By the time Tiffany opened Sunny’s room that particular night, the petite girl was already in her pajamas; she was sprawling comfortably on her bed with her digits busy pressing her phone screen here and there. It was a night before the so-called ‘affection and chocolate’ day, and the pink-addict young woman had had a plan in her mind. Judging from what Tiff had always done, it would be another sudden light-bulb moment – something to do with celebrating Valentine, and Sunny could sense it right away even just by taking one-second glance at the thrilled face of her fellow member.

“Wae-yo?” Soonkyu busted her before she could even utter a single syllable, in a moderate tone to let the other know that the upcoming plan was not exactly awaited with excitement.

“Sunny-yaah, you don’t have any schedule for tomorrow, do you?”

Now the shorter girl had to roll her eyes at her. “I asked, why?”

“Why ‘why’?” Miyoung mindlessly bumped herself on Sunny’s bed. “You have barely had time to go with us these days. You did not even exist in Sooyoung’s party and not only one or two fans were freaking out regarding your whereabouts”

“That’s what you got when you took a photo when I was not in it and uploaded it”

“Yah” Tiff’s arm reflexively hit her friend’s waist upon hearing the cynical remark.

The danshin let out a brief cute giggle. “So? What is it?”

Noticing that the topic was back to what brought her into the room, the thrilled expression on Tiff’s face returned. “You know, I just happened to recall that my family once purchased a cottage on the mountain and it has never been of any use. I was thinking of us spending one night there to make chocolates! Now don’t stop me. I know you will say ‘Miyoung-ah, why are we going all the way to the mountain just to make sweets?’ Don’t you think it would be more romantic if all of us do it together outside the dorm? It’s a new atmosphere!”

“All of us? Did you just say ‘all of us’?”

“Four people are confirmed to go – me, Taeyeonnie, Yuri, and you”

“Why are you including me in the ‘confirmed’ team!?” The slightly older girl tittered, not sure if Tiff’s confidence was annoying or entertaining.

“Well you have to go! Taeyeon has checked whether you have any job tomorrow, and she has made sure that you don’t, so you don’t have any excuse to not go”

“To be frankly speaking, I am more into rolling on the bed and finishing my games tomorrow”

“Yah, you really don’t love us anymore, do you!?” The girl with the longer hair left Sunny’s bed.

But Taengoo is going. Sunny secretly questioned herself. And it has indeed been ages since I went anywhere with Taengoo besides for filming.

A couple minutes had unconsciously passed, and Sunny’s bedroom was silent once again until she heard another creak from the door. So Miyoung had not given up on it yet, she thought, and she was about to prevent the girl from forcing her to join the trip when Taeyeon’s presence halted her.

The oldest among them stood motionless just after she closed the entrance.

“Taengoo, not asleep yet?”

“No” Taeyeon took the spot on the edge of the bed as a seat, only exposing her back to the bedroom’s owner. “Why are you not going tomorrow?”

“Uh… I’m simply conserving my energy. I’m sure you remember what I told you about what my knee specialist told me”

“I see” Sunny could see Taeyeon slightly nodding. “How about just tagging along with us? I mean, you don’t literally have to follow Fany’s schedule. It ain’t for a show”

“But it will be a waste to go there and do nothing”

“Ah, yeah” The short-haired danshin hung her head low and began to swing her legs. “It’s not fun to just go with her and Yuri”

You’re going with your girlfriend, pabo. Why do I have to tag along? Sunny sighed, in secret.

“Is it too much if I still ask you to go?” This time, Taeyeon turned her head, although her eyes constantly avoided Sunny’s and were instead focused on the pattern of the blanket.

“Err…”

“I want you to go with us, Sunny”

What do you expect me to do there? Watching you and Miyoung making your love chocolate together? Again, countless doubts wrapped Sunny overwhelmingly.

“It has been a while since we hung out together, and I miss that” Taeyeon continued while their gazes met.

“I guess… I’ll go then” The doubtful girl finally broke down.

It’s always been like this – doing things because of her, whenever it comes to Taengoo. 

* * *

The mountain was exotically covered by snow, and should they call it lucky, Tiff’s resort was not closely located to the visitors’ spotlights. It was pretty much the best time of the year for Seoul’s people to pay this place a visit for doing ice sports. They were inside their room respectively by the time Tiffany met the ahjumma maid, who then told her that she was more than capable of making good chocolates, and the girl took the chance right away to ask the lady’s help to teach them.

Then there was Taeyeon, standing in front of Sunny’s room door for a matter of seconds when she realized that it was half-opened. She had been waiting for their time together, and by ‘their time’ she meant Sunny and her doing stuffs together, not Sunny going with them all the way here only to sleep in her own chamber.

“Sunny-yah” The older of the danshin duo stepped in at last. “We’re making the chocolates now. The ahjumma offered to help us”

By the time she completed her sentence, her whole body was inside and she could spot Soonkyu busy with her phone again. The tune coming out of the gadget was not unfamiliar for Taeyeon, since she played the exact same game.

“Are you really just going to pass your time here this way?”

Sunny moved her focus soon after she noticed how Taeyeon had emphasized on the word ‘this’. “Didn’t you say it yourself that I don’t have to follow Miyoung’s schedule?”

“That’s true, but –“ The blonde girl sighed. “You could… socialize with us”

You mean, watching you being lovey dovey with your lover making the chocolates together? Sunny mentally snorted.

“Yah, Sunny-yah!” The black pearl among the girls suddenly popped in. “Yah, what a boring life! Get yourself off your phone once in a blue moon and do something with us!”

Right, I almost forgot that Yuri’s here, too. The girl on the bed rolled her body to the other side. “I’ll make sure to make chocolates for you guys, just go ahead and make beautiful sweets without me first”

“You’re getting really worse, even Taeyeon’s having a slight fever and she’s still on the move” Yuri commented, which gained her a glare from the mentioned girl.

“You’re sick?” Apparently the statement also managed to get Sunny to turn back again.

“Just flu and sore throat, nothing serious” Taeyeon dragged her legs back to the door, not letting the others see her gulp. “If you’re not in the mood to join, it’s okay then. I’ll let you be”

Going back to her sleep was the first thing that came first to Sunny’s mind after the other two had joined the chocolate-making tutorial downstairs, but then the thought of sick Taengoo woke her up once more. No, she did not want to be there to witness the scene she would get hurt the most of. She was not and would never be in the mood to be in one room with the couple, not when Taengoo still made her heart flutter.

However, making sure that Taeyeon was still in a good shape defeated the contemplation she was having.

“Sunny-yah! Walk faster! We’re almost finished with the first step!” Miyoung yelled once she saw the walking Soonkyu (not the walking dead) on the stairs. 

“She finally came down” The tallest among the four smirked victoriously.

The March-born was the only one who did not seem to bother; she was seen busy grating the cocoa butter on a cutting board. An empty table was spotted next to Tiffany, so Sunny went to it assuming that it was the last one reserved for her.

“Taeyeonnie! Come hereee” Tiff motioned her hand when they were in the process of shaping their work.

Being an obedient girlfriend that she was, Taeyeon acceded to the call without complaining, only to find her partner offering her a spoonful of melted cocoa.

“Turns out that this thing tastes heavenly! Try it!” The so-called pink queen shone her eye-smile.

Taeyeon the liquid from the scoop as Tiff fed her, and she swore she did not do it intentionally when she caught Sunny’s unwelcoming, awkward stare upon the moment. She was processing the drink on while her eyes deviated to the floor; her heat pumped faster without her excuse.

“It’s good, isn’t it!?”

 Taeyeon watched as Tiff took another full spoon of what she had just gulped down and immediately stole it from her girlfriend’s hold.

“Yeah, it’s really nice! I’ll have it myself” She grinned before forcing herself to have her second mouthful; the condensed thing was strong enough to add to her sore throat and it hurt her just to swallow it. She had no choice, however, for she did not want Miyoung to force-feed her and Soonkyu beaming her eyes on her in that way anymore.

The sky had dimmed when the step of decorating the plain various-shaped sweets was finally unlocked.  They couldn’t blame themselves though, since even though it was not their first attempt to make chocolates, it was still their first time trying to produce one with pure raw ingredients.

“Let’s put the name of our dear one on it!” For the thousandth time, Tiffany blurted her out-of-nowhere idea. “You cannot not do it or the person will not be yours anymore”

Either to laugh it off or to weep for Tiff’s threat, Sunny did not know. It was not like she could write that girl’s name – Kim Taeyeon – on her own chocolate and even if she did write it, it would not affect anything. The girl she loved had belonged to somebody else, and that somebody else was ironically the person who had just stated the threat.

So that left Soonkyu gazing at her butterfly-shaped work until she sensed someone’s breathing behind her shoulder. She was close to gasping loudly when she saw her other danshin friend looking intensely at the same object.

“T- The others have tidied up already” Sunny put her own dirty tools inside the provided drawer in haste.

“Why is there no name written?”

Just don’t ask. The brown-haired girl sighed in secret. “I’d like to say that the name is a secret. What about you?”

“Well uh… She kind of indirectly forced me to write her name there, am I right?”

A fake smile came from Sunny. “No surprise there, she’s your lover”

“Yeah” Taeyeon’s lips turned up weakly. “You’re right”

* * *

The night was not as freezing as they thought it would be, but was still chilly enough for Lee Soonkyu to wrap herself in a blanket like a sushi roll. It was brave enough of Yuri to still go outside somewhere, skiing with some female friends she had invited in the middle of the snow, Sunny thought. Miyoung and Taeyeon? She did not even have the dare to think about what the two young women might be doing under the bed cover, not even to let the imagination pass by.

“Why is there no name written?” Taeyeon’s question managed to pay a visit in her mind.

She wanted to blame the girl for asking such question, but wasn’t that stupid? Taengoo was undoubtedly blind to what Sunny felt for her, and that wasn’t her crime. Of all this time they had spent together for almost 9 years, never did Sunny clearly do something which pointed out her feeling for Taeyeon, or at least that was what the second oldest thought.

Another question which popped up in her brain was: why did Taengoo even bother to persuade her to join this trip? She had her girlfriend with her and Yuri as their party-merrier, so why would she really want a sleepy-and-game Soonkyu to be here? Taeyeon even looked disappointed when she refused to attend the Valentine-food making, while she obviously did not need any form of assistance from her.

What did Taeyeon want?

“Sunny-yah, open the door” Judging from the way the person instructed her, it could not be Taeyeon outside. The tone was too high-pitched for Yuri either, so it must be… “Sunny, Taeyeon is deadly sick. I need your help here”

That made Sunny jolt out of the bed straight away to the door, and a frustrated Tiff was awaiting her.

“Is she getting worse?”

Tiff just nodded. “She said it was just flu and sore throat earlier, now I checked her temperature and she was somewhere above 39”

“Above what!?”

The two soon went to the couple chamber; the May-born abruptly swung the entrance and spotted Taeyeon scrutinizing herself inside the blanket. The leader rarely fell ill, but when she did, she fell hard.

“So” Sunny softly put her hand on the sick’s waist. “Only flu and sore-throat, huh?”

“It was that melted cocoa” Taeyeon coughed in between her words. “I’m sure drinking a lot of water is all I need”

“And some meds, too” Sunny continued.

“I’ve had a pill, don’t worry. Just sleep” Taeyeon managed to look at Sunny, trying to comfort the other with her smile somehow.

“You must be sleepy then, just close your eyes”

The oldest member then moved her head up and down slowly before returning to her previous position and closing her eyes once more.

“Taeyonnie, I’ll be in Yuri’s if you want anything” Miyoung said just right before Sunny turned the lamp off and walked out.

“Are you saying that you’re not staying with her in the room?” Soonkyu busted her when the two were a few meters away.

“It’s not like I don’t want to take care of her” Tiff took a large bucket and started filling it with the cold water from the dispenser. “It’ll be a big trouble if tomorrow morning I fall sick as well. None of us can take care of each other”

“So who will?”

“She’s just having a fever, Sunny. She still can talk and walk if she needs anything. That is if she does not totally doze off until morning”

Sunny sighed; this had been the nth time she got this kind of chicken and egg situation. Miyoung was Taengoo’s girlfriend – the one who was supposedly laying down next to Taengoo and keeping both eyes on her. If she let Taeyeon alone, would Taeyeon be just fine? Did Taeyeon need her anyway?

“Just go to sleep then, Miyoung. I will take care of this”

“Are you sure?”

“But don’t blame me if I end up ‘dead’ on our way back tomorrow”

That gained Sunny a nudge on the elbow. “Yah, you will play games anyway”

The aegyo queen chuckled as she grabbed a fresh towel from a drawer. “Good night then”

“Thank you, Sunny-yah” Tiff slipped in her eye-smile in between their eye contact before she found her way to where Yuri would be sleeping that night.

Having made sure that there was enough water to wet the towel, Soonkyu went back to the sleeping Taengoo. The petite ill girl was still in the same position as the last time they left her; light snores could be heard coming out of . Sunny patted her temple only to find that the fever was still perching on her.

The chair under the make-up table was the only option the girl on guard could use to be able to handle Taengoo comfortably.  She then began to dip the small clothing inside the water several times and drained it before fixing it on her crush’s forehead. As she watched Taeyeon breathing, she observed how cute the young woman was even when she was not in a good shape. She began to enjoy the eyes of the main vocalist of the group, to her small nose, king ears, and all the way to her pinky lips.

The pinky lips which belonged to Miyoung. The sudden revelation left a hard pang on her heart, and it was painful for her to remind herself that those lips had kissed those of Tiff’s many times – not hers. No matter how she sacrificed her ‘me time’ in the dorm to join the couple all the way here, she would never have Taeyeon. No matter how hard she had to hold back her pain every time she had to witness their public display of affection, she would never gain Taeyeon’s attention. While she was the one who was now staying awake to take care of Taeyeon, she would never get to taste Taeyeon’s love.

I guess people never fall in love with a good girl right? She cheered herself up.

* * *

Taeyeon was awakened by the strong smell of soup coming from the cottage pantry, and nobody was present when she opened her eyes. So she came out in search of her lover and found her in a bat of an eye in front of the dining table.

“Ppany-yah” Her voice was as hoarse as it could be.

“Baby!” Tiffany approached her right away and soon checked her temperature. “I think you’re back to normal!”

The touched girl then put her own palm on the forehead. “Yeah, I think so. Thank you for taking care of me” She screened the room after that. “Where are the others?”

“Sunny is still on her bed. Yuri is on the yard building Baymax from snow” Tiff went back to the heating pan on the electric stove. “Ahjumma has cooked us some soup. You should have this. I am sure it will boost your recovery”

It was 8 in the morning when Taeyeon had her first meal, and it bothered her that after 30 minutes Sunny was still not awake while Yuri had returned from her snow play. If anybody asked her why the absence of her danshin partner made her relentless, though, she did not know what to say. She just wanted Sunny there. She wanted to see Sunny literally with them.

She tried to pass the time by playing snowball fight with the American and the jangshin, in a hope that when she entered the house once again, Sunny would be wide awake already. She found herself disappointed once more, however, to see no sign of lively Sunny after she walked back in and searched the entire first level of the building.

The extra 30 minutes that Taeyeon let pass after that was what made her lose her patience at last and that brought her to the second floor. Much to her amusement, Sunny had unexpectedly stood before the stairs, as if knowing that Taeyeon would come to fetch her.

“How long did it take the prince to find you and kiss you on the lips?”

Soonkyu soon apprehended the sarcasm. “I was really tired, and it’s not like this was noon, Taengoo. It’s just ten”

“Oh, right. I am sure you have worked reaaallly hard to clean the snow and help the villagers to cook food in the dawn”

Her next cynical statement was replied by a shrug from Sunny. “This is ain’t a show, you said it yourself”

“Is it really that tiresome for you to join us here?” Taeyeon had fed up on her own indirect attack.

“Is it for you if I don’t?”

“No, but it kills me that I barely see you with us. What’s wrong, Sunny? You used to be the energy ball a long time ago, but recently I don’t see Sunny as Sunny anymore”

“That’s quite right; I am Lee Soonkyu and not really Sunny, indeed”

Taeyeon directed a glare right on her eyes, and that caught Sunny off guard. “You’re not even responding my questions seriously anymore”

“I think I need to reply all of your bombards by just one question” The younger stared back, fighting the intense eyes which were fixated on hers. “Why did you want me to go when you have your girlfriend with you all the time?”

That was all they needed to end the heated conversation temporarily, for Sunny had gone downstairs, leaving the other party dealing with her own emotions.

* * *

Another day had turned to dusk by the time they arrived back at the apartment, thanks to Tiff begging to stop on every clothing outlet they happened to see on the way home. If it wasn’t for their maid who regularly came to clean their dorm, the girls would have not been able to simply relax after every time they went on a vacation. 

“Taeyeon-ah, I cooked this herbal instant soup for you. My brother said it’s really good for speeding up recovery”

Taeyeon had dressed herself in pajama when her girlfriend showed her the warm glass full of green thingy inside. She was frankly not in the mood to eat such thing; first because she felt that she had fully recovered, and second because the unfinished argument with her other comrade earlier still annoyingly lingered in her mind.

“Thank you” She faked a smile anyway and took a sip of the medicine. “Gladly you don’t get infected from my fever although you were in the same room”

“I incubated myself from the infection” Miyoung set a grin on her face. “I did tell you that I would be sleeping in Yuri’s room before you went to sleep right? You should instead be thankful that Sunny didn’t get the virus”

“How would she get it if she stayed inside her strings of larva upstairs until ten in the morning?”

“But she did stay with you the night before”

“Huh?”

“Sunny replaced me to cool you down with the wet towel, so there must have been enough time for the bacteria to escape to her”

“And why did she have to replace you?”

“Because if I got sick too, I would have no power to take care of you the next day”

Taeyeon put the ceramic glass on the desk; guilt had started crawling around her mind. “God, seriously, that doesn’t mean you needed to ask Sunny to take the job instead”

“I didn’t have her do it. She was willing to”

The blonde sighed before moving in a quick pace to the door. “Sunny’s in her room right?”

“As far as I concern”

Taeyeon went fast to the other chamber where Sunny usually slept in. Yuri had gone back to her own house, so that should leave Sunny as the only occupant of the room. As much as she wanted to get in, she had to pause on the entrance; then knocked after making herself tranquil enough. 

“Sunny, may I… do you mind if I come in and talk?” She forced the words out of .

There was a very brief silence before a ‘sure’ came out from inside. Taeyeon made her way in and found Soonkyu was occupied with applying night cream lotion on her legs.

“You’re about to sleep?”

“Nah, I am doing it now because I keep forgetting” Soonkyu closed the cap of the lotion bottle.

“May I sit?”

“You have never asked permission before” The girl in her loose T-shirt looked amused.

“Well…” The girl in the pajama took her seat on Sunny’s bed, but not continuing her reaction. Sunny being relaxed despite their intense talk before was what led her to her silence after that.

“…So?” Soonkyu birthed voice to the dead air.

“You… ask me a question before I was left hanging” Taengoo hemmed. “Do you still want me to answer that?”

The slightly-shorter started lowering her eyes. “If I say yes?”

“Then I have an answer ready” Taeyeon’s eyes followed the path of Sunny’s. “But before that, I… I am sorry”

“For what?”

“I didn’t know that you were… that you nursed me last night”

“…That’s not a big problem”

“And as for your answer – the fact that I wanted you to tag along with us is already the answer to be honest” The taller cleared for the second time. “I just want to let you know that you are still important for me, Sunny. I don’t want you to think that just because I’ve got a girlfriend, I don’t care about you anymore. Any sort of those thoughts, I don’t want it to occur to you”

“That doesn’t answer the question”

“How does that not answer the question?”

“Because that just means you are afraid you will be called ‘neglecting your other members’”

“No!” Taeyeon yelled, and that stole Sunny’s attention completely. “You matter to me as a member; that is obvious. But I’m talking about Sunny as Lee Soonkyu herself, not Sunny the member. Even if we were not work fellows anymore, I still would want you around. That is because of what I find you treating me all this time, since we met; you have always cared about me more than just as a group comrade. So I want you to know that I have always thought the same about you”

The other girl took her time to process Taeyeon’s words. As much as she wanted to have faith in what Taeyeon had just said, reality was still reality. As much as she wanted to conclude that what Taeyeon was trying to say was that she had always been special in Taeyeon’s eyes, the fact that she was still not Taeyeon’s remained unchanged.

I couldn’t be greedy, could I? She comforted herself, again and again.

“Thank you. That eases my wonder” Soonkyu tried her best to look pleased.

Taeyeon was seen pouting after that. “I still cannot see the soul of the normal bright Soonkyu coming back to its body”

“Yah!” Sunny shrieked upon the sudden ominous, but somehow funny, comment.

“Did my explanation really reach you? Did you really understand what I meant?”

Taeyeon truly cared about her, she thought, and she felt that at least it was enough for now.

“Yes, Taengoo, yeeesss”

“You’re still doubting me, aren’t you? Have I really eased all of your doubts?”

“I’m not in doubt anymore, Taengooo. And yes, you have eased my doubts for now”

“Can I… have one more request then? As a form of apology?”

“For scolding me for not looking active during the trip?”

“Yes. Do you by any chance still keep your unnamed chocolate?”

“…Yes, I do. Why…?”

“I’ll eat it”

“What? Why?”

“As an apology!”

“What kind of apology is that?”

“I’ll eat that as the symbol that you and I are still as important to each other as it has always been”

“Hmmm” Sunny nodded in satisfaction. “Apology accepted”

Taengoo smirked as she prepared her way to the fridge at the kitchen. “Thank you, nurse”

Soonkyu waited as the girl she loved closed the door before dropping tears from her reddened eyes.

After all, maybe I keep doing this because I love you too much, Taengoo.

Happy Valentine's Day, peeps! Thank you for reading.