It was a bright Sunday afternoon. From the rays of sunlight breaking into the room and hitting her face, Eunsook had a strong suspicion that it would be really nice to have a walk by the river. She was also hungry, and felt the need to switch the channel because she absolutely hated the program that had just started. While getting ready for a walk required a sequence of actions, reaching out for the remote lying on the floor by the couch called for a minimal effort. Yet, Eunsook didn't budge. She was too comfortable snuggling with Taemin with her head resting on his chest.
“Ah, not that ing show,” he groaned into Eunsook's hair.
She made a noise of solidarity.
“Can you switch the channel?”
“You do it.”
“I can't. I'm busy.”
“Busy doing what?”
“ your hair... Being your handsome pillow…”
Eunsook laughed with a snort.
“You won't die from modesty, will you.” Reluctantly, she d the carpet for the remote and turned the TV off altogether. “That's better.”
“Life's too short to be modest,” Taemin observed, wrapping his arms tighter against his girlfriend. “And arrogance is in the eye of a beholder.”
“So are good looks,” Eunsook argued.
“You deserve some credit for providing eye candy, then.”
The girl smiled.
“You did spend a lot of time with Kibum, huh.”
Taemin chuckled.
“Is it so obvious?”
“I actually thought I was speaking to him for a moment... He said that he taught you to dress well.”
“Hm... That's debatable, but let him think so.”
After a pause, Eunsook spoke again:
“To be honest, when I watched your old videos I thought you were gay.”
“So did I, to be honest.”
They both laughed.
“Before Kibum told me that you're not actually his girlfriend, I was a bit surprised to see him with a woman... But now that I've looked closer it kind of makes sense.”
Eunsook raised her head to look at the other's face. Taemin looked young for his age, especially when his black hair wasn't styled and he was wearing one of those comfy shirts that he always put on when he came over to Eunsook's place. She still felt the butterflies when he was around.
“Really? How?”
He grinned.
“You kinda look like Jinki-hyung.”
That had an effect of a bomb.
“I what?!” Eunsook cried, jumping up as if stung by a bee.
Taemin raised his hands.
“That's just an impartial observation... I mean, your lips, your nose...”
The girl looked genuinely shocked.
“Is there anyone in your goddamn group who is not obsessed with that man?!”
Taemin bit his lip.
“Well, Jjong has shown some signs of recovery.”
Eunsook was not in the mood for jokes, so that single sentence got her storming out of the room to the bathroom. Taemin got up and followed her, but he couldn't really utter anything that could repair the damage, because laughter was choking him.
“You're not crying, are you?” he asked through the door when amusement was replaced by sympathy.
“Why would I cry because of some gay old men,” she replied, not sounding very convincing. She had turned the water on.
Taemin sighed.
“Listen... Even though I'm still into banana milk and I still don't trust glass doors, I've lived a bit and learned some things. One of the biggest lessons that I got is, heterouality is largely circumstantial.”
“How on Earth can that make anything better?!”
She was crying now.
“The thing is, I've done stuff, seen stuff… and I always thought that Jinki-hyung is quite good-looking. So, he's not the worst person to be compared to.”
Eunsook's wailing got a bit louder.
“But the point that I'm trying to make is, I've never been in love with him. Never wanted to kiss him, take him by the hand, hold him in my arms... Even imagining that is absurd.”
Taemin made a pause and listened. Eunsook was quiet now.
He continued, encouraged by her silence.
“Jinki-hyung has never made my heart beat faster, like you do every time I see you... And, look, your place is pretty damn messy.”
“Why don't you just go to yours, then?!”
“Shhhh. My place is messy, too, that's why... Jinki-hyung's place is, on the contrary, clean and nice, and there's a nice view of the river opening from the balcony.”
He heard Eunsook click her tongue.
“Everytime I stop at his place, I enjoy the perfection of his boring life, but do you know what? After a while I get homesick, to the point where I reject that one last cup of tea and run to my car as if my life depended on it. 'Cause his sad, lovely place doesn't feel like home... But your stuffy, girly, unbelievably messy flat does. I'm fond of your ancient garbage, because you are here, and you are all the personal space I need.”
Eunsook sniffled.
“R-really?”
“Really... Can I see your face now?”
“Well, I guess...”
She opened the door slowly, and her boyfriend laughed.
“You were applying a mask while crying?”
“Masks make me feel better,” Eunsook muttered, smoothing the mask around the nose. “Don't judge.”
Taemin helped her with the jaw area.
“How could I judge you when I'm the one who brought up banana milk.”
“Kibum said you were always dumb. How come you became so eloquent?”
“I wasn't until I met you.” She poked him under the ribs. “Aw!.. And also I've read some books in my life. They are truly relaxing... You're not angry with me anymore, right?”
Eunsook wasn't, but she was too proud to admit. She looked away.
“I don't know.”
“What if I take you to the river?” Taemin suggested, trying to catch her eye.
“Will you buy me ice-cream?”
“If you're nice to me.”
“Well, I owe you nothing!”
He grinned, giving her a peck on the neck.
“As you say, baby.”

Kibum wasn't sure if it was a good idea. Wasn't it too early for such big steps? Wasn't Jinki being too naive? So many things could go wrong!
He put some thought into his outfit that day - not too casual, not formal. He was going for a simple, inviting look, not devoid of elegance and still conveying a sense of humor. He felt nervous, and read Jinki's message again in the car:
Don't worry, darling. It's gonna be alright. J.
He sighed and started the engine.

The weather was exceptionally nice, no clouds were visible in the sky, and a lovely breeze was coming from the sea. As Kibum walked along the shore, his expensive shoes sinking in the warm sand, he saw families, couples, children playing with dogs, and colorful kites floating in the skies. He was still worried inside, but the blue sea, the cheerful atmosphere, all that peacefulness had their soothing effect. He believed Jinki. If he said it was going to be alright, so it would be.
He saw them – a handsome man in a beige raincoat and a little girl, about five years of age, strolling together hand-in-hand. He fixed his hair and called Jinki's name.
Kibum didn't see any striking resemblance between the child and her father at first, but then she cracked her first joke, and laughed heartily for the first time, and there it was – they had the same dreamy, big smile and the same sparks danced in their eyes when they laughed. Soojin was a smart, easygoing, funny kid, and the connection between her and Jinki was so visible, so tangible, that Kibum felt a wave of delicate sadness washing over his heart. He didn't have a child of his own and he desperately longed to be a part of their little family.
When they were walking together and Kibum had fallen behind, Jinki, as if having read his mind, turned around and took him by the hand.
Out of habit, Kibum looked around.
“But, Jinki, people...”
“Nobody cares,” Jinki said, smiling. “We can do whatever we want.”
Kibum threw a worried glance at Soo, who was holding her father's other hand and her melon ice-cream gleefully. She didn't mind, it seemed.
Jinki's grin became wider, and Kibum had to push his glasses up his nose and turn away - that face begged to be kissed.
They took pictures, ate burgers together, and returned to the beach to catch the rays of the setting sun, descending slowly towards the horizon. Soojin whispered something to her father, sitting beside her on the sand, scrambled to her feet with his help and walked over to Kibum.
“Uncle Bummie, I would like to talk to you alone,” she said.
“Do you love daddy?” the girl asked simply when they were out of Jinki's hearing.
Kibum glanced over his shoulder. Jinki was watching them from a distance, pouting because he was being left out of their conversation.
“Very much,” he answered.
“Good. Because daddy loves you too.”
Kibum bit his lip, still worried about something.
“Soojin... Do you know what kind of relationship your daddy and I have? What we are to each other?” he asked, finally.
Soojin raised her eyes at him.
“You're like a married couple. Like mommy and daddy, but happy.”
Kibum smiled, relieved.
“True.”
Soo stopped walking for a moment, and there was a concerned expression on her small round face.
“Sometimes daddy gets very sad,” she began. “When we lived together, he sometimes came home very late, and didn't go to bed. He sat in the kitchen and drank adult stuff, and didn't turn the lamp on. Sometimes he looked very unhappy, but when someone asked how he was, he would always say he is fine. But I know it's a lie.”
Kibum sighed.
“That is quite like him, sadly...” he murmured.
“Do you promise to take care of daddy and not let him drink alone and cry? Do you?”
The girl's eyes glistened with hope.
Kibum squatted down to look right into her face.
“I promise I'll do everything I can to make him happy.”
She nodded.
“Good. And there's something you need to understand, Uncle Bummie.”
“What is it?”
“Daddy will always love me more, and you have to deal with it,” Soo told him earnestly.
“Of course, he will. You are his little girl,” Kibum answered, picking out a little feather that was stuck in her disheveled hair.
“I'll kiss you, then!” Soo promised cheerfully, reaching for his face to peck him on both cheeks, and he did the same. “You smell so good!”
Kibum laughed.
“You are very kind, young lady.”
On the way back to where the curious and lonesome Jinki was waiting, Soojin told Uncle Bummie about her own clothing design ambitions. (“One day I'll make dresses as pretty as you do!”)
“What did you talk about, you two?” Jinki mumbled as his daughter gave him a kiss and plumped next to him.
“It's our secret,” she replied, hugging his arm.
He looked at Kibum, who responded with a grave nod and sat down on the sand, too.
“You've only met today, and yet you already have secrets!”
“We discussed business stuff, daddy. You would've been bored.”
Jinki's eyebrows flew up.
“What kind of ‘business’ could that possibly be?”
“Let's say, we discussed our potential collaboration in the future,” Kibum answered and winked at Soojin.
“Yes. Don't worry about it until everything is certain, daddy.”
“And how long will that take?”
“It's not gonna happen before I'm grown enough, for sure.”
They all laughed heartily, and Jinki felt like he had finally found peace.

It was dark when Jinki's car stopped in front of the house where he had used to live together with his family. Soojin had fallen asleep on the way, and Kibum watched her father open the door quietly and scoop her in his arms carefully so as not to wake her up. He carried her into the house, illuminated by a single lamp in the living room, and Kibum thought it best to stay inside the vehicle.
When Jinki returned, he fastened his seatbelt and looked at Kibum with a weary smile. But Kibum could feel it – the sadness, the weight in his lover's chest.
“I'm so sleepy,” Jinki confessed when they came out to the main road.
“Don't succumb to the feeling.”
“Can't I just take a four-second nap?” he joked.
“I do want to stay with you until we die, but I'd like our journey to be a little longer,” Kibum muttered, writing a message on his phone, and the other laughed.
“You can sleep a bit, though.”
“No, I'm fine,” Kibum declined, yawning.
“Sure?”
“I'm not going to leave you alone in the dark.”
The bridge was packed with cars, and they had to wait in the traffic jam for a while. Jinki was quiet, his eyes glistening tiredly.
Kibum couldn't directly relate to that quiet fatherly sadness, but he understood it, that melancholy accompanied by the need for silence. Jinki had no regrets, that was sure, but he did pay the price. Kibum reached out for the hand resting on the wheel. The other turned to him, as if remembering where he was. They looked at each other without saying anything.
Kibum leaned closer to put a kiss on his lover's temple, letting the gentle caress convey the sympathy he was feeling. Jinki accepted it. He set his hand free to Kibum's cheek in return, and kissed him on the mouth.
“Your lips taste like tobacco,” Kibum murmured. “When did you manage to sneak out for a cigarette?”
“When we stopped to buy some water.”
“You rascal,” Kibum sighed, allowing Jinki to kiss him again.
“I will give up, I promise,” the other whispered.
They embraced each other and sat in silence, until Kibum muttered:
“I think the car behind us is beeping impatiently.”
“Violently, I'd say,” Jinki agreed, and they released each other reluctantly.

When Kibum woke up in the middle of the night, he found that Jinki was not wrapped around him, his breath tickling his ear warmly, anymore. His side of the bed was empty.
He got up, shuffled his designer slippers on and walked out into the dark corridor. No lights were on anywhere. Kibum went to the kitchen,  and there his lost lover was - sitting by the table, disheveled, propping his face, illuminated by the glow of his phone screen, with a fist. His expression was both sleepy and focused.
He has aged, and yet with such grace.
“You're not drinking here by yourself, are you?”
There was a bit of coldness in Kibum's voice, and he wished there wasn't, but he couldn't help it. He always sounded cold when he was worried.
Jinki raised his eyes at him – his small, warm brown eyes.
“Didn't I promise that I will only drink with you?” he said softly.
Kibum was satisfied with his answer. He poured himself some water.
“What are you doing so mysteriously on your phone then? Talking to your lover?”
Jinki grinned.
“Which one of them do you mean?”
Kibum rolled his eyes.
“I'm writing a song about the beach. Soo asked me to.”
“And 2 a.m. is the best time for that?”
“According to Jjong, yes.”
“Hm...” Kibum finished his glass and washed it. “You can't argue with such reliable source of knowledge, I suppose. Doesn't mean you should develop insomnia, too.”
“Don't worry, I'm too fond of sleeping,” Jinki assured him.
No matter how much Kibum wanted to be grumpy with him sometimes, his charm always won.
“And I am fond of you,” he said with a sigh, coming closer to smooth down Jinki's messy hair. “Do you prefer writing in the dark?”
“Light is distracting.”
“What have you got so far?”
“Well... I don't have the melody yet, but… ‘Will you come with me, my friend, To the place with yellow sand And the blue and merry sea, With fishes weird like you and me?’. What do you think?”
He looked at Kibum.
“Where did that perfect rhyming come from?” the other asked, smiling. “That's not your style.”
“Oh.” Jinki scratched his neck. “Do you think I should rewrite it?”
“Let's see.” Kibum picked up his phone and re-read the text. “To be fair, you did mention the sand, and the sea, and the fishes… It's not too bad.”
“Really?” Jinki asked with a hopeful look in his eyes.
Kibum laughed and leaned down to peck him on the forehead.
“You silly fool. It's perfect.”
Then he yawned.
“Are you sure you don't want to go to bed now?”
“I'll stay a bit longer. You go, darling.”
“Don't stay up for too long, then.”
Kibum kissed Jinki again and threw one last look at him before disappearing behind the door.
He felt a bit chilly, and when he came back to bed, he pulled the blanket all the way up to his chin. The last thing he thought of before falling asleep was happiness, and how weird it was to think of the times when he hadn't had it. So used he was now to loving and being loved in return.

THE END

This is it, my friends! Did you enjoy the story? Don't hesitate to tell me about your thoughts... After all, it can take months to write a story, but only a minute to leave a comment! :) Let's meet in my next story, I hope~ Your author, Liza