●The scent of lavender overpowered the Kuroyama house. But I like it, because it smells like home and love.

I walked out to the yard, seeing a soft layer of snow coated on the grass. It stopped snowing, but the weather report said that it would snow again later in the day. The morning in the country side is peaceful and quiet.

“The first snow this year.” Miliyah came out in her wheelchair. Her soft black hair fell neatly in front of her chest. She has side bangs nicely trimmed and a pale white face. Whenever she comes out in the cold or exercises, her white cheeks would turn light red.

“The snow came late this year, but I’m glad it snowed. Or else there wouldn’t be any Christmas feeling this year. That would be sad, since we have a reason to celebrate.” I put my warm hands on her cold cheeks. “Let’s go back in.” I took hold of the handle of her wheelchair. She can’t move her legs; the nerves were damaged in a car accident last year on Christmas. It was horrible, but it brought us together.

“Inoo-san called.” Miliyah turned her head to look at me.

“I thought I told him to never come again. Or even call.” I scowled. Inoo Kei was the guy who made Miliyah like this.

“…” Miliyah was quiet. I know I was a bit harsh, but that guy should have some responsibility. I can tell that he only wants to meet Miliyah. Who doesn’t want to meet her? Her beady black eyes are her moe point, and her cute smile makes her really stunning; even if she was on wheels.

Suddenly, I couldn’t take it; I bent down beside her face and stole a kiss from her lips. I could clearly feel that she rejected it. I sighed; I really just couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m not ready yet.” She said. I rolled my eyes.

“You never are, you never will be.” I spat, walking away into the house.

“Ryo…” She called softly. I don’t dare turning around; I would never be able to stay strong in front of her, I would fall for her eyes, I wouldn’t be able to resist her. Helping her out of her ice wall when she got into the accident, I fell deeply in love with her, but it seems like the only thing she loves or has time for is, Jinbei her brother.

I’m visiting her this winter, ever since meeting her in the hospital; I’ve become friends with her and her family. Miliyah’s parents were up early already; they are working at the restaurant they own right now, holidays were always busy for them.

I arrived here just this Wednesday, there are still four more days until Sunday, until Christmas. Thanks to Miliyah’s parents for spreading the holiday spirit and cheer, the neighbors all started celebrating Christmas, the streets would be filled with Christmas lights and the pine trees around the neighborhood would be decorated.

~~~

I’ve never noticed that Miliyah can swim. Roaming around her house, I saw a metal room. How come she never told me? Of course, I never asked her. And the fact that she can’t swim now, must be unbearable, but at the same time, I felt that I have so many things I don’t know about her…I sighed, no wonder she feels that she’s not ready. I’m not either.

“Ryosuke, it is lunch time.” Miliyah scrolled her remote controlled wheelchair over into the room. I looked at her and pointed at the things around us. stayed closed, there were only hurt in her eyes, “Jinbei will be home soon, let’s prepare the Christmas decorations so we can decorate them together later.” She came close to me and took my hand in hers. Her hands were soft and warm. I placed her hand to my lips, just for only one moment, I still want to pretend that she’s mine, and that she’s a cute girl that just got a confession from a gentle man.

“I have something to show you.” She grinned and scrolled away. I followed behind her, sad that the warm hand is not in mines anymore. We got into the kitchen and out the big window was a large rainbow. The colors were bright and full of power. The sun had just come out. Looking down on the table were food in many dishes.

“It’s always been you cooking for me in the hospital and now it’s my turn. After that, let’s prepare the decorations. Ryo? What’s wrong? You’re so out of the world.” Miliyah sighed for the hundredth time today. I keep on regretting to love her, but she’s unbearable, I haven’t sorted out my feelings properly. I don’t know how to face her and those piercing eyes…

“Where did the confident Ryosuke go when we were still in Tokyo? You’re a good guy; do whatever you think is right. Live no regrets and live happily.” She took my hand again and this time, she placed it on her heart.

“When are you ready for a new start? You keep on saying you’re not ready, but when will you try? When will you try to live fully? You’re putting all my hard work to waste. Don’t look at me differently after finding out my feelings for you! I am your best friend no matter what happens.” I pulled my hand away from her grasp, “I know it’s stupid to wait for you, but every time I try to move on, my heart keeps insisting it’s you.” I sat down and enjoyed the delicious meal in silence. I wished I could praise her on her cooking, I wish we could chat like we use to do in the hospital.

She seems to be thinking about the words I said as she chewed slowly, barely moving. Her eyes were glued to the window, glued to the rainbow.

“You treat me warmly sometimes then you switch to treating me like a stranger. I can’t catch up with you. You change too fast! Are you really that unsure of our relationship? Speak for yourself! Where did the cute and funny Miliyah go?” I told her. She sighed again.

Jinbei came home at four o’clock sharp. He noticed the hard atmosphere so he started doing many things to lighten up the mood. The snow didn’t come later in the day, but the next day came a light storm. The snow was piled high and for the next two days, the weather has been good and sunny. The snow’s starting to melt from the burning sun. And today, December 24^th, the ground was filled with puddles.

Sitting on the bed early in the morning, I recalled how Miliyah’s attitude changed throughout the few days. She wasn’t switching her attitude from cold to warm, but tried to stay in the middle. I could feel her trying her best. The afternoon of the day when I confessed what was on my mind, Jinbei invited us to go slay-riding. The day after that, Miliyah and Jinbei’s parents took a day off from work and took us three shopping when Jinbei came home from school. We found out that the clerks in the shops had designed a Christmas tree in the middle of the only department store in town. We don’t know how they got the money, but we were really happy seeing the kids’ wide smiles. I love the country side more than the city, the kids are all so naïve and seeing their expressions makes me happy.

“Ryosuke!” Miliyah knocked on the door, waking me up from my thoughts.

“Come in.” I said quietly. Jinbei was still lying in bed.

“Jinbei’s friends are here.” She opened the door to reveal a bunch of twelve years olds come in and surround the bed. Some of them were from the department store yesterday and others I’ve never seen before were also here.

“Tell us stories. About Santa Claus and Rudolph.” One of them said.

“And more about the Christmas tree!” A boy from the department story yesterday exclaimed. This made me remember how I told them about the meaning of Christmas trees and what they can do. Yesterday was a fun night; I was too occupied to talk to Miliyah. I wonder what she was thinking at that time. Was she jealous? I like it when she smiles and I love it when I’m the reason.

“I will tell you guys tonight. On the party okay?” I promised them. They smiled widely and nodded, without another word they filed out the room, bidding goodbye to us. Miliyah closed the door behind her.

“Aren’t you excited for the party?” She giggled.

“It’s too bad it’s not snowing.” I replied.

“You really like snow huh?”

“What’s Christmas without snow?” I chuckled.

“Then there shouldn’t be any snow this year. I want this year to be unique and different than others.” She winked. I have to keep on chanting in my head, that she’s just being friendly, being funny and being…herself. There isn’t anything else behind that. I have to keep reminding myself to keep the regrets and anger locked up in my heart and also in the thick layers of –‘snow.’ And when the snow melts, I wish they would disappear.

~~~

The afternoon was busy; Miliyah’s family has to decorate the restaurant for the party later in the night. Jinbei and I hung up the decorations, while Miliyah helped her parents with the dishes in the kitchen. Kids from the neighbors who couldn’t wait until the party also rushed over to help. But we all know their real motive.

That’s how the afternoon of December24th past. Filled with laughter and stories. At seven o'clock, the party officially started as many families came over. When Miliyah’s parents ordered Kentucky Fried Chicken, Miliyah told everyone why they ordered it.  

“The Japanese adopted the celebration of Christmas from the West, but previously there were not many customs associated with it besides presents and a special Christmas cake. In 1974, KFC started advertising chicken for Christmas. The idea came from a foreign customer saying that he eats chicken on Christmas while in Japan because turkey is not available. It is quite rare that a company's advertising campaign is so successful that it becomes a Japanese custom. Japan is the only country in which KFC offers set meals for Christmas. The most popular item is called the, "Party Barrel," which includes chicken, salad and a cake. Even though it has to be ordered in advance, the stores still get long line-ups around Christmas.” She explained proudly.

“Really?” I laughed, “I never knew about that!” She gave me a pinch on the cheeks and handed out pieces of chicken to everyone. While everyone was eating, Miliyah’s parents also told stories about Jinbei and Miliyah’s childhood past! That was my first time seeing Miliyah blush so badly.

After lots of dancing, singing, eating and chatting, it was twelve already. The kids and adults all left the restaurant happily. A little drunk, I went to Miliyah.

“Let’s go on a date!” I cheered, but suddenly regret what I had said. It just came out like that.

“Sure.” She replied, finishing the last drop of her drink.

“Really?” I looked at her.

“You’ve been pretty busy and tired lately, we didn’t have any time to go out.” She said.

“That’s not what I mean…” I sighed. The tingly feeling of regret and those horrible thoughts were banging on the gate of my heart.

The next morning when I woke up, my head hurt terribly, but I put that aside and dressed myself, for the date with Miliyah.

“Nee-chan is waiting for you in the living room. I haven’t seen this kind of her in a long time.” Jinbei told me. Twenty minutes later I walked into the living room to see Miliyah with –makeup on.

“Mother helped me apply them. I told her there’s no need, but she insisted. Saying that I should at least look pretty again.” She said.

“Again?” I asked.

“Yeah. Pretty for someone I love. I didn’t want to, but not being able to be paired up with your beautiful face does make me want to be the best, for you that is.” She blushed, redder then yesterday.

“Let’s go then!” I chanted happily. She loves me! How come I’ve never thought properly? But she never expressed it properly either…Anyhow, I pushed that thought way back.

“I never got to show you around ever since you got here so I’ll do it now.” She looked back at me from her wheelchair as I pushed her along. First, she showed me around her elementary school. Then her junior high school; she talked about her classmates, her old teachers and how they use to celebrate Christmas.

“The snow really did melt on Christmas. The puddles are even gone!” She laughed when we were in a small park near her junior high school. Nobody was on the streets; they were all celebrating at home.

“This really is an unique Christmas, for me and for you.” I smirked lightly as I knelt down in front of her, “Can you be my girlfriend?”

“I don’t think it’s necessary to ask that.” She replied, “But yes…Um…Aieru.” Miliyah hesitated at first, but she slowly opened up and my hair.

“This means a new start okay? No turning back. But I have to ask this, do you want to start it with me?” I asked her cutely, my voice filled with love.

“Okay.” She replied, there was mist coming out of from the cold.

“Great! Because I’m going to be your Rudolph for the day.” I smirked once again and carried her out of her wheelchair. Her arms surrounded my neck and her paralyzed legs were dangling in the air, “My present for you! I’ll be your personal reindeer. Where to go, Ms. Claus?” I turned my head around to face her lips.

“Let’s hand out presents to the neighbors.” Miliyah replied, “by the way, thanks for being my reindeer.”

After that, she kissed my forehead, “you might want to wash that pink mark off.” She giggled.

“Nope, I like it that way better.” I turned back to the front, “let’s go buy candy canes for the kids.”

Throughout the whole morning to afternoon, we visited houses after houses and gave out candy. It took longer than we planned, because the families would ask us to stay. I love the feeling of having her on my back; her body’s warm and light.

“You must be really tired.” She told me.

“Nope,” I replied her, “I’m warmed up.”

“It’s already five. Let’s go get the wheelchair and head home na? Mother has something for you.” Miliyah sighed, “what a holiday!”

“I understood two things throughout this holiday. One, my feelings are just being buried in the snow and when it melts, I can see everything clearly. And the bad thoughts are all melted away! Second, being with the person you love and making kids happy is great. I feel that my heart is already 180cm long!” I joked. Despite my height, doing good things sure makes me feel different.

The sun is setting now, telling us that another happy day is over and also telling us that there will be a new start, a new life now the snow has fully melted and every problem dissolved. The sun shined on us, making me, Yamada Ryosuke glow with unusual confidence and also making Kuroyama Miliyah glow with her beauty; with makeup or not.

END