-

Sehun did actually care and Luhan…

                Luhan is the shadowing flower of their past…

                                                                Of the past that they might have had.

BROKEN;

It was a blur. There were blotches of colors, irregular shapes clouded his vision. He squinted, and a few moments later, he was seeing well. He looked around, and saw white. A hospital, he supposed. But why was he in a hospital? He frowned. He could only recall a silvery shine of…hair? A crash, and a hazy scenery before black spots swarmed his vision. He recalled floating in darkness, a child screaming, and…nothing.

He clutched his head as he felt the pain reaching his temples. He panted; suddenly, it was too much. He felt his consciousness slipping, and he entered the black hole of a dreamless sleep again.

-

He was greeted by a cheerful ‘Good morning Mr. Lu’ when he found his consciousness again. This time, he felt dull as he stared blankly at the doctor.

“Why am I in here?” he asked. The doctor told him that he got into a car accident, and fortunately, didn’t acquire too much injuries from the crash. He got lucky, he thought. But then, was the person with him still alive? Because he could guarantee that he wasn’t alone in the car before it crashed. The doctor asked him questions about him afterwards; his family, friends, he even asked about his dog which was kind of disturbing. He found it weird that he could answer all of his questions but all he could do was kept mum when the doctor asked him about the night of the supposed accident. Who were you with? Can you remember what happened? He stared blankly at the doctor, pitying him for he can’t give the answers that the doctor seeks. The doctor sighed, offered him a smile, and settled for a, ‘that is all for today. Rest, Mr. Lu.’ Before heading for the door. Feeling exhausted, Lu Han merely nodded, and little by little, his eyelids drooped, and he started breathing steadily.

He woke up for the second time as he felt someone gently shaking him awake, ‘Doctor Oh will see you in ten minutes, Mr. Lu’

Dr. Oh is a fairly aged man, it seemed. He is tall, and gray-haired, his posture not too stiff but not too carefree either. His footsteps were light but strong as he approached Lu Han’s bed. The man cleared his throat, and smiled at him, albeit a bit distressed, as a form of greeting. How are you doing Lu Han? - I’m fine. - I see. Let me just check your vital signs to start off with, hmm? – Okay - Your body is in a fairly good condition although still weak. You’ll recover in a month’s time. – A month? Okay.

-

The dark abyss was him in, and he was falling endlessly

Falling into the midst of everything; of nothing

He was struggling, flailing to find anchor in which to no avail

He was breathing heavily, his chest burning

He tried to shout but silence always greeted him back

His chest tightened, sweat matting his face, his eyes losing focus

A final breath

Then he stilled

 -

His door was left ajar. Lu Han shook his head as he tried to regain focus as well as his control of his erratic breathing, the nightmares…they’re back. His eyes caught a flicker of light and his breath hitched. He turned to look at it, his sore muscles tensing in nervousness. His eyes were straining to look for the source, darting from one corner of his room to another, and then he saw it… on his makeshift nightstand was a glass of water, looking enticing after a nightmare, the nurse probably left this, and forgot to close the door properly. He released a sigh of relief, mentally thanking the nurse who left it for him. Hm…

His hands turned to get the glass unconsciously, his hands enveloping the cool, and smooth surface of the glass. He drank a mouthful of water, and then proceeded to wipe his lips with his sleeves, dampening the surface of the shrill cloth.

He set the glass back on the nightstand when his finger touched a piece of paper, he frowned, biting his lips, this is too cliché, he scoffed.

The paper was obviously torn but the note was legible enough even with the scrawny characters, huh? Is this recycled paper? Who even use this nowadays? Luhan thought, but he couldn’t stop the smile etching in his face, albeit small, it’s still curve enough to occupy his thoughts for the rest of the dawn. Your Silver head boy? This doesn’t make sense. But, Silver? He didn’t know why, but he felt that the right thing to do was bathe in the moment and not overthink things. Pushing his mind to its limits isn’t the smartest idea by then.

 Sometimes, it’s better not to know things. The more oblivious you are, the more oblivious your heart is to pain, he let his thoughts drift from one topic to another until the early beams of sunlight touched his window’s glass, passed through the curtains and hit his cold skin. Then, his usual routine took place.

He spent two weeks doing the usual thing—rest, rest and more rest. He did, however, walk along the hospital’s corridors and through its garden to pass time. For him, the colors were a breath of fresh air. He was bored of seeing the stale colors of his room. His parents visited him three days ago and he was happy to see them. But their job is still taking them away from me. Nevertheless, Luhan is already used to it so he handled it good-naturedly. To him, spending three hours with his parents was already a gift because he knew how important their company was to his parents, but he couldn’t help but wonder his worth. His mind was so taken with questions, too many questions that he forgot about the silver head boy who wrote him a note until a piece of paper presented itself upon him.

I know we have loved that much more, Luhan felt his chest tightening.

-

A flash of silver

There was a blur of a face

But that voice

He knew that voice

He knew it. He came to love it

But nothing came to him

Why?

-

Have you ever felt the need to remember something? The ache for something anonymous but familiar at the same time? The feeling of frustration when you can’t remember something significant? That pain, the throbbing of your heart, trying to make you understand but you can’t? That’s how Luhan felt. He couldn’t understand. He felt as if he lost something vital in his life but he just doesn’t know what.

-

Luhan had been restless that night, tossing and turning in his bed. Despite his injuries healed, he was looking bad when he woke up from the little sleep that he had. Dark, heavy bags were under his eyes and his face was swelling because of staying up late the night before. Sighing, he glanced at the door and as if rehearsed, a nurse knocked and came in, ‘Good morning, Mr. Lu. Dr. Oh will see you in twenty-five minutes but before that, please eat your breakfast’, Luhan simply smiled, and murmured a low, ‘thank you’.

 Five minutes after finishing his breakfast, Dr. Oh entered, tucking a piece of paper inside his lab coat’s pocket. He smiled at him, clearly more comfortable in the boy’s presence, how are you Luhan? – I’m doing fine Dr. Oh. – Oh? Your eye bags tell me otherwise, Dr. Oh smiled and raised his brow. Luhan frowned, is it that bad? – Care to tell me what’s bothering you? A few minutes passed by in silence before Lu Han spoke, w-why don’t I remember anything, Dr. Oh? – You’re having gaps in your memory, don’t you? Well, your head did suffer from a bad hit disseminating shock into your mind resulting to a traumatic amnesia. _[1] People who lose their memory as the result of a car accident may have traumatic amnesia. In the majority of cases, the amnesia is temporary-how long it lasts usually depends on how severe the injury is. Don’t worry, Lu Han, you’ll get your memories back, Dr. Oh fondly said. – You look happy today, Dr. Oh. – Eh? Can’t an old man like me be happy? The doctor teasingly smiled, besides, what parent wouldn’t be happy if he were to hear about his son getting married? – You have a son? Well, congratulations for their wedding, Mr. Oh. – I have their picture. He’s living far from here so pictures serve as our memory of each other. Here, look. Dr. Oh retrieved the picture that he tucked in his pocket a while ago and carefully unfolded it. He gently handed the photo to Luhan, the elder’s eyes glowing in pure adoration. Luhan smiled, they love each other very much, he thought. He held his hand out, taking the picture, and took a glance.

He glanced for the second time.

And he stared the third time.

Dr. Oh’s son is painstakingly familiar. He felt a tugging feeling in his chest; it was as if he was attached to that person whom he doesn’t even know.

He stared even longer, eyes scanning every feature, from his neatly gelled-up hair to his shiny leather shoes. He was memorizing everything. He frowned, he doesn’t know him.

But those eyes… he knew those eyes.

He didn’t even glance at the girl who was with the man in the photo.  Snapping back to reality, Luhan jolted and stiffly smiled at Dr. Oh. He returned the photo a bit hurriedly and told him, I’m happy for you, Dr. Oh, one last time before excusing himself for suddenly feeling tired.

Dr. Oh stood up from his seat and fixed his clothes before leaving after telling him, ‘You’ll be discharged next week. Please take care of yourself even after then’, and pats his shoulder.

-

He was regaining his memories. It was a horrible thing to undergo and Luhan found himself crying on his knees after the sudden flashbacks.  He was confused and he was in his most fragile state but the worst thing was being alone to suffer through it all.  He didn’t inform anyone about his memories but they were still fragments that he couldn’t even piece together himself. His memories were bits of flashbacks and what bothered him the most were the flashes of familiar, warm eyes, laughter and intimacy. He suspected that the boy from his memories was Dr. Oh’s son but discarded the thought right away, because his son is black-haired while the boy in his memories was sporting a silver-colored hair.

-

Two nights later, he found a note taped on a white rose’s stem that was placed in front of his door. This time, he frowned. He was leaving the hospital tomorrow but he isn’t feeling happy. Going back would mean starting all over again. He didn’t have anything to come back to, he still haven’t recovered a large portion of his memories.

He busied himself by reading the letter in his hands multiple times, the gentle breeze from his opened window lulling him to sleep.

-

The day has come. With his belongings packed in a bag, he sauntered to the door. Holding, the knob, he turned to take one last glance at his room. Everything was still a blur to him but he will recover, soon. Nodding to himself, he opened the door, only to be greeted by a broad chest. Tilting his head up, he saw Dr. Oh’s son. His heart started beating frantically, his chest tightened and his face flushed. He immediately looked down to avoid the man’s lingering stare. The man cleared his throat and offered him a warm smile. Luhan felt nostalgic and he stopped himself from hugging him. His mind suddenly went blank and everything came back to him in flashes as he held the wall for support. Clenching his jaw, he shut his eyes and in a deep breath, 1, 2, 3, breathe in, hold, breathe out and repeat, Luhan. This headache is a lot worse than my regular ones.

-

The warm smiles

The tender eyes

The odd hair color

It was him.

-

He felt himself in someone’s arms as his knees buckled. That someone was calm, murmuring words of comfort in his ears. He could barely see with his eyes unfocused, but Luhan was well-aware of him. Only him.

-

The scent

Those thin lips

His big hands

Him

It was him.

Sehun

The name almost sounded surreal to him.

-

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Sehun asked him as he cradled Luhan’s body close to his.

“I’m fine. Thanks…well, for not freaking out and leaving me. You’re Dr. Oh’s son, right? Congratulations to your forthcoming marriage,” Luhan said, his face regaining color and his breathing returned to normal.

“When did I ever leave you?” Sehun stared into his eyes, and for a moment, emotions surged between them, “Oh, I found this outside your room earlier. It almost stepped on it, so here, I’ll be on my way now.” Sehun gushed as he placed the note in Luhan’s hand before walking away.

“Hey, wait!” Luhan’s voice called out, the black-haired male turned to look at him, a fond smile on his face as if knowing that Luhan will call out to him, “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Luhan.”

“I know,”

-

-

Luhan smiled as he twirled the rose that he was holding in his hands. He felt peaceful, sitting on the boulder, overlooking nature’s scenery. Jeju is a long trip from Seoul and he felt free during his stay in the island. From where he was sitting, he could see the lake in all its sparkling glory, the grass swaying everytime it gets blown by the gentle breeze, the flowers that never seem to lose its charming beauty. It was all so mesmerizing.

He let the wind tussle his hair as a soft smile played along the corner of his lips. By then, he knew that the wavering shadow of his past shouldn’t haunt him. He knows this because he decided to stop running away from it, the accident, everything. Even Sehun. He was also running away from himself. The past might not change who he is now, but it sure as hell could change the person that he will be tomorrow. He just had to learn and to accept. It’s been a couple of months since Sehun was wed to Sei Ya and he haven’t heard of them since then, Sei Ya’s a wonderful girl, Sehun. I wish you the best for this lifetime. Things were different in this lifetime. It seems like Destiny changed its course again. It is said that destinies change between different lifetimes to test the fated. It doesn’t matter how it ends, what matters is how you execute it; what you learn from it.

Luhan trained his eyes on his surroundings. When he saw what he was looking for, he stood up and dusted his pants, smoothening the little creases that accumulated earlier because of his sitting postion. A couple meters away from him was a trail leading to a cliff that he estimated to be about 25-feet high from the ground, he trudged the almost imperceptible trail slowly, feeling the tall grass pass his jean-cladded legs. He also felt the dirt seeping in through the gaps of his worn-out slippers, making the pads of his feet sticky. His white pants was stained a murky brown in the ankles by that time.

He stopped when he reached the edge of the cliff. He dared look down and immediately regretted his decision as he felt his heart dropping to his stomach. He staggered a few steps back before regaining his footing. Luhan clenched his jaw as he neared the edge, his sweater on his sides. He approached the brink with little, hesitant steps, stopping midway to look back from time to time to check how far he was from the safe zone. Making up his mind, he traipsed to the edge, lips curled and eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He held a branch from a nearby tree to act as a leverage to support him.

Breathing through the thin air, Luhan looked up to the blue sky and closed his eyes, may you have a good life, Sehun. We were Princess of the Hyperia Merpeople Clan, Baekhyun and the third Phoenix Prince Chanyeol, Queen Kyungsoo and King Jongin, House maid Lay and Single-father Suho, and Elf Tao and the Almighty Dragon Kris. I’ll see you in our next lifetime, a different face, in a different shell and a different story, but we’ll have the same soul, the same core. I will always be yours and you will always be mine. We will always be one.

Retrieving a crumpled paper from his pocket, he unfolded it and slowly reached out his hand. Slowly, as if reminiscing the last of their memories, Luhan loosened his hold on the paper, letting it be carried away by the wind.

He watched, with a hurtful smile on his face, as the wind carried the paper away from his sight, a single tear fell from his eye.

Written on the note were the words;

They are lost souls…

                                Lost, wandering souls...

They are infinities stuck inside a finite world;

                                They are angels, stuck in human bodies; bounded by time.

They are happy endings not meant to be;

                                They loved each other, are loving each other and will love each other across boundaries set by mortality;

For they are eternal, and in the end, their love shall be.

Author’s note: To you, who is reading this piece of fiction laced with angst with a tinge of fluff and a piece of my little fantasy world, hello to you. Thank you for reading and/or by any means, skimming through my work of idiocy. This is so not foolproof for the author is a fool, herself. This is written as a peace offering for a dear friend, Chelsea, who warmed my heart when she told me that she has been waiting for a chapter update of Imperfect Perfection. 

The figures written in the letters [with the symbols (-‘sample text’-) are actually lyrics from EXO’s songs, namely; ‘Promise’ and ‘Baby, Don’t Cry’. I included lyrics from IU’s ‘Heart’, as well.  This should have been posted on Valentine’s Day but the imgur and tumblr app were both ting me. T^T ANYWAY, 정말 고마워! 

 _{[1] IS FROM A BLOG WRITTEN BY CHRISTIAN NORDQVIST}

That's the traumatic amnesia part, if you're wondering.