Felt depressed as hell?
Like your mind's already telling you you have no use in this world?
No one cares?
Tried killing yourself?

Yes, I actually did that.

Everyone knows me as the girl who just smiles and laughs like nothing's wrong. Heck, they even compared me to Joy from Inside Out.
I have friends, a lot of them, some from school and mostly kpop fans, but no one knows a thing about me.
Where I live, what I do, my problems, what's on with my life... nothing.
They never seen me cry, I always cheerful.
No one knows that I've been suffering from stress and depression for years.
That most of the time, I feel like ending my life.

Which led me to being hospitalized for a year or so.
I tried killing myself two times in a row.
A week before I had no intentions on going home. I was in a party with my friends, having fun. Being the 'optimist', I listen to their problems and cheer them up as much as I can. I give them advice and I feel happy just by hearing them thank me. They never ask me what's wrong since I never show any emotions other than being happy. I tried stalling that time so I was able to stay for at least three days, but then I had to go home.
I wasn't planning on going home but this guy friend of mine insisted on bringing me home because it's already dark outside.

I was actually planning on just walking around and go to where my feet takes me.
I was planning on getting myself killed on the road.

Plan failed.

A week after that, I tried something new, I saw pills, lots of them.
Took everything in one go, went to my room and lay on my bed.
I seriously thought I was going to die that time because of the bad feeling.
I'm having chest pains, I'm sweating cold and my eyes are blurry.
I out.

Woke up in a hospital... turns out our maid saw me when she was about to ask me what I want for dinner.

Plan failed again.

My parents found out what  I did and got the worst scolding of my life.
I was sent to a psychiatrist.
I cried there but still my parents didn't know what happened. What led me to do those things.

I was asked by the doctor to replace the suicide attempts by something else.
It was hard, really. But now whenever I'm depressed, I walk in front of the mirror, take some hair dye and starts dyeing my hair.
My friends doesn't know up until now I tried killing myself.
One of them even told me "You know what? You're the only one who I think has no problems at all."
I just laughed in return.

I still have these thoughts about being useless, and thought about killing myself again. It never fade.
I think it was just buried.

So when BTS' I Need U came out, I literally cried in front of my laptop.
Not because of my biases doing all sorts of suicidal acts, but because I can relate a lot.
That's the very first time I cried on an MV because I can relate.
ALL HAIL BANGTAN SONYEONDAN.
I'm not advertising BTS (or am I) but seriously speaking, the MV speaks out a lot.
While the members tries to kill themselves, there's Jungkook trying to take everyone back to reality.
That life is precious and there's no second chance once you end your life.
That you're not alone, there's always someone who's willing to help, you just have to open up.

Unlike me...