F(x)- 4 walls (not really related to story but kinda to the title, hehe)

Better listened with some sad/disney piano music (y) 

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It’s different.

It’s different somehow, it’s like a thought, but you kept thinking about it. Not in an analytic way…well… maybe it was at first. But no, this thought just appears in your mind without conscious, out of your permission. You get it right? Like, when you’re walking on the streets, sketching buildings, taking your coffee or just sitting in class. The worst is when you’re lying in bed while staring at your ceiling; like an empty white canvas, ready for you to paint all your fantasies. That’s when it comes to bug you. You seem to see their faces, guess their every body movement. You imaging them appearing in front of you, then you submit to the thought and create scenes for them. How’d they would talk, how’d they smile. And the lighting will always be perfect, the wind creasing their figure oh so gently, tracing every angle and curve perfectly. You’d forget it’s just a thought and you include yourself interacting with them. In your head, you were the award winning director.

It makes you smile.

It makes you pause whatever you’re doing at the moment. But you hated it. You hated every bit and second that you succumb to the thoughts. Why? Because it wasn’t you, you knew it was irrational and it defiantly wasn’t your style. You’d always blink your eyes hard, so you’d see reality clearer. You’d shake your head softly that it ruffles your bangs, so the thoughts would fall off. And sometimes you’d just sigh and continued with your coffee, your sketches and on your way.

It’ll never be,

You told yourself, “But you can still think about it can’t you?” you paused but decides to put no more thought on this matter. It was hard when you were younger. How’d it started? There’s no explanation to it. Was it love at first sight? Or was it simply admiration? Some would call it a crush, but you don’t see it that way… it wasn’t up until that level… but he left a mark in your head; totally without permission which he should not be allowed to. No one can quite explain… if they even knew.

It wasn’t like that.

He was new, Canada. It’s a cool place you guessed since you’ve heard people there was nice; and he was nice, in fact, too nice. He was quirky, funny, cute and he made many friends upon his arrival. It may have been his friendliness that made the mark. We were in the same class, he’ll be in the second row while you’re safe in your own corner. You’ve never bothered about anyone, let alone the new kid. But his voice and movements had been carefully recorded all in your head. Sometimes you wish you’d get a chance to talk to him, or simply a group project with him. But all fails as he already had his own group to go to. As days past, your hope of striking up a conversation drifted, and you float more away from shore till you thought you can’t see it anymore. Until this one faithful day, that you get to sit with him in the same cafeteria table.

It was crowded,

With your other classmates, but you’re grateful enough to get any chances to be in his presence. But unfortunately that day, you didn’t bring any lunch money, so you just sat there awkwardly watching everybody else eat. You felt hopeful yet sad after that. “This could be the start of something new.” “Or that’s was your life time’s luck and it will never happen again.” Seeing him enjoying himself among his friends was the worst. Cause you know that that could’ve been you, sharing their joy. But you’re just sitting a far, capturing every moment for later daydreaming use. Times you try to convince yourself that you just want to be his friend, nothing more. But was it? Not even you are sure about that.

He came without consent, and now he leaves as he pleases. It shouldn’t be allowed, he can’t just do this. But he’s not entirely a fault, since he doesn’t know. After graduation, he got a job and you went to university. You thought it would all end, the thoughts. You thought it would be easier if he’s no longer in your field of vision. But every now and then, you’d find the thoughts popping up randomly. That he would appear out of nowhere and greets you warmly; that he decides to be friend you now after so long; he would think that you’re a really cool person.

It never does go away doesn’t it?

Some nights you would dream of him still, and you wake up in the morning feeling puzzled. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen or think about him, why is he appearing in my dreams?” Then it sparks a hope of weather if he’s thinking about you too.

It made you wonder if he ever thought about you too.

Even now, after you’ve found the love of your life, even after you’ve told him about ‘him’ and he understands empathically, ‘his’ very existence still haunt your thoughts.

It’s harder now these days.

You put down your coffee cup and closed your sketch book. You let out a sigh and walked out of the shop. Magazines stacked upon the vendors have covers of him posed in a high end photo shoot, his face on merchandises and even on the oddest place. You held your book tight and paused in front of a window display showing different brands of flat screen TV. But of course, it wasn’t that that made you stop. It was an entertainment show, an interview you supposed. You bit your lip and turned away, holding your book even tighter under your arm and went home to your loved one.

“Hello everyone, I’m Henry and please give much support to my new album.” His cheery voice echoed down the streets even there were a few fangirl screams.

“It’s different… I kept trying to forget… but my mind kept thinking about it…”     

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After the end I felt Shakira- Can't remember to forget you is more suitable XD

Hope ya'll enjoy it <3