting for hours down there. Come on, now tell me, what’s your answer? ”

   “ It’s not like I ask them to wait… ”

   “ Heechul… ”

   Hankyung turn the other male towards the side, facing him. He look deep into the pair of beautiful eyes, with looks full of love and passion, making Heechul swallow the lump on his throat, hard.

   “ Aish…Okay…Okay…Hmph! You, and your puppy eyes… ”

   “ So, Kim Heechul…I love you. Would you be mine, forever? ”

   “ I love you more, Hankyung, and yes, it will be my pleasure to be yours, forever… ”

   The beautiful vow was seal with a sweet, loving embrace between the two. It was a perfect moment, until…

   “ FINALLY!!! ”

   “ We can go home now! Woohooo~ ”

   “ I’m starving…Hyuk, you wanna dine out or call some delivery? ”

   “ I swear you’re turning more and more like Shindong hyung, fish… ”

   “ Whatever, bunny hyung~ ”

   “ SHUT THE *beep* UP AND GET YOUR STINKY ASSES HERE THIS INSTANT BEFORE I KICK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU DOWN THERE WHERE IT MATTERS TO YOUR WHOLE *beep*ING GENERATION! I HAVE A *beep*ING GAME WAITING TO BE FINISH BACK IN MY ROOM! NOW HURRY UP OR DIE!!! ”

   The sight of a raging Kyuhyun, peeking his head out of the car window, plus his now terrified looking hyungs, really amused the couple on the balcony.

   “ You taught him well Heechul. Now he’s as evil as you are…Probably more… ”

   “ Yet, you still love me… ”

   “ In fact, I do… ”

   “ You’re an idiot, you know that? ”

   “ I know…I’m an idiot, I’m a fool for you… ”

   “ YAH! GET A ROOM ALREADY!! ”

   Kyuhyun manage to shout with his head (still) peeking out of the window, despite the van already moving out of the parking lot below…

   “ Hey~ What’s so funny? ”

   Siwon’s voice broke Heechul out from his reverie. He’s so deep in his memories that he failed to notice the man, who’s currently hugging him tight, now looking at him amusedly.

   He doesn’t even realize that he’s laughing like a loopy in front of his dongsaeng.

   “ Nothing. Just…some things…You know…funny things~ ”

   “ Whatever makes you happy hyung…cause I’m happy when you’re happy. You matter so much to me, you know? ”

   Heechul inhale some air into his lung, before releasing it slowly.

   “ I know… ”

   Yet, he couldn’t help to feel guilty about it. He feels like…cheating…somehow. His heart can’t help but to notice the different feelings he get, whenever he’s with Siwon, and compare it to the time when Hankyung’s by his side.

   Siwon is a simple guy, who loves to show his affection and love by skin contact. In other words, he loves skinship. He’s a straight forward guy and he didn’t like to beat around the bush. Life is so simple with the younger. Everything goes around smoothly and Heechul somehow can feel it, that Siwon is helplessly in love with him. However, he couldn’t stop thinking that their relationship is too…comfortable. Too safe. Without any hint of adventure or surprises to add into it. Somehow, Heechul feels like there’s no spark between them. The tingly sensation of being in love.

   He missed it.

   Perhaps, he’s too used with Hankyung and his crazy surprises.

   The China man never fails to capture his heart with his crazy antics and bizarre love-declarations.

   When he’s with Hankyung, he felt…alive.

   Hankyung is like his very own oasis. An escapade from the harsh, judgmental world of the society. The China man might look a bit tough, or perhaps harsh from the outside, but on the inside, he’s just a sweet little puppy Heechul love with all his heart and soul.

   Hankyung was Heechul’s very own hard, mint candy, with a hint of surprise chocolate center.

   He still remembers, the last words Hankyung had spoken to him before they part ways.

   “ There’s still a lot of men, or perhaps women out there who’s better than me, Heechul. I don’t want to hold you up anymore. Please, for my sake, please find someone who deserves you more than I do, because I don’t deserve your love. I’m a failure, Heechul. I hope, I pray you’ll find a better person, better than me, someday… ”

   ‘ Pray? You’re a freaking atheist Hankyung…and what happen with our forever? ’

   Heechul scoof on his own thoughts, yet he know, deep inside, he’s still hurting.

   He still misses that man so much.

   ‘ I can only find second best after you…Don’t you dare tell me to get better, Hankyung-ah…Just…don’t…Cause you’re the best that I can ever have… ’

   He inhales deeply.

   ‘ You ask me to move on, I did. You told me to find another person better than you, I found Siwon. I already did what you ask me to do, but why can’t I be happy? Why am I still hurting, Hankyung-ah? ’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   Heechul close his eyes when he felt Siwon’s lips on his. The kiss started slow and sweet, but the second Heechul tried to enjoy, it turn out to be a little…too much for his like.

   The younger man eagerly nibbled on the older’s plump lips, kissing in pure passion and hunger.

   Hankyung used to kiss me gently.

   He cupped Heechul’s face and pulls the older close to deepen the kiss.

   Hankyung used to caress my cheek lovingly while kissing me.

   Siwon nibbled on Heechul’s lower lips, demanding an entrance, but the older refuse to let him in. Siwon growl in frustration because of Heechul’s stubbornness. He decided to bit the elder lips instead, making the pretty man gasp in pain. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue in, tasting every nook and corner of Heechul’s mouth hungrily.

   Hankyung will never hurt me like this.

   Heechul push Siwon away from him forcefully as he feels the need to breath in some oxygen building up inside of his lungs.

   Hankyung used to take my breath away too.

   The tall man stands up and quickly drags Heechul towards his bedroom.

   Hankyung used to lift me up like I’m the happiest bride in this world. His bride…

   The door slammed shut by Siwon.

   What will you do, if you’re the one spending this night with me, Hankyung?

   As he being push down to the bed by the younger, Heechul’s mind keep on reminiscing his memories with Hankyung. No matter how much he tried, he can’t stop comparing the two.

   I still can feel the taste of your mouth Hankyung, even if the person who’s kissing me right now is Siwon. Why can’t I forget about you? Why did every touch, every kiss that I get from him, keep reminding me of your touch? Your kiss? Why do I feel extremely disgusted whenever he touches me? I can’t help but to feel like I’m cheating on you while I’m making love ─or at least try to make one─ with him.

   How can I move on with my life Hankyung, when all I can think about is you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   It’s 2:30 in the morning.

   Heechul can’t sleep.

   He’s sitting on his bed; legs fold up and hugged close to his chest. The pretty man is stark . The white sheet manages to cover up until his waist only. He glance toward his left.

   Siwon is deep in his slumber. Probably tired after their love making session just now. His chest moved up and down, breathing slowly, peacefully.

   Heechul can’t help but to feel guilty towards the younger. He’s done nothing but giving his best to please Heechul, to make the elder feel his love towards him, but Heechul couldn’t help himself from remembering Hankyung in everything he do. He feels bad. He feel useless, guilty as he can ever be, but he just…he just couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t stop his heart.

   Hankyung is the best thing that’ll ever happen in his life, and up until now Heechul still can’t figure out how he’s been able to let the man go. He wonder what on earth was he thinking back then, when he let the China man walk away, just like that.

   Every night, the pretty man will end up waking from a nightmare, on how Hankyung walk away from him, and how he’d done absolutely nothing to stop the China man from leaving.

   He regretted it, oh yes he did. God know what he’ll do if time can be reverse back to that remorseful event. He let the best he can ever get slipped from his hand, and now…lesson learned. And Heechul learned it the hard way, for everyday of his life on this earth has been nothing more than heartbreak, pain and hurt, after Hankyung go.

   Did Hankyung even know that Heechul’s been broken, hurt, tormented, after he left? Probably. Heechul secretly hope that Hankyung know the pain he’s been living all this while.

   Maybe if he knows, he’ll come back to me…

   Maybe if he knows, he’ll take away my pain…

   Maybe if he knows…

   Heechul’s pair of eyes diverted slowly towards the closed door of his bedroom.

   Maybe if he knew…he’ll busted through the door and take me away from all this…He’ll rescue me from this nightmare of a life I’m currently living…

   A tear escape from the beautiful pair of eyes, as Heechul buried his face onto his arms, sobbing silently in the darkness of the room.

   Because there’s nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do for you…To be able to see you again…To be able to feel your love again…To be able to look into your eyes, and know you’ll look back into mine…

   “ Hankyung-ah…I love you…I still do… ”

   Because only inside those pair of gentle eyes of yours, I would like to stay, Hankyung…Forever…

Fin~

For those of you who got all this "deja-vu" feeling while reading this, maybe this will put things together for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYON-Z_8X-g 

Got inspired by that actually...
Anyways...
wanna thanks all of you who spend some valuable time reading this...
really appreciate that...thanKYU so much~^^
*give u cookies*

-mudasakiro-sshi