The couple sat together wordlessly, their lips silenced by the breathtaking beauty of the river. The Han River was vast and deathly beautiful—especially at night, when the lights of the bridge reflected onto the surface of the serene water, illuminating it with slivers of warmth.

Jin murmured something quietly as he grasped her hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. Yerin managed a soft smile as she detached her gaze from the water to face the countenance of her lover. Jin’s brow was furrowed in immense worry, and his eyes filled with an indescribable pain. She met his frown with a smile as she hit him lightly on the chest.

“Don’t be so worried! I’ve just been stressed lately… It’s okay, though. It’ll pass— like everything eventually does.”

He sighed and turned towards the view of the river once again. “It will pass. But right now’s what’s important. And right now, you’re not doing too well. I’m worried. I know you haven’t been able to sleep well as of late, and I’m also aware that you’ve been eating less…”

Yerin bit her lip and averted her gaze from him.

“I’m worried,” he repeated. His words came out in a shaky manner, and he was unable to face her.

“I’m sorry for worrying you. It’s just that… everything is getting to me lately.” Her smile faltered as her shoulders sank. She gave a heavy, bleak sigh.

He squeezed her hand again, this time as a sign of encouragement.

“I feel so small, like a speck of dust. Let’s be real, Jin. In the end, we’re all specks of dust on this mass planet. But we spend such a huge portion of our lives trying to ‘make it’— and if we don’t, that’s it. There’s nowhere to go from there. You’ll live the rest of your damned life without purpose. Somedays I wonder what’s the point of it all—”

She buried her face in her hands for a brief moment as her voice broke.

“Why am I working so hard? For a future that’s not even guaranteed? When it’ll all crumble to nothing but rubble in the end. I’m only twenty years old and I don’t even remember what my ‘childhood’ or even my ‘teenage’ years were like. All I remember are the constant nights I stayed up to study for the goddamn test the next day. And then somedays I’m just so tired of it all. I think… what if I just stop? But then there’s my self-conscience that just doesn’t let me. And I guess I just hate it all— I’m so tired, Jin. I’m tired but I can’t stop forcing myself to continue on forward, because if I don’t… If I don’t I feel like I’ll fall behind. And I’m afraid. I’m so ing afraid of being lost.”

Hot tears of frustration were forming at the rims of her eyes now, and she struggled to wipe them away. Jin pursed his lips grimly and wrapped her into a tight, warm embrace. Jin himself knew exactly what Yerin was going through, for he too, at one point in his life, had asked himself the exact same questions. In fact, even at this moment, he was still trying to unearth some of the answers. Yerin continued to cry, her sobs muffled against the soft wool of his sweatshirt.

“It’s going to be okay. Trust me,” he murmured as he placed a kiss upon her head.

--

Jin waved cheerfully as he saw Yerin approach from afar. Her army green backpack hung loosely off of one shoulder, while she secured a book under one arm. Her black hair was tied back in a messy ponytail. She wore a simple white blouse along with a pair of jean shorts. She sported a huge grin as she took her seat next to Jin on the bench that they always sat at. The Han River stretched in front of them, its beautiful waters glistening grandly under the wing of the bright sun. A slightly chilly breeze floated through the warm air, signaling the approaching kiss of autumn. Jin wore a white collared dress shirt along with a pair of sleek black pants.

“Why hello there, cutie!” he exclaimed, his eyebrows raising in surprise as his mouth formed a quirky ‘o’.

“Hi there, handsome,” she replied with a cheery laugh.

“Did you eat yet?”

“Of course I did— I ate an entire steak and—” Her reply was interrupted by a loud growl that originated from her stomach.

Jin suppressed a laugh as he picked up the lunch box that he had made earlier that morning and placed it between them. “I made your favorite for today. A sign of motivation, maybe?” he offered with a grin, unwrapping the neat packaging of the lunch box.

Yerin’s eyes widened as she clapped her hands together in childish excitement.

“Five rolls of kimbap and four rolled up omelets,” he said as he opened another container, “some kimchi and a big side of marinated beef.”

Yerin laughed as she looked at the mass amount of food that lay before her. “It’s been like four years since we first met, and I’m still not over how you can eat so much. Not that I’m complaining. It’s part of your overflowing charm.”

“I have to eat a lot. So I can protect you,” he replied with a cheesy smile, his eyes crinkling with profound happiness.

She stared at him for a moment before bursting out into a fit of giggles. “This is why I love you.”

--

“You have to go to Japan?” she asked, dumbfounded. She wasn’t angry nor sad at the exact moment—just surprised.

“Just for a week or so. We’re going to film the Japanese version of ‘Run’.”

This wasn’t the first time that Jin had to leave in order to pursue his singing career as a member of BTS, but each time made her feel more numb than the previous. It was like a cold wake up call, in a sense. A wake up call to remind her that they lived in two separate worlds.

She gave a meek smile as she nodded. “Well… have a safe trip. And keep in contact.”

He raised a brow at her, slightly suspicious. “You’re not going to cry and tell me not to go? Your boyfriend is leaving the face of the earth!”

She gave a nervous laugh. “It’s not like it’ll be the last time I’ll see you.”

“Well that’s true…” he trailed off, squinting as he scrutinized her for what seemed to already be the 100^th time that day. “You’re being weird again.”

Yerin frowned as she crossed her arms, offended. “I’m pretty sure you’re the weird one in this relationship.”

“That’s true, but—”

“But what?”

“Nothing… I’ll get you some cute things, alright? And don’t worry—I’ll be sure to send you a lot of selfies of this handsome face.”

“I just want you to come back safely.”

--

This time she was alone in front of the river. There wasn’t a single soul around, just like there wasn’t a single cloud in the pale gray sky. The air was unbearably cold, and it wouldn’t have been a surprise if the river itself was frozen over. Although the water wasn’t frozen, it seemed lifeless and far more bleak than the usual. Yerin sat on the bench, her lips pursed. She was lost in thought—she felt as if she was absorbed within a parallel universe, one where the only inhabitant was her. It was unsettling and lonely. She rummaged through her bag and produced her earphones. Then she got up and began walking, unsure of her destination. The world, at that exact moment, was nothing but a figment of her imagination.

Will you stop time
If this moment passes
As though it hadn’t happened

--

Jin let out a long yawn as he laid down upon the sofa, waiting his turn for the individual jacket photoshoot. It was four in the morning, and it was quite obvious that the filming and the photo shoot would not be over anytime soon. Fatigue wreaked havoc within his sore body. His eyes fluttered shut for a brief, blissful moment.

He thought of Yerin, the sole girl in the world that he considered to be his other half. Loving Yerin wasn’t a difficult task like some made love seem to be. It came naturally to him, almost as if the legend of the red ribbon of fate was real. He loved everything about her— how down to earth she was, how she was a fighter, and how she made him feel butterflies every time he saw her. He felt as if he could love her until eternity itself was proved to be everything but a theory. And at this very moment, he longed to see her smile and to feel her hand entwined in his. And then he slipped into a bittersweet slumber, dreaming of the girl that seemed worlds away.

Will you stay by my side
Will you promise me
If I let go of your hand, you’ll fly away and break

--

It was six in the morning when she had left the house. The ground was cold with remnants of the previous night’s rainstorm, and the air itself was frigid. Yerin continued to walk, each step as light as a feather. Her eyes were glazed over, void of any sort of emotion. Even the heartbreaking expression of sorrow had vanished, only to be replaced by absolute emptiness. Her body was exhausted beyond repair; her mind corrupted to the point of solitary blankness. And before she realized it, she was staring down at the river. Her eyes saw, but her mind and body processed nothing.

And then a hint of a memory drifted into her mind.

“Jin!” she exclaimed suddenly, breaking the silence.

Jin looked up from the cake he had been decorating, surprise etched on his face.

“Hm?”

“Do you believe in reincarnation?”

Jin raised an eyebrow and set down the pastry bag filled with blue cream. An unfinished turquoise flower sprouted from the side of the cake.

“Reincarnation? Why do you ask?”

“I just… sometimes think, you know? It’s wishful thinking, of course. But what if, in my next life, things are… better?”

Jin furrowed his brows in his signature expression of concern.

“Is something bothering you?”

Yerin shook her head hastily. “Just thinking. You know… I do a lot of that.” She laughed.

Jin frowned and leaned closer to her, his expression suddenly deadly serious.

“Well, I sure hope reincarnation is real…”

She bit her lip as she stared at him. Her face began to flush a deep cherry red as he leaned in even closer.

“Then we can live two lifetimes together,” he murmured, quickly pecking her on the lips.

She squealed and hit him on the chest. “I-I’m being s-serious!”

Then she leaned with her back against the counter, a small sigh escaping her lips.

“I… I want to be reincarnated as a butterfly in my next life.”

Jin scrunched his nose in distaste. “Those hairy things?”

“Jin, please! Stop ruining the mood!” she whined, hitting him once more, this time on the shoulder.

He laughed and raised the pastry bag to her face, smearing a dollop of frosting onto her lips.

­­And when the memory faded away, she was shocked to find that her eyes were wet. She reached into her pocket for her phone and called him. With each ring that went unanswered, she found herself falling even further into the abyss of oblivion. A part of her longed to hear his voice, the very voice that had once revived her will to live—but another part of her had forgotten what that happiness sounded like. She took a deep, shaky breath as she stepped forward.

And in that exact moment, she was at peace. She was no longer frightened, no longer in pain. The water below greeted her with outstretched arms. 

And then she took another step.

Don’t think of anything
Don’t say anything, not even a word
Just give me a smile

Park Yerin had lost the battle.

--

Jin awoke with a start, drenched in cold sweat. The dream had quickly turned into a nightmare. There was a strange ache in his heart that he couldn’t explain. He was in an unexpected state of anxiety, with his breaths shallow and rapid. Bewildered, he stood up and went to get a glass of water. The water soothed his nerves, but the strange ache in his heart maintained. He began to pace back and forth, trying to organize and decipher his thoughts. He dug his phone out of his pocket and stared numbly at the screen. There were eleven missed calls and one text message. Before he could even unlock the screen, his limbs went numb as he stumbled to the floor, shattering the glass in the process. A part of him knew. But he denied it. Why? Because it simply couldn’t be true.

If I let go of your hand,

you’ll

fly away and

break

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally convinced himself that she probably had something to ask him. Maybe she wanted to know how broad his shoulders really were, or maybe she would take another jab at finding out the recipe for his famous seaweed soup.  

[TEXT]: I’m sorry.

--

“Hyung, don’t go,” Hoseok pleaded, his voice overwhelmed with concern.

Jin replied with a feeble shake of his head as he approached the door Hoseok was standing in front of.

“I have to go see her, Hoseok.”

“She’s not there.”

There were tears in Jin’s eyes as he attempted to move Hoseok away from the door.

“She’s waiting for me. I can’t keep her waiting.”

“Hyung, Yerin is gone.”

Jin was sobbing now, shaking his head in utter denial.

“Why is everyone telling me she’s gone? She’s there. Yerin is there. Waiting for me.”

“You’ve been saying the same thing for the past week. Come to your senses,” Hoseok was begging now, his eyes stinging with hot tears. He couldn’t bear to see Jin like this.

“I have proof,” Jin managed with a shaky breath as he dug into his pockets to take out his dead phone. He lifted it up to Hoseok’s face with a trembling hand. “S-See, she called me an hour ago.”

The other members were in the room by now, their heads all bowed in sad silence. They too, had taken an immense blow by the news of her death, but Jin was the only one unable to accept anything. He simply denied it. Namjoon walked over and placed a firm hand on Jin’s shoulder.

“Yerin wanted me to tell you that she couldn’t meet you today. She said something came up.”

After a moment of hushed silence, Jin gave a relieved smile. “Okay. Then I didn’t keep her waiting.”

--

After about two months, Jin began to show signs of recovery. BTS had to stop promotions due to Jin’s condition, and the break had given him time to rest. He had yet to fully accept Yerin’s death. He visited the spot by the Han River where they had met for the past four years daily. He convinced himself that Yerin had simply gone far away, without telling him.

Today, however, the members had prepared a special meal to celebrate the third anniversary of Eat Jin. Jin was anxious about doing the live broadcast after taking a hiatus for so long, but he would do it for his fans. Jin knew that he had to take control of his life again, and although he was afraid, he embraced the dangerous waters.

He placed the camera on top of a book and sat in the usual filming place where most of his previous Eat Jin sessions had been filmed. He began the broadcast and was astonished at how fast the number of viewers went up. He grinned, gave a brief introduction, and then proceeded to read some of the comments.

[COMMENT]: We missed you, Jin!!

[COMMENT]: Your face got so thin… Have you not been eating well…?

[COMMENT]: You look so tired… and somehow sad…

“Ah! Don’t worry, guys! My face only looks thinner because I’ve been working out even more! And why would I not eat well? I still eat like crazy…”

“I have to eat a lot. So I can protect you.”

“I wonder what the rest of the Bangtan members have cooked up in the kitchen! Oh! There’s our maknae! Jungkook, please say some words for the broadcast.”

Jungkook shifted awkwardly towards the camera and placed the packaged meal onto the table.

“Uh... Today we have prepared a huge feast for our best and only Jin! It’s a traditional meal, can anyone guess what it is?”

He paused and read the comments eagerly. “Just like I thought, our ARMYs are not only beautiful but also smart!”

Then Taehyung barged into the room and unwrapped the lunchbox instead. Inside it lay 5 neatly rolled rolls of kimbap and 4 rolled omelets— the simple meal that had once been Yerin’s favorite. Taehyung and Jungkook did a funny dance before leaving the room, leaving only Jin and his huge portion of food.

“Uh…well first of all, as you can see, it’s kimbap and omelet. This is… a really pleasant surprise since I haven’t been able to eat this in a while. I’ll start with the kimbap.”

He ate one piece of the first roll and set his chopsticks down. Silence ensued.

“Ah, why am I crying? ARMYs would cry too— it’s just that good. I’m sorry, I don’t often cry while eating…but this is really good.”

After a few excruciating minutes, Jin could take it no longer. He apologized and ended the broadcast.

--

He stood by the river, alone. He gave a heavy sigh and looked out across the water. The water was a depressing shade of dark gray. The sky itself was pale and completely void of clouds.

Then, all of a sudden, he saw a flash of blue appear in front of him. The blue butterfly was a shocking contrast to the lifeless scenery before him. He outstretched his hand and was surprised to see that it landed on him without hesitation.

You’re just like a butterfly…

The end.