The fact is my family went upside down. It changed like three hundred and sixty degree compared to what we were. I felt like I live in two different world within the same space. It’s confusing and it was rough—really rough.

It came down slowly, and it crumbled to the ground so quickly that we didn’t even have a chance to fix things. So we didn’t fix anything. We let the walls stood like it was, apart and broken; the roof stood on the ground. Everything was a mess but nobody wanted to fix.

We wanted a new house.

So we tried to find one, separately.

By the time I reached home, the house looked completely empty and sad. Lights were off, no cars, and the feelings around it made everyone who passed by went sad or eerie. I found the keys right under the carpet, picked it up and opened the door to no one.

Everything looked organized like no one ever used it in years.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I dislike my house for years ago.  I felt like in a little box, alone and depressed. It didn’t feel good. Plus, it might have a few ghosts who has accompanied me living for most of the day. I, sometimes, knew where they are.

Throwing my bag pointlessly, I opened my phone. Just looking for some updates on… anything. That was when my phone screen changed to Hana’s picture with a green button to answer her call.

“Yup.” I greeted.

“Hey,” She sounded slow and quiet. “You okay?”

“No,” I confessed, biting my lips at the picture of Sehun. “It’s kinda terrible, I guess.”

“Yeah,” She scoffed. “You fell on him.”

“I do not, Hana.” I emphasized each word in embarrassment. I mean, why should I fall. It was such a bad move. “I almost fell and not on him.”

“Wait. Let me ask you a question: chicken and beer?”

“Okay! I’ll be waiting.” I smiled widely.

“, I’m getting you to my place. But I think that won’t do,” She sighed. “Just wait for me.”

I laughed silently before I could end the call. My heart became lighter and a quarter of my pain just flew, knowing that I still had Hana to lean. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope we don’t crumble like everyone around me.

An hour after I received the call, I heard the bell rang impatiently. It was like two bells on one second—seriously irritating but without it, I didn’t know if it was Hana who was coming. I ran to my door, opened it and snatched the white plastic bags filled with fried chicken.

Hana looked annoyed but she ran with me too, trying to catch the fried chicken first.

“I want the large one.” She claimed.

“Oh no, my house my rules.”

“Wah,” She pulled my hair jokingly. “You are ungrateful.”

“I thought you knew.” I took the box of fried chicken to the couch with beer on my right hand.

Hana followed me with the rest of the boxes and beers. She literally bought seven boxes and about fifteen cans of beer. It was so many, but then again, she did eat a lot. Like she could eat five portions of it alone.

“Wow, you eat well,” She showed a smile when I started to eat the fried chicken. I replied it with a kiss in the air. She cringed and laughed in the end. “Do you want another box?”

“Sure. It won’t hurt.”

“Alright!” She pumped her fist in the air. “We will not have any leftovers today. That’s our goal.”

“Call!”

We were eating so peacefully and the surrounding suddenly didn’t feel that bad and sad. It has lessened a bit, but it was enough for me to know that I could finally end my day happily with fried chicken and beer.

“Oh,” I remembered something. “What about Mari?”

Hana stopped eating and looked at me incredulously, “Really?”

“Yeah,” I took a big bite on my chicken before gulping it with a beer. “I’m curious.”

“No. I’m not going to tell you.”

“Why?” I sulked.

“It hurt you.”

“It wouldn’t as big as it was.”

“Okay,” Hana paused. “They went.”

“Ah,” I sneered. “That ers.”

“Yeah, that ers.”

“That totally was a date. His aunts rarely visit him. They live far away.”

“I know that,” She said, waving her fried chicken. “From the first time he opened that mouth. I knew it.”

I really wanted to break the fried chicken’s bone. Really. I badly want to. My hands were itching to break something. It has this tingling feeling on my palms and it somehow can’t make me stop myself from breaking the bone.

“Oh ,” She didn’t look that surprised as I had thought. “That’s some reaction.”

I just ate quietly.

“But,” She said again, slowly. “Should we just tell Mari about you and Sehun. I mean like, it’s just like… we are beating behind the bush. I don’t feel quite right for this.”

“We are beating behind the bush, Hana. Sehun doesn’t want his image to be ruined—or if ever someone knows about it, it would be me who suffer. Not him.”

“But she’s our friend.”

“No, Hana,” I pleaded. “It’s not the right time.”

“Fine.”

The next day was a tough one. I had an important exam to carry at the last hour of school. It was one of the subjects that I need to do well in order to get into my university’s major: architecture. I wanted to make someone’s home—a shelter that could give him or her comfort to always comes back, because I was unable to do that for the rest of my life.

I’ve text-ed Hana and Mari that I couldn’t be with them for a day because I had to spend the entire day studying at the library. They didn’t complain because they knew how important it was for me. So here I am, with a big cup of coffee that I made at home and scattered books with lots of numbers and functions.

I had my hair into a high messy bun because I was too busy to make a really neat bun just to study in a library, which had ninety percent of non-hot boys. Library was made to study, not to love.

My mechanic pen has broken repeatedly because I was too harsh to write. Of course, nobody was happy when they had to calculate s that didn’t make sense to their life and had to waste for about eighty five percent of their brain on calculations and functions. It will not bring flowers and good, cute things.

“Hey,” A voice came up near me.

I looked up and almost fell on the floor when I saw who was standing there. Obviously, Sehun (again). He had nothing special to wear today, just like a normal student, but the broad shoulders and tall figure wasn’t deniable. He was particularly different from the others. When you look at him, you know how it is.

He had this obnoxious charisma but at the same time, you know that he wasn’t that boy who had ed girls up just for pleasure. He only had three girlfriends throughout her life.

1. It was the girl who everyone sees as the kind and innocent girl. She was actually very cute and the way she talked was unique. It was undeniable that she was cute. Boys had crush on her because her cuteness but Sehun was the one who got her. They started dating a few weeks after we became a complete stranger. It was harsh, but I was too young to confront him.
2.  It was the girl who everyone sees as a . Sure, she’s a total . But not entirely to Sehun because she adored him very much. She actually cared for him more than Sehun ever cared. It was scary to see a girl who everyone hated because she had no filter in and did whatever she wanted to other girls became the girl who cared most.
3. I didn’t get to observe her well because I had my own matters at hand. I had a lot in my plate. But as far as I know, she was a very nice girl and she dated for a long time.

I looked around, trying to find someone who had connection with him so I could think that he didn’t greet me. And I gave up because there were only seven nerds in the library including me.

I pointed my index finger to my face, “Me?”

“You,” He laughed nervously. “Ahn Jisoo.”

I quickly picked up my bag that have been sitting on the opposite seat and made it clear for him to sit in front of me. I even packed up some of my books for him to sit and feel comfort.

“You actually talked to me,” I’m getting dizzy.

“I did.” He clarified before he sat in front of me.

“You are now.” Yesterday’s beers still kicked in.

“Are you drunk? You seemed so.” He took his head forward and examined me for a long time.

“On math. Yes.”

“I thought you hate Math.” He said.

“Things change for the past four years, Sehun,” I said, fiddling with my papers. “Try to keep up.”

He went quiet.

And I felt like I have won something big. I was proud and satisfied.

Sehun clasped his hands and rubbed it like he was nervous. He his lips and yet was another hint of nervousness. “Jisoo, Mari—“

“Ah,” I cut him. “You had a date with her.”

“Yeah... Anyway, she’s a good person. I could tell from the first I met her. I mean you know… she’s cute and fun person. I want to personally know her more about her because I’m intrigued,” I had this stern face. I knew where he would go. I knew. It was written all over his words and his behavior. I knew it already. “So. What I’m going to tell you: can I get closer to Mari?”

My entire body felt like dripping. Everything was just weak. But what overhead everything was how I was feeling: anger, anger, anger. All I felt was burning all over my brain up to my chest. My lungs felt like it has shrunk. Everything felt differently bad. I even didn’t have any mood to calculate s anymore.

“You,” I pushed aside my books. “Did you just…”

His eyes were moving fast in panic. His body was no longer relaxed, it was tense and his broad shoulders were on a straight line. You could just see how alarmed he was in front of me. It was so evident.

“Did you just ask for my blessing?” I scoffed loudly.

He stayed quiet.

“Oh Sehun, let me get this clear—straight up,” I leaned forward. “What you did to me four years ago, Sehun, is beyond everything bad.”

“Jisoo,” He searched for my eyes, the eyes of a thirteen years old girl. “It’s a past.”

“Sehun. Don’t you actually know what past actually is?”

He didn’t seem to have an answer.

“Past is an event in the old time where the people who are associated agree to finish the event and makes it belong to the former time,” I said. “But look at us. Do we even talk this out? Even just for a second?

Do I even have a chance to talk?” I had my tears at the edge of my eyelids.

“Do I even have a chance to say sorry that I have confessed to you? That I had made you uncomfortable by the confession, that we still could be friends—I don’t mind. But when I went to your house, every time your mom told me that you were asleep. And when I tried to apologize, you ignored me like I was an air. It was so bad—cruel.

And now, you want my blessing?” I my lips and smiled in resentment.

I grabbed my books fast, putting them between my arms and chest. “You should probably work first on getting this on the past before asking for my blessing.”

Then I rushed out the library.

I don’t know. I felt so bad that I probably will start to throw up.