Dear Diary

I am sorry I have not written in here for so long. Life is full of surprises, its mysterious and full of twists and turns. If someone said to me ten months ago that I would be where I am today, I would have laughed and thought it was April 1st. I didn't even imagine my life would change so much. I was just an eighteen year old student going to University. I was studying fashion and dance, it was my dream and my life.

I adored everything connected with fashion, lived and breathed it. I was and still am very lucky and blessed to have such an understanding person in my life. He supports me and my love for fashion, he encourages me to never give up and let people bring me down. We have been together since I can remember, he was my childhood best friend and school crush.

He is my childhood sweetheart and love of my life. I couldn't image anyone taking his place, no one even stands close to the perfection of him. I studied dance as I loved dance but not as much as my love for fashion. Anyway the reason I haven't written in so long is because I became a contestant on Korea's next top model. It was surprise but my boyfriend made it happen for me, he knew I adored the show. He saved up every penny he made from working in the sandwich cafe to send me off to audition for the modelling show. 

Jonghyun was my rock, you can imagine my surprise when he told me that he saved enough to send me to go and audition for the show. I cried and hugged him tightly, thanking him over and over. No words can describe how much Jonghyun means to me and how much I love him. I am not going to lie, it was tough when waiting to see if I had made the final twelve.

It was six girls and six boys, many look so stunning and I didn't think I stood a chance. It was a chilly March afternoon when I waited to find out, I wanted to get through mainly for Jonghyun because he had worked his off to send me here. Hearing my name called was surreal, I gasped in shock as I stood next to the others that had made it. I was going to give it my all, I didn't want to let anyone down.

The first two weeks flew by fairly quickly, I received fair praise from the judges although they said I could do better. I did find it hard being away from Jonghyun, I missed him dearly and missed his cuddles. I did get to call him every other night for an hour though, he would praise me, saying how proud he was and that I shouldn't give up.

His words always gave me confidence when going into a photo shoot. The first was a simple beauty black and white shot while the second was about being travellers. The third shot was posing with various items and I got bags, it was fun dressing up  and I decided to really take some risks with the shot. I got good feedback and won runner up for photo of the week that week. It felt so surreal and over whelming meeting so many of my idols and inspirations.

Meeting various designers, high profile models and photographers, I felt so giddy. It was like a dream I had always wanted, it didn't seem possible that it had become a reality. 

I didn't really get close to many other models in the house, a few girls were lovely but I mainly kept my self to my self. Week four was when things changed for me and for the better. I knew the prizes were amazing with getting signed to the top agency in Asia, winning an ad campaign with Dior and make up brand Rimmel London.

Also got £5000 cash and a weeks hoilday to Barbados plus the cover and six page spread in Vogue magazine. I nearly fainted when they mentioned Vogue. I always brought it, poor Jonghyun would look lost when I had my piles of fashion magazines out. I decided to really step up and work harder, the night before I spoke with Jonghyun and I could hear his family through the phone cheering for me.

That was more then what I needed to do better. The shoot was based in an abandoned Asylum, the room I was shooting in had a surgery table in the middle of the room. We was posing and each had an emotion to show, mine was hurt and pain. I have never really felt pain, sure my family have nothing to do with me but I still have a family.

Jonghyun's family took over the role long ago, they were always proud of me and happy of my achievements. My family wanted me to be a lawyer and marry some sweet girl but I wanted to study fashion and I was very happy with my boyfriend. I didn't cry when they said hurtful things, I expected it really. Yet Jonghyun's family were the complete opposite, always asking after me and how uni was. Jonghyun's sister Sodam always wanted to check  out my designs and she even helped me by being my model to wear my designs so I knew they were fine. 

I was scared and at first I was stiff in the shoot, it was cold and quite dark and very dirty. I thought of the one thing that made that photo possible. The judges raved over my photo and said it showed raw emotion from the heart, my body was curled up, my tear stained cheeks and puffed eyes slightly peeking over my arms at the camera. I got photo of the week that week and got the highest mark in the competition to date.

Once we got back, I phoned Jonghyun and told him the amazing news. He was crying with happiness over the phone for me, I even got to send him the photograph through email. He asked the same question the judges did, the asked what I was thinking during the shoot to show such emotion. I told Jonghyun that I imagined my life without him and what I feel if he left me, I ended up having Jonghyun cry, tell me how me loved me and would never leave me for 45 minutes.

I knew he wouldn't, it was just to get me through that shoot. I found it even nicer when I was browsing through my phone on the way to another task, on Instagram and twitter. Jonghyun and his life long friends Onew, Minho and Taemin were all supporting me and cheering me one. Posting my photos and praising me made me slightly tear up. Fifth week was a lot tougher with facing the catwalk and tension's rising in the house.

The photo shoot was shot on a racing track and we had to show and model the clothing and include the background. It was by far the worst week of my life, I struggled with the shoot and didn't do as well in the task. With everyone arguing and fighting, it affected me and I ended up in the bottom two. I cried so much as the judges spoke about mine and the other person's photo, I could only picture Jonghyun being disappointed in me.

In the end, the judges decided to give me another chance and sent me through for another week. I felt like my confidence had been knocked and felt awful, that night I spend half the night speaking with my Jonghyun.

I felt bad as I knew he had work but he didn't seem to mind, his words made me feel so much better after a while. Hearing him say that I would never disappoint him made me smile and giggle. I went into week six with a clear mind and my confidence stronger, I felt more determined to do better. The shoot was a fun, summer vibe with water fights, barbecues and drinks.

We had to show of the summer clothing while having fun with what set we had. I had to show off shorts and a vest top while working with another male model having a water fight. It was so much better then last week, I couldn't stop smiling, laughing and having fun. The photographer seemed to praise me lot's for that. I even won the task that week, I was the best on the night of the catwalk show and got to take home some of the designers clothing which was amazing.

I got runner up photo again that week and judges praised me for coming back fighting and delivering a perfect photo. It was the brands favourite photo as well and was going to be published in Cosmopolitan magazine which was a huge shock. Week and seven and eight were tough as there wasn't many of us left, week seven saw two models leave and week eight saw another leave.

There was only four of us left now and WOW I had made the top four. I had gotten photo of the week again for week eight and got third best for week seven. Jonghyun was over the moon for me when I told him I was in the top four and we were jetting off to London for the week which was even more amazing. Jonghyun whined saying he would miss me even more but I did promise him I would call him once I had landed safely. I can't have my puppy worrying to much over me. 

Arriving in London after a long flight, I was tired but I felt beyond excited. I had always wanted to visit London and now I was there. The shoot for the week was to embrace the British fashion style and really shine through the streets of London. It was my favourite shoot to date and felt like I done even better then I had before. I felt like I was in my element, passers by watched me but it only encouraged me to do better.  

Despite the time difference, Jonghyun still made time for me so I could call him even if it was 4 in the morning back home in Korea. Reaching the top three was over whelming, me Kim Kibum, a typical fashion student was top three on  Korea's next top model. The week in London went so quickly but I didn't forget to buy Jonghyun and his family little gifts before leaving.

The three of us was going to fight it out for the title of Korea's next to model, it was me and two girls and I felt a little scared because they had both been strong through out the show. It was such a hectic week, rushed of my feet. I shot my potential cover for Vogue magazine which was amazing and even shot an advert for a new drinks brand. I thought I would mess up my lines or say it wrong but I got positive feed back after two takes. I didn't get to speak with Jonghyun much during the week which sort of made me feel down a little. 

He was my biggest source of support and I missed him. The final night feels like a blur to me now, I remember giving it my all walking down the run way, the judges cheering for me. Walking out to applause afterwards, I noticed some of Jonghyun's family in the audience which made my heart flutter. Before they crowned one of us the  winner, they took a look at our final shoot which was our Vouge covers.

When mine showed on the big screens, the audience gasped then cheered which made me happy. I was very proud of how far I had come and my cover looked stunning if I do say so my self. Hearing the judges utterly speechless to start with was worrying but they just exploded with praise. My heart was beating so fast when they announced the winner, I closed my eyes, bit my bottom lip and had my hands intertwined.

I knew I wouldn't stand much of a chance against the girls , I thought getting top three was amazing for me. When they called my name, it was like time had stopped, I remember crying so much, confetti flying down. I was shocked, they had crowned me Kim Kibum the winner of Korea's next top model. The past contestants came on stage to hug me and congratulate me, it suddenly felt more real when I felt those strong arms I had missed so much hug me tightly. Jonghyun picked me and spun me around before putting me down and kissing me. 

My baby came to the show and he was there, hugging me. Dear god why is Jonghyun so perfect. Jonghyun's family came up and hugged me, it felt so surreal. I was going to be on the cover of Vouge magazine. When things had calmed down, my self, Jonghyun and the judges headed backstage and I was left shocked when they asked Jonghyun if he had ever modelled before.

How things turned out for us is amazing looking back, he even got signed to a modelling agency a week later. The first job he got was to be the face of Armani's new underwear campaign and he was going to shoot an ad in a weeks time for Gucci guilty fragrance for men. I was so proud of him, Jonghyun had no clue about modelling but he wanted to give it ago and now he is hot in demand by various designers because of his looks.

I am writing here from Barbados now, Jonghyun is asleep in bed. We made it in time for dinner and even went skinny dipping in the sea before coming to our hotel room and dirtying our sheets. The money my Jjong got from his first job went to buying his dream car, He looked like an overly excited and hyper puppy when he turned up in a brand new BMW in midnight blue.

We could also finally afford to buy the home of our dreams, buying a beautiful penthouse close to the sea. The view was beautiful and finally we have our own proper home. We lived in a small studio flat, making enough to get by weekly and pay the rent and now we own our very own penthouse. Out of everything that has happened to me over the months, nothing even comes close to what Jonghyun did for me just a few hours earlier.

I have got my dream career and I have the perfect family and life but none of that compares. When Jonghyun said those words, I thought he was joking with me but then he pulled out the most beautiful gold ring. He asked me to marry him, his words made me cry so much. I said yes, tears falling as he slid the ring down my finger. 

I knew he was worried in case I left him once I made it big but I would never left my Jjong. I would love him and still marry him if we had our old live still and he put some string around my finger as my engagement ring. Jonghyun's family don't know yet but I can see them throwing a big party for us when we get back home. For me, work is going so well.

I have booked a few jobs for Jill Stuart, Jean Paul Gaultier and Karl Lagerfeld. Jonghyun is also got a few more jobs over the next few months with Dior, Yves Saint Laurent and we both have a campaign with Paco Rabanne. He loved both our looks and loved the fact we were a couple. I am most excited for that shoot as me and Jonghyun get to have so much fun while working and showing off his new season range.

I still cannot wrap my head around how much my life has changed, people know who I am when I am walking down the streets. My parents tried to contact me the night after I had won but I had no desire to ever speak with them again. They had been evicted from their home as they no longer had money. Their business had crumbled and now they had come running to me for help.

I may seem selfish but I knew they was using me for money and not because they loved me or wanted to see me again. I didn't need those kind of people in my life when I have my own family now and had been there for me when my really parents were not bothered about me. It's funny how the moment something positive happens to me, the bad people crawl out from under their rock.

I won't let them ruin my happiness especially not now I have a gold ring around my finger. I was going to marry Jonghyun, I cannot believe it yet it makes me so happy and bubbly. I am going to be Mr Kim Kibum, Jonghyun's husband. We have only been in Barbados for a few hours yet it has been the time of my life. Nothing will ever beat the feeling of when Jonghyun makes love to me, hearing him say such sweet words to me.

Knowing he has only eyes for me and that his heart belongs to me makes me the happiest man alive. Making love just an hour ago, felt even more special after he had proposed down stairs over dinner before dragging me to the beach. We was only going to muck about but I ended up and in the sea within ten minutes. 

My baby has such an affect on me, even when I act annoyed and call him a complete idiot. I love him so much, I could never be angry at him after all he has done for me. I better not let him read this or he will think he can with anything with me. I do love him so much though, I didn't even know he had been saving up money to send me onto that show.

I had only mentioned it once or twice in the past about how amazing it would be to go on there. Yet he worked hard and even got over time to pay for me to audition, my love for Jonghyun just seems to grow stronger every single day. I am one very lucky man to have such a beautiful, handsome, gorgeous man in my life and love me so much. I didn't expect to get very far but now I have won the show and  my Jjong is now a model as well because of me. I know music is his biggest dream but he seems rather happy and enjoying the work as a model.

One day the world will hear his angelic voice and he will top the charts and be the biggest musical star, I promise you that so watch this space. We both ended up on top in the end though, life couldn't be any more perfect for us now. I best get back to bed now, I have to be awake in a few hours as me and Jjong are going to explore Barbados and then come back and go to the beach (I sense that my clothing won't be on for long).

Thank you for blessing me with the best job and for the greatest love a man could ever get from another. My puppy is sound asleep and snoring a softly, he is so cute and adorable. I know he will wake up soon if I am not laying next to him and his arms wrapped around my waist. I can't wake up my top model, he needs his beauty sleep he he.  I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for Jonghyun. He was the one helping me pay to get into uni and study what I loved. He helped me so much with buying stuff I needed for projects and my obsession with fashion magazines.

Jonghyun always goes all out to give me the best life possible. He treated me like a king even when money was tight and barely could afford a decent hot meal. I feel bad as I can never repay Jonghyun for all he has done for me yet his only reply is he only wants me by his side. I feel a little sad he no longer works in the sandwich cafe as my baby does make some amazing sandwiches if I do say so myself.

I cannot believe such a perfect man is all mine to love and hold. I best stop being soppy now, Jongyun will see this and tease me other wise if he snoops around the nosey puppy hehe .Good night and I love you Jonghyun even though your never read my diary. Thank you for supporting me, giving me confidence and loving me my handsome top model.

We did it baby, you promised one day we would be on top and live  the best life and you was right baby. We did it and we are on top of the world, the world is ours to conquer and take over. I love you so much, sweet dreams my adorable puppy.

A/N Hello Lovelies ^^

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