Hanbin sighed splashing a little water on his face. When it wouldn’t be for Jiyong he would have never come here. He leaned over the sink staring at his face in the mirror. He looked tired. And he was. So dead tired. But Jiyong asked him whether he would come to his party and hell he wouldn’t say no when his senior asked him himself. And now he was here in this club with all the other YG artists and staff. And he couldn’t stand it. He wasn’t in the mood for partying lately. How often did Bobby ask him the past month and all he heard was no. But he couldn’t say no to Jiyong. He took his phone out of his pocket. Only 12AM. How was that possible? He was here only for an hour and he already had more than enough. He sighed one more time as if it could make it better, dried his hands and left the bathroom.

Immediately he was hit by the loud music. A mix of Hip Hop and RnB. Normally he would love this music. That was exactly what he was normally partying to but not today. He went through the people searching for someone to chat with so maybe the night would be gone sooner. He saw Donghyuk at the bar chatting with the girl he had an eye on for several weeks. Hanbin smiled. Go for it, he cheered him on. Donghyuk was only talking about that girl since she entered YG for the first time, so he was happy he finally got his chance. He watched Donghyuk getting of his chair and pulling the girl with him to the dance floor. She won’t be able to get away now anymore.

Suddenly Hanbin felt an arm over his shoulder.
“Hanbinah,” Bobby slurred next to his ear. “Our leader. The best leader of all time. Are you having fun?” Bobby gave him a wet kiss onto the cheek.
“Bobby, go home, you’re drunk.” Hanbin eyed the older suspicious. How could he be drunk already? He was only slightly longer at the party than he was. But he shouldn’t be the one saying something about being drunk easily.
“Just a little bit, Hanbinah.” Bobby slurred with a big smile on his face. Suddenly his expression changed. “But Hanbin, I’m worried. Are you having fun?” Hanbin knew Bobby was worried since weeks but he couldn’t tell him. So he forced a fake smile on his face.
“Of course I’m having fun, Bobby. How could I not? This is Jiyong’s birthday party.”
“Good.” Bobby leaned in to give Hanbin a tight hug. “You are our precious leader, you have to be happy. I love you.” He petted his cheek and then drift away to talk to Daesung. Hanbin took a deep breath. Tears burning in his eyes. Blinking fast to hide them he turned around only to stand face to face to Lee Hi.
“Oh my god, Hi, you surprised me.”
“Hanbin.” She smiled at him with generous joy in her eyes and Hanbin found himself smiling back at her without noticing. “How have you been? We haven’t talked to each other in a while.”
That was exactly what Hanbin was searching for. A nice conversation for the time to move faster.
“I know, right. It’s been, what, month already since we last talked. Let’s sit down there and talk for a bit?”
“That would be nice,” Lee Hi said and smiled. Hanbin let her through the people to a bench and sat down with her.
“Shall I get you a drink”, Hanbin asked as he noticed she had nothing to drink and he was kinda thirsty too.
“Yes, please.” Lee Hi smiled.
“What do you want?” Hanbin asked the question although he knew the answer already. Lee Hi always went for cocktails.
“A peach crush, please.” As he thought. He smiled at her and made his way to the bar.

He stood at the bar waiting for the barkeeper to notice him as he suddenly felt a hand in his neck. Caressing him. Hanbin turned around to smile at Mino.
“Hyung. You made it in time!”
“Yeah, just stopped filming.” Hanbin couldn’t read Mino’s face. He didn’t seem happy. He had a line of worry on his forehead and he seemed angry. But why?
“Mino, are you alright? You seem upset.” As an answer Mino stared into Hanbin’s eyes. Never stopping to caress his neck, but it kinda became a little forced. Almost painful. His eyes seemed to stare right into his soul and they were even darker than usually. Mino sighed heavily.
“You’re getting something to drink?” Ignoring Hanbin’s question completely.
“Yeah. I’m sitting there in the corner with Hi and I get us something to drink. You could come over and sit with…” But Mino didn’t listen. He had already called the barkeeper over and asked for a beer. Then turning to Hanbin, so he could say what he wanted. After that they just stood next to each other silently. Mino had dropped his hands. And Hanbin had his hands in front of him on the counter. His hands were balled to fists, feeling the sudden need to punch Mino in the face. What the was wrong with him. He did nothing wrong. He was actually happy to see Mino here. Hanbin had thought that maybe the night could still become better since Mino was here but with this attitude his mood just dropped even lower. What was he thinking to behave like that? Just in the moment Hanbin decided to confront Mino the barkeeper came back and brought them their drinks. Mino took his beer turned to Hanbin and frowned at him.
“Have fun.” He said and then disappeared in the crowd. Hanbin was so angry he had to stop for a minute and just stare at the spot Mino just left. Turning around to take his drinks from the counter, he shot a quick glance to look whether someone was looking at him. As he checked and nobody was, he hit the bar hard. Once. Twice. And then he took a deep breath. He had to get back to Lee Hi to get his head off of this bastard. He grabbed the coke and the peach crush. His hands slightly shaking from the violence they just experienced.

Lee Hi played at her phone as Hanbin came back.
“Sorry, took a little longer.” Lee Hi looked up and smiled at Hanbin.
“No problem”, she said and took his drink from him. “Thank you. Oh dear peach crush.” With loving eyes she took the first sip of her favorite drink. Hanbin laughed at her. How happy she could become from just a drink.
“Haven’t had this for a while.” She explained after drinking the first bit. Her cheeks were slightly red after realizing that she just said that loud.
“So, Hanbin, how have you been? What is IKON doing lately?” She started the conversation. And Hanbin told her, that they were preparing for a new album lately. That it was supposed to come out in like two month and right now they were practicing every day and night and that they were writing like a billion song and already had done like fifty of their songs but they were all not fitting. After that Hi told Hanbin that she was also preparing for her first comeback what was planned to be in the end of the year but she still had to finish school first.

They were actually able to talk for an hour. Hanbin found out that time was really moving faster when he was having a good conversation. So when he looked on his watch the next time it was already slightly after 2AM. He could go home soon, he thought.

He hadn’t notice the change in Lee Hi’s attitude. She had already like three or four of those peach crushes and she wasn’t that sober anymore. Hanbin who hadn’t drunken anything else but coke the entire night wasn’t drunk at all and he seemed to be the only sober one in this club.

Suddenly Hanbin noticed that Lee Hi had cuddled next to him. A little too close for his liking. He didn’t like to be that near to people besides the ones he loved. Hi was a good friend of him but she wasn’t someone he loved.
“Are you tired?” Hanbin asked Lee Hi concerned and with a little glimpse of hope that he could maybe bring her home and then go home too.
“Not at all”, she giggled. How could Hanbin miss this change in her attitude? But he just had told Lee Hi about IKON’s last vacation and kinda had drifted back in his memories. He blamed that for not noticing.
“Hi, you’re drunk. You should go home.” Hanbin hated to be the one who took care of the ones who were drunk but he often ended up being exactly that person because he rarely drunk.
“Can you bring me home, Hanbin?” Lee Hi slurred next to his ear. Hanbin rose an brow at his senior.
“I can call you a taxi.” Somewhere inside of him an alarm started to ring. He didn’t know what was going on, but that didn’t seem to be something good.
“I don’t want a taxi”, Lee Hi pouted. “I want you to bring me home.”
“Why should I bring you home? Our dorm is in the exact opposite direction.”
“You could stay overnight.” Lee Hi slurred and her hand suddenly laid on Hanbin’s thigh. And there it finally hit him what was going on.
“Hi, you don’t know what you’re saying.” He exclaimed in panic. Hanbin tried to move away from her but it seemed that she almost sat on Hanbin’s lap and Hanbin had no idea how he had let that happen.
“Lee Hi, get off me. Right now”, Hanbin hissed at her. He shouldn’t have come after all. Hanbin didn’t want to hurt her but for god’s sake when she won’t get off him he’ll kick her down in a second.
“Why are you so angry, Hanbin”, Lee Hi whispered next to his ear. She had leant forward so her upper body was pressed against his. “You want this, too, don’t you? Don’t pretend you don’t feel the same.” At this point she giggled again and Hanbin felt the sudden urge to purge.
“I don’t feel the same. And Hi, when you don’t get off me like right now I gonna hurt you.” He didn’t expect the next thing to happen. First Hi looked shocked and Hanbin thought he finally came through to her but then she smiled. A sleigh smile. And before Hanbin could react she had leant forward again. Her lips were on his. Hanbin was so shocked he couldn’t move. Lee Hi didn’t hold back. Her lips were hungry and her tongue forced his lips open and found a way into his mouth. Her hands were in his hair. And he just felt her everywhere. Her hands tore his hair. Her tongue was exploring his mouth. And slowly her hands left his hair and made their way under his shirt. Finally the shock left Hanbin. Tears came into his eyes. The world blurred in front of him. Angry he pushed Lee Hi off him. Her back hit the table and he knew that this was hurting her but he didn’t care. He had to get away right now. Blinded by his tears he stormed out of the club. On his way he bumped into Bobby. The older said something to him but Hanbin didn’t understand a word. He just felt numb. He felt empty. As if his soul left his body and was now floating over him, judging him from afar.

As he came out of the club he moved to the sight into the dark alleyway next to the club. He just wanted to be alone. He had to breathe. He had to get what just happened. Lee Hi had just kissed him. His first kiss. She ing stole his first kiss. Still blinded by his tears he raised a hand to his lips. His lips felt swollen. It just felt so wrong. His first kiss was supposed to be something beautiful and now it was the worst thing ever. He could not imagine ever kissing someone again. That feeling was so ed up. He dared to think that he never felt worse in his life. He actually felt the need to purge again. As to get every feeling out of his system. He leant at the wall of the club. Trying to calm down without any signs of becoming calm though. He still felt her hands all over him. It was just a kiss. He tried to tell himself. But since physical contact was such a big thing for him, it wasn’t just a kiss. He would’ve never allowed her to kiss her. Even her touching him was too much for him. So a kiss was far from okay.

“Hey.” Hanbin hadn’t noticed the other guy in that alleyway. He tried to dry his tears and looked at the guy standing in the dark.
“You look ed up. Do you want a cigarette? It would be for free for you, because you really look like you need one.” Hanbin knew right that second that this guy wasn’t just talking about a cigarette. But still he was actually thinking about saying yes to that guy. Because why not. Everything was already ed up and when that stuff would help him forget what just happened he was willing to take everything he would give him.
“No, he doesn’t want one.” A dark, husky voice said behind him. Hanbin knew immediately who was standing behind him. Out of all people what was he wanting here.
“I think that guy can talk for himself, dude.” The guy said. But Hanbin could feel that Mino was angry. He could feel it with every inch of his body.
“I said he won’t take any of your ing drugs. Now get away before I call the cops.” With that Mino had scared the guy away. He disappeared into the darkness again and Hanbin could feel a hand around his arm.
“Follow me!” Hanbin had no choice but doing so because Mino kinda pulled him away. Away from the club. Not as if Hanbin had disobeyed when Mino was talking to him in that kind of voice. He would’ve followed him to the end of world.

Mino led Hanbin to a small playground near the club.
“What were you thinking?” Mino turned around staring angrily at Hanbin. He pushed him against a wall. “Did you really wanna take those drugs from that bastard?”
“What if?” Hanbin had screamed at Mino in a sudden rush of emotions. Why was he angry at him all the time? Hanbin hadn’t done anything wrong. It was Lee Hi who had killed Hanbin on the inside a little more. Who had driving him so far that he actually wanted to say yes. “What if I had taken those drugs? Who are you to care anyways?”
Mino looked him into the eyes. Hanbin could only read anger in the older’s face. Mino grabbed him at the shoulders and shook him that his head hit the wall. Wincing Hanbin raised his hands to his head. Putting it between his head and the wall.
“Look what you make me do to you.” Mino yelled at him.
“It’s my fault now when I hurt you?” Hanbin screamed back. But it hurt. It hurt him so much. Hearing Mino saying those words was like all his fears coming true. He wasn’t good enough. Everything was his fault. He even let Mino show his bad side and Hanbin always had thought that Mino has no bad side. He was proved different now and all was his fault. “I should just leave forever then.”
Hanbin wanted to get away from the older. But he had no chance. Mino was too strong for him and he held him pressed against the wall so he could not get away.
“Let me go”, Hanbin hissed looking at Mino. But Mino’s expression had changed. The anger had gone away and left was hurt and worry. Hanbin didn’t want to see that so he closed his eyes.
“Hanbin, what are you saying?” Mino’s voice suddenly sounded broken as he pulled the younger into his arms. He held him tight as he started to sob violently in his embrace. It broke his hurt to see Hanbin like this. He normally was the strong undependable man but now he seemed more like the hurt boy left alone by his parents.

He held Hanbin until his sobs became less and stopped fully. He sat down with him on a bench still holding him close to his side. He his head carefully trying to calm him down.
“Hanbin, what the hell happened?” With puppy eyes Hanbin looked at Mino. He didn’t want to tell him but Hanbin knew the rapper wouldn’t give up until he told him anyways. So he could just tell him.
And so he did. He told Mino that he didn’t felt well the last month and that he didn’t want to come to the party today. But since Jiyong asked him he had to. Then he told him that he just wanted someone to talk to and Lee Hi seemed perfect. But he was so wrong. He told him everything but the moment he felt so offended by Mino at the bar because he was so mean.
“And she took it away. She stole it, Mino. My first kiss. And it was so terrible”, Hanbin said wiping the tears away which were running down his face again. “My first kiss should be something special. It should be reserved for someone I love. And not for her for ’s sake!”
Mino knew that Hanbin had problems letting anyone near him. He knew his problem with his physical contact. He had seen it so often, when he was with Hanbin. It never stood between them though.
“I’m such an idiot”, Mino mumbled suddenly. Hanbin looked up at him. Surprised.
“What? It’s not your fault she kissed me and that I never want to kiss ever again.”
“No. But you wanted to ask me to sit down with you and I ignored you.” Hanbin bit down on his lips. He didn’t want to say anything but he had thought that already too.
“You never know she wouldn’t have done it then, too”, Hanbin whispered.
“I wouldn’t have let her.” Mino said with a scary undertone.

“Do you know why I was such an today, Hanbin?” Hanbin shook his head. “I thought you wanted her to kiss you. I really though you liked her. I should’ve known better.”
“That’s why you behaved like an ?” Hanbin looked at Mino slightly irritated. He didn’t get it. How could he have thought that Hanbin liked Hi. He never did. Mino should’ve known that. He is not one of his stupid fans who always make things up.
“You know I read stuff online. I saw pictures.” He actually was like one of his stupid fans.
“What the hell, Mino? But I thought you know me better?”
“Yeah well I do. But I was so jealous, you wouldn’t know.” What? “I was so jealous. You weren’t supposed to like her. You always had problems touching everyone you didn’t know for a long time. Besides me. That’s why I thought I was special for you. But seeing you with Lee Hi today. I don’t know I just felt helpless. Because I thought I was nothing special. That it was all my imagination.” Mino looked everywhere but at Hanbin. And Hanbin took a deep breath. That was actually what he wanted to hear for so long but why did he had to hear that now. After what just happened.
“You’re really an idiot, Mino”, he whispered Hanbin. Mino turned his head to look at him. Several emotions shining in his eyes. Hurt. Guilt. Sorry. And love. Hanbin didn’t care what has happened earlier he had finally heart Mino’s heart. “You’re an idiot for thinking you’re not something special.” Mino’s eyes lit up slightly.
“So you’re feeling special about me?”
“You were the special someone I was saving my first kiss for.”
“Yeah, well. You said you’ll never kiss again.”
“I might think about it once more.”
Mino smiled at him and Hanbin felt finally okay again. After months of struggling. Of feeling lost. Being alone with his feelings. Being so damn unsure. Finally he knew Mino loved him too.

“And did you think about it once more?” Mino smirked.
“I think I’ll give it another try.”
“I make you forget everything else. Let’s just pretend it’s your first kiss.”

Leaning closer slowly, Mino looked him in the eyes. One hand moved to his back. Right above his hips. And it sent shivers down his back. It was like already his touch on his back sent little stars through his body. Mino slowly slit his hand below the fabric of his shirt making the moment even more intense. His other hand wandered to Hanbin’s neck. Caressing it like he loves to do. Slightly in front of his face Mino stopped. His eyes asking him for permission. Hanbin nodded slightly and then they closed their eyes. As their lips met Hanbin knew he never felt something more beautiful. Slowly moving against each other, Hanbin could feel all the love the older had for him. This kiss could say more than thousand words. And it just felt right. Shivers went down his entire back. And his body felt like it was showered in warm gold. Mino parted the kiss the moment Hanbin started to black out. But he didn’t pull away. He leant his head against the younger’s. So they could still feel the breath of the other on their lips.

“I never kissed anyone else and never gonna kiss anyone else but you”, Hanbin said, making the older groan and leaning in again. This time hungrier and more passionate.