I’m running. I just keep running. I don’t know where I’m headed to. Surrounded by grass and wildflowers, I continued to run like I’ve never had before. Far ahead, I can see city lights so I run faster. As if someone was chasing me, I didn’t dare look behind me. The wind blowing through my long hair, I closed my eyes. I couldn’t catch my breath but I didn’t stop running. My legs started to get weak and I couldn’t help but fall. The pain was nothing compared to the one my heart was feeling. I couldn’t remember how I ended up in the middle of nowhere but I didn’t want to go back where I came from. I could see the sunset in the distance. It was beautiful, much like his smile. I hate myself for thinking about him but I can’t help it. Even though I’m physically running away from him, he’s always on my mind.

I felt my phone ring in my pocket. I didn’t want to pick up because I knew it was him. I stood up and walked toward the road. It was getting dark, I shouldn’t have ran off. The road was closer than I thought and I quickly got a taxi. My head resting against the car window, my thoughts were filled with him. The way he looked at her, how he talked, and the smile that showed his dimples. His laugh. It was different. Different from what I know. It’s my fault to have fallen in love with him. How did this kind of love happen? I tried to stop it before it got out of control but what can I do? The more I wait for my feelings to quiet down it only gets bigger and bigger. Every time he’s near me, my heart start to pound and every time he’s not with me, my heart long for him. I can’t get out of this. Only being friends hurt but not being a part of his life hurt even more. A buzz came from my jeans, it’s her. A simple text asking why I left early. She probably doesn’t know how much I envy her at this moment. I can’t bring myself to hate her because I know it’s not her fault. I should have seen it coming. How did I not notice that the two of them began a relationship? Who am I kidding, I did notice it but I chose to ignore it. I’m so stupid. I replied that I wasn’t feeling good and hoped for no more texts and calls from them.

I got out of the taxi and went to our dorm. How am I going to ignore them, I live with Suji for god sake. They’ll more likely hang out here while I’m in my room… How depressing is that? To clear my mind I took a shower but it did not help me at all. All I could think of is the picture of them kissing. My two best friends together. I can’t believe it. I finally got on my bed but I couldn’t fall asleep. The events that occurred earlier on still fresh in my mind. Us three, having fun at the amusement part. Me, feeling lonely as the day passed and they grew closer. Myungsoo, having his entire attention on Suji. Me leaving to get cotton candy only to return seeing them in their intimate moment. And that’s when I ran off. Clearly, I was in the way in their romantic date. I shouldn’t have come. It would have been easier for me to ignore them without knowing anything. I have no intention to stop them though. I love both of them too much. I won’t risk losing my best friends even if I have to hurt alone. I have to turn away from this hopeless love.