~Final~

     At the age of eight, I met a boy that I could easily talk to. His name was Kim Jongdae. He became my best friend. He had a sense of humor that only I could understand. His eyes and smile sparkled so brightly that it made my heart beat fast. Every day after school, I would walk to my cousin’s house to wait for my parents to get out from work to come and pick me up. Jongdae lived in the same direction as my cousin. And so, every day after school, we walked together, talked together, and laughed together until we split ways and walked down separate roads.

     Fourth grade. It was fourth grade when my parents had to move away from the small town and to the big city, Seoul. I was ten. My father had gotten a promotion and got moved to Seoul. I was excited to move. I wanted to see the big city. I wanted to meet new people. I was so excited that I forgot about saying goodbye to my best friend for one last time. Or maybe it was because I was just too young to understand goodbyes.

     A month after we had moved, my entire class sent me letters, thanks to my teacher. And the only one that I held dearly to my heart, was my best friend’s, Kim Jongdae.

     Fifth grade. It was fifth grade when I started to realize that I had feelings for a boy in my class. His name was Oh Sehun. He was also funny. He always hung around my friend and I. My friend told him that if he could ask me out and make me say “yes” then she would give him 500 won. I was there and knew of the joke. It was something funny at that time. And, of course I always said “no.” But, little did he know that I wanted to say yes. Little did he know that I loved it when he wanted me to say yes, even if it was only for 500 won.

     Sixth grade. During sixth grade, I had finally defined Sehun as my crush. He was funny and the class clown. He was also smart and always won the spelling bees. That made me like him even more.

     Seventh grade. Everything crashed. Sehun started to make fun of me. Was it because we were now walking the same halls as the upperclassmen? Was it because cliques were now forming officially? I didn’t know. But, I did know that Sehun was becoming more of a jerk than a class clown.

     Eight grade. Even though Sehun was a jerk, he still had my heart, ever since fifth grade. One day, we were having a lab in science. The teacher ripped pieces of paper into two parts. It was a weird experiment. Everyone had to pick up one piece of paper and find the person that had the other half, and when you found the person that had the other half, you sat down.

     At first, I picked up a piece of paper. It didn’t feel right, so I set it down and picked up another one. Of course, first I went to my friend, Nayoung. It wasn’t a match. Then I went to another classmate and another and another. No one matched mine. Soon, everyone was seated and Sehun and I were the only ones left standing. I looked down at his paper and he looked down at mine. We both scoffed at the same time and sat down. Nayoung giggled at me. Did she know that I had a crush on him? No. Was Sehun pissed that he was matched with me? Maybe. Was I? No. I hid the fact that I was bursting with happiness inside. Even if it was just an experiment. I was young and believed that we were fated to be.

     Naïve. Wasn’t I?

     Ninth grade. Nayoung and Sehun began bickering every day in class. Our classmates and teacher began to predict that the two would get married someday, since they argued like a married couple. Nayoung still didn’t know that I had feelings for Sehun. Nayoung seemed to be annoyed because of Sehun. And Sehun seemed to be annoyed because of Nayoung.

     Because I didn’t want to get in their way, in case they came to realize that they had feelings for each other, I decided to throw away my feelings for him. And that was when I realized that Sehun was never my first crush. Kim Jongdae was. That was when I realized that whatever I felt for Sehun was similar to what I felt for Jongdae. And actually, I wanted to define Jongdae as my first love because I never hated him. Jongdae . . . even when I thought of him now, my heart still beated fast.

     Tenth grade. A boy that I had known ever since I moved to Seoul started to slowly become part of Nayoung and I’s “clique.” His name was Byun Baekhyun. There were exactly eight of us then: me, Nayoung, Naeun, Hyemi, Jaein, Joonmyun, Jongin, and Baekhyun. Baekhyun had an amazing voice and would always sing during math class, which annoyed everyone but me.

     Eleventh grade. I began to realize that everything Baekhyun did, made my heart beat faster. When we would brush shoulders as we walked down the halls to get to class. When we would accidently brush hands as we reached out for the same stapler. It was the beginning of my third crush. Maybe . . . just maybe I would be able to gain the confidence to confess to him. But, little did I know, that would never happen.

     It was near the end of the school year when prom came into the picture. I was a quiet person, and so I always just listened to my friends converse. Everyone was getting dates, besides Joonmyun, Nayoung and I. Actually, Joonmyun had asked Nayoung twice. It was the most awkward thing, but she rejected him twice. Jongin asked Jaein and succeeded. It was a sweet proposal. Even the teacher joined in on helping Jongin asked Jaein to prom. Hyemi brought her boyfriend that was from another school and so did Naeun.

     Baekhyun, however, kept quiet about whom he was going with.

     There was a week left until prom. I had my dress and shoes. My friends and I made plans and were excited. I was about to ask Baekhyun if he would go with me, but then he told us that he was going with his girlfriend.

     His girlfriend. His girlfriend that we didn’t know about. I threw my feelings for him away then.

     Senior year.

     I gave up on love. I had gone through four crushes. I never really had my heart broken. I just simply gave up. I gave up on trying to love someone. I gave up on trying to receive love from someone. I was done with it. I focused on my studies while my friends focused on their boyfriends and girlfriends.

     I became a freshman again . . . in college. All of my friends went their separate ways. I went to Seoul University because it was close to home. It was a new beginning. I could make new friends and become successful. But because of my silent nature, I isolated myself from everyone.

     Sophomore year.

     I still hadn’t made any friends. Classes were getting longer and so were my nights. I stayed up on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the library to do my homework. It was my favorite place on campus. It was quiet and full of books—just what a person like me needed. Whom would have ever known that that would be where I would meet my first boyfriend?

     I was sitting at an empty table. The library was usually packed with students during the day and night, but it was spring break right now. I didn’t have anywhere I needed to be. I was trying to get my online homework done, so I would have to worry about it later on. I had papers strewn all over the table. My glasses were on, and my hair was a mess because I had run my hands threw it so many times in frustration in trying to understand the formulas in accounting.

     It was getting late. The sun had already set and there were only a few students left in the library. I was getting tired and yawned every five minutes. I needed some coffee. If only I had some coffee.

     Coffee. Coffee. Coffee.

     And like magic, a cup of coffee appeared before my face.

     I followed the hand that was holding the coffee to the face of a person that I knew fairly well.

     Park Chanyeol. The “it” guy of Seoul University.

     He was nice, kind, loving, funny, smart, and musically talented. Everything that I looked for in a guy. Did I have a crush on him? No, I gave up on love years ago. But strangely, my heart began to beat fast again with his little gesture.

     “Coffee?” he asked.

     I looked at him with a blank face, not sure on how to comprehend the situation. No one ever bought me things, especially coffee. He was smiling ear to ear. He looked so beautiful. His eyes were what caught mine. My heart sped up with every passing second. This feeling was all too familiar. I blinked rapidly before looking at the cup of coffee, then back at him.

     “No, I’m fine,” I finally answered.

     He chuckled and pulled out the chair beside me and sat down. He took my hand and handed the warm cup to me. My heart beat quickened at the touch of our hands. His hands were so warm.

     “Just take it. You kept on yawning. Don’t want to fall asleep in the middle of homework do you?”

     “N-No,” I shook my head and sipped on my coffee.

     “So, what are you working on?” he asked.

     He was wearing a long tan pea coat, blue jeans that went to his ankles, grey vans, and a white knitted sweater. Our spring breaks were in early March, so it was still chilly outside. He was taller than me by a foot, and his hair was dark brown. His facial features were to die for. Everyone envied his looks. I liked the fact that he didn’t take advantage of that.

     “Accounting,” I said before turning in my seat to face my homework.

     “Ah, 201 or 202?”

     “202.”

     “202 is much easier than 201,” he said.

     “I see that you’ve already taken the courses,” I stated.

     My heart began to calm down as we began to converse. I was nervous at first, but our conversation was going well. He chuckled again, making my heart beat fast again.

     Curse his laugh.

     “Yeah, I have. I could tutor you on it if you want,” he said.

     I smiled and looked at him and I swore I saw him stare at me in awe before he quickly composed himself. I shook my head and kindly declined his offer.

     “It’s fine.”

     “I know you tutor people, but just because you’re a tutor, that doesn’t mean that you don’t need one,” he smiled.

     “I’m not being cocky,” I said, not looking at him.

     He sighed and leaned back in his seat. I could tell that he was staring at me.

     “If I can’t ask to tutor you, can I at least ask to date you?”

     And that was when I gave in. Someone wanted to love me in the end. That was when I began to believe in love again. I had become naïve . . . again.

~~~

     I had never been in a relationship before, but now that I was in one, I was quite happy. I was shocked when Chanyeol first asked me out. I mean, he was the “it” guy of the school, and I was just that quiet girl that strayed away from everybody. We went on dates, Chanyeol declared that I was his girlfriend, and Chanyeol made me happy. It was the best relationship ever.

     “Hana, do you want to go to the movies tonight? Goosebumps just came out!” Chanyeol spoke excitedly as we walked hand in hand to class. We were both business majors, so we both took the same classes.

     “Yeah, I watched the trailer the other day and it seemed like fun,” I smiled.

     Chanyeol fist pumped the air and kissed my forehead.

     “I’ll pay,” he said.

     I pouted and shook my head.

     “You paid last time. We agreed that I would pay the next time we went out,” I said.

     Chanyeol always wanted to treat me and not the other way around. From what I learned from watching other people’s relationships, it was never good to only have one person paying all the time.

     “Well, you can pay me back,” Chanyeol smiled and winked.

     “Pay you back by paying next time?” I rose an eyebrow at him.

     “Nope,” Chanyeol stopped walking and smiled ear to ear.

     I let go of his hands to cross my arms.

     “Then how?” I asked.

     He smiled and held his hands behind his back. He hummed and looked up as though he were in deep thought. Then he looked at me and tapped his finger on his lips.

     A kiss.

     I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

     “No.”

     “What?” he exclaimed. “Why?” he whined like a five year old and crossed his arms, mirroring my position. He pouted and sighed and looked at the ground, dejected.

     I smiled and chuckled quietly before wrapping my arms around his neck, bringing him closer to me as I pecked his lips. But, before I could get away, he wrapped his arms around my waist and locked our lips.

     It was early March. Our third year anniversary.

     I decided to surprise Chanyeol. We agreed to meet at the library—where it all started.

     I walked down the streets of Hongdae in attempts to find a nice gift for him. He liked hats, so maybe I would buy one for him. I smiled happily. Three years. Three long years. I had loved someone for three long years and that someone had loved me. This was my first true relationship and it was going well. It gave me hope that there was actually good in the world. If I lost everything and still had Chanyeol, I would still be the happiest girl on the planet . . . or so I thought.

     Chanyeol’s laugh . . . is unique. I could remember his deep voice and laugh anywhere. And so when I heard a deep laugh, followed by a familiar voice and name, I froze and turned around. And there at a booth a few feet away from me, I saw Park Chanyeol with his arm wrapped around a girl’s waist.

     “What about this one, Nayoung?” he asked as he held a head band in front of her.

     “Nayoung,” I whispered.

     Nayoung. Nayoung. Nayoung.

     Nayoung from high school.

     People said the best friends that you would ever make would be from college. You would forget your high school friends right away because you would never see them again.

     That was true. However, for the first part, I didn’t know anymore.

     The moment I saw Chanyeol look at Nayoung with that loving gaze that he gave me, was the moment I swore I heard something within me break. The moment my legs began walking towards the duo was the moment I knew that we were over. How dare he? Especially on our third year anniversary?

     When I walked up to the booth, neither of them noticed me. I stood beside Nayoung and clenched my fists. I wanted to indent them into her face, but she had once been my friend.

     “Babe, stop,” Nayoung giggled as Chanyeol kissed her neck.

     I dug my nails deeper into my palm, drawing blood. I ignored the pain, for the pain in my heart was much more. I gasped on purpose and shouted.

     “Nayoung! Is that you? It’s been so long!” I exclaimed in “shock.”

     Nayoung and Chanyeol turned towards me. Chanyeol’s eyes widened in pure shock with horror written all over his face. Nayoung seemed genuinely surprised. I guess I couldn’t blame her. She didn’t know about me as I didn’t know about her. For all I could know, Chanyeol could have been with her first and I was just the third wheel. But still, I couldn’t help but feel bitter towards her.

     “Hana? Oh my gosh! It’s been such a long time!” Nayoung beamed. She held Chanyeol closer to her and smiled. “This is Park Chanyeol, my boyfriend. What about you, do you have a boyfriend? We can go on a double date and catch up on each other’s lives!”

     I smiled and shook my head.

     “I broke up with my boyfriend. Today was actually our third year anniversary,” I said, trying to hold in my tears.

     Chanyeol seemed hurt and frozen in a state of shock. He was such a coward.

     “What?” Nayoung screamed. “Why did you two break up?” she asked.

     “He . . . he found someone better to be with,” I forced a smile. “And actually, I’m quite busy. I’ve got to go burn all of our memories together,” I spoke bitterly, flashing Chanyeol a death glare before turning around and walking away.

     I could tell that Nayoung was confused, but I didn’t care.

     I sped walked through the crowd, just wanting to get home, but then a hand grabbed me into an empty alley. I panicked and pushed the person away on impulse. At first I thought that it was Chanyeol, but when I looked at the person clearly, a name that I thought I would never say again, escaped my lips.

     “Kim Jongdae.”

     Kim Jongdae.

     My best friend from elementary school, Kim Jongdae.

     My first crush.

     My first love.

     He was standing right in front of me.

     “Are you an idiot?” he yelled at me. “I can’t belive that you just stood there and took it all in! Why didn’t you yell at him! Why didn’t you let her know that he was YOUR boyfriend, not hers?” he screamed.

     I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as tears escaped my eyes.

     “W-What. H-How do you know?” I asked.

     “I go to the same college as you, you idiot. I can’t believe that you never saw me before. You even remember how I look like,” he chuckled.

     “Jongdae,” I said again, as if wanting him to confirm it again.

     “Yes, Lee Hana. I’m Kim Jongdae from—”

     My broken heart seemed to beat a bit faser as I ran towards him and threw my arms around him. Strangely, I didn’t feel awkward around him. It were as though we were eight years old again. It were as though we didn’t know what love was and we were best friends and comfortable with each other again. My Kim Jongdae was here again.

     “Why notice me now when someone else already has your heart,” he spoke with great pain.

     I shook my head and buried my face into his chest.

     But, this was all too good to be true.

     We now were adults. We now knew what love was. We know knew what heartbreaks felt like.

     “I’m sorry,” I whimpered as flashbacks of the times I spent with Chanyeol flashed through my head.

     “It’s okay,” Jongdae spoke as he held me close and my head. “I waited fifteen years for you. I think I can wait a bit longer. I love you, Lee Hana.”

Author's Note:

     Yes, your author has gone through several unrequited crushes. And no, I never really had heart breaks before. I’m serious when I say that this is based on a true story. So, how much can you relate to my story? I’ll see you next time.

<3 Nubci4