it ends with us

 

Like all idols, artists, and entertainers, INFINITE wants their way down from fame to be as beautiful as their rise to fame was.

 

-

 

But also like many idols, artists, and entertainers, INFINITE does not get what they want.

 

-

 

INFINITE’s way down is in no way beautiful.

 

There is no struggle, no fanfare. There are no illegal breaches of contract, no scandals. Instead, there is forced termination.

 

With poor management and terrible investments, Woollim Entertainment ends up going under. Nine years after INFINITE’s debut. Only nine years.

 

They can’t keep any of their artists, can’t afford to.

 

-

 

This is how INFINITE disbands.

 

-

It starts with the leader. They tell him first.

 

When they announce that INFINITE will disband and Woollim as a company will dissolve, Sunggyu thinks that it’s a joke. A cruel, horrible joke. Sunggyu searches high and low for hidden cameras. He finds none.

 

When they explain the situation to him, about how they’re letting all of their artists go, Sunggyu wants to laugh at the incredulousness of it all. Suddenly, nothing makes sense. “Can’t we try something, build the company back up?” He demands. His initial reaction is to be angry. So, so angry.

 

His CEO tells him no to his face. Even he has given up.

 

Sunggyu tries to reason, to promise that INFINITE can fix this.

 

His voice raises and tries to come to a compromise, even gets on his knees to beg- and Sunggyu never begs- but all he gets in return are ruined dreams and a broken heart.

 

-

In the beginning, Sunggyu never thought of being an idol singer. It was never his dream to be an idol, but now, he wouldn’t change anything in the world. But his world is changing, whether he likes it or not.

 

-

 

When Sunggyu arrives back to the dorm, home from the emergency company meeting, s sense the impending doom immediately; they are all too familiar with the grim way he calls for a meeting when there is bad news.

 

s always followed him too well. They’re good kids, he thinks. Good kids that don’t deserve this.

 

He also thinks he doesn’t deserve this, having to tell these good kids the bad news.

 

But better him than the company who has given up and abandoned them.

 

-

 

No one believes him when he announces that the company has lost everything and that INFINITE will cease to continue on as a band.

 

He knows it’s a hard piece of information to swallow, but he’s serious. They’re disbanding and there’s nothing they can do about it.

 

They all take the news in varying degrees of shock and silence. Anger, too. A lot of anger.

 

-

 

Howon is the first to storm out. Sungyeol and Sungjong follow not too long after.

 

Myungsoo takes one long look at the remaining members and then walks out, head shaking in disbelief.

 

-

 

“I’m sorry,” Sunggyu apologizes, the weight on his shoulders feeling heavier than ever. His anger is still there, still burning, but is quieted by the bitterness of it all. Only Dongwoo and Woohyun remain in the room.

 

“What are you saying sorry for,” Woohyun mumbles, almost inaudible. Dongwoo is sitting down on the ground, in shock.

 

It feels like it’s his fault, that’s why. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, for no reason at all.

-

 

Checking up on the members is Sunggyu’s duty. It always has been always will be. Even with and after this disbandment.

 

Woohyun and Dongwoo sit quietly together. The two loudest, the two energizers of the group, are reduced to talking amongst themselves with hushed tones and careful considerations for the future.

 

Sunggyu doesn’t intrude. He’s sitting a little ways off, all of them taking up some place in the living room. He looks at the clock and realizes- it is going to be a long night.

 

He waits for the rest of the members to come home.

 

-

 

Howon is, in Sunggyu’s opinion, the member that keeps his calm the best. In this situation, however, this trait is more of a vice than a virtue. He does not know how to handle things when his world has been shaken up.

 

He was the first to storm out, but also the first to come back. The first to walk back into his room, to shun the rest of the world. Loud music blares from his room, a clear message saying “Do Not Disturb”.

 

Now, he’s not spiteful in nature, doesn’t normally act like this, but this feels a lot like betrayal, and it’s something that Howon can’t stand. His calm has been ruined. INFINITE has grounded him, made him part of who he is, but it has been pulled from under his feet.

 

Right now, he’s tripping and doesn’t know how to stand back up.

 

Sunggyu understands Howon’s need to be alone, says nothing, even when Howon doesn’t come out for hours. He can still hear music blasting through their thin walls.

 

-

 

Sungyeol is the second member to come back.

 

He comes back because he’s angry, because he needs to let out this anger through heated words that only six other people should understand. He comes back so that he can talk to his leader. To lean on his leader.

 

Woohyun and Dongwoo have long since retreated to a different room. Sunggyu is still in the living room, waiting. He hates waiting, but seeing Sungyeol burst into the door is worth it.

 

No greetings are exchanged. Instead, Sungyeol starts with, “This isn’t fair.” Sungyeol is furious beyond belief, almost shaking.  INFINITE is his lifeline, all that he has worked for. And now- disbandment? This is a terrible type of reality. “We didn’t even get a choice. Didn’t we make them enough money? Didn’t we work hard for years and years?” It doesn’t make sense to him. The questions he asks are all valid, but Sunggyu doesn’t have any of the answers. It doesn’t make sense to him either.

 

And while Sunggyu is as angry as the next member of INFINITE, probably angrier, he knows they can’t all stay angry. He tries his best to quell Sungyeol’s own anger. “I know everything’s stupid, but these things happen,” he sighs. He suddenly feels so many years older.

 

“Aren’t we supposed to be able to fight for what we want?” Sungyeol demands. He sounds desperate. It’s probably because he is.

 

Sunggyu is so, so tired. “Not this time, Sungyeol.” He has tried. Pleaded, begged on his knees in front of the CEO. “Not this time.”

 

-

 

Myungsoo comes back quietly, Sungjong in tow. They both look tired, subdued. There are no fits, no loud exchanges, no outbursts of anger. Not even from Sungjong.

 

Sunggyu sighs from his post in the living room. Sungyeol has come and gone back to his own bed. He can still hear Howon’s music. And he looks on at his maknaes. His babies. “Where’d you go?”

 

“The park,” Sungjong huffs.

 

“Sungjong stomped all the way there and back,” Myungsoo offers, his voice sounding a little dry from misuse.

 

Sungjong side eyes Myungsoo so hard that it brings out Sunggyu’s first and only smile of the night.

 

-

 

Like this, their first night passes. It is the longest night.

 

-

 

Dongwoo clings onto their unity, their dream, their bond the hardest he can.

 

“Maybe, maybe we can stay together,” Dongwoo suggests. “Move to another company, all re-debut under a different name.”

 

Sunggyu gives him a long, bleary stare. It has been another long night. This is Dongwoo, his very own second in command, the one he relies on most. He doesn’t need to hide anything from him. So he just gives him a look.

 

It’s a look that speaks of grounded reality, loss of all false hope.

 

Dongwoo understands what he’s saying. He’s hopeful, not oblivious. The chances of what he wants are slim to none. It’s not like they are as young as they used to be, harsh as that sounds. If they want to stay in this entertainment industry, it will most likely be through separate paths.

 

But their bond is never something he can let go of. “We’ll still stay together though.” He’s not asking. He’s telling this to Sunggyu.

 

Faint sounds of Howon’s loud music makes it through to them. This is the third day and Howon is still playing the same album. He must really love this album, Sunggyu thinks. “Okay,” he tells Dongwoo. “Okay.” He wants to believe him.

 

-

 

Days pass, their lives continue. Even if it feels like time should be at a standstill.

 

-

 

Since the news has dropped and there has been a fandom pandemonium, everyone has decided it would be best to stay home together. They don’t have much time left together, anyway. Woohyun knows this.

 

He sits in Howon’s room, with Dongwoo beside him. Howon has stopped his own solitude, has stopped playing his music too loud for anyone to have a real conversation with him. Instead, he takes to sitting quietly with s. He doesn’t know how much longer he can sit with them like this.

 

“My members,” Woohyun mumbles. “The people I like so much, love a lot.” Woohyun is known for this manner of speech, but it is usually directed towards their fans. Woohyun doesn’t speak like this to them if he can help it.  

 

“Shut up,” Howon snaps back. “What good is it now to talk like that? We’re done.” But there’s no real venom; only the sound of bitter hurt leaks through.

 

This is out of their hands.

 

Woohyun responds immediately. “What, just because we’re breaking up, we’re suddenly not brothers anymore?” Woohyun is passionate in everything he does, even in how he argues. “I wanted to perform as seven for the rest of my life, aren’t I allowed to say how much I loved- love all of you?”

 

This is the first time throughout the whole ordeal that Dongwoo, sitting off to the side and watching his dongsaengs, finds himself fighting back the pricking sense of incoming tears. It is so painfully real. “I love you, Woohyun ah,” Dongwoo sighs. His words cut through whatever argument that is about to be made. “I love you for caring so much.” Woohyun freezes, angry words caught in his throat.

 

Dongwoo looks to Howon right afterwards. “I love you too, idiot. For also caring so much.”

 

Just like that, the tension dissipates. “My members,” Woohyun finds himself cracking a smile. “The people I like so much, love a lot.” When he repeats these words, all Howon can do is half-heartedly swat at him.

 

The smile on his face is unmistakable- canine teeth showing and all.

 

This is the first sign of acceptance, that things will turn out okay.

 

-

 

Myungsoo has trouble sleeping. That’s usually not the case, but like everything else in his life, his sleeping cycle has been ruined.

 

His nights have become terrible. Have been, for the past week.

 

“All I wanted is for us to stay together forever,” Myungsoo whispers into the dead of the night, with no one to listen to him. “We’re INFINITE, aren’t we?” There’s no one to answer him. He curls into himself, snuggles deeper into the blankets. He’s not foolish enough to hope this is all a bad dream, that he’ll wake up in the morning and realize that their disbandment has just been a nightmare. He stares blankly at the ceiling.

 

And the he thinks. He thinks about s.

 

Six people, so close to his heart. The impeding fact that they’ll no longer be able to work together as seven is enough to break him. He feels lost and a little hopeless.

 

So Myungsoo gets up from bed. He knows he won’t be getting much sleep tonight. He pads out into the living room and finds Sungyeol.

 

“Yeollie,” the term of endearment is old; Myungsoo has long since stopped calling his best friend by that nickname. Now, it brings them both back to happier days. “I can’t sleep.”

 

“Join the club,” Sungyeol snorts. Sungyeol can hear Sunggyu talking to Dongwoo in the other room. They’re not the only ones who can’t sleep.

 

“No,” Myungsoo snorts back. “I don’t want to be in that club, you’re in it.” Sungyeol laughs, which makes Myungsoo smile. “Yeollie,” Myungsoo says once more.

 

“What?”

 

He asks what he came outside to ask. “Where will we go from here?”

 

Sungyeol doesn’t have an answer for him.

 

-

 

Myungsoo continues to search for an answer. He finds their maknae in the next room, still awake. He doesn’t start with a casual hello or a greeting. Sungjong will know what he’s talking about. Sungjong sits up from his bed, expectant. “Is this it, is this all that we are?”

 

Sungjong does indeed know what Myungsoo is talking about; but that doesn’t mean he can give Myungsoo the answer he wants. He can’t give an answer that he doesn’t have. But he does know what Myungsoo needs, can give back what Myungsoo gives him so willingly. He gets up from his bed,  opens his arms, and envelops Myungsoo in a hug.

 

Myungsoo has always been one of the touchiest members, finding comfort in skinship. Sungjong’s can’t say he is the same, but he figures everyone- himself included- could use a hug right now.

 

Both Myungsoo and Sungjong stay there, silent in their affection.

 

Minutes pass by like this. And then Woohyun comes by, undoubtedly checking up on Sungjong, takes one look at them, and swoops into their hug.

 

Myungsoo finds himself squished in the middle of this hug. And in this impromptu group hug, Myungsoo finds his answer. He feels like laughing. “Thanks, hyung.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Not for this,” is Sungjong’s muffled response, face squished against Myungsoo’s shoulder. Woohyun hugs them tighter.

 

“For telling me what I needed to know,” Myungsoo answers. He’s smiling, making his dimple is show. They’ll be fine, Myungsoo thinks. Someway, somehow, they’ll make it. And they’ll always have each other.

 

Woohyun doesn’t know what he told Myungsoo, but a smiling Myungsoo is a cute Myungsoo. So he ruffles Myungsoo’s hair and beams, feeling affectionate- and then he pets Sungjong too, just so their maknae doesn’t feel left out.

 

Woohyun knows he doesn’t always have all the answers. But he does always have arms that s can find solace in.

 

And sometimes, that is enough of an answer.

 

-

 

They all sleep in the living room now, ‘You Are My Oppa’ style. It’s cramped and a little stifling but they need this. Dongwoo had suggested it- and no one had a problem with it.

 

Sungyeol is always the last person to fall asleep. He waits for the evened out breathing that signals everyone is asleep. Sometimes he falls asleep not too long after, sometimes he lies awake thinking. Tonight, he can’t sleep. He sits up and looks around at peaceful faces, at beautiful people he has spent more than a decade with, trainee period included.

 

And all he feels is fondness. The anger over the injustice is there, yes. It will always be there. But more so than that, so will the love he has for these people.

 

That, if anything, makes the anger easier to bear.

 

-

 

Sungjong is the last one to vocally say anything about their harsh reality. So in that sense, it ends with the maknae. It is only right for it to start with the leader and end with the maknae.

 

It is the night after Myungsoo has found his own answer to the unfair situation that has been onto them.

 

They- s, their management, everyone- have given him no choice. Absolutely no choice. Just like that, INFINITE has disbanded. And like the maknae he is, Sungjong is supposed to accept this injustice. “So this is it.” It is a statement, not a question. “The end, goodbye to us all.”

 

“This isn’t the end of everything, maknae,” Dongwoo responds to him like it had been a question anyway. He still very much believes that they’ll find a way to stay together.

 

“It sure feels like it,” Sungjong bites back. He’s usually not this vicious, especially not to Dongwoo, never to Dongwoo- but he can’t help it. He feels so upset.

 

Dongwoo frowns at this. Sungjong almost feels guilty for putting that frown there. “We’re done with INFINITE, but we’re not done with each other.”

 

“But we are INFINITE.” Sungjong hisses back. “Well. We were.” He fixes his statement to something more telling, more breaking than anything else he has said. That- that cuts more than anything.

 

Myungsoo interjects himself into the conversation. “We are more than just INFINITE and us disbanding doesn’t mean the end.” Myungsoo thinks about how Woohyun always hugs him when he needs it, how Sunggyu has tried his best to lead them, how Sungjong’s smile helps to light up the world.

 

Both Myungsoo and Dongwoo know that disbandment is supposed to mean the end. But for them, it won’t be.

 

Something in Sungjong’s eyes tells Myungsoo that the maknae needs him to be just a little more convincing. “We are more than that,” he repeats once more, with a sudden edge in his voice. Myungsoo never uses this tone with Sungjong. His tone, more than his words, sends a tingle of hope down Sungjong’s spine.

 

“Believe us, maknae,” Dongwoo says. “They can take away our name, but they can’t take away what we are.”

 

-

 

It has been a week and a half.

 

-

 

“Hey,” Myungsoo greets a tired Sunggyu walking through the door. Myungsoo doesn’t know what to do with himself as of late, thinks it’s only appropriate to stay up and wait for Sunggyu. It’s not like he’s sleeping anyway.

 

“Hey,” Sunggyu greets back. His smile is pretty much a frown, a noticeable mark that tells Myungsoo they’re about to receive more bad news. (And it’s true- Sunggyu has been notified that they have to move out of their dorm within the month.)

 

But for now, they don’t need to talk about the bad news. “I cherish all the members a lot, you know.” Myungsoo starts off casually, like he’s just making quaint conversation.

 

Sunggyu blinks at Myungsoo, impatient but willing to wait. He knows the younger has something on his mind, knows he needs to say what’s in his heart. Sunggyu knows this, knows Myungsoo. He knows his boys, after all.

 

Myungsoo finds himself smiling sheepishly at the knowing look on Sunggyu’s face. “I just want to say thanks for guiding us through the years, leader.”

 

-

 

That night, for the first time since the disbandment notice and all by his lonesome, Sunggyu lets himself cry.

 

-

 

Sungjong thinks about Dongwoo’s words, long and hard. So much so that eventually, he has to talk to someone about it. That someone being his roommate for life- even when they’re not roommates. “Hyung, will we be the same after this?” They’re sitting together, side by side.

 

“Don’t kid yourself, Jongie,” Howon snorts.  “We’ll never be the same.” And it’s true, they won’t be. They’ll no longer be able to promote as INFINITE. That, enough, is life-changing and irreversible.

 

Sungjong purses his lips into a thin, unhappy line. “Thanks for the answer, hyung,” he grumbles. Howon had given him the realistic answer- he shouldn’t have expected anything else. He gets up and moves to walk away, maybe to be petted by Woohyun or coddled by Myungsoo.

 

But Howon grabs onto Sungjong before he can walk away, looks straight into his eyes, and tells their maknae, “We won’t be the same- but our friendship will be. All seven of us. No one can take that away from us.” He knows this right down to his bones, knows this by the love they have for each other.

 

Dongwoo’s previous words ring true, emphasized by Howon’s own conviction.

 

Something in those words make Sungjong stand a little taller, breathe a little easier. “Okay, hyung.”

 

-

 

Sunggyu watches as s come to their own terms with this situation one by one, until finally, there is no one left. Everyone has come to their own terms. There’s nothing more for them to do. They’ve all started packing, they’ll be out of here and in their respective familial homes within the next week.

 

Even still, Sunggyu feels like a failed leader. When he gathers all the members to announce this, it is so that he can apologize for it- but he never gets to that point.

 

“If you’re a failed leader, then we are failures as members,” Sungjong points out. He’s pointedly staring at Sunggyu, unapologetic. The look on his face is something Sunggyu can only interpret as stop being dumb .

 

“I’m a failed main vocal then,” Woohyun chips in. He chuckles, hollow. Myungsoo feels like giving him a hug- so he does, planting himself on Woohyun’s lap and throwing his arms over their main vocal. Woohyun only grunts at the sudden weight on his person, hugging Myungsoo back.

 

“Does that make me a failed rapper?” Dongwoo wonders.

 

“Excuse all of you,” Sungyeol sasses. He hates talking about failure, hates that s can joke like this. This isn’t their fault.

 

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not a failed anything,” Howon grumbles.

 

Dongwoo laughs, the sound ringing loud and free. Sunggyu has missed this sound. “So we’re a group of failures?”

 

“We’re not,” Sunggyu gripes. No one is allowed to on INFINITE- not even the members of INFINITE. Not if Sunggyu has anything to say about it.

 

“Then you’re not a failed leader,” Myungsoo shrugs. He’s still sitting on Woohyun.

 

And that’s that.

 

-

 

Sunggyu doesn’t know when it quite happened, but all of his kids have matured. They’ll all moving forward.

 

-

 

“Where did I go wrong?” Sunggyu wonders. Before his eyes, every single one of their dreams have been crushed into nothing. He knows it’s not the end, but starting almost completely new cannot be easy.

 

This time, Sungyeol is the only member around to hear his concerns. “It’s not your fault.”

 

Sungyeol, who is no stranger to self-doubt and blame, is telling him that nothing is his fault. Sunggyu doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “It’s not any of our faults.” Sungyeol adds, only so that Sunggyu can hear these words. He figures that Sunggyu needs to hear these words.

 

Sunggyu can tell it has taken a lot for Sungyeol to reach this conclusion. A lot of self-reflection, maybe. Sungyeol looks strong where he stands, defiant.

 

For every hour (minute, second) of the day, all Sunggyu feels is warm affection and pride for s. In this instance, he feels this from Sungyeol in particular.

 

He feels so much overwhelming pride. “You’ve done well for yourself, Lee Sungyeol.”

 

“I know,” Sungyeol grins, showing the gummy smile so many people have fallen in love with. “I have my family and fans and six other weird guys to thank for that.”

 

-

 

This is their last day in the dorm they’ve gotten used to calling home. Everything is packed up neatly into boxes, every room cleaned out and bare.

 

“We should have one last talk,” Dongwoo suggests. “Or something. We can’t just end like this.” Dongwoo’s suggestion is met with tension and silence. “Like one of those- we say good things about each other.” It seems stiflingly appropriate.

 

Myungsoo raises his hand to ask, “About everyone?”

 

“Everyone seems like a lot.” Sungyeol adds his own opinion to this. Talking about everyone might make him cry. He doesn’t want to cry.

 

“Well, I for sure don’t have anything good to say about you,” Woohyun deadpans. Sungyeol flicks Woohyun’s perfect nose in retaliation. Woohyun slaps at Sungyeol’s face. For a moment, everything feels normal.

 

“Say good things in general,” Dongwoo says, retracting his earlier statement.

 

“Leader starts,” Howon quips. The way he smiles in this moment shows his canines. Myungsoo loves that smile. Sungyeol does too.

 

Sunggyu looks at each member, surveys their faces, commits this moment to memory. “I’ve had the pleasure of being the leader of INFINITE. All seven of us fit really well together, and I’m glad I got to be with you six. I only wish it didn’t have to end this way.” He coughs, and saves the rest of his words for later.

 

Dongwoo is careful in his words, speaking what he knows as truth. “Nothing in this world is perfect, but this is pretty close. When we’re together, we’re pretty close.” Truer words have never been spoken. Never mind their perfect synchronization when dancing. That’s part of why they’re close to perfect, yes, but not all of it. The rest of it is found in their bonds. Their type of friendship is special, hard to find. They feed off of each other, complete each other. They are as perfect as perfect can get. Dongwoo knows this as fact. “And I’ve always believed that we need laughter to survive, you know. So I’ll continue laughing with you guys, if that’s okay.” He even smiles, to prove his point.

 

“Of course it’s okay.” Woohyun takes over from there. “I’ve given my life for INFINITE,” he says, serious. “The seven of us, when we’re a team- that has been my life work.  I love every single one of you so much, and I know I say it a lot, but I have so much love to give, and it’s all for your taking.” Sungyeol usually has a sassy remark to respond to this type of talk from Woohyun, but even he finds it a little hard to breathe with how much affection is seeping through the air. His sincerity is palpable. “And all of you are so important, so much a part of me, that I can’t believe we’re having a talk that sounds so much like a goodbye.” There’s a beat of silence, and then, “It’s not a goodbye, by the way.”

 

“Of course it’s not,” Howon responds, taking over the flow of the conversation. With a subtle eye roll, Sungjong realizes that they have fallen on age order. So Howon continues. His normal snark and sharp tongue have been tucked away. “I’d say this sounds like a goodbye too, because it really does sound like one- but lets be honest, I wouldn’t know how to say goodbye to you guys.” His voice is calm. “I can say goodbye to promoting as INFINITE, I know we’ll find other ways. But I refuse to say goodbye to any of you.” Howon can’t give any of them up.

 

Sungyeol, for all that he crows and screeches, is quiet in his intense sincerity. “I’m going to miss this, you know,” he starts. “Miss sitting like this,” he gestures wide, arms open and wriggling towards all the members. “I’ll miss promoting under INFINITE, but I’ll miss moments like this most. I’ll miss being together as seven, more than anything else.” Sungyeol refrains from continuing. He can’t find it in himself to.

 

“I’ll miss all of you a lot,” Myungsoo mumbles. He’s looking at everything and nothing, refusing to stare anyone in the eye. But the thing with Myungsoo is that he has always had a strong gaze. So strong, so emotional, that if one knows the signs to look for, his emotions are highlighted for anyone to see. And right now, there is so much sadness in those eyes.

 

“You look like you’re going to cry. Don’t cry,” Sungjong says. He doesn’t like tears, can’t stand it when s cry.

 

“I’m not going to cry,” Myungsoo snaps. He sniffles right after. The action is so typically Myungsoo, every member finds themselves cracking a tiny smile afterwards. “I feel like my family is breaking up,” he sighs. “But I know this isn’t the end.” He’s confident of this. “Maybe it’s the end of us as INFINITE, but I know we’ll all work hard and find a way to make things work.” Myungsoo is finally looking at them. “They can take the name INFINITE from us, but that doesn’t change who we are- and our possibilities are limitless.”

 

With that being said, everyone turns to their maknae.

 

Sungjong, who bows his head to no one, doesn’t respect anyone who doesn’t deserve it. He has a special message to Sunggyu. “You are the leader of my life.” He’ll never call anyone else his leader. His stare stays on Sunggyu before it sweeps the entire room. “To the jerks I call hyungs.”

 

Woohyun interrupts with an affectionate, “Yah, respect your elders.”

 

A hint of a snarky smile could be found on Sungjong’s lips. “Thank you for the last couple years. I wore my maknae title proudly, thanks to the six hyungs I followed.” Sungjong sighs. “Thank you.” The words are simple, but weighted. “I don’t know what else to say, except thank you and I love you.” There is a look so honest, so open, on Sungjong’s face that reminds everyone that this is their baby saying these words. A forever fresh maknae who is suddenly no longer their 17 year old sunshine boy, and instead a capable and mature adult.

 

That, in itself, is hard to take.

 

Sungjong’s words end their “say something good about everyone” segment- making a sense of emptiness settle throughout the entire dorm.

 

“Wow, I never thought I’d hear those words from Lee Sungjong’s mouth.” Sungyeol makes a pathetic attempt at a joke to get rid of the tangible emptiness. Given the situation, the joke falls flat. Sunggyu finds it hard to swallow.

 

Sungyeol shifts in his seat, not surprised that his joke didn’t take;  for the first time in a long while, he sighs and leans into Woohyun. They all fall into a weird type of silence, in which everyone has something to say, but no one knows how to find the words.

 

And so, they sit there. Leaning onto each other and basking in each other’s presences like its their lifeline. For how long they sit there, no one keeps track.

 

But eventually, Sunggyu finds his voice. It’s his leader voice. “Kids, did you know,” there is an undertone of shakiness in his manner of speech. The shakiness is so strong, Sunggyu has to restart. “Did you know that in the span of two years, soldiers feel that they can take on anything and everything for their their comrades? Do you know why this is?” Every member hears the crack in Sunggyu’s voice at the ending question. All seven will pretend like they didn’t. “People who endure together harsh things together make an inseverable bond with each other.” This feels like his last speech as leader. It is a terrible feeling.  “And I wish we could continue fighting alongside each other under the name INFINITE. But even if we can’t, our bond remains the same.” He is serious. So, so serious about this.

 

Sunggyu doesn’t know who starts it, but someone throws an arm around his head and suddenly he’s being hugged. Someone else joins in, until eventually, there’s a mass of limbs and emotions and everyone may or may not be holding onto this as tight as they can. Just maybe.

 

Fittingly, they end with a group hug. Sunggyu doesn’t even mind when someone- probably Sungyeol- pushes the hug to the ground and forms a dog pile with Sunggyu on bottom. Dongwoo ends up right on top of him, laughing in his ear. It’s a pleasant sound. Myungsoo and Sungyeol find themselves smack dab in the middle, all flailing limbs and unshed tears.

 

Sunggyu can’t really breathe, but that’s okay. Howon is pushing Sungyeol down, half on him, but half not, yet still causing him to screech. Someone has accidentally kicked Myungsoo, if that yelp is any indication. Dongwoo is still laughing. Woohyun tries to balance himself amongst all the members whilst balancing the maknae on his back. And Sungjong- Sungjong finds himself sitting on top, grinning in a way that screams both endurance and sunshine.

 

Sungyeol has about thirty more seconds until he’ll give up on this dog pile in favor of squabbling with whoever is making his back ache in a terrible way, which will ruin their dog pile. Half of them will topple over and both Sungjong and Howon are in that half so someone will pay. Sunggyu still can’t really breathe. Maybe he really is getting old.

 

But it’s a happy type of breathlessness, a shared moment that writes ‘forever and a day’ deep into their hearts.

 

This moment says so much. About them, who they are, and who they will continue to be to each other.

 

For years, their world consisted of seven people against everyone and everything else. They made their own mark. They’ve created friendships, conquered the world in their own right.

 

Nothing and no one can take that away from them.

 

-

 

Like this, INFINITE comes to an end.

 

But the people that they are do not.

 

Their bond is beyond INFINITE.

 

-end.

 

A/N: The most OT7 that I have ever OT7-ed.