“It’s over…”
Those were the last two words I heard from my ex boyfriend as he let go of my hand on that chilly December afternoon by the university grounds. For the first time in three years, I never felt so alone in my life – I felt like there was something inside me that was extracted and I was left to nothingness. 
His back faced me and I didn’t know what to do next; I could have just run to him and hold him close, ask him to take back his words. But knowing Kim Jiwon for three years, he was a man of his word: and when he says it’s done, it’s done.
And now, it’s really over. 
There weren’t any dramatic goodbyes or me falling to my knees and wail in the middle of the pathway; only stupid attention seekers do that. But to me, my fallen heart just did all the talking… crying… hurting… and probably, breaking. 
My feet led me to nowhere until my hands reached to a horizontal chunk of wood attached to a glass door and pushed it open. Feeling the ambiance, there was no one but that couple sitting next to each other on the other side of the venue. My eyes roamed over the place and I found myself on a coffee shop. The woody kind of charm eventually convinced me to stay for a while. The smell of coffee beans invited me over the counter, and my feet led me to it.
“Good afternoon, welcome to-“
“Can I have an Americano… and one pistachio doughnut, please?” I had no time to listen to the barista’s greetings. After all, it wasn’t a good afternoon to me. Without saying another word, I went to the cashier to pay and proceeded immediately to that spot near the window with my back facing the couple going all lovey-dovey over some frappuccino.
As if I didn’t have those moments before.
Five minutes after contemplating on where I went wrong, reminiscing the times when I was acting crappy over Jiwon, a pink tray serving my Americano and that pistachio doughnut came to my sight. 
“One Americano and a pistachio doughnut for Miss Kim Sori.” That barista’s voice again. I’m just happy, he wasn’t as jolly as he greeted me when I was at the counter. 
I held the cup in my hand and there was a sticky note on it. Purple. Let it go. 
I scoffed at the note and threw it on the bin a few feet from where I was. Three points, a mental note to myself as I perfectly shot it in.
Looking back again to the horizon as I had my first sip, my thoughts brought me back to Jiwon.
Days like these, we should be in some cheap restaurant, having a cup of hot chocolate together. Maybe having some tteokbokki or something really spicy; a silly dare game with me ending up on me eating ice cream; or maybe just walk around the campus and talk about silly nothings with our hands intertwined. I remember his smile, his stance, his eyes, everything that Kim Jiwon is. 
I was being a good girlfriend, where the hell did I go wrong?
I should have asked him to reason out why he left me; it wasn’t too late yet. But there he was, walking out of the scene, as if there was nothing and no one to look back. He just kept on walking.
I would have thrown a pebble on to his head, however his hair is too thick – throwing was useless. I know that so well.
Thirty minutes, I finished my snacks and went up. And as I was about to reach for the door, someone’s arm came in the way and pushed it open for me. 
“Thanks for coming,” Ugh, barista, it’s you again. 
“Thanks. Coffee is good, by the way.” I replied without looking at him and stepped out of the coffee shop.
I don’t know if I got a reply from him – perhaps I didn’t care anymore. I just walked to where my feet led me again for my mind was not in condition to function – let alone my heart was breaking itself for me. 
Jiwon, why?
~~~~ *_*~~~~
A week later, I came to the same coffee shop again, but this time, there were more customers than the last time I came and the smell of freshly brewed coffee came to greet me as I entered. It was four in the afternoon, a lot of people came in – I could tell that some of these people are high-end executives by the look of their suits; I can even distinguish that black suede coat by Chanel with just one look.
“One Americano and one red velvet cupcake please,” I said as I went to the counter. Again, I didn’t bother listening to that barista’s greeting. I don’t know, perhaps I found it annoying ever since he greeted me a good afternoon that day my heart went into pieces. 
I walked to the cashier and paid, without even looking up. Geez, looking at young men right now seems like a plague; this is all Jiwon’s fault.
Jiwon again, dammit.
I sat at the same place as I came here last week and turned my back to the people who were on sales talk and even the stock market.
Jiwon came to the apartment yesterday and handed me this red box, “I gathered up your things for the past few days and I think it’s necessary to give this back to you.”
“You shouldn’t have bothered,” I suggest you should have burned them while you were at it.
“Well, there wasn’t much to do, so I just got a box and gathered everything,” he sighed. “You might find it useful again, though.”
Useful? How can it be useful when these stuffs would just remind me of you? How can you torture me like this? 
“I hope it’s not too much for you to bother, but I just wanna know something.” I asked, controlling the urge to let my tears fall as I felt my chest go heavy. I looked at him without having to look pitiful, but there was just too much hurt inside me; I am a human being – I am capable of feeling these things. 
“Go ahead,” he replied. “Ask me anything.”
“Where did I go wrong, Jiwonie?” There goes the first tear off my eyes. Crap. “How did this happen? Why is this even happening all of a sudden, you breaking up with me? Have I not been a good girlfriend? Was I –“ 
“No,” I heard him breathe heavily – shows that these questions are some of the things he didn’t want to hear. “Sori-yah, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s me; it’s all on me.”
“Would you please explain?” I insisted.
“The reasons are complicated – “
“There’s someone new, isn’t it? Someone better than me…” I swear I could feel my heart shatter to pieces even at the thought of him having someone new.
“No, it’s not that,” he said hesitatingly. 
“Then tell me,” I do deserve a little honesty even though I know he’s not going to make up with me. 
“I… fell out of love.”
I should have just got up from the couch and give him a punch in the face, but I didn’t – he just got up, kissed me on the forehead and went out.
And for the first time in days, I finally gave up on controlling my tears – it was too much to bear. I didn’t even bother showing up in class the next day because I know he would be there, being the Kim Jiwon who was so good in almost all subjects. And I cannot deny that until now, I am still in awe of him, my heart still beats fast for him. But how can I even have these feelings back when even the simple thought of his name just beats the crap out of my chest. I am no masochist but how did all these hurt come to me? How and why did I even allow these feelings to gape and swallow me up?
All because of Kim Jiwon; all because of goddamn Kim Jiwon.
I must have loved him that much that I had these hurting feelings. Well, who said loving someone was all about happiness. Even bestfriends break up, what more of couples?
My order came in with a tray, this time it was a lighter shade of blue. “One Americano and a red velvet cupcake for Miss Kim Sori,” said one of the crew, this time, it was a different voice from what I heard last week. My eyes shifted to the man’s direction and his nameplate engraved, “Song Yunhyeong: Service crew manager”. 
“Thank you,” I replied. Looking down on my tray, as I picked up my fork, there was a white cloth folded neatly with a sticky note on it. Green. You need this.
I thought it was just some table napkin, but it was an Armani handkerchief. Jiwon never liked these – he says these were just too feminine for a man’s kerchief. 
I searched for a name, engraved, embossed or sewn into the sides of it, but there was none. Whoever gave me this must have – oh dear, I have been crying silently, without even paying attention to myself. This is how Jiwon tortures me, worst this is a break up, not some immature kind of quarreling. 
I took the chance to use it, thanks. 
As I was done with my food and fixed myself with a dash of powder and a little lipstick, I went up to the counter and a guy was standing there with a soft smile on his youthful face. Oh, Song Yunhyeong, the crew manager. 
“How may I help you?” he asked as I approached the counter.
“I had this on my tray,” I felt a little shy as I handed the kerchief. “I would want to tell the owner that I’ll be returning this as soon as – “
“Oh no, ma’am,” he replied, shaking his head. “The owner insists that you take it with you.”
But this is an Armani kerchief; only an idiot would give this expensive thing to a total stranger. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, miss,” he nodded. 
I sighed, puffing my cheeks. “Okay, please do give my thanks to the owner. I will use it well.”
I felt a little weird as I went out of the coffee shop. Was it customary or was it just a show? I don’t mind the sticky notes, I have seen those in a few coffee and milk tea shops in the city. I clearly have no idea what was going on but one thing’s for sure, the owner of this kerchief knows what is happening to me. 
A maple leaf fell on my hand as I walked along the street. It was withered, nearly mutilated and a little off-colored. I looked around to see where I was and I was literally at the park. And my thoughts took me back to a memory of how some three years ago I met this college sophomore who was playing some basketball with a bunch of friends, looking all cocky as if they were the Kings of the street. I was a freshman back then – focused and determined to become an architect. But some few months later, on the very same street, I found myself holding hands with him and sharing a kiss under a maple tree.
Kim Jiwon stole my heart, took it from me, and now he tore it apart. 
But how can I even justify these things, when in fact, there was nothing left of me with him? He fell out of love, but did he even try to save just one percent of it? That, I don’t know.
Sigh. 
~~~~ *_*~~~~
Finals for the term came and I was in a whole lot of crap. I was loaded with paper works as well as some plates to attend to or my professors will fail me, and my parents will kill me, and hell broke loose upon me. My exams were two weeks away and I was still far from being done, let alone that my classmates were all too lazy to make their write-ups so I have to make one for my own. The library was packed with students that every chair of every table in every nook and cranny was occupied! How the hell was I supposed to work?
I brought my backpack and my papers outside the school campus and searched for a place where I could work in. My phone says it was already five in the afternoon and if I delay my paper works for another thirty minutes, only God knows when I was going to finish my plates.
I searched around me, and thank God that café was already open. Immediately, I ran across the street, and entered the coffee shop. There were only a few people inside the venue and Song Yunhyeong greeted me with a tray on his hand. 
“Hello, miss. Can I help you with that?” Thank god, this guy is a gentleman. No wonder he’s a manager and still serves coffee on the floor. 
“Thanks,” I replied as I went to the same table I was in for the past few weeks since I’ve been here. 
“Is there anything that you’d want me to get you? I can take your order from here.” He offered as I was arranging the table of my papers and my laptop. 
“Give me the best that your barista can offer me,” I said hurriedly, not paying attention to what I was blabbering about. “Anything to keep me awake for the next eight hours.”
I may have looked over the monitor of my computer but I can certainly see that smirk. 
Turning back my attention to the exhausting pile of work I was in, it was a pandemonium. There wasn’t enough space for me to decipher what among these preposterous things should I first work in. 
Yunhyeong the crew manager came within five minutes and placed in a large cup of Oreo frappe and a slice of rainbow cake with dark chocolate chips on top. I don’t know what came to me but I was annoyed with the serving. This was telling me like it was served intentionally for me to have diabetes. 
“This was ordered by that man, near the other end of the place, with a brown coat and a blue scarf,” I looked over to where Yunhyeong was pointing and scrutinized who that man was.
Hang on, he looks familiar. 
Hell be damned. Jiwon.
He knows well I can’t have too much sweets in one go because I have sensitive tonsils, and here he is, buying me a whole lot of crap. It came along with a note too. Orange. Good luck.
I scrutinized the handwriting and it was too familiar. It was really Jiwon’s. Is he doing this because he feels sorry or he’s sabotaging my grades so that I can’t participate on tomorrow’s oral exams on History?
He broke my heart already; if he think that wasn’t enough, he’s trying to make me fall ill. Haha. Wrong move, Jiwon. Such a cheap repertoire. 
I smiled at Yunhyeong as I grabbed the Oreo frap and walked across the place to go to him. It was a brave move though – I was still hurting, my knees were turning weaker as I took one step closer to him and still I choose to go and see him, face to face. 
Taking a deep breath and forcing a smile, “Jiwonie~” I said, controlling every feeling that may overflow and take in like a bomb. 
I swore the world still moved slowly as he turned his head and looked up to see me. His chiseled face was still a wonder to me. His eyes, nose, lips, everything was an awe. “Sori-yah.” God forbid that I would collapse in this very place.
He looked down on my hands and he smiled, “Oh, I see you got my order. Enjoy!” 
“Jiwon, how many-“
“Babe?”
A voice came from behind me and there stood a young lady, a beautiful young lady, with star glazed eyes and a very melting smile, wearing a pink cashmere coat and a dress from Gucci. And her Jimmy Choo’s were of the season’s top picks. I was in disbelief, trying to decipher what was said just now.
“Babe, Kim Jiwon. I’m here.” 
Babe? Kim Jiwon? What the hell is she talking about? 
Jiwon stood from his chair and reached out for the lady’s hand and gave her a peck on the cheek. 
“Who is this, babe?” she asked him as I stood there in front of them looking like a loser.
“Oh, babe, this is Kim Sori,” he said, with a very unauthentic look on his face, like he was panicking in some level.
“Oh, Kim Sori,” she said in awe as she took he hand out. “Hi, I’m Kim Jisoo. Finally I get to meet Jiwonie’s bestfriend.” What? Bestfriend? I felt my jaw drop to a certain point where I can actually shove a mini croissant in my mouth. My body started to tremble in anger. Jiwon has kept secrets from me; over the past three years, who knows that after meeting me, he would go to the next girl or woman or perhaps take him to his place and bed her. God forbid that’s his fiancée. “Jiwonie has told me a lot about you.”
I was taught to be polite to people, so, in return, I grabbed her hand and shook it. “Oh…” I muttered. “Looks like he did.” I felt uneasy, knowing that it was a very, no, superlatively awkward situation in which, I believe that, instead of confronting Kim Jiwon of how bad he is, he provoked me to seeing and realizing that he was a crazy bastard who broke my heart but not my spirit. My breathing was choking me, in fact, I’d rather beat the hell out of him right at this moment. 
“Babe, didn’t you tell me about her?” Jisoo said as she reached for him who was holding her from the waist. 
“I tend to forget that, sorry.” Oh that fake apologetic look made me a little angrier. Good going, Kim Jiwon.
I breathed deeply and tried to control my anger as he moved a chair and allowed Jisoo to sit down. I opened the cup lid discretely as I tried to catch his attention. “Anyways, Jiwonie, I just came by to say…”
And just in time, I threw the frap to his face and poured the rest of it onto his head. Jiwon was clearly dumbfounded, leaving him jaw-dropped, drenched in cold coffee and crushed Oreos. “Thanks for the frap, Jiwon. I know you know well I’m not allowed to have two sweets in one meal. If this is your idea of sabotaging me and my grades, think again. I may not be as intelligent as you are in class but at least I have a little more sense of respect and maturity than you do.”
I would have slapped him for being such a jerk but throwing the drink onto his face made me feel a little good – a little light on myself. I took the chance to give myself a little mental pat on my shoulder for doing such a great job.
But the moment I heard wood dragging onto the tiled concrete floor of the café, I looked from behind and saw Jiwon get up and raised his arm near me. Oh god, if this monster should beat me up, I would definitely end up in the hospital. I felt Jiwon’s hand grab me by the arm and I swear I was about to cringe in fear, until I felt someone else’s body press against me and broke the daunting connection between me and Jiwon.
“Sir, I will not tolerate any form of violence inside my café,” said a voice… a voice I heard once before in a long time… 
Oh my goodness… barista. 
I tried to calm down and even out my breathing as I let myself lean onto the body that was against me – it was lean and seemingly I could hear loud thumps as my ears pressed against it. 
“This lady threw a frappe at me.” Jiwon’s furious tone was no amusing at all. How could he blame me when he started this all along? Serves him right.
“I am not in the place to meddle with personal affairs, Sir,” God must have sent this man to my aid; I am literally losing strength on my knees down. A little more and I could collapse onto the floor. 
I heard Jiwon growl from where I was and seems like he dragged Jisoo out of the place. Serves that bastard right. 
But as I heard the door shut loudly, I felt my knees weaken to a point where all of my strength had drained out – out of fear and out of relief. And unconsciously and unintentionally, my tears streamed onto my face without even without a trace of a sob. I pissed Jiwon off, but the hurt inside me was just too much to bear. There was more to my shattered heart than just the kind of humiliation I brought unto him. 
Without a word, the barista assisted me to my table and Yunhyeong was on standby to give me a glass of water. I could hear the barista say something but I cannot even discern the words, not now that I’m still pre-occupied with what just happened. 
“Miss, are you okay?” those words kept on repeating on my ears; seriously was it necessary for him to ask if I’m okay when obviously I’m not? I know he knows what happened. Obviously, I humiliated myself, too, in front of a few people but Jiwon did more damage.
That jerk, I hope he meets a lose lion on the way. 
I drank the cup of water I was holding for a time now but still my efforts to composure were futile. My tears weren’t even near to coming to a halt, let alone my heavy chest. And my sobs were still coming. Damn this.
I saw the barista snatch something from his pocket and offered it to me. “Here, please take it.”
To my surprise it was a handkerchief. But it wasn’t just any handkerchief, it was a white Armani handkerchief… and then I remembered. 
Oh dear… the same kerchief I received a few weeks ago… it was his… 
“Please take it,” a pleading note came to his voice as he bent down to level with me. I looked at my side and out of eyeshot, I saw his face for the first time.
Strong yet soft-spoken eyes, a seemingly large nose, and eternally pink lips; he was looking right back at me. He was looking right back at me now that I look like crap… a whole lot of crap.
While he looked like a male god, a male deity, a befallen greek-korean god of some sort that shamed Apollo and even Aphrodite cannot deny this man of his charm. 
Cautiously, he took my hand and placed the handkerchief on mine; softly, he helped me scrunch the piece of cloth, bringing with it a feel of reassurance that these people around me got my back – or I assumed they were. 
I was lost for words; this man was so kind that instead of feeling ashamed of myself, I was feeling a little shy over him. He offered me the kind of peace that I needed; I felt humbled.
That good-for-nothing Kim Jiwon had me wasting some precious thirty minutes trying to make me look like a fool in front of his “babe” named Kim Jisoo. For three years, all I did was love him but this is what I get in loving him – heartaches, humiliation, but the reciprocity of the effect was just as what I desired; in fact, I was not even satisfied yet. 
I hand-combed my hair and tied it to a mid-length ponytail to get back to the very purpose why I came here. Flipping through the pages of my notebook and the massive volume of one of my books, I returned my senses back and tried to concentrate on my work. 
I clenched my fist and still the Armani handkerchief was there. What good will thinking of Jiwon be giving me, now that I knew of the truth. Finally, I was free. 
I took the handkerchief and wiped the final straw of tears that went to my face. It was like saying goodbye to something I lost, and hello to a new start. I looked up to find that barista but he was already back to his work area. And i didn’t even ask for his name.
Taking one deep breath, and I was off to working my head off. 
Whoever you are, barista. Thank you... for saving me.