Every day I dreaded coming to school. It’s not that I hated learning; it’s just that I hated the place and quite frankly the people. I was always more of a loner. I never talked to many people and preferred to be by myself. There was one spot I really liked in the school. There was a small pond right at the back of the school and not many people ever went there. Every lunch break I would take a stroll there and quietly eat while judging everyone else from afar.

Today wasn’t an exception in my routine. I had left my house, put my earphones in my ears and started the long, terrible walk to school. Except today, when I got to class, my teacher announced that we had a new student in class today. Great another person to avoid. “We have a new student in class today, his name is Wen Junhui and he is from China, everyone please look after him well and help him around.” That’s when I saw my teacher looking at the spot next to me. Don’t you dare put the new by next to me! Now I was lucky that there was an empty space next to me because I didn’t have to sit next to anyone and actually force myself to try and keep a conversation. “Jun, why don’t you go take a seat next Wonwoo over there,” my teacher announced ecstatically. Just great! If she had moved another classmate next to me it would have slightly better because they wouldn’t even have tried to talk to me, but she just had to move a new boy next to me. Now I have to speak to him and answer all his questions about the school. This week is definitely off to a great start.

“Hi, I’m Jeon Wonwoo,” I greeted with a smile, so that this whole situation wouldn’t be awkward. “Well it’s nice to meet you Wonwoo,” he answered all bubbly and cheerful. Great! I got a cheerful, happy desk mate. What did I do to deserve this?

The rest of the lessons went by quickly and without many questions from my new desk mate. He didn’t seem to be too lost and only turned to ask me what a few words meant. He wasn’t that much a disturbance and didn’t talk too much, despite his clearly cheerful personality. I guess he won’t be that much of a pain after all.

Once it was time for lunch, I strolled over to the pond. It was a beautiful day. Not too hot but not too cold either, just the right temperature. I sat down and started eating my lunch. It really was a nice day to be out. After I finished eating, I closed my eyes and just breathed in the fresh air.

“It really is a nice day to be out,” said a voice from behind me. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I jumped like 50 metres into the air and turned around to see who was probably going to murder me soon.  Upon turning around and seeing that it was the new boy, I calmed down a bit. “Gosh, you scared me to death! You can’t just sneak up on a person and almost kill them” I half-shouted in frustration. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” said the brown haired boy through giggles. “Ya! What are you laughing at?” “You jumped so high,” came the strangled words through muffled laughs.

“How did you even find this place,” I asked curiously. “I followed you here because I saw you walking all alone.” “Do you mind if I join you?”

Oh gosh. Now he wants to join me. At my special place! I guess it can’t be that bad. He doesn’t seem like all the other stuck up, pretzel sticks at my school.

“Yeah sure” I responded trying to think of a few things to say already.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It has been three week since Jun came to our school and now I have a new routine. I don’t dread coming to school as much as I did before and I certainly don’t hate everyone at the school.

Every lunch period since Jun came we have sat together at the pond talking about whatever came to mind and combining our lunch to make a mini picnic. To say I found a friend in Jun would be just the right words.

*****

“Hey, do you wanna come over to my place after school tomorrow?” asked Jun. I immediately spat out some of the cola I was drinking and half choked on it. “Gosh! Is it such a bad thought to come to my house, that you choked?” questioned Jun while laughing at me trying to recover from the horrible situation I made. I had never been invited to a friend’s house. Mainly because I never had any friends, but this was still a new experience for me. “Ye…yes,” I answered hesitantly. “Awesome”

The next morning I sat in front of my cupboard for a good 20 minutes deciding what clothes to pack, to change into later after school. I had no idea what Jun’s parents were like. I didn’t want to make a bad first impression and then have his parents not like me and tell him never to hang out with me ever again. This was one of my first friends and I would actually like to keep him. I laughed at what I had just thought. I sound like a distressed girlfriend about to meet her boyfriend’s parents for the first time. I ended up just taking a simple; jeans and t-shirt.

The day went by quickly and I was slightly nervous by the last lesson. Calm down Wonwoo! You are just going to hang out at a friend’s house. People do this all the time and they don’t die. I tried to talk to myself and calm down. It helped a little, but was completely useless when the teacher announced that the lesson was over. I was definitely nervous and slightly scared.

“Hey let’s go!” announced a jumpy Jun. Can’t I just say that something came up? Like the raging storm in my stomach.  NO! Pull yourself together Wonwoo. Gosh stop acting like a little kid. “Yeah let’s go….” I said hesitantly, while forcing my legs to move in the same direction as Jun.

Turns out he didn’t live too far from the school. Our talk on the way to his house definitely calmed me down, but that didn’t last long. Once we arrived at his house, my stomach started turning, like a swarm of bees had been set free inside me. I followed Jun inside the house and took off my shoes. I stood at the door as Jun announced to his mother that he was here with his friend. I heard footsteps coming towards us and the bees in my stomach turned into a rampant tornado. “Hi son,” she said while hugging Jun. That’s when she turned to me; that is also when the tornado in my stomach turned into an explosion. “And you must be Wonwoo,” said his mother in Korean while still having a cute Chinese accent just like Jun. I nodded and greeted her while bowing. “Well you boys enjoy yourselves, I prepared some snacks and you can get them from the kitchen when you’re hungry,” she said with a smile. I immediately thanked her and bowed again. She smiled and turned around to walk back to where she came from earlier. “Let’s go upstairs to my room,” Jun announced and grabbed my arm and dragged me upstairs.

“You can use the bathroom to change,” said Jun once we were inside his room. I smiled and walked towards the bathroom to change into the clothes that I had brought with.

“So what do we do,” Jun asked once I got back into the room. He had changed too. “Well, do you have games?” I asked trying to think of something to do so that this doesn’t become awkward and uncomfortable. “Yeah, wanna play?” “Sure”

We ended up playing many different games for two hours and just laughing and having a really good time. Towards the end we started getting a bit hungry and Jun went down to the kitchen to fetch the food that his mother prepared. I helped him spread the food out on the floor and we sat around the food and started eating. “I didn’t know you were so good at playing games” I said once we had finished the food. “I have lots of games and time so I guess that’s how I got good,” replied Jun looking down shyly. “Can I ask you a question?” asked Jun. “Yeah, go ahead”

“Do you have many friends?” was the question that was finally asked. I was caught off guard a bit but still managed to answer fairly quickly. “I haven’t actually had a friend in a long time. Well before you obviously” “Oh, me neither” was the only response I got. We sat in a silence for a bit before I decided to ask another question. “Have you ever had a girlfriend?” “Yeah, I had one but we broke up some time ago. How about you?” I was a bit hesitant to answer this question but I decided to just go ahead and answer it anyway. “No, I have never had a girlfriend before” A look of shock formed on Jun’s face then a smile slowly followed. “Aww someone’s never had a girlfriend before……… aaww so cute” mocked Jun. He started making kissy sounds and sad noises. “When will I ever get a girlfriend?” said Jun in a longing voice, still mocking me. I laughed and playfully hit him on the shoulder. “Ya, stop it before I murder you.” “I dare you to,” he replied quickly after.

With that we started play wrestling on the floor. We rolled around the floor and fake hit each other. Both of us continued to try and pin the other on the floor so that we could find a victor. It took a great struggle but I managed to pin Jun on the floor and sat on him so that he couldn’t wiggle or worm his way out. I then fake punched him in the face a few times and announced my victory. Jun looked up at me fist pounding in the air and started laughing. I looked down at him laughing. His eyes sparkle when he laughs. His laugh is like fireworks on the beach and his smile is like the light the fireworks give off. His face when he laughs is like sitting in paradise and looking at the beautiful sky, while listening to the breath-taking sound of the waterfall.  Wait, why did I just think that? NO! STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE THINKING WONWOO!

I quickly pulled myself out of my thoughts when Jun tapped my leg and said that I was making it very difficult to breath.  I slowly got off of him and sat down on the edge of his bed. I don’t why I just thought of that. Why would I think of that? “So what do you want to do now that you won?” asked Jun, as he joined me on the bed. I turned to face Jun. His face really is crafted to perfection. It is as if there is nothing wrong. His smile just makes his face even more perfect. It’s like I’m getting sucked into some type of utopia. I don’t think that the bliss I feel looking at his face right now could ever be matched. His sparkling eyes and flowy hair just accentuate his face make it harder for me to look away. His bubbly personality that has brightened up my day since I met him, makes it harder for me to believe that he isn’t some angel from above.

Without thinking I cupped his face in my hands and started closing the space between us. While looking deeply into his beautiful eyes, I closed mine and the space between our lips. I kissed him with a new found passion. It didn’t last too long, but it was enough to send me into a bliss that made me want to scream at the top of my lungs and throw up rainbows. That too didn’t last long. As I pulled back I realised what I had actually just done. Jun had a shocked look on his face, as if he couldn’t even comprehend what had just happened. I immediately stood up and took a step back. Why did I do that! I’m not even gay! I just kissed my friend! Who also happens to be a boy! My thoughts got cut off my Jun mumbling something. “What did you say?” I asked hesitantly not actually wanting to know the answer. “Go. Leave now. Go. GET OUT!” said Jun, his voice getting louder with each instruction. Each word was like an arrow to the chest. I struggled to pull myself together, but I grabbed my bag and my feet carried my body to the door. I put on my shoes as quickly as I could and sprinted out the door. I didn’t stop running until I was back inside my own room.

I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Nothing going on in my head and I just followed the light coming through the window until it finally disappeared. I slowly turned my body and just went to sleep, too tired to do anything else.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was like I had fallen back into my old routine. For the first time in weeks, I dreaded going to school. I didn’t want to go to school only to be hit with the reality that I had alienated my only friend. That I had pushed him away and I would have to go back to my old lifestyle of avoiding everyone and talking to myself. I grabbed my backpack and started the longest walk to school in my life.

Once I reached the gates I was ready to just turn around and disappear to somewhere new; where nobody knew me, but I had to go in. I hid in the bathroom until it was time for class. I dragged my feet to class. I didn’t want to go there because I knew that he would be there and I wouldn’t be able to hide from reality anymore. I had to go and face him. I had to go accept whatever fate awaited me.

I walked into class and immediately looked at my desk. He was already sitting there. My heart stopped. He didn’t look nearly as happy as he always does. I walked towards the desk slowly, but it was as if time was ten times slower. I could hear my heart beat getting faster with each step I took. I finally reached the desk. I sat down next to him and put my bag on the floor. When I turned to face the front, my arm slightly brushed against his. He flinched and moved further to the edge of the desk. I knew right then that I had lost my friend. He clearly didn’t want to be close to me. He definitely didn’t want to speak to me or look at me. I abandoned all thoughts of greeting him and just focused hard on not wanting to cry.

During lunch I hurried to the pond because I didn’t want anyone to see me. I knew there was no way that he would go back there, so I wouldn’t have to avoid him there. Once I got there I just stared at the sky. I stared until I couldn’t see anymore, only realising then that I was crying. I let all my tears fall. How could I have been that stupid? Obviously he didn’t like me in that way. I’m not even sure if I like him in that way. I don’t know why I did it. It just happened and I didn’t even think about it. I never thought about him like that before yesterday. I don’t know what overcame me. Do I even like him like that?

When lunch was over I went to the bathroom and stayed there for the rest of the day. Once school was over I came out and went straight home. I went to my room and laid on my bed again. Do I even like him like that? This question has been going through my brain since lunch. He really is something else. Kissing him made me the happiest I have ever been. It made me want to shout from the rooftop and explode into a rainbow. I don’t know what it is about him. I don’t know when I started feeling this way, but one thing is for sure. I like Wen Junhui.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It has been two weeks since that day. I have fallen back into my old routine. I dread going to school every day. I have to drag myself to school and hide in the bathroom until class starts. I then have to drag my feet to class once its time. Getting into class and seeing him sitting there is always the hardest part of the day, because reality always hits me and I realise that I’m really not friends with him anymore. At this point I would mind him just saying a few words to me a day as long as I could speak to him, but we haven’t spoken since that day. I sit quietly and make sure to keep a space between us because I don’t want to see him pulling away from me again. One thing that I now know, is that I really like him.

Lunch period comes and I make my way to the pond. I take out my lunch and eat what I can manage to eat. This pond has become a very sad place. It’s not as beautiful as it used to be. The weather today is just right and I can sit back and enjoy it. I decide to put my jacket on the ground so that I can put my head on it and lay down. I lay down on the ground and close my eyes. You are going to have to get used to this Wonwoo. You are going to have to let go sooner or later.

My thoughts got cut short as the sun suddenly disappeared. I opened my eyes only to see him standing above me. I scrambled to my feet and took a step back. “At least I didn’t scare you to death this time,” he said with a slight smile on his face. I never thought we would speak again, never mind him being the one to start the conversation. “How are you?” I asked not wanting to scare him off. “Good, just a bit hungry because I only have my lunch and I can’t have a mini picnic every day,” he responded actually laughing this time. That smile. I’ve missed it. I looked down at the ground. I had no idea how to respond. “Look, I know I haven’t spoken to you and that I have been really distant but can you look at me and listen to what I have to say,” he sounded so sad as he pleaded with me. I looked up and saw that he had tears in his eyes. I immediately moved my hand to wipe his tears. The minute I touched his face I felt a bit more at peace. He look up at me as I started to wipe his tears away. He took my hand and moved it away from his face. I felt my heart sink and I felt as if a part of me had just died. He lowered my hand but never let go of it. “I don’t know why but I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I keep thinking of you. I keep thinking of what happened. I keep thinking of how in that moment I was actually happy and enjoyed it. I keep thinking of how every day you look like you’re in pain and want to start crying. I keep thinking of how you are on the weekends. I keep thinking if you’re okay, if your healthy and eating properly. I keep thinking about all the fun times we had together. I keep thinking of our lunch periods and our mini picnics. I keep thinking about you and I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I keep thinking about how I might actually want to kiss you again. I keep thinking about how you held my face as if I were a fragile porcelain doll and the way you passionately kissed me. I keep thinking about how I might actually like you as more than a friend.”

By the end of his speech there were more tears rolling down his cheeks. I moved my hands to wipe his tears away. I slowly took my thumbs and wiped his tears away. Once there were no more tears on cheeks, I decided to speak. “Look at me,” I said to him softly. When he looked up and our eyes met, I knew that I would not let go of him anytime soon. I slowly closed the space between us and pressed our lips together. It was as if fireworks were going off around as. I held his face with a light touch and he held me tightly around the waist. This kiss lasted longer than the first one and had more passion. We had to break the kiss because we were both running out of breath.

“So does this mean we are boyfriends now?” asked Jun looking at me. I didn’t exactly know the answer and I was a bit confused as to what we were. “I’m confused as to what we are going to be and I’m scared about what is going to happen, but I really like you and I really want to be with you,” said Jun as he took hold of my hand.

He had come into my life from nowhere and had completely changed everything. He had changed me. “I don’t know exactly what we are, and I can’t say for sure that you shouldn’t be scared, but trust me when I say that I really, really like you and I’m never going to let go of you.” 

This is my first time writing anything. Comments would be highly appreciated.