IS IT MY FAULT..??

Love at the first sight..or what you called it, but that’s all I feel when I looked at him, The guy who make my stomach felt the butterflies and my heart flutterd.

I try to make him be my boyfriend, and I trust in myself he wil love me back, yah.. who didn’t want me be his/her boyfriend.. Yang Yoseob the king of cuteness, the popular guy who knowing as the playboy in this school, I can gets everything I want, Including him.

I smiled at myself and looked at the guy infront me.

“hey I love you..will you be my boyfriend..??” I asked him when I meet him in his class, every students look at us with curiousty, maybe they think about how lucky this guy infront me because I love him and asking him to be my Boyfriend.

That guy looked at me with his sharp eyes, I couldn’t help but blusing, he just too handsome to handle.

“who are you..??”

he asking me, my jaw dropped just like the others whom watching me and him.

“y-you didn’t know me..??”

I asked him, stuttered, he narrowing his eyes and looked at me with confused.

“ah.. no.. I know you,, I mean who are you asking me be your boyfriend like that, listen kiddie, I’m not into with boy, I like girl..” he said coldly and leave me, I was frozen and shocked.

“is he ignoring me.. how could him..” I gritted my teeth and glare at the students and clenched my fist.

“no.. I never give up, I’ll got you..”

____________

“be my boyfriend..” I asked him again, this had been 1 years since he refushing me, but I never give up, everyday, every minutes I always asking him to go out with me, but he always ignoring me.

I looked at him who standing against the wall while reading hic book,clenching my fist I walk toward him and pinned him in the wall, he looked at me, but soon he just sighing.

“what do you want Yang Yoseob..” he asked me coldly, I smirked and suddenly kissed his lips roughly, He look so shock, and push me away, I broke the kiss ad look at him.

“yah.. what the hell, are you crazy or what..!!!” he snapped me, I blinked, he didn’t like it.

“but..I just want to say I love you..” I stuttered and began to sobbing, He looked at me in panic.

“eh..I’m sorry don’t cry neh.. please I’m sorry..” he begging me, I looked at him deeply,

“I Love you so much, please accept me..I..” I pleading, he looked at me and slowly shaking his head.

“I’m sorry..but.. I can’t..I just can’t..I’m sorry” he said and leave me, I was stunned and stared at his back, I crying and crying, my heart was hurt, I always waiting for him, and trust he will love me back, one year, everyday I said ‘I love you’ to him, but he still Ignoring me.

I wiped my tears away, my body was shaking, I clenched my fist, angrily and pointed my finger toward his back.

“I promise to myself,  I will make you love me back, and begging to me to love you, and until that times I’ll throw you away, tear you apart and breaking your heart, I’ll make you down.. Yoon DooJoon.. I promised this..”

__________________

I never meet him again after that accident, no..I’m not giving up, remember about my  revenge, I’ll make him suffer because of me.

I hide behind my locker, as I hear Gikwang my friend talking with DooJoon.

“are you serious about that..” I hear DooJoon shouted, huuh..I smirked.

“yes..its true.. Yoseob he.. he was dying, and he will died… he needed you Yoon dooJoon, please I begging you, please love him back, only you the one he love, please..”

Hahaha.. good  acting Gikwang..!!  you’re such a great actor.

“but..I..I”

“please Yoon DooJoon..please..”

Silent..

 my heart beating so fast, I’m so nervous to hear his answer.

“O-okay..I’ll accept him..”

************************

2 years already, I and DooJoon in relation ship, I still lie to him about my disease, I tell him, my life getting better and better because of him, and that just causing him to stay beside me days and nights with patient, and comfort me, always saying such many romantic words to me, but he never said he love me, so I still to lie to him.

After our graduated, we decided to live together and bought an beautiful apartement for us.

No..I’m not forgetting my revenge.. I still want to make him suffer, and this is the way.

 I acting like I’m a good boyfriend, I always do all chores in our home, and make him feel comportable with me, saying ‘I love you’ to him everynight before we going to sleep, and say : I’ll wait for him to love me back.

Like usual after we finish our dinner, we decided go to bed and sleep.

I laid my body next to DooJoon and smiled at him, he place his hands around my waist and smiled back at me.

“are you drank your pill already..??” he asked me, I nodded, yah.. I lie to him about that pil too, its just vitamin C but I tell him that is my medicine, how stupid him want to believe in me.

“your Face look so pale, are you okay..??” he asked again, I shaking my head and buried my face in his chest, I smirked, yah.. I don’t sleep well yesterday, look.. he will think I was sick and he will worried with me, what a stupid boy.

“I’m not okay..” I said in a fake weak tone, DooJoon hugged my body tightly.

“its okay, I’m here.. now lets sleep..” he whispered, I smirked and hugged him back.

“I love you Joonie..” I said and kissed his neck lightly.

I about to closed my eyes when I heard he mumbling in my hair.

“I love you too yoseob..”

I can feel my heart stop beating and I was frozen, he said it.. he said He love me too.. I’m so happy.. so happy.. I want to cry in happiness, I had been waiting for  the years just to hear it.

He love me.. he love me.. he really love me.. finally.

And it hit me.. I don’t want to forgetting my revenge.. I don’t want to, I want to make him pleading and begging to my love, don’t worry about it Yoseob, he already falling with you, just do your plan and make him suffer.

“can I tell you something Joonie..??” I asked him, he looked at me and smiled sweetly.

“I..I lie with you..I’m not sick.. I just lie..” he staring at me in disbelief.

“what..what your mean..”

“I lie to you.. because..because I love you.. I just want you to love me back…I’m sorry..I’m sorry…you can leave me now..” I started to sobbing, DooJoon looked at me in panic and hugged me more tight.

“no..Its okay.. don’t worry..its okay, most important is I love you, now..” he said,  I still let my tears out, but honestly its just a fake cry, so.. he in love with me so deeply  huuh..??, good job Yoseob, you can be actor after this.

***************

1 year already, after that night we still in love with each other, no..I mean he in love with me.. not me..

And I start to  make him suffer, I change myself, I always nagging and angry at him, everyday I bring random boys and cheating infront him, but he always forgive me, and it satisfy me.

I know everynight he always crying and praying, he want the old Yang Yoseob back again, but I didn’t care about it, I still make him suffer.

This is my revenge I hate him so much.. he make me suffering before now its my turn.

“yoseob.. I love you..” he said it when I laying next to him, I rolled my eyes.

“shut the up Yoon DooJoon..” I hissed, he smiled bitterly and want to hugged me, but I push him away.

“don’t touch me with your dirty hands..” I yelled at him, doojoon look so sad and Nod.

“I understand..” he whispered.

I sighed and backing him, I closed my eyes as I heard he get up from the bed and walking toward the couch, I want to cry, and I want to stop all I had done, but.. I can’t I don’t know why.

 I love him.. yes.. I still Love him, but I can’t..because  I hate him too, but I know, if DooJoon leave me, I could Die, I can’t live without him, I love him so much, and he can’t leave me.. he can’t because he love me.. and I love him.

“just 1 month year more, DooJoon and I’ll change for you.. just 1 month..”

_____________

Yeah.. I just say ‘just 1 month more and I’ll change..’ but I lie.. again… 3 years already and I still make him in pain, I didn’t know why he always being so patient to me, he still love me even though I hurt him, I ed ad kissed other boys infront him, and always yelled at him, make him look like a infront me, but he always forgive me, I want to stop, because I know, I don’t want to make him crying and hurt more than what I had done to him, but I still couldn’t stop my self, still I hurting him.

_____________

One day, like usual I bring a stranger boy  to our apartement, and we started to eat each other face, we both and it doesn’t bother me, I enjoy it, I never do this with DooJoon, I don’t want him to touch me.. yah at least I say it to him, but honestly, I want him to touched me, and make me his, but I still stubborn and always pushing him away from me.

Suddenly the door open, I looked at DooJoon who frozen look at me and the strange boy, I push that boy away and greeted him.

 “doojoonie..you’re here..” I said coldly, he nod and looked at the guy beside me, I smirked as I look his eyes was teary.

“so can you closed that door for me..I’m busy..” I mumbled, he nodded and closed the door, I sighed and look at the guy.

“you can go out.. I’m not in the mood again..” I hissed, that guy look at me in confused, but I glare at him, so he just nodded, and wearing his clothes again then leave me alone.

I just silent staring at the door, and took a deep breath, slowly I get up from the bed and walk out, I looking for DooJoon, but I didn’t see him in everywhere.

“where is he..” I mumbling, and walk to the kitchen, grabbed a can of beer and walk toward the couch, I take a seat and waiting for DooJoon.

1 hour.. 2 hours..3 hours.. he didn’t come back, I started to worried.

“what if he leave me..??” I asked myself, and quickly stood up and run out from our apartement.

I called his named, hope he will answered me, but like useless, I started to crying, I was scared, scared for loosing him, I don’t want him to leave me, I love him..I can’t stay without him.

I sobbing while searching for him.

“DooJoon.. where are you..” I yelled, I kept calling him until, I spotted someone who laying on the grass, my eyes widened, it was DooJoon I run toward him

 “DooJoonie… …DOOJOON..!!”

His eyes closed and he breath heavily, I looked at his hands, and it were bleeding, I was shocked, and quickly hugged his weak body  

“doojoonie..wake up..whats wrong…why your hands bleeding..are you cut yourself…Doojoon wake up..Don't....”

I crying so hard, try to make him wake up, but he didn’t want to, Myheart betaing so fast and it was hurt, no..no.. he can’t leave me.. he can’t… I love him.. I love him so much.. what should I do..???

 “Joonie.. please..don’t leave me..”

I whispered between my tears, please don’t leave me, I’m sorry.. I love you don’t leave.. I can’t live without you, I can’t breath without you beside me.

“I’m sorry..open your eyes..”

I begging him, I shaking his body, but he didn’t move, his face look so pale, I’m scared, Its not what I want, what I had done..??, what the hell with me.. how could I hurt someone who very important in my life.

“no.. don’t leave me.. why you do this.. I’m sorry..”

Is it my fault to bleaming him.. is it my fault because I make him suffer, Is it my fault..???

Just please don’t leave me DooJoon..

“doojoonie… I’m sorry..I love you..”

Love.. how much I want to say it..

I love him.. I love him.. so..don’t leave me..I’m sorry..I’m sorry I was wrong.. I’m sorry

“Don’t leave me..how can I life if you not in here beside me..”

I still crying my body was shaking so hard, I looked at his pale face, his hand weakly fall in my lap, I shaking my head again and again.

 “please..joonie…wake up.. please don't do this to me…I’m sorry”

Regret..its too late..

Everytime I try to fly I fall without my wings I feel so small I guess I need you baby..

“Doo..I’m sorry..I love you…you’re the best I ever had”   

I said,and looked at his closed eyes, no breathing.. I covered my face with my palms and crying as hard as I could, I’m regret..I’m regret..

I’m stupid, bastard, , , dumb, crazy..

I hurt you more and more, I closed my eyes and kissed his frozen lips gently.

“I love you.. and I can’t stay in here without you.. you absolutey know it…”

I whispered, I grabbed the knife beside him, and cut my hand deeply, It was hurt, but not hurt like I hurt his heart.

I laid my body next to him and hugged him tightly, I let my tears touched his cheekd.

“forever..I still love you doojoonie.. I love you”

I whispered before I closed my eyes and all I can see is darkness.

is it my fault..?? yes It is my fault 

THE END

i'm sorry for some mistakes, i'm too tired to check it again..please leave your comment