word count: ~2000.

the only thing that prevented junhoe from dropping out of school already was a little voice at the back of his head.  it was small, like a whisper, and of course, it was always there to put junhoe's mind in the right place - but whatever conversation junhoe had with it ended the same way; you're gonna regret it, the voice hissed, almost menacingly. you're gonna end up under a bridge while all your friends are rich and successful, so study for that test right now, kid. so of course, junhoe screamed out his frustration, but internally of course, because the library wasn't the right place to make such noise.

junhoe started thinking that he needed help - wasn't he technically talking to himself? or maybe, did the other students also have that little voice to kick their back up again, making it a completely, totally normal thing? the thought of it contented him. 

the worst thing (or the best, maybe,) was that it worked. junhoe managed to get pretty good grades at most subjects, allowing him to keep a spot somewhere between the first twenty students of his grade. 

but truthfully, there was another reason that kept junhoe at school, and it wasn't the stay at school, kids posts on tumblr, even though it could have been typical of him. no, the reason was his best friend, kim donghyuk.

the first time they had met, junhoe had disliked donghyuk right away. it had been hate at first sight, like jiwon hyung would say. donghyuk was everything junhoe hated: a nerd, quite simply. nerd glasses, nerd clothing, nerd face that told junhoe the kid would be first place for every school semester until the rest of his life, and it had only been the first day of high school.

and here they were, two months and a half into senior year, inseparable like two magnets. two faces of the same coin. some said it had been sorcellery, others said opposites attract, but amongst all the theories, only junhoe and donghyuk themselves knew, fact for fact. 

to be quite frank, it was donghyuk's fault, well, as junhoe liked to put it. first, the kid was super sweet, and it was impossible not to like him, which made junhoe super mad. second, the kid had lost his father, so obviously everyone around him was nice to him, making junhoe even more mad, but also incredibly guilty. so guilty that he had decided, at some point, to put his hatred (and pride) aside, and eventually befriend kim donghyuk.

☆

there was a quite popular saying that refrained from people's mouths all the time that said, there is a time for everything. however, koo junhoe was koo junhoe, and koo junhoe ignored that saying.

that was how it went everyday after class in front of the school entrance. five, four, three, two, one, junhoe would count in silence, and donghyuk would appear at his side, looking exhausted from his day but still smiling. 

"do you have any homework for tomorrow?" junhoe would ask hopefully, to which donghyuk responded, "you know i do," with a playful smile that made junhoe want to punch him because it was literally radiant. 

it was always the same answer to the same question, and junhoe could only follow his friend to the library where they would study together for a couple of hours before parting, each of them on their way to their respectful homes. 

junhoe wanted to scream victory when one evening, after an eternity (eternity being most of their high school years), donghyuk announced that he had no homework for the next day. "let's hang out?" he suggested, shrugging, and of course junhoe accepted, because hell, do you have any homework for tomorrow was basically a different wording of let's hang out. 

they went first to a small arcade where junhoe beat donghyuk about five times at a cheap version of mario kart, before getting roasted at a dancing game. donghyuk was the best at dancing and never had junhoe tried to deny it. when donghyuk danced, nothing else mattered. it was like the air was made to be under his control, wrapping around his sharp movements. "you did great," donghyuk commented, grinning in all modesty, and junhoe shrugged. "i held on so you could win."  

it was around 7.30pm when they stepped out of a coffee shop (donghyuk had insisted on paying). the rain was pouring so hard they could barely hear the sound of the traffic. donghyuk let his school bag fall from his right shoulder and took out an umbrella. wow, what a nerd, was junhoe's first thought, but his mouth dropped open when he handed it to him. "your house is further than mine," donghyuk explained. "take it." in a normal situation with a different person junhoe would have answered with a prompt "do you think i'm that weak?" and walked away. instead, this time, junhoe just rolled his eyes and took the umbrella from donghyuk's hands before making opening it and making a few steps ahead. "i'll walk you home, idiot," he said, voice loud enough to cover the rain sound. "come on."

they walked like that on the way to donghyuk's house. it was awkward, because the umbrella wasn't big enough for the two of them and junhoe was taller than donghyuk. still, he tried to cover donghyuk from the rain as much as possible, without getting noticed. when they got on the porch of donghyuk's house, they stood there for a moment without saying anything. junhoe thought that donghyuk was really stupid for wanting to walk all the way home without an umbrella because he didn't live that close to the coffee shop. 

"well, don't forget it tomorrow," donghyuk finally said after a while, pointing at the umbrella. "and bring your own! it's fall, so it's probably going to rain again." he then proceeded to hug junhoe, thing he did often out of habit, but it made junhoe feel fuzzy inside everytime. junhoe couldn't help but smile at having his nose in donghyuk's hair, which was full of small water droplets. "goodnight," he said when they parted and donghyuk disappeared behind his door.
donghyuk caught a cold and did not come to school the next day. what an idiot, junhoe thought as he read donghyuk's last text.

[10:22am] Donghyukie: sorry >.< can you bring me my hw? (and umbrella?)

he still shrugged it off though, and took it as an excuse to see donghyuk out of school.

☆

junhoe had been stuck with the same music assignment for about a week now. write a song that describes your feelings, it said. it can be about anything: a person, the weather, or the food at the cafeteria. you must put your heart into it.

junhoe stared at the piano tiles, screaming internally and wanting to murder the first person that would pass by. stabbing someone in the middle of the school was however inappropriate in this country, and junhoe could only  dramatically get up from his seat and throw his notes to the trash. his lyrics and were the cheesiest thing he had ever seen. 

and so junhoe thought about donghyuk for a reason that was unknown. donghyuk was good at composing and playing the piano. donghyuk was good at singing, too. in fact, donghyuk was good at everything he ever did. but for another unknown reason, it did not make junhoe angry nor jealous. truthfully, it made him proud, and it suddenly hit him that he felt a lot of admiration for donghyuk. 

and he started everything again from the beginning.

about a week later, junhoe found himself in the music room sitting at the piano again and texting donghyuk to join him. outside, the weather screamed fall. the rain poured so hard on the window that junhoe hoped it would cover his eventual false notes. to be honest, singing was a passion of his, but junhoe had never taken it in consideration for his future because a) his parents would totally say no and b) he probably wasn't even good enough.

about fifteen minutes later, donghyuk came in looking like he had run a marathon, his chemistry notes in complete disorder in his arms. "sorry i'm late," he panted. "the teacher decided to be whiny today."

"it's fine," assured junhoe. "so hum, i wrote this song for music class and i need your opinion on it?"

"okay, sure," donghyuk said, taking a seat next to junhoe.

junhoe nodded and placed his hands on the tiles. nervosity rose in him as he started playing and noticed donghyuk was recording, smiling. junhoe decided he would bully him into deleting it later. his voice came out trembling at first but he gained confidence rapidly, for the sake of the recording. it was his song, after all. but as the lyrics flowed in harmony with the beating of the rain on the window, junhoe realised he had not only written the song with donghyuk for inspiration, but he had also written it for donghyuk. because he was ing in love with his best friend. halfway through it, he noticed that donghyuk wasn't smiling anymore, but staring at nothing in particular, gaze lost in the void. when the song ended, junhoe did not see his reaction as he avoided the other's eyes, pretending to look for something in his notes. "how was it?" he asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

donghyuk stayed silent for a while and junhoe decided he wanted to bury himself because how could he be so bold.

"it's really... beautiful," donghyuk whispered eventually. "the person you wrote it for is really lucky."

junhoe hesitantly turned to him, and donghyuk was smiling again, brightly, and yes, junhoe was truly in love with that smile. junhoe wondered if donghyuk was curious, if he wanted to know or if he had figured out.

however donghyuk did not ask questions, so there was no answer to give. junhoe's little voice at the back of his head still gave him one, silently, staring deep into donghyuk's eyes.

"for you. honestly, i wrote it for you."

☆

donghyuk disappeared not long before the second semester. disappeared, literally. he never replied to the thousands of texts and calls coming from junhoe and the teachers never mentioned a thing about him. it was as if he had never existed and his existence was completely erased.

many times junhoe tried to go to his house but there was no one anymore, and it didn't take a long while for new comers to inhabit it.

saying junhoe was left alone would be lying, but he truly felt like he was. besides donghyuk, he had yunhyung and hanbin who were prep students, jiwon and jinhwan who were at uni but still visited often and a junior, jung chanwoo who was nice but not as nice as donghyuk.

everyday after class junhoe would still do the short countdown in his head, not just out of habit, but out of hope. he went to the library on his own but barely studied, just staring at the empty spot next to him, with donghyuk's voice echoing in head, mocking him and whining about how he was dumb for not understanding this exercise because it was so easy, ugh. junhoe also used the umbrella he had never given back. in fact, he always had it with him even when it didn't rain, just in case he would see donghyuk again. he could already picture the scene in his head. "hey, it's been a while, idiot, you could have texted. anyway, here's your umbrella." but he knew that if it happened, it wouldn't go as planned.

time went by, eventually, but donghyuk never left his mind.

☆

one day, many years later, junhoe received a wedding invitation from kim donghyuk.